To Love You More
by Angelprinczess
Summary: Three years after Rinoa was presumed dead, she returns to Garden to find a life she never knew, and that everything has changed. Who will she turn to in the midst of everything? The Knight or the Cowboy? And how will everything play out? SqQRI rect.
1. Chapter One

Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy VIII....

Author's Note: Well, here is one of the new fics I will be writing. The other one is also going to be a Squinoa, but unlike this one, it will be an alternate universe. That should be posted sometime next month. As for this one, it takes place after the game, which you can probably tell from this first chapter. It's going to be a Squall/Quistis/Rinoa/Irvine rectangle (?). By now, you have probably realized that music plays a big part in my life, and it is a great inspiration for me to write. The song that really finalized my thoughts for this fic was "Hotel Paper" by Michelle Branch, off of the CD of the same name. So, you could really consider "Hotel Paper" to be the theme song in this fic. The significance that song has to this fic probably won't be apparent until later chapters, so bear with me. I might incorporate it in a later chapter, as well. That's basically it for now. Enjoy!

To Love You More

Chapter One

__

"It's a beautiful night, isn't it? Perfect for gazing at the stars."

"I suppose that it is, if you're one to like those kinds of things. Personally, I'm just happy to be alive."

The girl nodded. "That's true. When I thought that you had died...."

The boy held out his hand to her, sweeping her up in his arms. "I'll never leave you, Rinoa. I...love you."

Rinoa's eyes filled with tears. "I wish that things could stay this way, but I know that isn't true. I love you so much, but there will come a time when I am gone. Don't lose faith in me, Squall." She sighed. "It's no use, though. Another woman will steal your heart."

"You're being ridiculous. I would never do that to you, Rinoa."

She just shook her head sadly. "It's inevitable. When I return, I am going to have to fight for you like I have never fought before. Please, don't forget me entirely."

Squall held her closer to him, feeling a strong sense of dread. "Don't leave me, Rinoa," he whispered and kissed her with everything he was feeling.

Rinoa kissed him back, enjoying what she knew was one of the last kisses she would share with him. Out of the dark came a huge bird, screeching loudly. The bird swooped down and picked Rinoa up in its claws.

"Rinoa!" Squall cried in despair.

Tears streamed down her face. "I love you, Squall. Please, don't ever forget that." Then, the bird opened it's claws, releasing Rinoa so she was free to fall through the air.

Rinoa gasped and sat up in bed. Her heart pounded in the darkness of her room and she repeatedly had to tell herself to calm down. _It was just a dream. Get a hold of yourself, Rinoa. _Still, she couldn't help recalling how real everything had felt. It had started off as the night where Balamb Garden was celebrating the defeat of Ultimecia. Why would she be having a dream like that _now_, six months after the fact? Rinoa trembled, having a very bad feeling.

"Rinoa?" Squall's voice called from beside her. She jumped, forgetting that he was there. Squall sat up so he was facing her. "Are you alright?"

She shook her head, afraid that if she spoke, the tears would fall. She hated to show any weakness in front of Squall. He was always the strong one, so she felt as if any weakness she possessed would just be holding him back.

Squall frowned, concerned with her lack of speech. Usually, it was the other way around. He put his hand on her shoulder reassuringly. "It's okay. You can tell me."

Hearing the gentleness and concern in his voice made Rinoa break down. Squall wrapped his arms around her, understanding that, right now, she needed him to just be there. Stroking her hair, he simply held her, whispering occasional words of comfort in her ear.

Slowly, she pulled apart from him. "You will probably think this is really stupid and childish of me, but I had a horrible dream."

Squall squeezed her hand reassuringly. "If it's gotten you so upset, then it definitely isn't stupid. Do you want to tell me about it?" He couldn't believe that he was the one reassuring her. So many times, it had been the other way around. Rinoa had really rubbed off on him in the past six months.

Rinoa relayed the dream she had had. "I know that it was just a dream, but do you think it could be some sort of message? It just felt so real."

Squall shook his head. "Rinoa, I know you're shaken up, but a dream is a dream. Nothing is going to happen."

"I can't lose you, Squall," she whispered.

"You're not going to. Come on, Rinoa, let's try to get back to sleep. You have to leave early tomorrow morning."

"Oh, that's right," Rinoa said as she remembered that she was leaving for Trabia tomorrow. Selphie and Irvine were there right now, and they needed some help in getting Trabia Garden back on its feet. Rinoa really hadn't had much to do, so she volunteered. Quistis was away on a mission, and Zell was busy instructing a fighting class. Squall had his hands full with commanding Garden.

"Two weeks...I wish someone else could go."

Rinoa yawned, feeling better already. "It'll go by fast." She snuggled closer to her boyfriend, feeling so peaceful to just have him there with her.

Squall said nothing, just closed his eyes and let himself fall asleep in the arms of the woman he loved. Two weeks seemed like forever to be away from Rinoa, but he's get through it. He had to.

The next morning, Rinoa stood just outside of Balamb Garden, waiting beside the Ragnarok. Nida was making some final preparations with the airship, and then they would be off. Zell and Squall were there to say goodbye.

"Say hi to Selphie and Irvine for me," Zell told Rinoa. "And don't forget to tell them that adding hotdogs to their menu everyday is an absolute must. Some people just can't live without hotdogs, you know."

"Actually, Zell, everyone can live just fine without hotdogs. It's you that was born on another planet."

Rinoa giggled. "Squall, that was mean!"

Zell lifted up his hands in defeat. "See what I have to deal with?"

Nida exited the Ragnarok then. "We're all set to go, Rinoa. Your luggage has been loaded in and the controls are all set. All we need is you."

Rinoa nodded and turned to Squall. "This is it." She kissed him slowly, unwilling to let go.

"God, I'm going to miss you," he whispered.

"I know. I'm going to miss you, too. Look on the bright side, though. I'll be in good hands and two weeks will be over like that," she said as she snapped her fingers.

Squall kissed her one more time. "Call me when you get there."

"I will." She started towards the Ragnarok and then stopped, calling over her shoulder, "Be good! And don't overwork yourself!" She smiled one more time and entered the airship.

Squall and Zell backed away as the engines came roaring to life. Minutes later, the Ragnarok was up in the air and shooting off toward Esthar. Squall sighed.

"Hey, you okay?" Zell asked. "You look pretty down."

"I couldn't do it," he said quietly.

"Couldn't do what?" Zell asked, puzzled.

Squall produced a small velvet box from out of his pocket. "Propose."

Zell's jaw dropped. "Whoa, man! Why didn't you do it?"

Squall sighed again. "The timing wasn't right. She has a lot on her mind with going to Trabia. I figured I would wait until she came back."  
"Then why are you carrying that thing around with you?"

He shrugged. "I guess I wanted to have it with me, in case I changed my mind. And not a word about this to anyone, you hear?" Squall glared at him.

"Yes, Sir! Your secret's safe with me!" Zell nodded enthusiastically to show just how safe it really was.

"Good." Squall turned around and headed back to Balamb Garden. He couldn't brush off the feeling that everything was about to change.

Rinoa looked out the window at the vast expanse of clouds and sky. The view from up there was spectacular. She loved being up in the Ragnarok. It always seemed to give her a feeling of serenity and peace. She supposed that the feeling had started ever since she had first been there with Squall. She had been so scared then, and unsure, but Squall had made her feel safe and protected. It was the first time that he had really let her get close to him.

She sighed, missing Squall already. Of course she wanted to go to Trabia Garden and help Selphie and Irvine, but she wished she didn't have to go alone. Nida was just going to drop her off and pick her up two weeks later. She was hoping that Selphie and Irvine would keep her so occupied that she wouldn't have time to think of Squall. Knowing Selphie, that was definitely a possibility.

_I hate being so weak. _Rinoa sighed again. _I can't even take two weeks away from Squall. I'm so pathetic. _It was just that, she hadn't been away from him so long before. Squall had gone away for a week long mission once, but that was it. He was mostly busy with paperwork, so she occupied her time helping Dr. Kadowaki in the infirmary. The times that she did get to spend with Squall were some of the best times of her life. He was like a completely different person from the person he had been when she met him. She would like to think that some of it had to do with her, but she hardly gave herself credit. Smiling to herself, she entered the control room.

"So, Rinoa...you excited about seeing Irvine and Selphie again?" Nida asked as he piloted the Ragnarok.

Rinoa smiled. "Of course! I haven't seen them in a month. It's too bad that you can't stay, as well."

"Yeah," he agreed. "It would be nice to take a vacation. Unfortunately, I don't think your boyfriend would be too pleased if I did."

Rinoa laughed. "No, probably not. Can you blame him, though? He's been loaded with paperwork, so the last thing he has time for is to find a replacement to pilot Garden."

"What about you?"

Rinoa frowned. "What about me?"

"Does Squall find time for you? Or does his job consume his life?" Nida asked.

Nida's question startled Rinoa, but she answered it anyway. "Squall has certain responsibilities to Garden. I don't expect him to drop everything in his life for me. We make time to see each other. Sometimes, I wish we had more time together, but I respect the fact that as Commander, Squall needs to do his job."

"And what does Squall think of your...special abilities?"

Rinoa stared at him. "You mean my sorceress powers? Why would you bring that up? Squall is completely fine with my being a sorceress."

"No offense, but I can't help feeling that many people in Garden will feel relieved that you'll be away from them for two weeks."

Rinoa was really starting to get angry. What was he getting at? "Nida, if you have a problem with my being a sorceress, why don't you just come out and say it?"

"Okay, then, I will. I think that you are despicable, Rinoa. I don't know what the hell Squall sees in you, except for a nice piece of ass. All sorceresses need to be stopped, including you. You're just as bad as Ultimecia!"

Rinoa was shocked. She had never expected Nida, of all people, to confront her about being a sorceress. Seeing the evil grin on his face, she suddenly became afraid. "Nida...what's going on?"

"Squall became too trusting when he met you. He couldn't even spot a traitor among his own men." Nida lunged toward Rinoa, knocking her backwards. In that instant, he hit a few buttons on the control panel and the Ragnarok began descending rapidly.

"What are you doing?!" Rinoa screamed. "If we go down, you die, too!"  
Nida just shrugged. "It's a small sacrifice to make up for the good of all mankind. I'm a hero."

"You're a murderer," she hissed, trying to stand up, but failing miserably.

"Squall would never have the balls to kill you, even if you were Ultimecia's incarnate. So, it was up to me, and only me. My life is nothing compared to the billions of lives I am saving by destroying you."

The plane was continuing to increase in speed. At this rate, they would hit the ground soon. "Please, Nida," Rinoa begged. "Don't do this. You don't want to end your life any more than I do."

"How the hell would you know what I want?" he spat. "You are not leaving this aircraft alive!"

Rinoa closed her eyes, clutching her necklace for support as she braced herself for the crash. This was really it. She would never make it to see Selphie and Irvine, or any of her friends ever again. She would never get to see Squall.... The Ragnarok crashed into the ground with a huge thud. The last thought Rinoa had was of Squall, before everything around her went black.

Author's Note: How did you like the first chapter? Feedback is greatly appreciated!


	2. Chapter Two

Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy VIII....

Author's Note: Thanks for the reviews, everyone! If anyone wants to receive an e-mail every time I update, just let me know. Oh, and sorry for the constant POV switching in this chapter. It was really necessary to do, though. Also, I might be upping the rating to R later on. I'm not sure since I haven't written anything else, but I'm just warning you in advance that that could happen. Thanks for reading!

To Love You More

Chapter Two

"Are you sure?" Quistis asked wearily. "Yes. Yes, I understand. Okay. Thank you for letting me know. Bye." Quistis hung up the phone and sank into her desk chair. She hadn't even been back for fifteen minutes and she had already received devastating news. She rubbed her forehead, feeling the creased lines of worry. How was she supposed to react to that news? No tears came...she just felt numb.

"Ms. Trepe?" Quistis' secretary entered the office. "Commander Squall would like to see you. He wants to hear your report on your latest mission."

Quistis sighed again. She knew that facing Squall was inevitable, but she hadn't thought she'd have to do it so soon. How the hell was she supposed to tell him? He would be devastated. Everything that he had built up since the defeat of Ultimecia had been shattered.

"Ms. Trepe?" the secretary asked again. 

Quistis nodded. "Thank you for telling me, Carina. I will go and see him right now."

As Quistis made her way to Squall's office, she desperately searched for a way to make the news any easier. She came up with nothing. God, how could you tell someone that the woman they loved could be dead? Quistis herself was still in shock. She couldn't possibly believe that her friend was gone. She knocked on Squall's door, dreading what was about to happen.

"Come in," Squall called.

Quistis walked in, keeping her eyes trained on the floor. She couldn't bear to look up at him. "You asked for me, Sir?"

Squall rolled his eyes. "I told you, Quistis, drop the formalities. I need to hear your report from your mission to Dollet."

Quistis nodded. "There really isn't much to report. We were able to stop the band of robbers that had infiltrated the city. They are now residing in the Desert Prison. None of our people were lost. This was hardly a job for SeeD."

"I see. The Dollet government would be wiser to enforce the help of the police next time. Nevertheless, the compensation was sorely needed."

Quistis frowned, momentarily forgetting about the news she had received earlier. "Are Garden's funds really that low?"

Squall sighed. "Not really, but with the lack of missions lately, any money we can get helps."

"Yes, you're right. Ever since the defeat of Ultimecia, business has really been lacking."

"We'll figure something out. Thanks for reporting, Quistis."

Quistis took a deep breath, knowing that now was the time to tell him. "Um, Squall? There is something that I need to tell you."

Squall looked at her questioningly. "What is it?"

"I just received a call from Trabia. They informed me that the Ragnarok had failed to arrive at Trabia Garden." Quistis paused. "They...have reason to believe that there was a crash. They're, um, investigating it as we speak."

Squall stared at her, his face a mask of indifference. "Who did you talk to?"

"It was Irvine himself. I'm so sorry, Squall."

"No." Squall glared at her. "They don't know that there was an accident. They don't _know _that Rinoa is dead!"

Quistis shook her head. "No, we don't know that, but we need to consider the possibility...."

"No!" Squall shouted. "I would know if she was dead. She _isn't. _I don't need you telling me what I need to consider. Get the hell out of my office!"

"But Squall, I was just trying to-"

"I don't care what you were trying to do! Get out, Quistis! I fucking mean it!"

Trembling, Quistis turned around and fled from the office. She hadn't wanted to anger him. She knew that he was hurting, but until he calmed down, there was nothing she could do for him. That realization hurt her...badly.

******************************************************************************************

"Irvine!" Selphie shouted. "What the hell are you keeping from me? Tell me _now_!" 

Irvine sighed. "I don't want to upset you, Selphie. Believe me, you don't need to know."

"Yes, I do. Why hasn't Rinoa arrived yet? And why are you moping around this office?"

"Selphie, sit down," he said quietly. "If you really want to know, then I'll tell you."

Selphie obliged and took a seat. The young woman rarely got angry, but with the pressure of renovating Trabia Garden, added to Rinoa not showing up and Irvine keeping something from her, she just blew up. "Okay, I'm sitting. Tell me."

"Rinoa hasn't arrived yet, so I decided to check a few things out. There is reason to believe that the Ragnarok crashed. A search team was sent out to find them."

"W-what?" Selphie gasped. "Oh my God...."

Irvine pulled her toward him. "It's okay, Selphie. They're going to find her. Everything will be fine."

Selphie sobbed against his chest. "Does anyone else know?"

"I called Quistis a while ago. Thought it'd be better to talk to her, rather then to Squall. I don't know if she told him yet."

"Oh God, poor Squall. This is all my fault! If I hadn't invited her to come here...."

Irvine broke apart from her and looked directly into her eyes. "This is _not _your fault," he told her sternly. "You cannot blame yourself for this, Selphie."

"It _is _my fault, Irvine!" she cried. "Rinoa is dead because of _me_!"

******************************************************************************************

Squall paced back and forth, a myriad amount of emotions running through him. He didn't believe that Rinoa was dead, not for a second. If Rinoa was gone, he would be able to feel it. If Rinoa was gone, a piece of him would be gone, as well. No, Rinoa was most certainly not dead. Squall vowed to find her, no matter how long it took. Right now, though, all he could do was wait until the search team found something. If it were up to him, he would be out there searching, as well. However, he had Garden to think about. He was too mad at Quistis to consult her about anything.

"Hey Squall, you in there?" Zell called from outside his office door.

Squall groaned. The last thing he needed right now was to talk to Zell. _Maybe if I ignore him, he'll go away._

"Squall! Come on, man, open up!"

Sighing, Squall opened the door. "What?"

"Quistis told me what happened. I'm sorry, man. Is there anything I can do?"

"I suppose that Quistis told you that Rinoa was dead. Well, she's not, so I don't need anything from you or anybody else. Just let me be!"

"Squall, nobody wants Rinoa to be dead. All I'm saying is that you have got to face the facts sometime."  
"I don't need to hear this, Zell. Tell Quistis to take her words of advice and shove them up her ass."

Zell sighed. "You can't hide in here forever, man. One day, you're gonna have to wake up and see the truth. As much as that truth hurts. Otherwise, it's going to kill you."

******************************************************************************************

The search team spent all day scanning the route between Balamb Garden and Trabia Garden. About half way, they discovered a red chunk of metal on a small island. Upon further inspection, the metal was confirmed to be a piece of the Ragnarok. Bit by bit, the pieces were uncovered. However, they had yet to discover any bodies.

"Pete," the captain of the search team called. "What is your group's status on locating the two bodies?"

"Nothing, yet, Sir. It's most likely that both of their bodies burned up in the explosion."

The captain nodded. "No one could have survived this crash. The impact of the crash, plus the fire from the explosion would kill you instantly."

"Captain, Captain!" another member of the search team called. "I think we've found something!"

The captain. walked over to where the scout had indicated. "What have you found?"

"Look, Sir," the scout said as he mentioned toward the charred remains at his feet. "This is definitely human."

"Well, don't just stand there! Get some samples of it! We need to bring it back to the lab for testing."

"Yes, Sir!"

The team resumed their positions and frantically searched for any other signs of remains. Hours passed, and still, there was nothing. Finally, the captain ordered everyone to gather around. "Let's move out. We've been searching all day and we still haven't found anything else. We need to run tests on what we have found. Searching will resume here tomorrow."

******************************************************************************************

"Could you put me through to Squall, please?" Irvine asked the secretary that answered at Balamb Garden.

_"One moment, please."_

Irvine waited as the secretary transferred him.

_"Hello?"  
_"Squall, it's me. I, uh, just heard from the captain of the search team."

_"Why the hell would they call you first? I would appreciate it if I could be informed about what the hell is going on."_

Irvine sighed. "I told them to contact me first, Squall. I'm sorry if you have a problem with that, but I was only doing it out of consideration to you."

_"Consideration my ass. Have all calls forwarded to me from now on."_

"Fine. I just thought that since you were personally attached to one of the victims, that it would be better if I told you myself. Anyway, the search team found the remains of the Ragnarok on a small island. They also found human remains. After running tests, the DNA was found to match Nida's."

_"What about Rinoa?"_

"They didn't find her body, Squall. However, the search team told me that there was no way anyone could have survived the crash. I'm sorry, Squall, but Rinoa cannot possibly be alive. I'm sorry," he repeated.

_"Rinoa is not dead," Squall spat. "There was no body. That proves that she is alive! We need to search for her."_

"The search team will be going back to the crash site tomorrow. After that, who knows? You know that I wish as much as you do that there is some mistake, but it doesn't look good."

_"I'm going with them."_

"Squall...I don't think that's a very good idea. Maybe you should just accept the fact that Rinoa isn't coming back. You can't help her now," he said sadly.

_"I **will **go with the search team tomorrow. I thought you cared about Rinoa. Obviously, her friendship meant nothing to you. How could you just give up on her without any evidence whatsoever?" _

"Don't talk to me like I didn't love Rinoa. We all did, and her death is anything but easy on us. However, the Ragnarok _crashed_. She _couldn't _survive that! I know that's hard for you to accept, but you have to!"

_"I don't need to accept a lie. Good bye, Irvine."_

~*~ 


	3. Chapter Three

Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy VIII....

Author's Note: I've decided to change the rating to R after all. Thanks for reading, everyone ^_^

To Love You More

Chapter Three

**__**

"Where are you now?

I'm trying to get by with never knowing at all

What is the chance of finding you out there?

Or do I have to wait forever?"

-"Where Are You Now?" ~Michelle Branch

The next morning, Squall was dressed and ready to join the search team. Insomnia had been his closest companion throughout the night. Only one thought was on his mind; finding Rinoa. The best chance he had to do so was with the search team. If only they didn't have to be so damn slow in picking him up. The sooner they came, the sooner he could be reunited with Rinoa. He couldn't wait to wrap his arms around her and tell her how much he loved her. Never again would he let her out of his sight.

Of course, somewhere in the back of his mind was the possibility that she wouldn't be coming back. He simply refused to believe it, because if he allowed himself to think about that possibility, he would shut down completely. Squall Leonhart was not a man of faith, but for this, he had to be. _She _had shown him as much.

Finally, Squall heard the roar of an airship and looked up to see the search team approaching. This was it...no turning back.

"Squall!" He turned around to see Quistis running towards him. "What the hell do you think you are doing?"

Squall stared at her pointedly. "What does it look like? I'm going with the search team."

Quistis sighed. "I'm not even going to get into all of the reasons why this is a bad idea. I know by now that you are not going to listen to anything I have to say. However, couldn't you at least have informed me that you were leaving?"

Truth be told, it hadn't even occurred to Squall to tell anybody. He had far too much on his mind to worry about Garden. "Now you know," he said simply.

Quistis held her hands up in frustration. "So you were just going to leave Garden without a thought for anyone else?! You have a responsibility to Garden, Squall! How could you just walk away without a word to anyone?"

Squall's eyes flashed in anger. "Excuse me for being a little preoccupied right now. I have bigger things to worry about than Garden's welfare."

Quistis looked as if she had been slapped in the face. "You are the _commander_, God damn it! Whether you like it or not, Balamb Garden's welfare _is _your responsibility. If you can't accept that, then maybe you shouldn't be commander."

Squall laughed bitterly. "You're right, Quistis, I'm a horrible commander. You seem to have the qualifications, though. You think that you can do a better job? By all means, go right ahead. I'm appointing you the new commander of Balamb Garden. Have fun." That said, Squall turned around and walked to the aircraft, not looking back once.

******************************************************************************************

Quistis stared out her window, watching the clouds gathering in the sky. It was apparent that a storm was brewing. Quistis momentarily said a prayer for Squall and the search team. She hoped that the storm wouldn't hinder their search, and that Squall would find the answers he was looking for.

_Are you up there, Rinoa? _Quistis silently questioned. _Please, let Squall receive some closure. He won't stop believing in you. He needs to let you go, Rinoa. I don't know, maybe you're watching him, too. I can see the pain in his eyes. Deep down, I think he knows the truth, but he just can't accept it. Maybe you can help him. I just...can't stand seeing him like this._

Sighing, she turned from the window and walked over to her desk. She wanted to comfort Squall; make his pain go away. However, she had reached a dead end. Talking to him only seemed to make things worse. How on Earth could she get through to him? Deciding that she needed someone to talk to, she picked up the phone and dialed Irvine's number.

_"Hello?"_

"Irvine? It's Quistis. I really need someone to talk to. I hope you're not busy...."

_"No, no, it's fine. How are things holding up over there?"_

Quistis sighed. "Not so good. I'm worried about Squall. He went out with the search team a little while ago."

_"Yeah, he told me he was gonna go. Nothing I said could change his mind."_

"Really? He told you he was going? He neglected to tell me anything. Irvine, he was just going to walk out of here without telling a soul. He blew up in my face when I confronted him about it. He even went so far as to say that he was appointing me as the new commander!"

_Irvine whistled. "Was he serious? About you being commander, I mean?"_

"I don't know! God, Irvine, I don't know what to do. He is so angry and cold right now. He used to be bad before, but he was never like this. I'm afraid that he's going to hurt himself. I don't know how I can help him!"

_"It's really that bad? You know I'm no Squall expert, but he's a strong guy. He's bound to get over this eventually."_

"You don't understand, Irvine. Squall has gotten over things before, but I don't think he will ever be able to get over this. He loved Rinoa, more than he had ever loved anyone else. He can't just give that up. It took him twelve years to get over Ellone leaving. Rinoa taught him how to live again, and now she's gone. He is just so set on refusing to believe it."

_"Quistis, do you think there is even the slightest possibility that Rinoa is alive? Squall just believes it so wholeheartedly."_

"Squall believes Rinoa is alive because he won't allow himself to believe anything else. You know as well as I do that no one could have survived that crash."

_"She wasn't just anyone, though. You're forgetting that she was a sorceress."_

"You know that her powers weren't very strong. Sorceress or not, she did not survive that crash. I need to focus on how to help Squall."

_"You love him, don't you? You've loved him all along."_

Quistis inhaled sharply. "W-what?"

_"Come on, Quistis. You love Squall, and it's killing you to see him like this."_

"How did you know?" she whispered. "Was I that transparent?"

_"Only to me. Because I'm going through the same thing with Selphie. She's shutting herself down from me."_

"I'm sorry, Irvine. Here I am, rambling about my problems when you have more than enough on your hands."

_"Don't worry about it. You know Selphie; she can't stay down for long. She just needs a little time."_

"Well, give her my regards. I'll let you go now. Thanks for listening, Irvine."

_"You're welcome. Take care of yourself. Bye."_

"Bye."

******************************************************************************************

"Mr. Leonhart, if you don't mind me asking, why did you decided to join us in our search?"

Squall glared at the boy. "I'll do anything it takes to find my girlfriend." Girlfriend? It sounded so insignificant, hardly worthy of what Rinoa was to him.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize that one of the victims was your girlfriend. Are you sure you want to be here? Things can get pretty gruesome."

Squall grinded his teeth. "Yes. Don't you need to be somewhere?"

"Nah," he shrugged. "It's my break."

"Yeah, well, I do. Excuse me." Squall walked away from the group and sat down in a small area, away from every else. Why was he here? He thought that he could handle the situation, but now....

He watched as the team excavated the site bit by bit. Was Rinoa's body somewhere among the rubble? He couldn't bear the thought that she had gotten caught in the explosion. He needed to see her so badly; to feel her arms around him. She just had to be alive.

Who knows how much time passed as he sat there, watching the search team. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew that he should be with them, searching until he collapsed. However, he just didn't have the strength to do so. Squall Leonhart had been through a lot in his lifetime, but he just couldn't do this. He refused to search for a body that didn't exist. Right now, he just had to be there, to see things for himself.

"Sir!" a voice rang out. "We found something!"

Squall's head shot up upon hearing the declaration, and he trained his eyes on the speaker.

"What is it?" the captain asked.

"Here." The boy handed something to the captain.

The captain frowned and then walked over to Squall. "Son, does this look familiar to you?"

Squall slowly took what the captain was holding. A silver chain...two rings...Griever.... "Rinoa...." he whispered.

The captain nodded sympathetically. "I'm sorry. It's never easy when someone we love dies."

Squall turned around and walked further away from everyone, until they were no longer visible. Taking a seat in a patch of grass, holding the necklace tightly in his hand. 

"You taught me to believe, Rinoa, and to never lose hope. Well, I could sure use some help here, because things are looking pretty bad. You promised you'd never leave me, remember?" Tears welled up in his eyes and he angrily brushed them away. "So where are you? The joke's over, Rinoa. Is this some kind of test? To test my love for you? Fuck, Rinoa, I can't live without you! Don't you see that?" he cried. "Come back to me."

The wind howled and the rain began to fall. Huge drops of water splattered down, clinging to his clothes and skin. He stared down at the necklace in his hand, the rain starting to blur his vision. It was then that he began to consider that Rinoa could really be gone.

~*~

****


	4. Chapter Four

Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy VIII....

Author's Note: Thanks for the reviews, everyone! I really appreciate everyone's comments. Just wanted to let everyone know that I'm going to be adding everyone that reviews to my e-mail update list. If you want to be removed, just let me know. Sorry that this chapter is so short. I'll try to make the next one longer.

To Love You More

Chapter Four

"Mamma, Mamma!" A small girl, about five years of age, jumped up and down excitedly. "Look!"

The child's mother hurried toward her. "What is it, Alanna?"

"Look," she repeated. "It's a girl!"

The woman followed her daughter's gaze and gasped. There, a few feet away from them, was a woman. She was cut up in many places and her clothes were completely shredded. Her face was swollen and her body was covered in bruises. "My Hyne," the woman breathed. "Quick, Alanna, go get some help from the village. Hurry!"

Nodding, the child ran off in search of help. The woman turned back to the girl worriedly. "Hyne, lend me your strength." She said a small prayer and slowly moved the girl away from the water. "Cure," she whispered. The small spell would have to do for now, until she received some help and was able to bring her back to the village. 

A few minutes later, Alanna returned with three other women. "Oh my," one of the women said upon seeing the girl. "Riana, Jara, come. Let's help Marianna get the girl to the village."

"I can help," Alanna told them. "What should I do?"

"Go back to the village," Marianna ordered. "Tell the clinic that we are bringing in someone in critical need of help."

As Alanna left, the four women picked up the girl and headed toward the clinic. After several minutes, they reached their destination. The head doctor, Leanne, met them at the entrance. One look at the injured girl made her switch to professional mode immediately.

"Put her on the bed over there," she instructed. "This one is going to need a lot of work. Not exactly the best time for the men to be in the city, but we'll make do."

"Do you think she'll be alright?" Riana asked. "She doesn't look too good."

"I don't know," Leanne admitted. "But I'll do everything in my power to help her. We're going to need some strong magic, though. We might need to move her to the city once the men return."

"Hyne, lend us your strength," Marianna said for the second time that day. They were going to need all the help they could get.

******************************************************************************************

Weeks passed by and nothing else was found that pertained to Rinoa. The search team had closed their investigation, so Squall had hired his own personal search. However, nothing had turned up from that, either. As each day passed, Squall was forced to see the undeniable truth; Rinoa was gone and she wasn't coming back.

Squall felt bitter and angry with everyone and everything around him. How could he have been punished so brutally? Sure, he was no saint, but he had never imagined how cruel life would be to him. Was there no justice in the world? How could they just take away Rinoa; the woman he had given his heart to? All he had left of her was that necklace. There wasn't even a picture of her to preserve the life she had left behind.

There was a knock on Squall's door, but he chose to ignore it. He hadn't spoken to anyone in days, and he was in no mood to break the silence. However, the knocking persisted. "Let me be," he growled.

"Squall, I need to speak with you." It was Quistis. "You can either open the door yourself, or I'll just use this spare key that the Headmaster gave me."

Muttering curses under his breath, Squall got up and flung the door open. "What?"

"Can I come in? We need to discuss some things."

Squall stepped aside wordlessly. He shut the door behind him and gave Quistis and icy stare. "Make it quick."

Quistis sat down on the edge of his bed. She gestured for Squall to join her, but he chose to stand instead. "How are you doing?" she asked quietly. "Wait, that's a stupid question. Of course you're not doing okay. You've been locked in here for days."

Squall gritted his teeth. "If you came here to lecture me, then you can just leave. I don't want to hear it."

"I'm not here to lecture you, Squall. The Headmaster wanted me to tell you that arrangements for Rinoa's funeral need to be made. He thought that you might like to handle it."

Squall shook his head. "One less burden off the old man's shoulders, huh?"

Quistis frowned. "That's not true and you know it. I don't want to fight with you, Squall. He just thought that since you were the closest to her, you might want to organize things."

"I can't do that, Quistis," Squall said as he collapsed onto the bed beside her, finally giving in to his grief. "I can't plan Rinoa's _funeral_. Do you understand that? I just _can't_."

Quistis nodded. "I do understand, Squall. If you like, I can handle everything for you."

Squall agreed, too exhausted to fight any longer. "It's just that a funeral is so definite. I keep thinking, if I deny everything, then it can't be real. A funeral is what makes it real. I'm...not sure if I can handle that."

Quistis's heart ached at the emotion that he was showing. She reached out and patted his shoulder reassuringly. "It's going to be hard, but you have to hang in there. You have so much to live for, Squall. You can't just throw your life away."

Squall shook his head sadly. "I have nothing to live for, Quistis. Rinoa was my life; she gave my life meaning. How can I live without her?"

"You have friends that love you, including myself. We are all here for you. Be strong, Squall. We all believe in you."

"Why, Quistis? Why is my life so cursed?"

"It is not my place to question God. What I do know is that everything happens for a reason. Rinoa was a beautiful person, with a beautiful heart. Maybe the angels needed her."

Squall smiled faintly. "She was already an angel. My angel." Shaking his head, he stood up. "Thanks for stopping by, Quistis. I just need to be alone right now. I'm sorry I, uh, have been so cruel to you lately."

"Don't worry about it. If you ever need to talk, you know where to find me. I'll inform you when the...funeral will take place."

Squall nodded grimly and closed the door as Quistis left. Sighing, he walked over to his desk and opened up the top drawer. Lying there was Rinoa's necklace. Picking it up gently, he carried it over to his bed and sat down. Holding it to his heart, he whispered her name. "Rinoa...."

******************************************************************************************

The funeral was held a week later. Everyone in Garden had the day off to attend it and mourn the loss of Rinoa. An empty casket sat in the front of the room. Squall didn't understand why they had even bothered to put it there. It wasn't as if there was a body to bury.

Headmaster Cid started off the ceremony by saying a few words about Rinoa. He talked about the woman she was and how she had a heart of gold. "You would never find a more caring person. She loved life, and that was one of her most beautiful qualities. It is so rare these days to find someone who loves to live. Someone who takes each day and makes it the best that it can be. That's the kind of person Rinoa Heartilly was."

Squall let the Headmaster's words sink in. They couldn't be more true. Rinoa had been all of those things, yet she was so much more. His life was so much better from just knowing her the short time he had. Squall sat there, hands clenched tightly, eyes trained on a single spot on the floor. This shouldn't be happening. Rinoa had so much to live for. This wasn't her time to go.

Selphie went up to speak next. Her and Irvine had flown back from Trabia for the funeral. "I just want to say that I know Rinoa is in a beautiful place right now, smiling down on us. Rinoa, I am so sorry. If I hadn't invited you to come to Trabia, you never would have been on the Ragnarok, and you would still be here with us. I'm so sorry," she sobbed.

Irvine rushed to her side and put his arms around her protectively. "I told you, Selphie, none of this is your fault. Come, sit down."

"No, it is my fault. Everyone here needs to know that I'm the person responsible for Rinoa's death. I'm going to have to live with that burden forever now. I have nightmares of how she must have felt right before they went down. She must have been terrified! And who was the cause of that terror? Me!" Selphie began to wail uncontrollably. Irvine grabbed her, dragging her back to her seat. "I'm sorry, Rinoa! I'm sorry!" She kept repeating those words over and over again.

Squall got up abruptly and ran out of the ballroom. He couldn't bear to be in there anymore. Rinoa's presence was everywhere, suffocating him. He could still hear Selphie screaming from in the hall. Deciding that he simply needed to get away from it all, he kept on running until he was downstairs and at the Quad. Taking a seat on a vacant bench, he buried his head in his hands. He remembered all the times they had spent there. Rinoa had always loved the flowers that grew there. The memory brought tears to his eyes.

He looked up as he felt a hand on his shoulder. It was Quistis. She watched as the tears poured down his face, her chest constricting painfully. "Squall...."

"I miss her, Quistis," Squall choked out. "I miss her so much."

Unable to stand it any longer, Quistis held him reassuringly. "I know, Squall," she said gently. "I know."

~*~ 


	5. Chapter Five

Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy VIII....

Author's Note: I just want to let everyone know that a lot of my inspirations for this fic come from some storylines involved with the TV shows Alias and General Hospital. So, if you see anything that looks a bit familiar, that's why. Thanks to everyone that reviewed!

To Love You More

Chapter Five

Weeks passed, and Squall let his depression consume him. He began to turn to drinking, which caused his friends an immense amount of worry. However, they had a fair share of their own problems to deal with. Selphie still hadn't gone back to her cheerful, loving self. In fact, she had become the complete opposite. She was constantly bitter and angry. Irvine didn't know what he could do to help her. No amount of reassurances on his part could change her mind. She blamed herself completely for Rinoa's death.

Quistis tried to help Squall as much as she could. She had taken over his job as commander while he was in such a grievous state. She often wondered if it would be a permanent move. The way Squall was acting, it was hard to imagine him ever being happy. However, Quistis vowed to give her all to change that. Ever since Rinoa's funeral, Squall had been the most open with her out of all their friends. Unfortunately, "open" for Squall wasn't much. For now, it would just have to be good enough.

"Does anyone know where Squall is?" Quistis asked as she entered the cafeteria. She had looked everywhere for him, and she was starting to get worried.

Zell shrugged. "Who knows where Squall is these days? He sure as hell hasn't been showing his face around here."

Quistis sighed. "You know he is hurting, Zell. Can you blame him for wanting to be alone?"

"I suppose not, but it's all a bit much if you ask me."

"I need to know where he is. Are you sure that you haven't seen him?"

"Like I told you before, Quistis, I don't know where Squall is."

"Alright. Thank you, anyway."

Quistis turned and bumped right into Xu. "Quistis! I've been looking everywhere for you!"

"What is it, Xu?" Quistis asked, frowning.

She took a minute to catch her breath and then said, "It's about Squall. Several people reported that he left Garden a little while ago."

"Oh, God. I have a good idea where he went. I'm going to go look for him."

"You can't!" Xu protested. "Who will command Garden if you go, too?"

"I'm leaving you in charge while I'm gone, Xu. I trust that Garden will be fine in your hands until I get back." She turned around to leave.

"Quistis?"

"Yes?" she said as she looked back at Xu.

"Good luck."

"Thank you. Knowing Squall, I'll need it."

******************************************************************************************

Squall threw his head back and downed the shot of whiskey. The taste was bitter and strong; something that was completely welcome to him. He used to laugh at people who tried to rid their problems with alcohol. Yet, here he was, doing the exact same thing. _Fucking ironic, huh? _He cursed anything and everything that his drunken mind could grasp. He especially cursed his moment of weakness at the funeral, when he had revealed his true emotions to Quistis.

"Bartender!" Squall shouted. "Bring me another shot of whiskey!"

The middle-aged man approached Squall, shaking his head. "I think that you've had enough, Sonny. Why don't you just go home? Here, I'll even call a cab for you."

"I'm fine," Squall spat. "Just pour me another damn drink."

"If I do, will you just hear me out for a moment?"

"Whatever," Squall muttered, anxious to have his drink.

The Bartender poured another drink and handed it to Squall. "Now listen up, Sonny. I've seen a fair share of problems in my fifty-two years. My wife died ten years ago. She was hit by a car on her way home from work. My wife was _forty-one _when she died. I became angry towards the world. How could God take away my wife from my daughter and me? One day, I woke up and I realized that I needed to accept my wife's death. I had my daughter to think about; I had something to live for. What I'm saying is, there is so much in this world to live for. So why not cheer up, eh? What do you think?"

"I think...that is bullshit. There is nothing to live for in this world! I have nothing to live for without her! Now, pour me another Goddamn drink!"

"That won't be necessary, Sir."

Squall turned and found himself face to face with Quistis. "What the hell are you doing here?"

"I'm saving your ass," she hissed. "Come on, we're leaving," she said as she threw some bills down on the counter.

"I'm not going anywhere with you," Squall replied stubbornly.

"I said, _let's go_!" You are drunk, and I am not going to let you sit here and throw your life away! Do you think that Rinoa would want to see you like this?"

"Don't you dare say her name," Squall snapped.

"Bartender, a little help here, please?" Quistis asked. The Bartender nodded, and together, they were able to life him from the bar stool and drag him out of the building.

Squall gave up struggling; too drunk to fight anymore. He allowed himself to be shoved into the back of Quistis' car, and to be taken back to Balamb Garden. Once there, Quistis was immensely relieved to see that most people were still in class. It wouldn't do for them to see Squall, their hero and leader, in such a state. She wrapped an arm around his shoulders, letting him lean on her for support. Finally, they reached his room.

"Squall, do you know where your keycard is?" Squall mumbled something incoherent in reply, so she was forced to go through his pockets herself. Unfortunately, they were empty. "Damn," she cursed. "Alright, you're going to have to use my room for now."

Squall was silent as they hobbled over to Quistis' room. At that point, Squall couldn't protest, even if he tried. His mouth refused to move and he was already half-asleep. Once they reached the room, Quistis propped Squall against the wall while she retrieved her keycard. Seconds later, the door swung open and they were in.

"Hang on, Squall." She closed the blinds to block out the strong rays of sun. Then, she led him over to her bed and slowly eased him onto it. She stood there for a few minutes, watching the steady rise and fall of his chest as he slept. She sighed. "What am I going to do with you?"

******************************************************************************************

Meanwhile, in the Quad, Irvine and Selphie were involved in a heated argument. Irvine loved Selphie dearly, but her constant need to blame herself, and her change of attitude, were really starting to get to him.

"Selphie, I can't take this anymore! You need to cheer up," he said exasperatedly.

"And why would I need to do that? Can you honestly tell me that there is something for me to be happy about?"

"Yes, I can. There is so much to live for, Selphie. What happened to that happy, care-free attitude? What happened to the girl I fell in love with?"

Selphie's eyes filled with tears. "I'm sorry, Irvine, but that girl is gone. I...don't think she is coming back."

"'Everyone: peace, love!' Does that ring a bell? It used to be your personal motto. You can't tell me that you no longer believe in those words and what they stand for."

"That's just it, Irvine. I _don't _believe in these words anymore. Do you know what I realized? There is no peace or love in this world. It's just one big, cruel...space."

"Don't you dare say you don't believe in love. What about the love that we have? Does that mean nothing to you?"

Selphie shook her head sadly. "That's not real either, is it?"

Irvine frowned. "What do you mean? Of course it's real!"

"Oh, come on, Irvine. Let's be honest here. You're the biggest flirt in Garden. Sure, you say that you love me now, but in time, you'll get bored with me and move on to someone new."

"How can you say that?" he whispered. "You cannot tell me that this isn't real! I _know _what I feel, Selphie!"

"I'm sorry," she said. "But I just don't see this going anywhere. I can't stay here anymore. I'm going to Trabia Garden, and I'm going to stay there...permanently. I want you to stay here, Irvine. This is something that I need to do on my own."

"What are you saying? That you want me out of your life?"

Selphie nodded, tears falling from her once vivid green eyes. "Yes, it's what I want. This is all for the best, Irvine. I just can't love you right now."

"Right now? Or you can't ever love me?" Irvine demanded.

"I don't know! I'm sorry!" she cried.

"Why are you doing this? I know that this isn't what you want."

"See, that's where you're wrong," she whispered. "This _is _what I want. Goodbye, Irvine." With that, she turned and fled, never once looking back.

******************************************************************************************

"How is she?" Marianna asked Leanne. They had moved the girl into a bigger hospital in the city, where she could get proper care. Leanne was still treating her, but so far, her status hadn't changed.

Leanne sighed. "Not so well. It appears that she has fallen into a coma. It's impossible to tell when, or even if, she will wake up."

Marianna shook her head. "We mustn't give up hope. I have a good feeling about this one. Shall we name her Azure?"

Leanne frowned. "Azure?"

"You know, after the blue clothes she was wearing when we found her. Or what was left of them, anyway."

"I'm not sure that naming her is such a good idea."

"And why not? You just said that there is no way of telling how long she'll be in a coma. We need to call her something, and I think that Azure is as good a name as any."

"It's not that I don't like the name, because I do," Leanne told her. "However, I don't think it's wise for anyone to get really attached to her. There is a great possibility that she won't wake up."

Marianna sighed. "I know that, Leanne, but I'm not going to give up hope. I believe that Hyne sent her to us for a reason. With all due respect, I am already attached. Don't you think that it would be better for her if we showed support?"

Leanne lifted up her hands in defeat. "Your reasoning is convincing. I didn't want to say it in front of the others, but I also believe that this girl is a sign from Hyne. We must let this play out, and see what will happen."

"No matter how long it takes, you will wait for her to wake up?" Marianna asked hopefully.

"Unfortunately, I cannot do that. There will come a time when she will no longer be able to make it back to the world of the living. If that happens, we will have to cut off all of her ties to this world.

Marianna was horrified. "That's murder!"

Leanne shook her head sadly. "No, not if she has reached that point. She would be brain dead. By cutting these machines, we would only be doing her good."

"How do we know when that point has arrived?"

Leanne shook her head. "Only Hyne can tell us. Until then, we wait."

~*~


	6. Chapter Six

Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy VIII....

Author's Note: I'm so, so, so sorry for how long I have taken to update. The weeks leading up to Winter Break in school have been so hectic and have really been consuming all of my time. I finally got a chance to write this now that I have a break from school. Merry belated Christmas and happy early New Year!

To Love You More

Chapter Six

**__**

"I don't know how to let you go  
I've given to you all of me, all that I'll ever be  
We share the same heart and soul  
I want you to believe in me  
See through my eyes and you will know  
I'll take my chance that you will come home to me..."

-"Find My Way" ~ P.O.D.

Squall stared out the window, watching the torrential downpour of rain. The sky was dark and angry, pounding its rage into the earth. Rage indeed, for it had been exactly one year since Rinoa had boarded the Ragnarok and walked out of Squall's life forever. Things hadn't changed much in that year. Squall had taken back his position as commander, but he was still distant and cold to pretty much everyone. He tried so damn hard to live up to everyone's expectations and be the leader that was required of him. However, the memories just refused to go away. How could he possibly forget her face, her smile, her touch? The task was simply impossible.

Lately, his friends had been down his throat to move on, to at least consider seeing someone again. None of them knew that Rinoa was his first love, and his last. No one could have an affect on him like she did. His friends chided him about how if he kept that attitude up, he would be alone forever. Did he _want _to be alone forever? There was a time, not too long ago, when he would have answered that question with a "yes." Looking back, Squall realized that he had been nothing but a scared boy back then. That had all changed when Rinoa entered his life. It might have sounded cliché, but to Squall, it was simply the truth. Getting back to the original question, no, he did not want to be alone for the rest of his life. He had had a taste of what life was like when you had someone to share it with, and it was a feeling that he would have liked to have kept. True, it scared the shit out of him, but nevertheless, it was worth it. He would do anything to get that feeling back now.

A knock at the door broke his thoughts. Turning from the window, he was met with the sight of Quistis. Judging from the look on her face, she was not pleased.

"Squall, what on Earth are you doing?"

Squall raised an eyebrow. "Excuse me?"

Quistis sighed. "I know what today is, Squall. You shouldn't be working."

"There's work to be done, Quistis, and it's not going to get done by simply sitting on my desk."

"You could have asked Xu to take over for the day, and you most certainly could have asked me."

"This is my job to do, not yours or Xu's. I can handle it."

"I know what you're trying to do," she said quietly. "You think that if you lock yourself in here and overload yourself with work, the day will pass by quicker and you won't have time for the pain you are surely feeling."

"Quistis..." Squall warned.

"No, Squall, you need to listen to me. You aren't getting any work done here. In fact, all you seem to be accomplishing is staring out that window and feeling depressed. Take the rest of the day off."

"Okay, maybe you're right about my lack of accomplishing anything, but I can't take the day off. What for? To go sit in my room and brood? At least here I can put up a false pretense of doing something."

"Have you been to her grave?" Quistis asked softly.

Squall looked up sharply. "That's not your place to ask, Quistis."

"As your friend, I believe that it is. You haven't been there today, have you?"

"No, I haven't," he said irritably. "Does that make you feel any better?"

"Do you think this is what she would want? To be ignored by the one person she cared about the most? Especially on this day."

"You've made your point, Quistis."

"Good. Like I said, you shouldn't be working today. Xu is going to handle the position of commander for the remainder of the day. You are going to come with me. We are going to visit Rinoa."

"Quistis," Squall said through gritted teeth, "I told you that I'm not going."

"Squall, please. Think of Rinoa. How could you abandon her on the day that it means the most?"

Squall sighed. "Fine, I'll go."

Quistis smiled. "Wonderful. Remember, Squall, you are not doing this for me, but for Rinoa. I didn't want today to be one that you would regret."

Squall followed Quistis into the hall grimly. _I can't do this..._

******************************************************************************************

_"Squall, where are you taking me?" Rinoa laughed from behind her blindfold._

He grinned. "You'll see. You are just going to have to be patient."

Rinoa snorted. "Although patience is a virtue that you know extremely well, that is not the case for me. So that's easy enough for you to say."

"Believe me, Rinoa, I have worked much too hard on this surprise to just give it away now. Besides, Selphie would kick my ass if I told you."

"A-ha! So Selphie was in on this, was she? I'm going to kill her!"

"After you see what she's helped me plan, you might want to rethink that last statement."

"Perhaps I will. Forgive me for feeling skeptic, but Selphie's surprises always seem to be a bit...eccentric. Although they are always executed with the purest of intentions."

Squall chuckled. "Sounds like Selphie, alright. Don't worry, though. This time, I came up with the plan. Selphie, and the others, just helped me put it into action. Hang on, we're almost there."

Rinoa felt the ground sway under her slightly and clung to Squall for support. After a few minutes more of walking, Squall led Rinoa over to a couch and set her down gently.

"Alright, I'm going to take your blindfold off now."

Rinoa grinned. "Finally! Just for the record, I have no idea where we are. You definitely managed to achieve the element of surprise."

"Good." He gently untied the cloth and let it fall to the floor. "What do you think?"

Rinoa's eyes widened as she took in her surroundings. They were seated in a huge suite, decorated in different hues of blue. Directly in front of them were four floor to ceiling windows, which looked out onto the sparkling waters of Balamb Harbor.

"We're on a yacht!" Rinoa exclaimed.

Squall nodded. "We'll be sailing for a small three-day trip. Selphie helped me by packing your clothes and the others helped me by getting the tickets and keeping it a secret. Everything is here. Happy birthday, Rinoa."

Tears welled up in Rinoa's eyes. "I can't believe that you did all of this for me. Does Cid know? I can't believe that you were able to get off from work."

"I could barely believe it myself at first, but Cid understands wholeheartedly. So, it looks like it's just you and me for the next three days."

"Excellent," Rinoa grinned and leaned in for a kiss.

Back in the city, a lone tear slid down Rinoa's cheek. Marianna gasped. "Leanne! Come quickly!"

Leanne hurried over to the girl's bedside. "Oh my..." Looking over at the machines monitoring her brain pattern and heart rate was cause for more shock. "Her heart rate has sped up and her brain waves are immensely responsive."

"And the tear!" Marianna exclaimed. "Did you see the tear? After a year of nothing...."

Leanne nodded. "Yes, I saw the tear."

"What does it all mean?"

"It is much too early to tell, but from these signs, it looks like Azure hasn't suffered any permanent brain damage. Her chances of a one hundred percent recovery have just increased dramatically."

"Praise be to Hyne," Marianne whispered.

"Praise be to Hyne, indeed."  


******************************************************************************************

The vast field of flowers loomed in front of Squall, beckoning him forth. Burying Rinoa there had been the irony of all ironies. They had promised that, no matter what, they would find each other there. Now, Rinoa would forever be there, "fulfilling" that promise. When they had stood there, in the very spot that Squallwas standing in now, the furthest thing from Rinoa's mind had been that she would be buried there, less than a year later. Even with all the uncertainty of the future, the fear of Ultimecia, the heartache for those who lost their lives. Rinoa, never once, let it consume her. The closest she had come to despair was when they had been on the Ragnarok, shortly after she had received her sorceress powers. Then, she had been scared, but she put on a facade to the rest of the world. She trusted in Squall; in the bond they shared. _She trusted in me, and I failed her._

"Come on, Squall," Quistis said gently as she took his hand. They walked over to Rinoa's grave, a lone stone in the field of flowers. "Well, Rinoa, I managed to drag him here. You know how stubborn he can be." Turning to Squall, she said, "I'll wait by the orphanage. Take as much time as you need."

Squall nodded, watching as Quistis walked away, leaving him alone. _What did you expect? That she was going to stay and hold your hand? You're pathetic , Squall. _He stood there for a few minutes, at a loss for what to say. Closing his eyes and taking a deep breath, he began to speak.

"Rinoa...I, uh, really don't know what to say. Actually, it's more like I have too much to say, and I don't know how to say it." He sighed. "I still can't believe that you're gone. I find myself walking to your dorm and expecting you to open the door. Then, reality sets in, and it feels like shit. You're never going to open that door for me again."

After struggling to compose himself for a few minutes more, he began again. "I dream about you all the time, you know. On the way here, I fell asleep in the Ragnarok and I dreamed about your birthday. Remember those three days on the yacht? We didn't have to worry about anything or anyone in the world. It was just you and me...living. God, Rinoa, why did you have to leave me?" Realizing that that last statement sounded a bit accusatory, he quickly said, "Don't think I blame you. I could never blame you, Rinoa. It's just...hard, you know? God, I'm starting to sound like Raijin now." He laughed bitterly.

Squall sank down to the grass in front of the grave, noticing the many types of flowers growing around it. "I'm sorry that I didn't bring you any flowers. Quistis sort of dragged me here on a whim. She told me that you wouldn't want to be alone today. You know what? I think she was right. You hated being alone, almost as much as I did. I don't know what the hell I'm doing, Rinoa. Every day, it's the same old bullshit; dealing with Garden's problems. It's funny, because that was exactly what my life consisted of before. When you were with me...none of that mattered. Remember all of those times when you interrupted me when I was working? You never knew it, but I secretly looked forward to your coming. It was a welcome relief from the loads of paperwork I had to deal with. I still look at the door, hoping that you'll walk through it."

He ran a hand through his hair. "The point is, I don't know how to let you go. I _need _to let you go. This is killing me, Rinoa. Some days, I want it all to be over; I want to die. But I know that you want me to get on with my life. So, I am going to try, Rinoa. I am going to live...for you. Some things never change, and that is one of them. I will always love you." 

~*~


	7. Chapter Seven

Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy VIII.

Author's Note: This chapter is dedicated to Elanor Tinuviel. Thanks for the review! I hope you get to read this before you go away! Also, I just started a new AU Squinoa called Azure Sky. Please check that out and tell me what you think.

To Love You More

Chapter Seven

"I just got back from Deling City, Sir. The problem with the monsters in the sewers was taken care of," Zell told Squall. "The citizens were most grateful. They no longer have to fear getting attacked while going the bathroom!" he laughed.

Squall smiled slightly. "Thank you for reporting, Zell. You are dismissed."

Zell turned to leave, but then stopped. "Squall, some of us are going out to dinner tonight. Do you wanna come?"

"Who exactly is going?" Squall asked.

"Me, Quistis, Irvine, and the library girl."

"The library girl?" Squall raised an eyebrow. "Does this girl have a name?"

Zell blushed. "It's, uh, Carrie. So, are you gonna come?"

Squall sure as hell didn't want to spend his night in a restaurant pretending to be happy, when he was anything but. However, he owed Quistis. She had brought him to Rinoa's grave two weeks ago, and as much as he hated to admit it, the action had touched him. Squall sighed. "Fine. What time are we leaving?"

Zell grinned. "Seven. Quistis is going to be so happy!"

Squall frowned. "Quistis? Why would she be happy?"

"Uh…" Zell scratched the back of his head. "She just wanted as all to be there. Anyway, see ya then, Squall!"

Squall just shook his head as Zell left the room. One thing the night wouldn't be lacking was energy. At least from Zell, anyway. Personally, Squall was drained. He had had a long day, and his plan had been to spend the remainder of the evening sleeping. The work Squall had to deal with was not getting any easier, and he hadn't exactly been getting much sleep, either. As much as he tried to let go of Rinoa, she was still very much a part of him. The pain didn't get any better, but he was making progress in ignoring it. _Is it ever going to get any better, Rinoa?_

"Squall," Irvine said as he came walking through the door. "Can I talk to you about something?"

Squall nodded. "Have a seat."

Irvine obliged. "This might sound kind of awkward, and you might get really mad at me for asking, but how do you handle the pain of losing the woman you love?"

Squall's eyes widened in surprise, but he quickly masked the emotion. "What are you getting at?"

"I need to know!" Irvine said desperately. "I've tried to forget Selphie, but I can't. I want to respect her wishes that I leave her alone, but she is constantly in my head. I'm starting to think that I'm going crazy!"

Squall sighed. "You're not going crazy, Irvine. At least, as far as I know, you aren't. It hurts me like hell that Rinoa is gone, but I have to put aside those emotions and go on with my life. Each day makes life a little bit easier, although the pain is always there."

"Selphie didn't die, but to me, she is dead. If I can't see her anymore…."

"I don't know what else to tell you, Irvine. I'm not exactly the best person to be talking to."

Irvine shook his head. "I appreciate what you said. I, uh, know it isn't easy for you to talk about her."

Squall took a minute to respond. "You know, sometimes you have to talk about it. That's one of the most important things Rinoa taught me. I hate it most of the time, but I have to admit that it can help. So, uh, if you ever need to talk…you know where my office is."

Irvine smiled slightly. "I never thought I'd hear those words coming out of your mouth, Squall, but it means a lot all the same. You're coming tonight, right?"

"Yeah," Squall said. "I owe Quistis."

"Well, I'll see ya then. Take it easy, man."

"You, too," Squall murmured. "You, too."

******************************************************************************************

Squall sat amidst the noise and confusion evident throughout the restaurant. All the voices, laughter, clanking of silverware clashing together and forming one huge, resonating sound. The sea of voices pulsated around him, taunting him. They seemed to mock his pain, showing him the happy people the he was not a part of.

"So that's it!" Carrie exclaimed. "Zell was so sweet about it."

Irvine chuckled. "Sweet, huh? I never pictured you as that type, Zell."

Zell shot him a dirty look. "Obviously, you know nothing about me. I'd watch myself if I were you, Cowboy."

"Whoa, easy, boys," Quistis said, trying to keep the peace. "We don't need any bloodshed over dinner."

Squall remained silent, observing the scene with a detached air. Any onlooker who didn't know them personally, would say that they were four friends, enjoying a meal together. However, Squall knew better. Everyone was using this night as a distraction to get their minds off of matters that they would rather not think about. They all pretended to be having fun and getting along just fine, but Squall saw through the fake smiles and laughs. He let his mind wander back to another time, when things had been real, and so much happier.

_"Squall, I know you hate social events, but we really want you to be there. Quistis just got her instructor's license back. You know how important that is to her."_

Squall scowled. "I still don't understand why my presence is needed."

Rinoa rolled her eyes. "I told you! It means a lot to Quistis for you to be there. And...I want you to be there. So, are you going to make me happy?"

It was Squall's turn to roll his eyes. "Fine. I'll be there."

Rinoa clapped her hands together happily. "Thanks, Squall! You won't regret it!" 

Later that night, they had all gone out to dinner at a fancy restaurant in Balamb. That night...had been amazing. Squall would never have admitted it, but being around his friends, joking and laughing, was a comfort that he had not previously known, but immensely enjoyed. That night, Squall began to put his trust in his friends, and in Rinoa.

_"Aren't you glad you came?" Rinoa asked as they stood outside. "Even **you** can't deny that you had fun."_

The corners of Squall's mouth twitched ever so slightly. "Are you sure? This is me that we're talking about."

Rinoa's eyes widened in surprise. "Hold on a minute. Can we backtrack? Did I just hear Squall Leonhart joke? What is the world coming to?"

Squall smiled at that, a genuine smile. "Yeah, well I guess even I can change."

Rinoa grinned. "I never doubted that. Even at the beginning, when you were the biggest asshole I had ever met!"

Squall winced. "I was pretty bad, huh?"

Rinoa laughed. "Pretty bad? That's an understatement!"

Squall chuckled. "Yeah, I guess it is. For the record, I never gave up on you, either. Even when you were floating around in space, the thought of giving up on you never entered my mind."

"I know," Rinoa said softly. "I heard your voice, remember? It was the most beautiful sound that I had ever heard. And when we were on the Ragnarok, when you opened up to me, it made me so happy. I felt so safe with you...I still do."

"You were scared," Squall said seriously. "You looked so helpless. It was then that I didn't care about sorceresses, Garden, or saving the world. I wanted to stay up there, too."

"Squall..." Rinoa wrapped her arms around him. "Let's not dwell on the past. Those bad times are behind us, and we can finally live our lives without having to worry about someone threatening the planet."

"You are always right," Squall murmured. "Thank you." 

"For what?" she asked, puzzled.

"For convincing me to come here tonight. I had a great time."

"Squall? Earth to Squall?" Zell waved his hand in front of Squall's face. "Did you hear a word I said?"

The look on Squall's face showed that he was clearly dazed. "Excuse me," he said as he got up and exited the restaurant. Once outside, he closed his eyes, inhaling the cool night air. He couldn't take it anymore. Why couldn't the memories just go away? Just when he thought he was getting better, they returned.

"Squall?"

He jumped at the mention of his name. It was Quistis. "Why did you follow me out here?"

"Do you even have to ask? You should know by now that I worry about you. Are you okay?" she asked concernedly.

"Fine," Squall said flatly. "I just needed to get some air."

Quistis sighed. "You can't lie to me, Squall. You forget that I can always tell."

"Rinoa...she always knew. I couldn't hide anything from her."

"You could never hide anything from me, either," Quistis said. "You just chose to ignore it."

"You said 'chose', not 'choose'. Does that mean that I'm not ignoring it anymore?"

Quistis smiled. "You're getting better. So, are you going to tell me why you're out here by yourself, instead of inside with the rest of us? Who knows, maybe you could actually be having a good time."

Squall shook his head. "That's just it; I can't. It's like, if I allow myself to laugh or to smile, I am betraying Rinoa."

"You can't let Rinoa's death stop you from living, Squall. It's been over a year. I've told you this before, she would have wanted you to go on with your life."

"What if I can't?" Squall said quietly. "What if the only real thing in my life is the pain that I feel? How am I supposed to live when _every day _is a constant struggle?"

"This is going to sound really cold, but you're being selfish. Rinoa was a wonderful person, whom we all adored, but she is _gone_. You not only have a responsibility to yourself, but to your friends, and to Garden. You can't allow yourself to live in the past; in a memory. You have to look towards the future; towards the life that _you _still have. _You're _not dead, Squall."

"Maybe that's the problem," he said quietly.

"Stop that!" she cried. "Do you hear yourself?! Rinoa would not want you acting like this!"

"I'm sick of hearing what Rinoa would want, Quistis! If she is so concerned about what I want, then why the hell did she leave me?!"

"As if that was her choice," she snapped. "You're being selfish again, Squall. I don't understand you at all. Don't you see that you are only making things worse for yourself?"

"What am I supposed to do?" Squall asked. "Please, enlighten me, because I'm feeling pretty damn helpless right now."

Quistis sighed. "I can try to help you, Squall, but you have to be willing to accept that help. Only you can make yourself change. You can be influenced by other people, but you alone have to take that final step."

"I can't stay like this," Squall whispered. "She's everywhere, Quistis. I don't want to forget her, I could _never _forget her, but she's all that I think about it. It's tearing me up inside."

"I know," Quistis said gently. "You're going to be okay, I promise. I am going to help you in every way that I can."

"Thank you," he said quietly.

The moonlight shone onto Quistis' face, revealing the unshed tears in her eyes. Maybe it was the alcohol that Squall had consumed earlier, or perhaps he was just so overcome with emotion that he lost all control of his senses. Regardless of the reason, Squall found himself taking a step towards Quistis, and just like that, she was in his arms, his lips upon hers.

~*~

__


	8. Chapter Eight

Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy VIII....

Author's Note: I know, I know! You guys all hate Quistis and Squall together. Believe me when I say that it's no joyous task to write the two of them as a couple. I think most of you know what a die-hard Squinoa fan I am. All I can say is that things WILL be getting better. It's just going to take a bit of time. It'll be a long journey for everyone, but you'll just have to trust me. Also, please don't kill me for this chapter. *Gulps*

To Love You More

Chapter Eight

**__**

"Will you?

Will you love me tomorrow?

So will you?

Will you stay with me today?

Will you?

Will you be here tomorrow?

Will you remember yesterday?"

-"Will You" ~ P.O.D.

Two Years Later....

Every eye in the ballroom was trained on the double doors at the opposite end of the room. All of Garden had turned up for this special event; their commander's wedding. The feelings of the guests were mixed. Some, more specifically the Trepies, were against it. They didn't believe that Squall was good enough for their beloved instructor. Others, such as their friends, were happy to see Squall finally moving on. Still, there were others, such as Laguna (who had also shown up for the occasion), that felt sadness that another girl, one with raven black hair and chocolate brown eyes, was not to be Squall's future wife.

As for Squall? If there was one word to describe him, then it would be stoic. As he stood at the end of the aisle, waiting with the rest of them, his expression was impossible to read. Not that he had ever been one to show his emotions in the first place. It was funny, really. No one had ever expected him to walk down the aisle, especially not with his former instructor. Some things just change...or do they?

Squall took a deep breath. _Get a hold of yourself, Leonhart. People get married every day; it's no big deal. All you have to do is say the words and get it over with. That's all there is to it._

He felt no excitement as the music started up and the flower girl started to make her way down the aisle. Squall had always hated being the center of attention, yet here he was. _This feels like a fucking joke. I'm surrounded by all these people, ninety percent of them strangers, while I watch a little girl walk down the aisle whom I've never seen in my life! **Why **am I doing this? _He thought back to what, exactly, had made him decide to ask Quistis to marry him in the first place.

__

"Do we have a future, Squall? I need to hear this from you. Please answer me honestly," Quistis said, sadness in her eyes. They had been seeing each other for a year and a half, and he still barely opened up to her. Sometimes, she felt like they had gotten nowhere.

Squall groaned. "Could you please stop asking me that? I told you, I'd rather not think about the future right now."

"Then when would you like to think about it?" she snapped. "You're still so caught up in the past, Squall. Even after all this time. I thought you had changed."

He had wanted to change, he really had, but the truth was, he couldn't. His life was one big lie. He needed something in his life to be real, and that person was Quistis. She was the only one who could get through to him now. He couldn't lose her. "I'm sorry. What do you want from me?" he whispered.

"I want you to be honest with me. That's all I ever wanted."

"You want honesty? You're not supposed to live in the past, but how can I not? Especially when the past was so much better than my life now."

Quistis gasped, shocked that he would say such a thing. "So that's how you really feel? No one can live up to Rinoa, can they?"

"What?" Squall narrowed his eyes. "So you're going to make this about Rinoa now?"

"Go to hell, Squall! I spent the past year and a half giving my heart to you, loving you. I live for the moments, those rare moments, when you show me your true colors, your true emotions. Maybe that was all an act. Just get out, Squall. I don't want to see your face."

"Quistis, don't do this..."

"I said OUT! Now!" Grabbing him by the collar, she shoved him out of her room, slamming the door behind him.

She had been pissed, and Squall had really begun to feel that he had lost her. He didn't want to be alone for the rest of his life. He _couldn't _be alone. So he had gone out and bought the engagement ring. Quistis had immediately forgiven him after the proposal. She was thrilled that he was actually making a commitment. In all honesty, she had never really thought that he would do it.

Squall looked up as Quistis entered through the double doors. She looked beautiful. Her golden blonde hair was loose and flowing down her back. She wore a pale white dress, sleeveless, with lacy layers and silk. Every eye was on her, admiring her beauty. She looked like a goddess. Squall just stared at her, mesmerized by how wonderful she looked. _Is my attraction purely physical? _He shook his head. _No, I care about her. I...love her. Don't I? _

A voice in the back of his head seemed to taunt him. _"You loved Rinoa."_

Yes, he agreed. _I love Quistis, too. _

"Or do you? If you are so sure that you love her, then why are you doubting yourself? You never had to doubt yourself with Rinoa."

This is different, Squall's voice of reason argued.

_"Yes, it is very different. You loved Rinoa, but you do not love Quistis. You are merely attracted to her. You **want **to love her. The thought of being alone for the rest of your life is unbearable. You **need** to believe that you have someone to love...someone that loves you."_

Quistis loves me. She always has.

"That is true. Do you think that it is acceptable to take advantage of her love for you?"

I'm not taking advantage of her.

"You're not being fair to her, yourself, or Rinoa. You promised Rinoa forever. Remember?"

Rinoa is gone.

"A part of you still hopes that she is alive...still **believes **that she is."

Squall narrowed his eyes. _Get out of my head._

"Certainly. Your bride has arrived, anyway. You didn't notice that, did you? You are too preoccupied with your thoughts. If you really love Quistis, wouldn't your thoughts be of her alone?"

Well, that certainly gave Squall a lot to think about. Quistis was by his side now, grinning from ear to ear. He offered her a small smile in return as she took his hands. The priest began to speak.

"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today..."

Squall found his mind wandering again. _You promised Rinoa forever... _The words of his subconscious echoed in his head. He found his mind, and his heart, wandering back to exactly when he had made that promise.

_"Squall...do you ever think about the future?" He had been sitting on the roof of Balamb Garden with Rinoa, watching the stars._

"Of course, I do. I thought you said that you didn't want to think about it, though."

Rinoa sighed. "Yes, but that's not what I meant. What I meant to say was, do you ever think about **our **future?"

"Our future?" he repeated.

"Yeah. Do you, um, think we'll be together for awhile?"

Squall shook his head. "I don't know about 'awhile', but I do know about forever. You're the best thing that ever happened to me, Rinoa. I know you never give yourself any credit, but it's the truth. You saved me from myself. I'm never going to leave you."

"Do you promise?"

"Of course. Why do you sound so unsure? It used to be me, not you, who was afraid of this relationship."

"I'm not afraid," she said quietly. "Just...worried, I guess."

Squall frowned. "Nothing is guaranteed; no one can predict the future. Do you remember those words? You certainly engraved them in my mind."

Rinoa smiled. "You're right. I was wrong to worry." She started to laugh.

"What's so funny?"

"It's just...who ever thought you were such a romantic? Remember when we first met?" She kept laughing. "You were ice cold!"

Squall cracked a smile at that. "You have a point. See, you really have changed me."

Rinoa snuggled closer to him. "You're perfect the way you are, Squall. You just needed a little fine tuning."

He chuckled. "Fine tuning? So I'm a car now?"

"That's not what I meant!" she giggled.

"Of course it wasn't." He looked at her seriously, gently lifting her chin. "I love you, Rinoa. Don't ever change."

She returned his unwavering gaze. "I love you, too, Squall."

Squall was again jerked from his thoughts as Quistis squeezed his hands.

"I do," she said confidently.

_Shit! _he mentally cursed. He had basically missed the whole ceremony. _I can't do this. I still love Rinoa... I can't marry Quistis. _He looked deep into Quistis' eyes and saw the love burning there. _Rinoa is gone, Squall. Quistis is all you have now._

The priest turned his attention towards Squall. "Do you, Squall, take Quistis..."

The words were all a blur to him. Rinoa, Quistis, Rinoa, Quistis. For a moment, it was as if everything in the room had disappeared. The only person in front of him was Rinoa. He was going to marry Rinoa. _Yes, I do. I'll marry you, Rinoa. _The world was spinning; Squall was losing his grip on reality. His mind was a blur of images: embracing Quistis, kissing Rinoa, feeling her in his arms as they made love. There was never any emotion on his part when he was with Quistis. _She is just a replacement! _his mind screamed. _That's what she's always been!_

Quistis looked at him questioningly. "Squall?"

_Say "I do." Just say it. You need her. You don't want to be alone again, do you? Say it! _Squall looked deep into her eyes. He couldn't let her down. "I do."

Quistis smiled and the priest beamed. "I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride."

******************************************************************************************

Marianna sat quietly by Rinoa's bedside, studying the girl who had been in a coma for three years. Her condition was still the same. The only changes in her brain pattern showed that she was dreaming. 

"Poor girl," she whispered.

With a sudden jolt, Rinoa opened her eyes and gasped. "Squall!"

~*~

Author's Note: Sorry if this chapter was confusing, I know there were a lot of italics. The italicized part towards the middle that starts with _"You loved Rinoa" _is Squall arguing with a voice inside of his head. The parts in quotes are the voice, and the other parts are Squall's responses to him. Sorry if that confused anyone.

__


	9. Chapter Nine

Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy VIII....

Author's Note: I'm sorry that the majority of you disliked the last chapter because of Squall and Quistis getting married. Please understand that their marriage is a critical part of the plot, and for the rest of this story to progress in the way I have planned, it was absolutely necessary. Believe me, I thought about other ways to go about it, but in the end, they just had to be married for the rest of this story to make sense. As I've said before, I, too, am not a fan of Qualls in the least. I just ask you all to please trust me with this. That's all I can say without revealing too much about the plot. Of course, I could just come out and say exactly what I have planned to happen, but then what would be the point in reading any further? Anyway, this author's note is long enough as it is, so I won't say anything further. Thank you all for reviewing, and please know that I highly value all of your opinions. I would never write something that I thought you would all immensely hate.

To Love You More

Chapter Nine

"Y-you're awake!" Marianna stammered. "Leanne! Leanne, come quickly! Azure has awaken!"

Rinoa looked at her surroundings in a daze. She had no idea as to where she was or who the woman studying her curiously was. Leanne rushed over to her side. "You're awake! After all this time... It's a miracle!"

Who were these people? And what in the world were they talking about? They had called her something...Azure. What was going on? "W-who are you?" she managed to croak.

Leanne smiled at her reassuringly. "My name is Leanne, and this is Marianna. I've been your doctor for the past three years."

"What?" Rinoa gasped. "Three years? That's impossible! I've never seen you before in my life!"

"Please, calm down. Let me start from the beginning. You are confused, as you should be. The past three years of your life have passed without you consciously knowing it."

"I don't understand. Why am I here? Where _is _here?"

"Three years ago, your body washed up on the shores of our forest. That is where Marianna's daughter found you. You were unconscious, and barely alive. Marianna and a few of the other women brought you to my medical facility within the forest. However, my resources there were limited. That is why you are here, in the city. This is the best medical facility available. Basically, you have been in a coma for the past three years. We never gave up on you, and now it looks like you are going to be fine."

Rinoa frowned. **_Three_** years? I've been in a coma for **three **years? "You called me 'Azure'. Why?"

"That was our name for you," Marianna explained. "We named you after the blue clothes we found you in."

"I'm still extremely confused. Are we in Esthar?"

"Esthar?" Leanne frowned. "What is that?"

Rinoa froze. Who hadn't heard of Esthar, the most technically advanced city of them all? Of course, they had basically been hidden to the world prior to Ultimecia's defeat, but surely they had heard of it by now. "Balamb, Galbadia? Those must sound familiar to you."

Leanne shook her head. "I am sorry, but I have never heard those words in my life."

Rinoa bit her lip nervously. "Where are my friends? Where is Squall?"

"Squall?" Leanne exchanged a worried glance with Marianna. "What is the last thing you remember?"

Rinoa closed her eyes. "I was with my boyfriend, Squall. We were saying goodbye." She opened her eyes. "I was on the way to Trabia Garden, but there was a crash. Nida...he took the Ragnarok down because I'm a..." she trailed off.

"You're a what?" Leanne asked gently.

"N-nothing. Listen to me. My name is Rinoa Heartilly. I am a student at Balamb Garden. My boyfriend is Squall Leonhart. He led the mission that defeated the sorceress Ultimecia. You must have heard of him."

"I am sorry," Leanne said sincerely. "None of those names are familiar to me. This city, where we are now, is called Zuwang. We have no outside contact with anyone."

_Just like how Esthar used to be... _"I need to get out of here. My friends must be worried. They would have searched... Where, in relativity to everything else, are we?"

"It's hard to say. Like I said, we haven't been in contact with anyone. You see, we are a group of people who feel that we have a strong connection with the mother of all things, Hyne. Some would say that we believe to be too spiritually intertwined with her. That is why, hundreds of years ago, our ancestors set up this city."

"How could you possibly be so technologically advanced if you have no contact with the outside world?" Rinoa asked curiously.

"We believe that Hyne has given us the intelligence to become as advanced as we are. Perhaps someone in the outside world will be able to find us, though. We will ask Hyne for guidance."

Rinoa nodded. "I need to call Squall. Oh God, he probably thinks that I'm dead."

"Feel free to call whomever you want. Our phones should be able to reach any one of those other places you mentioned. You are free to leave at any time, after I have performed a few additional tests to make sure that you really are okay. However, we were hoping that you could stay for a bit. You must understand, our city is so technologically advanced that we don't need contact with anyone. We have no idea how things in the outside world are. Maybe you could tell us a bit about your life?"

Rinoa shrugged. "If you really want to hear about it, then I would be happy to. However, I need to focus on contacting my friends right now. I need to see them. I still can't believe that it's been three years..."

"It will most likely take some time to adjust to things. We'll leave you now, so you can make that call." They exited the room.

Once they were gone, Rinoa picked up the phone and dialed the number for Squall's office. Even after all this time, it was still fresh in her mind. As the phone rang, she waited, her stomach a web of knots. What was she supposed to say? 'Hey Squall. You probably thought I was dead, but I'm not, so could you come and pick me up in Zuwang?' _Ha! He'd think I'm a psycho. Telling him I'm in a city no one's ever heard of, when I am most likely presumed dead?_

A male voice broke her thoughts and steered her focus back to the phone in her hand. _"Hello?"_

Rinoa felt a sudden sense of disappointment. Three years or twenty, she would recognize Squall's voice, and the man she was speaking to was not him. "Hello? Who is this?"

_"Irvine Kinneas, active commander of Balamb Garden. Who am I speaking to?"_

Commander of Balamb Garden? What about Squall? Taking a deep breath, she said, "Is Squall there? Can I talk to him?"

_"Who's asking?"_

"You don't recognize my voice, Irvine?"

From the other end of the line, she heard him pause. _"I do know your voice, but the person it resembles died three years ago. Who are you, really? What do you want?"_

A knot formed in Rinoa's throat and she had to bite her lip to keep from crying. "Irvine...it's me, Rinoa. I know this is crazy, but I didn't die when the Ragnarok crashed. It's a long story, but I've been in a coma for three years, from which I've just woken up. Right now, I'm at a hospital in a city called Zuwang. They don't keep contact with the outside world, so you could have a hard time finding it. Do you think that you could send someone to get me?"

It took Irvine a few minutes to respond. _"R-Rinoa? Is this some kind of joke?"_

"It's no joke, Irvine. Please, you have to trust me. Can I talk to Squall?"

_"Squall? Uh...he's away, on a mission. Yeah, he's on a mission with Quistis, so he left me in charge. God, I can't believe I'm talking to you. We all thought you were dead."_

"I'm sorry," she whispered. "The last thing I remember is the Ragnarok going down. The next thing I know, I wake up here and find out that I've been in a coma for three years. How is everyone?"

_"Everyone is fine. We all took your death pretty badly. You'll see everyone soon enough, though." He sighed. "There's so much to talk about. Listen, you just hang tight, okay? You're not in any danger, are you?"_

"No, I don't think so. These people looked after me for three years, so I highly doubt that they want to hurt me."

_"Okay, just be careful. I'm going to track down this Zuwang place and come pick you up myself."_

"But what about Garden? Aren't you acting as commander while Squall's away?"

_"Eh, Xu's more than capable of taking over. So like I said, sit tight and wait for me. I'll be there as soon as possible."_

"Okay. Thank you, Irvine."

_"You're welcome. I'm so glad that you're okay, Rinoa. You can't even imagine how glad I am."_

"Thank you." She took a deep breath. "If you hear from Squall, could you tell him that I love him?"

_"Of course," he answered automatically. "See ya soon."_

Rinoa hung up the phone, feeling immensely relieved. It had been so good to hear one of her friends again. Pretty soon, she would be home with them. And with Squall.

******************************************************************************************

Irvine paced back and forth nervously. _Rinoa is alive. Rinoa is **alive**! _The words kept repeating themselves over and over again in his head. _It's impossible...but...that was **her**! I'm sure of it. _The most important thing to do now was locate Zuwang and get to Rinoa. _Of course, there's the tiny matter of Squall and Quistis being married. _He rubbed his forehead wearily. _She's going to be devastated. Well, there is no use thinking about it now. She doesn't need to know yet. The important thing is that I find her._

"Xu!" he called. "Could you please come in here?"

She stepped into the office. "Yes?"

"Something's come up. I'm going to have to leave Garden for a while to handle it. Do you think you can handle the Garden while I'm gone?"

Xu frowned. "I suppose so, but with Squall, Quistis, and you gone, it will be an easy target for our enemies. Maybe we should call them and tell them to come back."

"No!" Irvine said quickly. "I mean, they're on their honeymoon. We can't interrupt that. You know Quistis had to practically force Squall to take the time off. You'll be fine, Xu. I'll tell Zell the situation, and he can help, as well. This matter needs to be taken care of."

"It's that important?"

He nodded. "If it wasn't, I wouldn't be going. Why don't you stay here. As of now, you're officially in charge. I have a few other things that I need to take care of, and I can't be distracted. Are you going to be okay?"

"Yes, I'll get everything under control. Good luck."

"You too. I'll try to get back as soon as possible." With that said, he walked out of the office, in search of Zell. Of course he had to tell him he was leaving, but he had resolved to keep Rinoa a secret. Zell was one of his closest friends, but it was common knowledge that he wasn't very good at keeping secrets. Things just had a tendency of "slipping" out of his mouth. Irvine knew that if he told Zell he was going to get Rinoa, it would be all over the Garden by nightfall. _I can just imagine the commotion that would cause._

Irvine found Zell in his dorm, reading a weapons magazine. "Hey, man. Have you seen the newest model of Ehrgeiz?" Hw whistled appreciatively. "What a beauty."

"Zell," Irvine said seriously. "I need to talk to you."

He put the magazine down. "What's up?"

"I need to handle an urgent mission that has come up. While I'm gone, Xu will be in charge of Garden. I want you to do everything you can to help her."

"Sure, but where are ya going? Are you going to be gone a long time?"

Irvine shrugged. "I don't know how long I'll be gone. I can't tell you where I'm going. It's better that you don't know."

"Aw, come on," he whined. "You can't even tell _me_?"

"Nope, sorry. Listen, I have to get going. Try not to destroy Garden while I'm gone, okay? Squall will have my head."

Zell laughed. "Oh ye of so little faith."

Halfway out the door, Irvine turned around and smiled. "We'll see."

After leaving Zell's room, Irvine hurried to the library, figuring that he would either be able to find some information about Zuwang in the books or on the computer. He poured over the material for hours, but was unsuccessful. _Damn it. Whoever these people are, they don't want to be found. _A sudden idea hit him, and he practically ran back to his room. Once there, he picked up the phone and quickly punched in the number for Ellone's private line at the Presidential Palace. 

_"Hello?" _

"Ellone, it's Irvine. Are you busy? I really need to talk to you."

_"No, I'm not busy. Actually, I haven't had much to do lately. What do you need to talk about?"_

Irvine sighed. "I can't tell you over the phone. Can I come and see you?"

_"Now?" she asked, surprised._

"Yeah, if it's okay. I'm sorry, but it's really important and I'm kinda in a hurry."

_"Okay, if it's really that important. Um...you guys got the airship that Uncle Laguna sent over, right? I meant to ask Squall at the wedding, but it completely slipped my mind."_

"Yeah, we got it. That was really generous of him. I'll take that. It should get me there in no time. Thanks, Ellone."

_"No problem. I'll see you in a little while then."_

"Okay, see ya."

He hung up the phone, feeling a lot better. _Ellone will more likely than not be able to tell_ _me where this 'Zuwang' is. _Grabbing his duffel bag, he threw in some clothes and other items he deemed necessary. He left a message for Xu, telling her he was leaving, and then he was on his way. He couldn't help feeling a strong sense of irony. _Rinoa wakes up **one **day after Squall marries Quistis. If she had called one day sooner, he wouldn't be married right now. I'm almost certain of it. _Shaking those thoughts from his head, he focused on flying the aircraft and getting to Esthar in the fastest possible time. All the while, hoping against hope that Ellone would have the answers he was looking for.

~*~


	10. Chapter Ten

Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy VIII....

Author's Note: So sorry for the delay with this chapter. I would have had it written sooner, but I had some medical problems, so that was what delayed everything. Thank you to all of you who have stuck with me so far. Your kind words are always wonderful to hear.

To Love You More

Chapter Ten

"Hey Irvine!" Ellone greeted as she walked into the room where Irvine was seated. "It's so good to see you again!"

Irvine chuckled. "Long time no see, eh?"

Ellone smiled. "I know that you wouldn't have come here on such short notice if it wasn't extremely important. You sounded anxious on the phone. What is it that you need to talk to me about?"

"It is important," he said. "But before I can tell you, I need you to swear that you won't tell anyone. I mean it, Ellone."

"Yes, of course. You have my word."

Irvine nodded. "This morning, I received a call. It was...it was Rinoa."

Ellone's eyes widened. "What did she say? Where _is _she?"

Irvine explained what Rinoa had told him. "See? That's why I need your help. Do you have any idea where this Zuwang place is?"

She thought about it for a minute. "You know, I think that Uncle Laguna has some files on the country of Zuwang. I'm sure that he would be more than happy to help us."

Irvine looked unsure. "There's no way that you could access the files yourself? Without having to involve Laguna?"

Ellone narrowed her eyes. "You don't trust him."

"It's not that," he said wearily. "I just think that the less people who know about Rinoa, the better. Elle, Squall just got married. I don't even know how to tell him that Rinoa is alive."

"And Rinoa has no idea," Ellone said softly. "I agree with you about not telling anyone. Listen, I know Uncle Laguna can have somewhat of a big mouth, but I think he has a right to know. He can really be an asset to us."

"Okay, we'll tell him. It has to be now, though. I hate the idea of Rinoa being alone in some strange place."

"That shouldn't be a problem. Just one more question, though. What do you plan to do with Rinoa when you get back? Do you think that telling Squall is a good idea?"

Irvine sighed. "Hell if I know. My thinking is this: Squall and Quistis aren't getting back from their honeymoon for another two weeks. I need to talk to Rinoa and explain everything to her. I think she should be the one to decide."  
Ellone nodded. "I agree. No one else will know where you really are, other than myself and Uncle Laguna. Come on, lets go find those files."

Irvine stood up and followed Ellone to Laguna's office. Laguna was seated behind his desk, reading the newspaper. He looked up upon hearing them enter. "Irvine!" he exclaimed. "What brings you here?"

"Uncle Laguna, Irvine needs our help," Ellone said before Irvine could explain himself. "Rinoa is alive. We need to give him all the information we have on Zuwang. That's where Rinoa is now."

Laguna stared at them, as if he wasn't able to comprehend what Ellone was saying. Finally, he managed to sputter out, "Rinoa is alive? How?"

"I don't know, Sir," Irvine said. "I only spoke to her briefly this morning. The most important thing right now is to locate her. That's why I need information on Zuwang."

Laguna nodded. "Please, call me Laguna. I understand where you're coming from. Just tell me one thing. Does Squall know?"

Irvine shook his head. "I thought it would be better not to tell him, at least not yet. He's on his honeymoon, and I didn't think it would be right to intrude on that. Besides, I think that Rinoa needs to hear about everything first, and decide if she even wants to come back."

Laguna looked at them sadly. "One day too late. If only she had called sooner." He shook his head. "I suppose that you want me to keep this a secret as well."

Irvine nodded. "You and Ellone are the only ones besides myself that know. Everyone else thinks I'm on a mission."

"I hate to keep this from Squall, but I can see why it would be a good idea to. I won't tell anyone about where you really are. It's not like I'll be talking to Squall much, anyway."

"Thank you," Irvine said sincerely. "Now, about Zuwang. Do you really have information about it?"

"Yes. It's around here somewhere..." He started to rummage through his desk drawers.

"Uncle, don't you keep a copy of all your files on the computer?" Ellone asked gently.

Laguna grinned sheepishly. "I guess I forgot about that." He turned to his computer. "Hold on a minute, Irvine. Just a few clicks and I can get you the coordinates you need."

"If you don't mind my asking, how exactly did you get the coordinates in the first place? From what I gather, barely anyone knows about them. If they have no contact with the outside world, how do you know about it?"

"Well," Laguna started as he typed in his password, "Esthar was just like that not so long ago. We had a vague idea that Zuwang existed, but they called for our aide years ago, and as a result, gave us the coordinates. Our technology is very similar to theirs. Although we have contact with them occasionally, they prefer to remain hidden to the world. You see, they are a group that believe strongly in Hyne, and they prefer to remain that way. A-ha! Here we are!"

Irvine looked over his shoulder. "You found the information?"

"Uh-huh. Let me print out the coordinates for you." With one more click of the mouse, the printer whizzed to life, spewing out the information. "Here you are," Laguna said as he handed Irvine the paper.

"Thank you, Laguna," Irvine said, relief evident in his voice. "I better get going. Thank you again, and you too, Ellone. I'll call you when I get back with an update."

******************************************************************************************

"Wow..." Marianna sighed. "Your first kiss on a balcony overlooking the ocean. And that shooting star? How romantic!"

"Yeah," Rinoa sighed dreamily. "It was amazing." She had just finished telling Marianna about how she had met Squall, and everything that had followed.

"I wish my relationship with my husband was like that. So much passion! Unfortunately, I have more fun watching TV these days," she said sadly. "But enough about that. I'm sure that you are more than anxious to see Squall again. I'm really going to miss you, though."

"I wish I had gotten to know you better. You and Leanne were so good to me. I don't know how I could ever repay you for your kindness."

Leanne smiled warmly. "There is no need to, Dear. We never would have left you there to die. Even when Leanne said you situation was grim, we never gave up hope. There was something about you, Dear."

Rinoa laughed. "I don't think I deserve that, but thank you nevertheless. I have to admit that I'm nervous about going back. A lot of things can change in three years. Squall...he thought I was dead. He could still think I'm dead. I don't know if Irvine has even talked to him yet."

Marianna patted her hand reassuringly. "Yes, many things can change in three years, but some things never do. From what you have told me, Squall loves you very deeply. Time isn't going to change that."

"I know...it's just..._three years_. You don't know Squall. When I first met him, he was so cold and distant. You see, his sister left when he was younger, and he never got over that. I don't know how he would take my death, but if I know Squall, he has probably been blaming himself this whole time."

"Rinoa, I feel like _you're_ blaming yourself for what happened. You had no control of the aircraft. Stop blaming yourself, please. Soon, you'll be back with Squall, and things will be just the way you remember."  
Rinoa nodded. "I'm sure that you're right. We were happy, you know? I don't think I've ever been that happy in my life. I know that it's selfish, but why did this happen to us? Squall has been through enough. Will it ever end?"

"Dear, I'm sorry. We can't predict what is going to happen to us, but I'm a firm believer that everything happens for a reason."

"No one can predict the future," Rinoa said softly. "I told Squall that once." She closed her eyes. "Okay!" she exclaimed as her eyes shot open. "Enough of this depressing talk. Irvine will be here soon, right? Before I know it, I'll be back with everyone, and that's what's important."

"That's right, Dear. Good for you!"

"Mom!" a child of about eight ran into the room. Her curly black hair surrounded her face wildly and her cheeks were bright red from the running she had done. However, the girl stopped in her tracks when she saw Rinoa.

"Alanna, do you remember the girl you found on the beach a few years ago? The one I've been going to see in the city? Her name is Rinoa and she has finally woken up."

"Are you really the girl I found?" Alanna asked shyly.

"From what your mom tells me, it looks like I am. I believe that I owe you a thank you for saving my life."

Alanna blushed. "I'm glad that you're okay. Mom has really been worried about you."  
"Yes, we are all thankful that Rinoa is okay. You looked like you wanted to tell me something, Alanna. What is it?"

"Oh, Dad wanted me to tell you that the men saw a strange aircraft approaching. He told me to come home and stay here in case there was danger."

"An aircraft?" Rinoa asked. "It has to be Irvine!"

Marianna nodded. "It makes sense. We rarely get any visitors. Alanna, please stay here. Rinoa and I are going to welcome her friend."

******************************************************************************************

Squall stood on the balcony of his hotel room. Dollet was quiet; no one wanted to be out in the rain. Except for him. Personally, he liked the rain; found that it fit his mood most of the time. _A fitting way to spend my honeymoon._

"Squall?" Quistis called gently as she joined him on the balcony, scantily clad in a white silk robe. "What are you doing?"

"Watching the rain," he stated simply.  
"I hate the rain," Quistis commented. "Look, you're getting soaked. Why don't you come back to bed, where it's warm," she winked.

He shrugged. "I just have a bad feeling..." Actually, he had gotten a bad feeling from the moment he said "I do," but he wasn't about to tell Quistis that. "Don't you feel like something is off?"

Quistis rolled her eyes. "Other than you? Seriously, Squall, why can't you just be happy? We're married now. I know you're worried about Garden, but for once, just _relax_," she said as she began to massage his shoulders. "When we get back to Garden, you can worry as much as you want, but while we're here, don't you think you deserve to have a little fun?"

Fun? Of course, he was supposed to be enjoying himself. It was his honeymoon, after all. Even so, he couldn't shake the feelings that something was off. Despite Quistis talking about being worried about Garden, the feeling he had had to do with something else entirely. "I'm sorry, Quistis. I haven't exactly been the easiest person to get along with, have I?"

"No," she smiled. "But you can make it up to me right now." Grabbing his hand, she led him back into their room.

Squall was ready to protest, but at that point she had already dropped her robe and pushed him onto the bed. So much for those bad feelings. In place of them went more meaningless sex, a diversion from what his heart was telling him. Squall didn't know which one he found worse.

~*~


	11. Chapter Eleven

Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy VIII....

Author's Note: One advantage of being home sick from school this past week was having plenty of time to write this. Thanks for your reviews!

To Love You More

Chapter Eleven

Rinoa shielded her eyes from the bright glare surrounding the aircraft. A glowing aura seemed to emit from the shiny green structure as it landed. Stairs dropped down from its side and the outline of a lone figure was seen descending them. The figure reached the bottom, the sunlight revealing his face to the world. Tall, long auburn hair, and, of course, that trademark cowboy hat.

"Irvine!" Rinoa exclaimed, running straight into his arms. She squeezed him tightly, basking in the feeling of having her friend with her again. "I'm so glad to see you."

Irvine stroked her hair comfortingly. "Me, too," he murmured. He gently pulled away, clasping her hands. "Let me have a look at you." After studying her profile, he said, "You look the same. A little bit older, but more or less the same."

Rinoa laughed. "Look at _you_! I can't believe that you still have that hat!"

"Hey, are you really surprised? It's my lucky hat, after all."

"Well, I could have used one of those. Maybe then I wouldn't be in this situation," she said quietly.

An uncomfortable silence hung over them. Finally, Marianna interrupted. "So, how about you both come back to my place and we can have some refreshments? I'm sure you've had a long flight Mr...."

"Kinneas." He tipped his hat. "Pleased to meet ya. Refreshments sound great." He drew Rinoa to him again. "I still can't believe you're alive."

"We have a lot to talk about," Rinoa told him. "Come on, you can fill me in when we get back to Marianna's."

The two followed Marianna down a path through the woods until they reached her house. "Have a seat you two. I'll get us some cold beers."

"Oh, no," Rinoa protested. "I can't drink."

"Of course you can," Irvine said softly. "You're twenty-one, remember?"

"That's right," she murmured. "I'm still in the state of mind that I'm eighteen."

He patted her arm reassuringly. "It will take time, Rin. You've been unconscious for three years. Give yourself a break." 

Rinoa nodded. "I want to hear about everyone. How are they? What have they been up to these past three years? Did Selphie finish rebuilding Trabia Garden? I hope she wasn't too mad that I wasn't able to make it."

Marianna walked back into the room. "Here we go," she said as she handed them their beers. "I'll leave you to catch up. If you need me, I'll be outside in the garden."  
As soon as Marianna left, Rinoa turned expectantly to Irvine. "So, are you going to fill me in?"

He sighed. "Where do I begin?" Taking a deep breath, he began to speak. "Well, Zell has basically been the same. He's been dating that girl from the library, Carrie. Other than that, he's pretty much the same old Zell that you remember."

Rinoa smiled. "It's comforting to know that some things don't change. I'm so glad that he asked Carrie out. I tried to convince him to before I left."

Irvine nodded. "You encouraged him to make the move. He was crushed when he learned of your death. We all were, Rinoa. It was then that he decided to really take your words to heart."

"Well, I'm just glad he's happy. What about Selphie?"

"She...she changed a lot. When she found out that you had died, she blamed herself. Said that if she hadn't asked you to help rebuild Trabia Garden, then you never would have been in that crash."

Rinoa's eyes widened. "How could she possibly think that? The crash _was not_ her fault. It would have happened whether I had been going to Trabia or not."

Irvine was surprised. "What do you mean?"

"Irvine, the crash was no accident. Nida took the Ragnarok down hoping he would kill me."

"What? Rinoa, _what_ are you talking about?"

She sighed. "He told me that he wanted me dead because of what I am...a sorceress. He said that I needed to be stopped at any cost, so he took us down. Did he um...?"

"Survive?" Irvine shook his head. "His DNA was identified. It looks like Nida's plan backfired. I always knew there was something suspicious about him."

Rinoa agreed. "Please, continue. How is Selphie doing now? Surely she can't still be blaming herself."

"Unfortunately, she's doing just that. She went back to Trabia after your funeral and I haven't spoken to her since. She refuses to have any contact with me. Says she can't deal with anyone being around her."

Rinoa's eyes welled up with tears. "I'm so sorry, Irvine. This is all my fault."

Irvine gave her a stern look. "Now don't you go blaming yourself, too. It's not your fault, Rinoa. If you need to blame someone, then blame that bastard Nida."

"I know," she said quietly. "I just wish there had been something I could do." She shook her head. "How about Quistis? I'm sure she's found herself a boyfriend by now."

Irvine suddenly turned cold. Putting on a fake smile, he said, "You're right, she has. It's a lot more serious, though. She just got married."

Rinoa grinned. "Married? Wow! I wish I could have been there to see the wedding. So who did she marry? Anyone I know?"

Irvine swallowed nervously. "No, not anyone you know." _Just Squall, the man you're madly in love with._ "His name is Brad. Quistis met him in Dollet or something. They're actually on their honeymoon right now."

"I'm so happy for her!" she said genuinely. "I know it was hard for her when Squall and I got together, but she never let it get in the way of our friendship. I'm so glad that she finally found the right guy for her."

"Yeah, we were really happy for her," Irvine lied. He didn't have the heart to tell her that the person Quistis had actually married was Squall. _There's plenty of time for that later._

"Tell me about Squall," she said softly. "Please tell me he's okay."

"He took your death pretty hard," Irvine admitted. "At first, he denied that you were really gone. Said that you couldn't be because he would _know_. He went with a search team to the crash site and found your necklace there. After that, he slowly began to admit to himself that you weren't coming back. To cope, he buried himself in his work in typical Squall fashion."

"When I called, you said that Squall was on a mission. Please don't tell me that he has been going on missions in hopes of..." She couldn't bring herself to finish.

"No, no," he assured her. "Well, at first, maybe. But he's healing, Rinoa. Slowly, but surely. The mission he's on is just some routine thing in Dollet."

Rinoa nodded. "I can't wait to see him again. I just want to hold him and never let go." A solitary tear rolled down her cheek.

"Hey, don't cry. Everything is going to work out fine. You'll see."

Rinoa wiped at her tear-filled eyes. "I know. I just miss him." She rolled her eyes. "You probably think I'm really pathetic, huh? You haven't told me how _you've_ been these past three years. Not getting into too much trouble with the ladies, I hope?"

He shrugged. "Nah. To tell you the truth, I was never really able to get over Selphie. I tried, but...no one ever came close to her." He smiled wistfully. "I guess we're both depressed over the state of our love lives."

"It's worse for you, though, because Squall and I never really broke up. Listen, Irvine, maybe I can get through to Selphie once I get back. I'm sure that she still loves you."

"I don't know. She's really changed, Rin. Besides, you have enough to deal with." _More than you could ever imagine._

"Still, once things settle down, I'll definitely talk to her. There is so much that I want to tell her." She sighed. "I wish I could be home now."

"You'll be there soon," he assured her. "Come here," he said as he hugged her close to him. "Just be strong."

"I will," she said sleepily. "Thank you, Irvine. You didn't have to come and get me, but you did anyway."

"My pleasure, Rin. My pleasure."

******************************************************************************************

Xu sat at the commander's desk, looking over the stacks of paperwork that rested there. She didn't know how Squall could handle the work; it was a challenge for _her_. _I have to give him credit. No wonder he's rarely out of this room._ The phone rang, making her jump.

"Hello, Balamb Garden," she greeted.

_"Xu? It's Squall. Where's Irvine?"_

"Irvine? He left on a mission yesterday. I'm in charge while he's gone."

From the other end of the line, Squall narrowed his eyes. _"What kind of mission? I left him, not you, in charge, Xu."_

Xu rolled her eyes. "He said that the matter was urgent. With all due respect, Sir, things have been running smoothly from this end. I am more than capable of handling Garden matters."

Squall sighed. _"When will he be back?"_

"He didn't say. Like I said, the matter was urgent and he had to leave as soon as possible."

_"God damn it!" _he swore. _"This is unacceptable! I trusted him to be responsible for Garden, and he just leaves without a second thought?!"_

"I'm sure he wouldn't have left unless it was of the utmost importance," she assured him calmly.

_"Listen, Xu, I'm going to trust you for now. The second Irvine comes back, I want you to contact me. Understand?"_

"Yes, Sir! Enjoy the rest of your honeymoon!" She was answered by a dial tone. Sighing, she just shook her head. That was typical Squall for you. 

******************************************************************************************

"Honey, what's the matter?" Quistis asked as she heard her husband slam down the phone.

"You're never going to believe this. Irvine left Garden on some supposed mission, and there is no way to track him down. He left Xu in charge."

Quistis frowned. "Is that such a bad thing? I've known Xu for a long time, Squall. She knows what she's doing."

"My problem isn't with Xu, Quistis. The problem is that Irvine left Garden without a second thought towards his responsibilities. With the two of us gone, and now Irvine, Garden is in a vulnerable position."

"Don't you think you're being a little too hard on him? I'm sure that he had a justifiable reason for going. Besides, if I recall, you did the same thing not so long ago."

Squall narrowed his eyes. "What are you getting at?"

"You neglected your duties toward Garden before, too, Squall. After the accident, you left without a second word to go search for Rinoa. You weren't even going to tell me, remember? If I hadn't found you..."

"Leave Rinoa out of this," he growled. "That situation was entirely different."

"I don't think it was," she said gently. "All I'm saying is, don't blame Irvine for something he had no control over."

Squall reached out for Quistis, turning her so that she was looking directly into his eyes. "Control?" His voice was a deadly whisper. "I hate to break it to you, but there is no such thing. Not in the sense you're talking about, anyway." That said, he walked out of the room, slamming the door behind him."

******************************************************************************************

Irvine stared at the sleeping woman in his arms. He had always thought that Rinoa was beautiful, but seeing her there, sleeping peacefully, he felt his heart ache for her. "No wonder Squall was so reluctant to give up on you," he whispered. "I should have told you the truth, but...I just can't see you upset again."

At that point, Marianna walked into the room. "Ah, she's sleeping. Good. The poor girl has had a long day."

Irvine sighed. "She doesn't know the half of it."

Marianna took a seat across from him. "What do you mean?"

Irvine glanced at Rinoa, making sure she was still sleeping. "I...wasn't exactly honest with her. She's had so much heartache...I just couldn't add to that."

"This has to do with Squall, doesn't it?" Marianna asked sadly.

Irvine looked up sharply. "How do you know about Squall?"

"Rinoa told me about him. Squall...the love of her life. Just earlier, she was telling me how anxious she is to see him. I just had a bad feeling about it, though."

Irvine nodded. "Squall got married the day before Rinoa called me. To make matters worse, the person he married was one of Rinoa's best friends. How could I tell her? She would be devastated." He absently tucked a piece of hair behind her ear.

"Squall," she murmured, still asleep.

Marianna looked at the girl sadly. "What do you plan on doing? You can't keep it from her forever."

Irvine nodded. "I know. She needs some time to adjust before I tell her. Besides, Squall will be away on his honeymoon for at least another two weeks. That gives me some time to figure things out."

"You care about her, don't you?" Marianna asked. "I mean, you really _care_."

"Yeah," he said quietly. "Yeah, I really do."

"Take care of her, Irvine. She's going to need someone to be there for her."

"I know," he said. "I would never hurt her. Never."

~*~


	12. Chapter Twelve

Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy VIII….

Author's Note: I know you all want to see some Squall/Rinoa interaction. I promise, that will be coming up _very_ soon, so hang in there! Thanks for all of your support and feedback!

To Love You More

Chapter Twelve

**__**

"I'm finding my way back to you

And everything that used to be

And waiting is all that I can do

Until you find your way back to me."

-"Find Your Way Back" ~ Michelle Branch

Squall sat on a park bench, silently watching the people passing by. Couples strolling hand in hand, families, children playing happily. Would he be happy like that one day? He sure as hell was supposed to be. He had a beautiful, intelligent wife and a promising career. Maybe someday he'd have a couple of kids to go along with it. The perfect life, huh? Then why didn't it feel perfect? Did he even want kids? He had always felt intimidated by children, but Rinoa had made it clear that she wanted at least one.

_Squall and Rinoa were in his dorm. Squall was sitting on the couch and Rinoa had her head resting in his lap. Her eyes were closed and both were silent, each simply enjoying each other's presence. _

"Squall?" she murmured after awhile.

"Yeah?"  
"Do you, um…do you think I'll ever be able to have children?"

He frowned. "Rinoa, you know the chances of having children aren't exactly high."

"Yeah, but…there's always hope, right? Just because no other sorceress has ever had children doesn't mean I won't."

He heard the uncertainty in her voice. "Yeah," he said. "There's always a chance."

Rinoa sighed. "In other words, it's wishful thinking, but that's all it is. It's not a reality, is it?"

Squall felt his heart wrench at the sound of defeat in her voice. "Rinoa, look at me," he demanded. She reluctantly sat up. "I don't care what the world says, or what the chances are. You're going to have children. **We're **going to have children."

Her eyes widened. "W-what?"

"You heard me," he said quietly.

"I just…never thought I'd hear you say those words. I thought you didn't want children."

He sighed. "It's not that I don't want them. I just don't think I'm ready for them yet. Look at me,

Rinoa. What kind of father would I make?"

"A wonderful one," she said firmly. "Squall, I know what you're like. You don't give yourself half the credit you deserve." She touched his face gently. "I love you, Squall. One day, we'll have our family. But right now, I just want you to hold me, okay?"

Squall obliged, gently placing his arms around her. "I don't deserve you. I-"

She silenced him with a kiss.

Seeing the excitement in her eyes as she had spoken of their future family completely erased his fears of being a father. Now, however, he would never have that opportunity. At least, not with Rinoa. Quistis had never mentioned whether or not she wanted kids. He supposed that she must like them since she was an instructor and everything. Although most of her students were either pre-teens or older. He figured that he'd have to broach the subject sometime, but if he had anything to do with it, that sometime would be a long way off.

He felt the presence of someone beside him on the bench, and automatically stiffened up. He had never been one to understand why random people sat down next to strangers. Didn't anyone know the meaning of wanting to be alone? Squall silently hoped that the person next to him wasn't elderly. They were always the ones that seemed to engage in conversations with anyone. He supposed that they were just lonely, but he had been lonely for almost his whole life. Come to think of it, the only time he hadn't felt alone was when Rinoa had been by his side. Did he feel alone now? Yes and no. There would always be a lonely, empty feeling when it came to Rinoa.

"Are you going to ignore me all day, Squall?"

Squall looked up abruptly and turned towards the person who had sat down next to him. "How did you find me here, Quistis?"

"Call it a hunch." Seeing Squall's skeptical look, she threw up her hands and said. "Okay, okay! Our hotel room overlooks this park and I saw you walk over."

"So you felt the need to baby-sit me?" he asked irritably.

Quistis took a deep, calming breath. "Squall, that was not my intention, and you know it. To put it mildly, I'm worried about you. I just feel like you've been preoccupied ever since we got married. You've snapped at me and Xu, you've been distant…I don't know what to make of any of it. Are you…unhappy that you married me?"

Squall sighed. "Quistis, I'm sorry. I've been taking things out on other people, you especially. I had no right to."

"You didn't answer my question, Squall. Are you unhappy that you married me?" she asked quietly.

He shook his head. "No, I'm not unhappy. There's just been a lot to take in. Do you understand?"

"Yes, Squall, I do. You know you can talk to me, right? You can tell me anything. I don't want to se you unhappy."

"I know. Believe me, I know. Thank you for caring." He extended his hand. "Do you want to grab a bite to eat?"

Quistis smiled, placing her hand in his outstretched one. "I'd love to."

******************************************************************************************

Rinoa watched the sun rise from the cozy spare room she had spent the night in. Marianna had been more than generous in letting both her and Irvine spend the night. With a sudden tightening in her throat, she realized just how much she was going to miss the older woman. Although she hadn't known Marianna long, well, consciously anyway, she felt a real bond with her. There was something so familiar and comforting about her. It greatly reminded Rinoa of Edea, whom she had grown close to before the accident.

She sighed wistfully. There were so many people who still thought she was dead. People that she loved and missed terribly. It was at that moment that Rinoa knew that she would not be spending another night in Zuwang. As much as she had grown fond of everyone there, she needed to go home. Being there just didn't feel right knowing that people took her for dead.

Creeping out of the room so she wouldn't wake Marianna or her family, she entered the living room. Irvine was asleep on the couch, lightly snoring. Rinoa giggled to herself, thankful that Squall had never snored. At the thought of him, Rinoa's chest constricted tightly. God, how she missed him! She just wanted to hold him tightly and never let go. Just like she had told him on the Ragnarok so long ago, she needed to know that she was alive. She would make Squall convince her of that a thousand times over.

From his place on the couch, Irvine stirred, mumbling something incoherently. Rinoa smiled to herself and walked the remainder of the way to the front door. She wanted to go for a walk before the others awakened. If she was lucky, she wouldn't get lost. Silently exiting the house, she stepped out into the fresh air with a sigh of relief. As much as she appreciated Marianna's generosity, the confines of the house had been driving her crazy. She finally understood what Squall meant when he talked about hating having too much time to think.

As Rinoa walked down the forest path, her head was swimming with thoughts of him. She felt pathetic, missing him so much, but three years of her life had been robbed from right under her. Although she needed to know that she was alive, Rinoa suspected that Squall would need to know just as much. It made her wonder…had he given up all hope of her returning? In her heart, she wanted to believe that he hadn't. After all, wasn't their bond so strong that he could sense that she was alive? Still, she had the strange sense that Irvine was keeping something from her.

_It's been three years, Rinoa._ She scolded herself. She was a fool for thinking that way. Life wasn't some big romantic fantasy, not matter how much she wanted it to be. In actuality, Squall could have forgotten about her completely. That thought alone made Rinoa stop dead in her tracks. Could he have done that? Could he have possibly erased the time that they had shared? It had been the best time of her life, and up until that moment, she thought that he had felt the same. _You're being ridiculous, as usual. Stop analyzing everything. You won't know anything until you see him for yourself. _That thought made her certain that she needed to get back. Maybe the reason part of her was so reluctant to go back was because of her fear. Fear that Squall would have stopped loving her.

"Rinoa, is that you?"

Rinoa looked up at her speaker. "Leanne!" she exclaimed. "Yes, it's me." She walked over to the woman whose care she had been under for the past three years.

"I see that you're an early riser, as well," she commented, her blue eyes twinkling. "What are you doing up and about at this time?"

Rinoa shrugged. "I needed to clear my head, so I figured an early morning walk could do the trick. Unfortunately, it's seemed to result in my thoughts increasing."

Leanne smiled sympathetically. "Well, I can definitely say that I've been where you are. Not literally, of course, but I understand. I've spent many restless nights due to my 'wandering thoughts.' Have you talked to Marianna about it?"

"Marianna has been great, but I hate to keep burdening her. I feel like I've spent the whole time here dumping all of my problems on her. She's already done so much for me...I don't want to burden her anymore."

Leanne laughed. "Believe me, it's not a burden. Marianna has adored you since the day you washed up on our shores. Trust me, she loves hearing about your life and where you come from."

"Well, it's definitely been nice to have someone to talk to. It's so sad that I have to say goodbye to all of you so soon."

Leanne frowned. "Have you decided when you will be leaving with your friend?"

Rinoa nodded. "I know you would have liked to hear more about the outside world, but I need to get home. I miss everyone too much to linger here any longer. That's why I plan on leaving this morning."

Leanne shook her head firmly. "No, Rinoa. I'm afraid that is not possible."

Rinoa stared at her in shock. "Excuse me?"

******************************************************************************************

Quistis stared at the ceiling of the hotel room. She subconsciously traced circles on the palm of Squall's hand as she thought about what he had said to her earlier at the restaurant. Things had been going great, until his job, once again, had overruled her.

_Squall and Quistis sat in a cozy cafe overlooking Dollet Harbor. Quistis was in an extremely happy mood. Squall was finally acting like this was their honeymoon. From across the table, he squeezed her hand affectionately. Quistis smiled, feeling like everything was finally fitting into place. For once, life seemed to be working out for her._

"Squall, I just want to say thank you. I know that today hasn't been easy for you."

He shrugged. "I haven't been fair to you, Quistis. I was acting like a real jerk, and I see that now. I have to stop thinking about the past and focus on our future."

"Our future?" she murmured, loving the sound of it. "Squall, I love you so much."

He simply nodded. "Now, I'm going to tell you something you're not going to like."

Quistis grimaced. "I knew this was too good to be true."

"What I'm about to say has absolutely nothing to do with you." He took a deep breath. "I think we should go back to Garden early."

"Early? How early is early?"

Squall looked away uncomfortably. "We leave in five days."

"What?" she asked, shocked. "Squall, what about our honeymoon? We were supposed to be here for at least two weeks, maybe even three."

"I'll find a way to make it up to you. I'm sorry, Quistis, but Garden needs us. We can't throw that responsibility out the window. Isn't that what you're always saying?"

Quistis reluctantly nodded. "Yes, but I never thought that would mean abandoning our honeymoon after a week."

Squall's jaw was set, a sure sign that he wasn't going to back down. "We can always go on another vacation. Right now, this is more important."

Quistis nodded. "You're right, Squall. As much as I am disappointed, you are right."

"I'm glad you understand. Like I said, we leave in five days."

So that was that. There was no arguing with Squall once he made us his mind. Besides, Quistis knew it was the right thing to do. Garden was vulnerable without them and Irvine there. They would be leaving in five days time. Quistis sighed wearily, feeling a headache coming on. Leave it to Squall to feel a responsibility to Garden _now_ of all times.

~*~


	13. Chapter Thirteen

Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy VIII....

Author's Note: Woo-hoo, I'm on a roll! Updates two weeks in a row! Of course, instead of writing this chapter I was supposed to be writing my eight page history paper, but I figured that this was more important ^_^ Consider this my Easter gift to all of you. Happy Easter!

To Love You More

Chapter Thirteen

"What?" Rinoa asked in disbelief. "What do you mean I can't leave?"

Leanne smiled. "Relax! I only meant that you couldn't leave _today_. It's really important that you don't."

Rinoa frowned. "I don't understand. Do you need to run some more medical tests? Is that why I can't leave?"

Leanne shook her head. "No, nothing like that. All of your tests turned out fine. You're perfectly healthy, Rinoa."

"If I'm fine, then why can't I leave?" she demanded.

"I can't tell you. I'm sorry, but you're just going to have to trust me."

Rinoa took a deep breath, trying to calm herself down. "I've had no reason not to trust you so far, Leanne. It's just...you're really freaking me out. I just want to go home and see my friends. I thought you understood that."

"I do," she assured her. "Believe me, Rinoa, this is not something bad. You can leave tomorrow, can't you? One more day won't make a very big difference. It would really mean a lot to us, especially Marianna, if you stayed. Please?"

Rinoa sighed. "Okay. If it really means that much, then I'll stay. One extra day, that's it."

Leanne nodded. "Wonderful! I promise, you won't regret this. Now, why don't you return to Marianna's house? I'm sure she has been wondering where you disappeared to."

Rinoa agreed and said goodbye to Leanne. As she walked back to Marianna's house, she pondered what on Earth was so important that she couldn't leave. The people of Zuwang had been more than hospitable to her. Could they have a reason to hate her? But why? The only reason Rinoa could come up with was her being a sorceress. However, as far as she knew, none of them knew that. Maybe she was overanalyzing the whole situation. Like she had said, Leanne hadn't given Rinoa any reason not to trust her. She really didn't have a justifiable reason to be suspicious.

Sighing to herself, she once again entered Marianna's house. She silently hoped that the family was still asleep because she really didn't want to go through a round of questioning. The smell of something delicious wafted through the house, a sure sign that at least one person was awake. Irvine was also missing from his place on the couch.

"Rinoa," a voice called, sounding like Marianna's, "Is that you?"  
"Yes," she answered. "Are you in the kitchen?"  
"Uh-huh. I'm making bacon and eggs for breakfast. Do you like bacon and eggs?"

Smiling to herself, Rinoa entered the kitchen. Marianna was shuffling around the room busily. "Yes, bacon and eggs are fine."  
"So, where did you run off to this morning? I was beginning to think that you had left us."

Rinoa shrugged. "I just went for a walk. I, uh, saw Leanne."

"Oh?" Marianna said. "I suppose she told you that you couldn't leave."

Rinoa looked at her in surprise. "Yes, that's exactly what she told me."

Marianna chuckled. "That's Leanne for you. Making demands without telling you why." She shook her head. "Well, this was going to be a surprise, but...we're having a celebration in your honor tonight. That's why Leanne said you couldn't leave."

"A celebration? Really, there's no need for that."

"Oh, nonsense! You are a true survivor, Rinoa, and a real gift from Hyne. Do you think we would just let you go without any festivities? Obviously, you don't know how we operate in these parts."

Rinoa chuckled. "Obviously not. Okay then, this celebration sounds like it could actually be fun. Like I told Leanne, though, I can only stay for today. Tomorrow, I have to head home."

"I understand. You're anxious to see everyone again. I don't mean to be negative, but tell me this. What will you do if, when you return, things are not as you left them?"

Rinoa looked at her sadly. "I don't know. All I have to go by right now is what Irvine told me. I can't know for sure until I go back, right?"

"Of course. Just know...if things don't work out for you, you will always be welcome here."

"Thank you, Marianna," she said sincerely.

Just then, Irvine entered the kitchen. "Rinoa, you're up."

"Yup! So are you." She chuckled. "You seemed to be sleeping pretty heavily this morning."

He raised an eyebrow. "Are you making fun of me?"

She continued to laugh. "No, of course not!"

"Well," he said as he approached her, "I don't quite believe you."

"Irvine, it's not my fault that I find your snoring amusing!" she grinned.

He shook his head. "Well, it looks like you're asking for payback."

"Oh, really?"

"Yes." With one quick motion, Irvine grabbed Rinoa and began to tickle her mercilessly.

"Ah, Irvine!" she exclaimed. "Stop! That tickles!"

"Are you going to take back what you said about my snoring?"

"Nope!"

Marianna smiled sadly as she watched the two of them. Things were about to get even more complicated.

******************************************************************************************

Meanwhile, in Dollet, Squall and Quistis were enjoying a relaxing day at the beach. The weather was beautiful and the salty smell of the ocean, mixed with the warm breeze, was lulling them both to sleep. Quistis, in that moment, felt pure bliss. It was a feeling she had yearned for ever since she had met Squall, so long ago. Although she had hoped and dreamed that they would one day be together, she had never imagined that it was a possibility. It was funny how things turned out sometimes.

Rolling over to her side, Quistis propped herself up on one elbow. She studied her husband's face, a smile gracing her features as she did so. Squall's eyes were closed, his mouth slightly open. His face was relaxed and serene, something so rare to see in him. The slight breeze blew a single strand of his silky brown hair across his face. Quistis didn't want to disturb him, but she couldn't help but brush back the stray piece of hair and then lean over and kiss his soft lips.

Squall smiled and opened his eyes. "I was wondering when you would do that."  
Quistis stared at him in surprise. "You knew I was watching you?"

He shrugged. "What do you think?"

"I think..." she put on an air of mock concentration, "That I have underestimated your sixth sense."

He raised an eyebrow. "My sixth sense?"

She smiled. "Forget it. Maybe you've just always had a knack for sensing things. Anyway, you owe me a swim."

He shook his head. "Oh no, definitely not. You know that I don't swim."

"Well," she said as she grabbed his hand, "There's a first time for everything."

Squall suddenly had an extreme sense of deja vu, involving a certain brunette at a certain inauguration party. Shaking his head again, he pulled his hand away. "Sorry, I just don't feel like swimming."

Quistis nodded, quickly masking the sadness and disappointment in her eyes. "Okay, I don't want to force you. I guess I'll go swimming by myself." Trying to make light of what had just transpired, she added, "Now don't go running off with any half-naked women while I'm gone."

He forced a smile and waved half-heartedly as she walked away in her red bikini. Any man would be attracted to her, that was undeniable. Squall wasn't oblivious to the appreciative glances the other men were throwing her way. They should have bothered him; make him want to beat them to a bloody pulp. However, he really didn't feel anything as he simply sat there, feeling dejected.

_Nice going, Leonhart. You messed up yet again. _Honestly, he had pretty much decided that he would go swimming with Quistis. That was, until the memory of _her_ had taken over. The truth was, her memory was everywhere. Even there, on that beach, where they had never been together. Squall had tried, so many times, to bury the ghosts of his past. No matter what he did, however, they always seemed to resurface. What were you supposed to do when you looked right through the eyes of your wife, and into the eyes of a dead woman?

******************************************************************************************

Rinoa stared at her reflection in the floor length mirror. Once again, Marianna had demonstrated her kindness by purchasing a dress for her to wear to the celebration. It was a beautiful sky blue gown, made of pure silk. The dress clung to her every curve and had a plunging neckline that would make any girl blush. Unfortunately, the one person that she wanted to see her in the dress would not be attending the festivities. There was a knock at the door, and for a split second, Rinoa was transported back in time to all the times when Squall had come knocking on her door, waiting to escort her to various events.

Taking a deep breath, Rinoa opened the door. Irvine stood there, wearing a dashing black suit, and his trademark hat. "Wow, you clean up nice," she said appreciatively.

The cowboy grinned. "I could say the same for you. Although you look great no matter what you're wearing."

Rinoa's cheeks turned a slight pink, but she quickly composed herself. "Ever the flirt, I see."

Irvine chuckled. "Did you think otherwise?"

Rinoa shrugged. "If I did, I was obviously wrong." She decided to change the subject. "So, what has Marianna told you about this celebration she's having?"

"Sorry, I can't tell you," he said, his eyes twinkling.

She rolled her eyes. "Of course you can't, since everyone feels the need to keep things from me." She threw up her hands in defeat. "Come on, lets just go. I'm sure everyone is waiting for us."

He nodded, not wanting to fight with her. "Have fun tonight, Rinoa," he said quietly. "Enjoy it while you can."

Rinoa frowned, puzzled by his words. She had no time to decipher their meaning as Marianna came sweeping into the room, dressed in a dark purple gown. "Oh, look at you two!" she exclaimed. "You look stunning! Wait until everyone else sees you!"

They both looked away, embarrassed. "We were just about to get going," Rinoa told the older woman.

Marianna clapped her hands excitingly, much resembling Alanna, who had just bounced into the room wearing a pale pink dress. "Wonderful! Everyone is ready! Let's go!" 

Marianna's husband met them at the foot of the stairs, also wearing a black suit. The five of them exited the house, walking the short distance down the street to where the celebration was taking place. Lanterns and colorful streamers lined the path that led up to over three dozen tables where the guests would sit. Rinoa took a seat between Marianna and Irvine, who had Leanne seated to the left of him. As everyone quieted down, Marianna stood up to make a speech.

"I would just like to take this time to say what an honor and blessing it has been to be in the presence of Rinoa Heartilly for the past three years. Rinoa came to us in the most dire circumstances, and her strength and will prevailed in the end. After spending three years in a coma, I am happy to say that Rinoa has made a one hundred percent recovery. Tomorrow, she will be leaving us to go back to the life she has been without for all this time. I will sincerely miss this girl, who, through these few years, remained something constant in my life. I am proud to say that Rinoa is my friend and I truly believe that she was a gift from Hyne. So, Rinoa, here's a toast to you, and to everything you have showed us. To Rinoa!"

Every person's glass was raised as shouts were heard from all around. "To Rinoa!"

~*~ 


	14. Chapter Fourteen

Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy VIII....

Author's Note: Alright guys, I hope the end of this chapter satisfies you. Just please don't hurt me too badly for ending this chapter where I did. Also, for those of you who have been following my other current FF8 fic, Azure Sky, I just want to let you know that it is currently on the backburner. I have decided to dedicate all of my time to this fic for now. Once I am finished with this, I will pick up Azure Sky again. That's all. Please review!

To Love You More

Chapter Fourteen

Rinoa stood by Irvine before the people of Zuwang. She shielded her eyes from the bright glare of the sun, and took a deep breath. Irvine was all packed and everything was loaded into the airship. Rinoa had very few belongings, most of them gifts from Marianna and Leanne. She was going to miss the both of them terribly.

"Rinoa," Marianna said as she walked up to her. "I...don't know what to say."

The young woman smiled gently. "You don't need to say anything, Marianna."

Marianna's eyes filled with tears. "I'm really going to miss you, dear. You'll keep in touch, won't you? Who knows, maybe someday I will even be able to come and visit."

"That would be wonderful," Rinoa said, holding back tears of her own. "I don't know how I can ever thank you for everything you have done."

Marianna hugged her tightly. "You don't have to thank me. Be strong, Rinoa. Never lose that incredible spirit of yours. We all love you."

Nodding, Rinoa slowly pulled away. "Thank you, Marianna. I'm going to miss you so much." She turned to Alanna. "You, too, kiddo. Thanks for finding me in the first place."

Alanna smiled happily. "You're welcome! Bye Rinoa!"

"Leanne," she turned to the person whose care she had been in for the past three years. "Thank you so much for treating me these past years. I doubt that I would be alive right now if it wasn't for you."

Leanne smiled at her reassuringly. "It was my pleasure. You were one of my best patients." She gave her a quick hug. "Goodbye, Rinoa."

"Goodbye." She walked over to Irvine. "I'm ready."

He nodded. "Thank you all for taking care of my friend." He tipped his hat. "I'm sure this isn't the last time that we'll be seeing each other."

"Goodbye," Rinoa called with one final wave as she followed Irvine into the airship.

Once inside, he let out a sigh of relief. "Man, I'm glad that's over with. It looks like the whole damn city showed up to see you off."

Rinoa smiled faintly. "I barely even know them. They've known me for three years, yet I've known them for days." She shook her head. "I will miss Marianna and Leanne, though."

Irvine nodded. "We better start this baby up before these folks change their minds and decide that you can't leave after all."

Rinoa rolled her eyes. "Like that's really going to happen. Go start this up, though. I'm anxious to get home."

"Sure thing. After that, I can give you a tour of this place. It's actually pretty similar to how the Ragnarok was."

She involuntarily shuddered at the memory that the former airship brought up. "Yeah," she said absently. "I'd like that."

"The control room is just up ahead," he said, gesturing to a door down the hall. "You coming?"

Rinoa nodded and followed him down the hall. The control room _was _pretty similar to that of the Ragnarok's. It was a medium sized room containing four seats. The look of everything was so like the Ragnarok that a new wave of bottled up emotions hit her head on; both good and bad. "Um, Irvine? Do you think I could take a rain check on that tour? I'm actually not feeling that well."

Irvine nodded from his place in the pilot's seat. "Hold on a second, and I'll have this baby up and running."

The engine rumbled to life and, seconds later, lifted up off the ground and into the air. Rinoa watched from the window as Zuwang faded beneath them. "I wonder if I'll ever go back there..." she murmured.

Irvine came up behind her. "Well, the ship's on autopilot. We'll be back at Balamb Garden before you know it."

Rinoa swallowed nervously. "I have to admit that that thought makes me nervous."

"I don't blame you," he told her softly. "Don't think about it right now, though. You said you wanted to rest, right? I'll show you to a room." Rinoa followed him down the hall silently, until they reached a single door. "Here you are."

"Thank you," she said. She was just about to open the door when she turned around suddenly. "Irvine?"

"Yeah," he said as he faced her.

"Don't take this the wrong way, but...you're more mature than I remember."

He shrugged. "We all grew up after we found out you died. There...didn't seem to be a reason to act immature." He sighed. "We were dealt a cruel stroke of fate, and that had a strong impact on all of us."

Rinoa took a deep breath. "There's...something you're not telling me about Squall, isn't there? You weren't just talking about yourself just now."

"Rinoa..." he looked at her seriously. "Things Just don't worry about them right now."

The sorceress frowned. "What do you mean by that? Irvine, what aren't you telling me?"

By then, Irvine had already walked back down the hall. "Get your rest, Rinoa," he hollered, silently adding, _You're going to need it._

Quistis hummed to herself absently as she tidied up their hotel room. They would be leaving in a few days, and their room was littered with clothes, makeup, and other various items. The blonde smiled to herself as she remembered just how most of those clothes had been discarded onto the floor. People would never know it by looking at him, but Squall was a very passionate lover. Especially when he felt like he needed to redeem himself.

From the bathroom behind her, Quistis heard the shower turn on. The thought of her naked husband was especially appealing that morning. Suddenly feeling extremely flirty, she made her way to the bathroom, shedding articles of clothing on the way. So much for cleaning up the room. She silently entered the bathroom and stopped to watch Squall's silhouette behind the shower curtain. Smirking, she pulled a corner of the curtain aside and slipped into the shower. Squall had his back to her and was completely oblivious to his wife's presence. Quistis couldn't stop herself from running her hands down his glistening back.

Squall tensed, but then turned around slowly. He smirked upon seeing his wife. "Did you plan on giving me a heart attack?"

Quistis shrugged. "Who else would be jumping into a shower with you?"

Squall raised an eyebrow. "Only you, apparently. So, was last night not enough for you?" he teased.

Quistis loved when he was like this; so open and inviting. "Have you ever been enough for me?" she whispered.

Squall cornered her so that they were mere inches apart. "You do realize that I'm never going to finish my shower if you're in here with me?"

"Yes, but technically it doesn't matter. It's not like we have anywhere to be."

"Leave it to you to throw logic out the window _now_." He began to trail kisses down her neck. "But you're right. We have all day." He let his hands roam down her body, making her shudder in pleasure.

"I've got a better idea," she said huskily. "Why don't we just forget about the shower all together?"

Squall captured her mouth in reply, kissing her fiercely. Then, without warning, he lifted her up into his arms and carried her out of the shower and back into the bedroom. There, they fell back onto the bed together, in a jumbled heap. Quistis took the lead, planting kisses all over his chest, stopping to nibble on his shoulder.

Just then, there was an urgent knock on the door. "Ignore it," Squall ordered as he resumed his assault on Quistis's mouth. However, the knocking persisted. Groaning, Squall rolled off the side of the bed, searching for his boxers. "Hold on," he called.

Quistis sighed as she pulled on a robe. Whoever was at the door had the absolute worst timing. She hoped that whoever it was would leave quickly so that her and Squall could finish what they had started.

Finally having put on some clothes, Squall answered the door. "What?" he demanded.

A boy, looking to be about eighteen, stood there. He shifted uncomfortably before making eye contact with the older man. "Are you Squall Leonhart?" he finally asked.

"Yes," he said impatiently.

"This is for you," he announced as he handed him a piece of paper. "It was just faxed to the front desk."

Squall took the paper from the boy's hand. "Is that all?"

"Yes, Sir."

Squall shook his head in annoyance and reentered the room. Quistis walked over to him, noticing the paper in his hand. "What's going on?" she asked.

Squall read over the paper silently and then cursed. "You're not going to like this."

"What is it?" she asked concernedly.

He sighed. "It's a fax from Garden. Xu has taken ill, so we're needed back at Garden immediately."

Quistis groaned. "Once Irvine gets back to Garden, remind me to kill him."

Irvine paced the length of the control room restlessly. Although he hadn't told her anything specific, Rinoa knew that something was up with Squall. He had intended to be honest with her from the beginning, but he saw how much Rinoa still loved Squall, and he couldn't bring himself to hurt her. Still, Rinoa wasn't stupid. She would find out the truth eventually. It would be better for everyone if they just sat down and discussed everything. _Stop being such a coward._

Sighing, Irvine sat down in one of passenger seats. He rubbed his forehead wearily. _Rinoa is right...I have grown up. I owe it to her to tell her the truth. I'll just wait until she wakes up. _He yawned loudly, finding that he could use some rest himself. Besides, it would be easier to talk to Rinoa after he had gotten come sleep. He closed his eyes, willing sleep to claim him. Perhaps subconsciously putting the truth further off.

As Irvine was falling asleep, Rinoa was just waking up. She had drifted to sleep for awhile, but her nerves had mostly kept her awake. She didn't know why she was so nervous, really. According to Irvine, Squall would be away on his mission for at least another week, probably two. Quistis was also away on a mission, and Selphie was in Trabia. That left Zell. Somehow, the thought of facing Zell was more of a comfort than an intimidation. She would have time to settle back into life at Garden before everyone else returned. By then, she would be more than ready to face them.

Feeling slightly better, Rinoa opened the door and walked over to the control room in search of Irvine. She found him asleep in one of the seats, once again snoring. She debated on whether or not she should wake him up. Glancing at the digital map on the control panel, she saw that they were practically in Balamb. Her eyes widened and she shook Irvine urgently.

Irvine's eyes shot open and he jumped out of his chair. "What's going on?!"

Rinoa couldn't stop herself from laughing at his reaction. "Hey, calm down. I'm just waking you up because we're just about in Balamb."

The cowboy grinned sheepishly. "Well, you didn't have to shake me so damn hard."

"You're right. Sorry about that."

"Listen, Rinoa, there's something I need to tell you before we land."

Rinoa held up her hand to silence him. "I know what you're going to say, Irvine. You don't need to. I'm sorry about earlier. I overreacted and jumped to conclusions. I know you would never lie to me."

Irvine felt a sharp pain at Rinoa's words. How was he supposed to tell her the truth now? "Rinoa, listen, I-"

"No, please don't," Rinoa said, cutting him off. "You don't need to explain yourself."

Irvine opened his mouth to say something else, when the airship suddenly began to descend. "We'll talk later. It looks like we're here."

Rinoa took a deep, steadying breath as the airship landed just outside of Balamb Garden. The doors opened, and she looked to Irvine for reassurance. "This is it," she said quietly.

Irvine nodded. "Yep, this is it."

Rinoa stepped out of the airship tentatively. She looked around, taking in the sight of Balamb Garden; her home. A sudden movement from the front steps caught her eye. Black clothes, brown shaggy hair... Even after three years, and from that distance, she knew him. She would know him anywhere. Her face breaking out into a grin, she ran down the steps as fast as lightening.

"Squall," she called as she caught up to him.

He turned around, his face turning completely white. "R-Rinoa?"


	15. Chapter Fifteen

Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy VIII….

Author's Note: Sorry for the delay everyone. I finally got over my writer's block this past Sunday and was able to finish this chapter on Monday. However, my computer had six viruses, so I couldn't type or post this until now. Thanks for the feedback!

To Love You More

Chapter Fifteen

**__**

"My lover's gone

I know that kiss will be my last

No more his song

The tune upon his lips has passed

I sing alone

While I watch the ocean

My lover's gone

No earthly ships will ever bring him home again

Bring him home again."

- "My Lover's Gone" Dido

Rinoa threw her arms around him in response, squeezing him tightly. She could only imagine what was running through his head as he tentatively mimicked her actions. They held each other then, as if afraid to let the other go. In that moment, it was as if no time had passed. It was simply the two of them, Squall and Rinoa, just how they had been. If only reality were as simple; as kind.

Squall was the first to pull away. He studied the face of the woman in front of him; the face that had haunted him for the past three years. His mouth couldn't even begin to form the myriad of questions running through his brain. It was impossible for her to be there, yet, she was. Part of him just wanted to scoop her up in his arms and never let her go again. The more logical part of his brain reminded him that three years _had _passed. To say that things had changed during that time would be an understatement. Still, she was so beautiful, so _alive_. He couldn't stop himself from reaching out and gently touching her face.

Rinoa closed her eyes, quietly taking in the touch and scent of the man she loved. It was all there, just how she remembered. Although, in her mind, their time apart had been less than a week, it truly felt like a decade. She never knew that it was possible to miss someone so much.

"Rinoa…" His voice was just above a whisper. "It's really you."

She nodded, holding back tears. "I'm here now. I missed you so much." She placed her hand over his.

"How?" he asked. "_How _is this possible?"

Rinoa absently rubbed his hand as she thought of where to start. Before she could speak, the cool touch of metal diverted her attention to Squall's left hand. What she saw made her gasp. A simple gold wedding band adorned his ring finger. "Squall," Rinoa began, dreading his answer, "Why are you wearing that ring?"

Squall instantly dropped her hand, diverting his eyes, as if suddenly broken from a trance. "We thought you were dead," he said hoarsely. "There was the crash…they said you didn't make it. I didn't want to believe them, but I found your necklace…"

"Squall," she repeated, her voice filled with pain, "Why are you wearing that wedding ring?"

"I…."

A female voice momentarily broke the tension between the two. "Squall, I've been looking everywhere for you! What took you so lon-" Quistis's voice faltered as she saw the woman in front of him. "W-what's going on?"

Rinoa could not even look at her in the face. All she saw was the ring around Quistis's finger. The same band that adorned Squall's finger. "It all makes sense now," she said quietly. "Why you were both away on a 'mission', why Irvine was acting so secretive." She looked at them, a mixture of hurt and disbelief filling her eyes. "You're married." Her face twisted in pain.

"Rinoa, I can explain," Squall began.

"No," she said, shaking her head. "No, please don't. It's all perfectly clear." Turning around, she quickly fled from the building, never once looking back.

Irvine paced the length of Squall's office nervously. After Rinoa had run off, Squall had immediately ordered Irvine to wait for him in his office. To put it mildly, the commander was less than pleased. Squall was never that friendly to begin with. Throw in the woman he loved reappearing after three years of being taken for dead, and things got pretty damn complicated. Yep, things weren't looking too good for the cowboy.

Irvine jumped as the door slammed behind him and heavy footsteps connected with the tile floor. "Sit," the commander barked.

He didn't need to be told twice, and quickly obliged. Experience had taught him that the best thing to do in these situations was to sit down and shut up. An angry Squall meant a dangerous Squall. Irvine silently braced himself for the attack he knew would come.

Squall took a seat at his desk, glaring daggers at him the whole time. "Would you like to tell me what the _hell _is going on?!"  
Irvine took a deep breath. "Well, Squall, it's a long story. Kinda funny, really."

"Do you see me laughing?" Squall demanded.

"Alright, just take it easy, man. I'll tell you everything." Irvine proceeded to tell him everything that had happened since Rinoa's call, up to the present time. He explained what he had told Rinoa, and what she had told him.

"So you figured that you could just bring her here without telling her anything? What the _fuck _were you thinking?!"

"I didn't want to hurt her, alright?! I knew she would be hurt by your marriage. You have to understand, she was in a coma for three years. She hasn't felt the time go by like we have."

"I can't believe this," Squall said as he wearily rubbed his forehead. "Rinoa's _alive_. She's been alive. I felt it, God dammit. I _knew _she wasn't gone. Now I've gone and fucked everything up."

Irvine was surprised to see Squall's sudden show of emotion. Not only that, but he actually seemed _lost _and _confused_. Was this really Squall Leonhart he was talking to? "I know I should have told you, but I didn't want to ruin things with you and Quistis."

Squall laughed bitterly. "That's a joke. This whole thing is a joke. What am I going to do? I can't just leave Quistis. Contrary to what you might think, I do care about my wife."

"Squall, no one is asking you to get divorced. You bet that Rinoa's hurting right now, it's inevitable. The least you could do is talk to her. Explain to her what happened while she was gone. She can't fault you for moving on."

"I failed her," Squall said quietly. "How can I face her, knowing that?"

"She doesn't think that you failed her, Squall. At least, not in the way you're thinking. You're never going to know how she feels unless you talk to her. You know Rinoa. She just wants to see you happy. Even if that means being with Quistis."

Squall shook his head. _That's just it. What if I'm **not **happy?_

Rinoa stood on the shore of Balamb Harbor, watching the waves slowly rolling onto the sand. She briefly wondered what it would be like to live in the ocean. It just seemed so…free. At least there, she could escape the harsh reality of life. It suddenly hit her then, how truly alone she was. Squall was _married_, but even worse than that, he was married to _Quistis_. She felt so betrayed by both of them. As afraid as she had been when she had woken up in Zuwang, she had still had the thought of Squall for comfort. Now, she didn't even have that.

What was she going to do? Where was she going to go? There was no pint in staying at Garden anymore. As selfish as it was, the thought of having to see Quistis and Squall together every day was unbearable. If she left, where would she go? Back to her father? No, she had sworn that she would never depend on him again. Zone and Watts? Could she stay with them? She supposed that it was a possibility, but they had their own lives now. Trabia Garden? Perhaps she could stay there with Selphie. Did she really want her there, though? Irvine had said that Selphie had really changed in the years she had been gone. Maybe she didn't want anything to do with her anymore. Or maybe Irvine had lied about the whole thing. She couldn't trust anyone anymore. The only other place she could think of was Zuwang. Marianna had told her to comeback anytime. However, did she really want to live there? So for away? Her emotions were conflicted.

Rinoa closed her eyes, taking in the salty smell of the harbor. She remembered the many times that Squall had taken her to that exact spot. Some of the best memories she had had taken place there. Shaking her head, she forced her mind to banish the thought. Those days were gone. Squall had his wife to think of now, not her. She felt horrible for how jealous she was being, but of all the things she had been worried about, Squall being married hadn't been one of them. Never mind his being married to one of her best friends. Ex-best friend now, she supposed.

"Rinoa" She turned around at the sound of her name being called.

She narrowed her eyes. "Go away, Irvine. I want to be alone."

"Hey, with that attitude, you'll turn yourself into Squall in no time."

"I'm serious," she snapped.

Sighing, the cowboy moved forward. "I can understand that you're mad at me. You have every right to be. Just…hear me out, okay?"

"No!" Rinoa exclaimed. "You're a real jerk, do you know that? How could you lie to me about something so _important_?"  
"I'm sorry," he said quietly. "If I could take it back, I would. I didn't want to hurt you, Rinoa. Telling you that Squall was married was a sure way to do just that."

"So keeping it from me was better?! Were you ever planning on telling me, or was this just some sick setup? Were you planning for me to stumble upon Squall and his _wife _accidentally? Huh, Irvine? Please explain, because I cannot even begin to understand how you could hurt me so badly."

"That was never my intent. I just wanted to give you some time to settle in before I told you. Please believe me." His voice was urgent.

Rinoa felt her resolve crumbling. She knew it wasn't Irvine who she was really mad at. "I know you probably had good intentions," she said quietly. "It's just…you lied to me, Squall and Quistis are married… There's no place for me here. I have no one."

"Don't say that. Just because Squall is married doesn't mean that he doesn't still care about you. You still have your friends, Rinoa. You still have me."

A single tear rolled down her cheek. "I don't know what to do. Nothing can go back to how it was. I feel like I've stepped into an alternate universe, not my _life_. I'm still waiting for everyone to jump out and scream 'Surprise!'" She shook her head sadly. "That's not going to happen. As much as I want it to be, this isn't a joke."

"It will be hard to adjust," he admitted. "You've been dealt a large blow. I know you're not one to give up, Rinoa. If you were, I doubt we'd be standing here right now. You beat death, for God's sake! You can beat this, too."  
"I don't think I can," she whispered. "Squall's married. He's _married_. I know I keep saying that, but my mind still can't process that. Marriage is forever. He's going to be with Quistis forever." More tears dripped down her cheeks. "I can't even hate her for it because she's my friend. Irvine, I know three years have gone by, but I never thought Squall would fall in love again so soon. Maybe he never loved me at all."

"That's bullshit," he said. "Squall loved you. You don't know how he was after he thought you died. Nobody could get through to him. We were afraid he was going to kill himself."

"Quistis saved him." Her voice was barely above a whisper. "She saved him from himself."

He nodded. "Something like that."

That was like a slap in the face. For someone to have done to Squall what Rinoa had originally done hurt more than any physical wounds. "Does he…" She took a deep breath. "Does he love her?"

"I don't know," he answered truthfully. "Only Squall can answer that."

She hated to admit it, but a small part of her felt relieved at Irvine's words. It was horribly selfish of her to feel that way, but who actually enjoys seeing the love of their life with someone else? "What now? I can't just go back to Garden."

"Why not? True, it would be uncomfortable at first, but if you gave it some time…"

She shook her head. "I can't. At least, not yet. I need to figure some things out first."  
"Okay," he agreed. "I'll have your things brought over to the Balamb Hotel. Will you at least agree to stay there?" She nodded. "Okay," he said again. Then, more seriously, "Can you forgive me?"

Again, Rinoa nodded. "Thank you."

Irvine was surprised. "For what?"

Her answer was simple. "For caring."


	16. Chapter Sixteen

Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy VIII….

Author's Note: I included a lot of Zell in this chapter because I feel like he's been pushed into the background lately. Also, if you want some Squall/Rinoa scenes, check out my newest songfic, Sympathy. It's definitely lighter than this and I think it will satisfy those of you that are feeling Squinoa deprived and want to take a break from all this angst! Thanks for your feedback, everyone. I honestly appreciate it.

To Love You More

Chapter Sixteen

Quistis sat at a lone table in the cafeteria, eating her lunch. A stack of papers were piled to her right; papers that she was supposed to be grading. However, she hadn't finished a single one. She had read the first essay three times already, but she hadn't retained a single fact that her top student, Meville Harris, had written. Every time she picked up the paper, her mind would wander to the events of the previous day. At first, she had thought that she had been imagining things. Seeing her husband with Rinoa brought back all of her old jealous feelings. For a minute, it had been Squall and Rinoa, everyone's favorite couple, with her looking on as the bystander. She had had to remind herself, multiple times, that Squall was married to _her_, not Rinoa.

Still, another part of Quistis was extremely disappointed in herself. Rinoa had been one of her closest friends. She should have been happy that she was back. Part of her sincerely was happy, but was still finding it hard to process that fact. It bothered her that she was still so bitter over Squall and Rinoa's relationship. When Rinoa had died, it had been horrible for them all. However, something good had come out of their grief, and that was her relationship with Squall. She wasn't about to just give him up. Not without a fight, anyway.

A shadow hung over Quistis, causing her to look up. It was Zell. "Hello," she said distractedly. "Feel free to join me. I could use some company."

Zell smiled sympathetically and sat down across from her. "I heard about Rinoa being back." He shook his head in disbelief. "I still can't believe it. It's crazy!"

Quistis nodded in agreement. "Yes, it is. Have you, uh, talked to her at all?"

Zell shook his head. "I haven't had the chance to yet. Irvine told me she's staying over at the Balamb Hotel. Maybe I'll go visit her later."

"Yes, I should probably go see her, too. Although I doubt she'll be very happy to see me. She didn't exactly take the news of Squall and I being married very well. She probably hates me."

Zell winced. "I heard about that, too. Of course she's going to be upset, Quistis, but hate?" He shook his head. "I doubt that Rinoa could ever hate you. Besides, she's not one to hold a grudge. Talking to her is probably the best thing you could do right now."

"Well," she said slowly, "I guess I know that it is. The right thing, I mean. It's just…well, it won't be easy."

"You're right, it won't, but you've gotta start somewhere. What's Squall got to say about all this?"

Quistis shrugged. "I wish I knew. I haven't seen him since our awkward reunion with Rinoa yesterday. He went straight to his office after that, and as far as I know, he's been there ever since. I tried talking to him, but he refuses to see anyone." She sighed. "I'm worried about him. I just wish he would talk to me."

"Give him time," Zell advised her. "You know how Squall is."

"I know," she said quietly. "I guess I'm just afraid that he'll go back to her. That everything we shared these past years meant nothing."

"I understand how you're feeling, Quis, but no one knows how Squall feels but himself. He'll talk to you when he's ready."

"She always knew how he felt."

Zell frowned. "Who? Rinoa?"

Quistis nodded. "She always knew. I'm his wife, Zell, and I barely know what he's thinking half the time. I _should_ know, but I don't."

"Hey, wait a minute. Now you're being way too hard on yourself. You're a good person, Quistis, and a great wife. No one is perfect."

"I, better than anyone, should know that. You think I would have learned my lesson by now."

Zell raised an eyebrow. "Lesson?"

The blonde shook her head. "No, it's nothing." She stood up, gathering her papers under an arm. "I really need to get to class. My students are probably back already. Thanks for listening, Zell."

Zell nodded and watched as she hurried out of the cafeteria. Shaking his head, he, too, stood up, feeling that now was as good a time as any to see Rinoa.

Irvine stared at the phone sitting on his desk; fighting a war with it, and himself. He knew what he should do, what he _had _to do. However, that didn't make doing it any easier. He hadn't spoken to Selphie in over three years. The last time he had seen her had been at Squall and Quistis's wedding, but, other than mumbled "hellos," they hadn't spoken to each other. Now, he had an obligation to call her. Selphie needed to know that Rinoa was alive. Sure, someone else could have probably told her, but, strange as it was, Irvine felt like he had to be the one to tell her. Looking at the phone now, it seemed to taunt him. _Pick me up. Pick me up._

Shaking his head, Irvine finally grabbed the dratted thing and dialed Selphie's number at Trabia Garden.

A female voice answered. _"Hello?"_

"Selphie?" Irvine asked.

_"No, this is Kristine Chambers. Selphie isn't available right now. May I ask who is calling?"  
_Irvine sighed. "It's Irvine Kinneas. What I have to tell Selphie is really important, Kristine. Are you sure she's not there?"

_"Positive," Kristine answered. "She just left this morning with one of the freshman classes. She's a teacher now, you know. Time for field duty," she chuckled._

"Did she go by herself?" Irvine tried to ask the question nonchalantly, but Kristine was able to pick up on it.

_"I believe that another instructor went with her, Mr. Overprotective. Would you like me to give her a message when she gets back?"_

"When will that be?"  
_"About a week," Kristine answered_. _"So, massage or not?"_

"Excuse me?"

_Kristine chuckled. "**Message**. You know I give the best massages, though."_

"You are impossible. Just tell her to call me as soon as she gets back. Tell her it's important. She knows I wouldn't be calling otherwise."

__

Kristine clucked her tongue. "Well, I don't know about that…"

In his office, Irvine rolled his eyes. "Just give her the damn message. Goodbye, Kristine."

_"Irvine, wait!" she exclaimed._

"Yes?" he asked, annoyed.

_"I haven't seen you in awhile. Maybe you can come down here sometime soon? My sister only has good things to say about you. All I hear about are those two dates you went on."_

"As much as I'd like to get, uh, reacquainted with you and Maya, I'm pretty busy here."

_Kristine sighed. "You're never going to get over Selphie, are you?"_

"I suppose you're just the person to help me do just that?"

_"I was talking about Maya, not myself!"_

Irvine chuckled. "We'll see. Goodbye, Kristine. Give my regards to your sister."

_"What a dog," she said_. However, he had already hung up.

"Just a minute!" Rinoa called as she pulled on a light purple t-shirt. She had slept in late, not bothering to shower until a little while ago. She had just about finished getting dressed when there was a knock on the door. Taking one last look at herself in the mirror and deciding she looked decent enough, she flung open the door. "Zell!" she exclaimed.

Zell stood there, grinning from ear to ear. "Well, are you just going to stand there, or are you going to give me a hug?"

Rinoa laughed as she hugged her friend tightly. "You haven't changed a bit!"

"Hey, you'd be surprised. I have a girlfriend now, you know."

"Yes, Carrie." She gestured for him to come in. "Irvine told me that you worked up the courage to ask her out."

"Yeah, thanks to you." He took a seat on a spare chair. "You were the one always telling me to go for it. Thank you for that, Rinoa."

She smiled. "You would have asked her eventually anyway."

He shrugged. "Maybe."

"Well, I really am happy for you, Zell. Any other changes with you that I should know about?"

"Let's see… Well, I'm an instructor now."

Rinoa raised her eyebrows. "You? An instructor?"

"Hey, don't look so surprised. I teach hand to hand combat. These fists of mine have come in handy over the years. I figured I should teach others how to defend themselves if they're ever in a situation where they don't have weapons or magic."

"Aw, that's really sweet Zell."

He shrugged. "That's it for me. Your turn."

Rinoa was surprised. "My turn? I'm sure Irvine's told you where I've been all this time."

Zell nodded. "He did, but that's not what I was talking about. I meant, how are you _now_? With, you know, everything."

Rinoa sighed. "You mean with Squall. Well, I can't say that I'm happy that he's married. Let alone to Quistis."

"I can't say I know what you're going through, but I can definitely listen. What's on your mind?"

She laughed halfheartedly. "It's more like what _isn't_ on my mind." She looked at her hands. "Zell, I don't even know how to describe how I feel. Crushed, maybe? That doesn't seem like a strong enough word. Nothing does. I honestly don't know what hurts more; knowing he's married, or knowing he's married to Quistis."

Zell nodded. "I can understand that. Just let me ask you something. Would you rather have had Squall marry someone you didn't know?"

Rinoa pondered that for a moment. "I don't know," she answered honestly. "I love Quistis, she's been such a great friend to me. I _want_ to be happy for her. It's just so hard to be. In a way, I suppose it's better that he married Quistis and not a stranger. He's known her all of his life. On the other hand, it hurts to know he didn't marry a stranger. Maybe it would be easier if I didn't know her. Then things wouldn't be so awkward between Quistis and me. I also feel like…maybe Squall loved her all along. Maybe he was never really in love with me."

"What do you think?" Zell asked quietly. "Do you think Squall never loved you?"

Rinoa shook her head. "No," she admitted. "But it doesn't matter what _I _think. It's Squall we're talking about."

"Rinoa, I know you're really upset, but listen to me. I know for a fact that Squall loved you."

The brunette frowned. "How can you be so sure?"  
"Just trust me. Squall loved you. In fact, I've never seen anyone love someone like he loved you."

"Loved," she repeated quietly. "Past tense. Squall loved me, but he loves Quistis. I guess that's how it's going to be from now on, huh? Looks like I'm just going to have to accept that." She forced herself to smile.

"If it makes you feel any better, Quistis is just as confused and upset as you are."

"Yeah, I'm sure she is." She sighed. "I can't blame her for falling in love."

"Listen, I'd better get going. If you need someone to talk to, just call me."

"Thanks, Zell. You know, you were wrong."

He frowned. "About what?"

"About changing. You _have_ changed. When did you become so wise?"  
He smiled. "It's in the genes. See ya, Rinoa."

"See you." She waved and then shut the door. Just as she was walking away. There was another knock on the door. "Zell, I know you're-" She stopped short as she saw who was standing there. It definitely wasn't Zell.

__


	17. Chapter Seventeen

Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy VIII....

Author's Note: Thank you all for the reviews! So...who was at the door? Well, you're just about to find out!

To Love You More

Chapter Seventeen

****

"Where is the feeling we used to know?

Where is the music that played?

What happened to the love that used to show?

Where did the feeling go?"

-"Where Did the Feeling Go" Selena

"Squall?" Rinoa asked in surprise. "What are you doing here?"

Squall ran a hand through his hair uncomfortably. "Can I come in?"

Rinoa nodded, stepping to the side and allowing him entrance to the room. He was the last person she had ever expected to see, yet there he was. "Um...have a seat," she said awkwardly.

The brunette shook his head. "I prefer to stand, if that's alright with you."

Rinoa shrugged. "It doesn't make any difference to me." She realized that they were skirting around the issue at hand. However, for once she wanted _him _to get to the point. He had come there for a reason, one that he would eventually have to tell her. As painful as that might be.

"So...how are you?" He winced as he realized what a stupid question that was.

Rinoa was tempted to shoot him an angry retort, but quickly composed herself. "Fine," she said coldly.

"Do you want to tell me the truth?"

"This is the truth, Squall. Take it however you want."

Squall sighed. "Rinoa, I don't want us to be like this."

"Like what, Squall?" she asked innocently.

"Like that! What you just did! You know that we have a lot to talk about. Can we at least try to be civil to each other?"

Rinoa folded her arms across her chest. "I'm not promising anything. Just say what you came to say, and then we can go our separate ways. I don't want to waste your time, Commander."

"God dammit, Rinoa! Will you just stop? I didn't come here to fight with you."

"Then why _did _you come?" she asked. "You still haven't told me."

"You ran off yesterday before I had a chance to talk to you. I haven't seen you in three years. Don't you think I at least deserve an explanation?"

"An explanation?" she asked incredulously. "As if you haven't already heard everything from Irvine. Tell me, Squall, did you think that I had intentionally left you?"

"Of course not, Rinoa. How could you even think that? You don't know what I went through after I thought you had died."

"Why don't you tell me?" Her voice was gentler than before.

He shrugged. "You don't need to hear about it." Laughing bitterly, he said, "I was completely fucked up back then."

"I don't believe that, Squall," she said quietly. "Please tell me. I think that I deserve to know."

Squall sighed once again and took a seat on the edge of the bed. "I'm sorry, Rinoa, but I can't. It was the worst and darkest time of my life. One that I would not like to relive. Can you understand that?"

Rinoa nodded. Yes, she understood, but it still saddened her that Squall wouldn't open up. Obviously, whatever they had previously shared was gone. "I understand, Squall. You needed someone to rely on, someone to save you. Quistis was that person."

"Rinoa..."

"No, let me finish. I've been selfish, Squall, and I know that. It was selfish and childish of me to run out on you yesterday. Like it or not, you're married now. To one of my best friends, no less." She quickly wiped at the tears that had begun to fill her eyes. "I'm happy for you, Squall. Three years is a long time, right? People can change in three years. We probably wouldn't even be together right now."

_But I was going to propose to you when you got back, _thought Squall. _If all had gone well, we would be married right now. _Squall shook his head. He couldn't possibly tell her that. "I'm not so sure that's true..."

It was Rinoa's turn to sigh. "Either way, there's no use dwelling on the past. That's why I think it would be better if I leave Balamb. I don't want to hang around here and serve as an unpleasant memory."

Squall shook his head. "You could never be that. Listen, why don't you come back to Garden? There's no need for you to leave."

"It's impossible for me to stay."

"Why? Give me one good reason, Rinoa."

"Quistis, for one. She doesn't need me around, butting into her life. Even after all this time, I still think of her as my friend."

"That's not a good reason. Come back to Garden, Rinoa. You can stay in your old room. I...I didn't have the heart to clear it out. Everything is still there. I...need you there."

Rinoa shook her head. "You don't need me anymore, Squall. You have your wife now."

"That's not relevant," he insisted. "I'll always need you, Rinoa, even as a friend."

Rinoa considered this for a moment. "Squall, are you sure about this?"

He nodded. "I don't want you to disappear from my life again. You're not my enemy, Rinoa."

_Even if you were the world's enemy... _"Okay, I'll admit it, I do miss Garden. I don't know how this is going to work, but I'll try. For you, I'll try."

"Thank you." He looked at her for a moment, his blue eyes piercing hers. "I never wanted to hurt you, you know."

She nodded. "I know, but you did." She winced. "I'm sorry...I didn't mean to say that. None of this is your fault. My accident wasn't your fault. But you blamed yourself anyway, didn't you?"  
Squall shrugged. "I guess you could say that."

Rinoa rolled her eyes. "I'll take that as a yes. Don't blame yourself anymore, please. Everything worked out, see." She plastered on a smile. "You deserve to be happy."

"So do you, Rinoa. I don't want to see you unhappy because of me."

"That's not the case. I'm alive, Squall. That is reason enough to be happy. Like I said, I was wrong to act the way I did. There was no reason for me to be upset with you."

Squall frowned. She seemed almost...too cheerful. "You're sure about this?"

She nodded. "As long as you're sure that you want me back at Garden."

"I do," he assured her.

"Okay then," she said uncertainly. "I guess it's final then."

"Yeah, I guess I'll see you later then. I'll have Irvine come and pick you up in an hour. Will that be okay?"

"That's fine." She opened the door for him. "Thanks for coming by. I'm, um, glad we got everything cleared up."

"Yeah..." Squall was halfway through the door when he stopped. Turning around, he said, "I was broken."

Rinoa frowned. "Excuse me?"

"Earlier, you asked me about how I was when you were gone. There's your answer. I was broken."

Rinoa felt her heart completely drop in her chest at his words and the expression in his eyes. "Squall..."

He held up a hand. "You don't want to know how I was back then. That's why I couldn't bring myself to tell you. You would have hated me, Rinoa."

She shook her head. "No, Squall, I could never hate you. Never."

He shrugged. "You didn't see me then. I'll see you later, Rinoa." And then he was gone.

Just like Squall had said, Irvine showed up at the Balamb Hotel an hour later. Rinoa was sitting in the lobby waiting for him. She didn't say a word to him, so he figured it would be wise to leave her to her thoughts. He picked up her bags and deposited them into the back seat of his car. Rinoa wordlessly sat down in the front seat, hands clasped tightly in front of her, brow set.

Irvine found that he could no longer remain silent. "Rinoa?" he asked worriedly. "Are you alright?"

She jumped, as if she hadn't realized he was there. "I'm fine."

The cowboy frowned at her behavior. Had something happened between her and Squall? The latter hadn't told him much about their encounter, just that Rinoa had agreed to come back to Garden. "Are you sure?"

Rinoa shrugged. "I can't really be sure of anything anymore."

Irvine became even more puzzled at her words. "What do you mean?"

"I don't know. It's just that, after talking to Squall, it hit me that it's really over between him and I. Don't get me wrong, from the moment I found out he was married, I knew it was over. Talking to him, though...it hit me head on. Everything we had is gone."

Irvine shook his head. "Not everything, Rinoa. You are still a part of his life. You're still his friend."

Rinoa nodded. "I know. I have to get over my other feelings for him. That's why I told him that I would support him in this."

"You did the right thing," he assured her.

"I suppose so. It just doesn't seem that way." She sighed. "Irvine, what was Squall like when he thought I had died?"

"I told you, didn't I? It was the darkest I've ever seen him."

"Yes, you did tell me that he buried himself in his work. Was he really...different? I guess what I'm getting at is this: he told me I would have hated him if I had seen him then."

Irvine whistled. "He told you that?"

Rinoa nodded. "What would make him think something like that?"

Irvine shrugged. "Squall values your opinion of him, but in actuality, his worst critic is himself. His opinion of himself back then is most likely worse than how he actually was."

"Why do I get the feeling that you're avoiding my question? You're not going to tell me about Squall, are you?"

He sighed. "It's not my place to. When Squall is ready, he'll tell you himself. Some skeletons are best kept in the closet."

Rinoa looked at him in disbelief. "I can't believe you just said that!"

"Why? Why is that so hard for you to believe?"

"That statement may apply to other people, but not to Squall. After everything we've gone through...how could you not realize that? Squall kept his emotions bottled up before and it nearly killed him. He needs someone to listen to him without judgment."

Irvine raised an eyebrow. "Why do I get the feeling that I'm looking at the person capable of doing just that?"

"Friends lean on each other, right?"

"You can't save him again, Rinoa. He has a wife to keep his demons at bay. You just said that you were going to support their marriage."

"I am," she insisted.

They had reached Balamb Garden by that time and Rinoa quickly got out of the car. Irvine followed suit and grabbed her bags. Handing them to her, he said, "I take it you remember where your room is?"

She nodded. "Yes. Don't I need a key?"

"It should be in your room. The door will be unlocked. People know not to go in there."  
Rinoa was puzzled. "What do you mean?"

"Squall didn't tell you? He wouldn't let anyone get within a foot of your room. The only one allowed in was him. He never wanted anything to be moved or cleared out. After you died...he spent a lot of time there."

Words could not begin to describe how touched she felt at his actions. The image of Squall in her abandoned room just caused her heart to ache even more. "Thank you for telling me that. I don't think he would have told me."

"Well, you had a right to know. Anyway, you probably want to get settled in. I'll be in my office if you need anything."

"Okay. Thanks, Irvine."

Rinoa walked out of the parking lot and into the massive structure that was Balamb Garden. Everything was just how she remembered it. It was almost eerie to see that nothing had changed. It was as if no time had passed at all. As she walked through the hall, she could hear the whispers of the people around her.

"Oh my God, is that her?"

"No, it couldn't be."

"It looks so much like her!"

"What is she doing here?"

"Should we tell the commander?"

"Ooh, I bet he's already having an affair with her!"

Rinoa ignored them and did not stop until she reached the dorm area. She silently passed by Squall's room. _It's not his room anymore_, she reminded herself. _He lives in an apartment with Quistis now. _Shaking that thought from her head, she proceeded further down the hall until she reached her room. Taking a deep breath, she turned the handle and allowed the door to swing open.

She inhaled sharply at the sight before her. Irvine was right; nothing had been disturbed. Again, it gave her the feeling that no time had passed and nothing had changed. She ran a finger over the coat of dust that had settled on her desk. Her eyes traveled to her desk chair. She gasped as she took in the sight of Squall's jacket draped over the back. _That's right_, she thought. _He was here that morning. We were standing right here, and he said that it was too hot to wear his jacket, so he left it there. _The memory brought tears to her eyes. He really hadn't disturbed a thing.

The tears she had been holding in all day finally fell. Rinoa carefully picked up the jacket and held it to her chest. Even after all this time, his musky scent was still apparent. She collapsed onto her bed, still clutching the jacket as if it were her last connection to her past life. In a way, it was. More tears fell at that thought. She could hold the jacket as much as she wanted, but she could no longer hold the man. Curling up in a ball, the jacket safely in her arms, she cried herself to sleep.

****


	18. Chapter Eighteen

Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy VIII....

Author's Note: Many of you have been asking me about the pairings in this fic. You know, I really would love to tell you what the final pairings will be, but what would be the fun in that? Lol, it looks like you are all going to have to wait and see what happens

To Love You More

Chapter Eighteen

Squall stared out the windows of his office, taking in the sight of the starry night sky. He found his thoughts wandering to that fated night, so many years ago, when he had danced with Rinoa under the same dark blanket. Things has seemed so simple that night. Rinoa had been a beautiful face and a distraction from his current problems. Yet, she had been so much more. They had both felt something that night, from the moment they had laid eyes on that shooting star. It was odd...Squall hadn't seen a single shooting star since Rinoa had disappeared.

The commander sighed and rubbed his forehead wearily. The clock on his desk told him that it was midnight. Once again, he had completely neglected his duties towards his wife. He hadn't even gone back to his apartment the previous night. For some reason, he just hadn't been able to face Quistis. There were too many questions she would ask that he didn't have the answers to. His feelings towards Rinoa were still conflicted. He had made a commitment to Quistis, but he couldn't deny the fact that he still had feelings for Rinoa.

The day had definitely not been an easy one for Squall. He had put on his most indifferent mask, his coolest facade. Inside, though, he had slowly been falling apart. He had wanted to fall down on his knees and cry out that everything was wrong; things weren't supposed to turn out this way. The mot painful thing to hear was Rinoa's admission that he had hurt her. It was pretty apparent that, regardless of what she had said, he was still hurting her. What was he supposed to do? Part of him wanted to go to her right then and apologize a million times. He wanted to hold her in his arms and tell her that this was all a bad dream. The other part of him knew that was impossible. He couldn't just abandon Quistis. Besides, he loved her. Didn't he?

Squall shook his head. _Too much thinking. Just **stop **thinking. _He knew that he couldn't spend another night in his office. Quistis was probably worried sick and she deserved better than what he had offered her. _You've got to face her sometime. Might as well be now. _Turning his gaze from the window, he powered off his computer and locked up his office. The journey to his apartment was a slow one. He was still trying to delay the confrontation with Quistis that he knew was inevitable. Still, it didn't make it any easier.

Minutes later, he found himself staring at the door to their apartment. He stared at it for a moment, silently bracing himself. Perhaps Quistis had gone to bed already and he wouldn't have to face her until the morning. He extracted his card key from his pocket and quietly inserted it into the lock. Upon entering the apartment, he was immediately met with the sight of Quistis. She was seated in an armchair, a book in her hands. She looked up as she heard the door click shut.

"Squall!" she exclaimed. "What are you doing here?"

"I live here, too, don't I?" he responded coldly.

Quistis put down her book and sighed. "You know that's not what I meant. You never came home last night . I figured that you would probably spend the night in your office again."

"Truthfully, I almost did."

"Then what stopped you?"

Squall shrugged. "You deserve an explanation. I know that things haven't been easy for you lately."

Quistis smiled half-heartedly. "You got me there. I won't pretend that Rinoa's appearance here has been particularly easy for me. Nevertheless, she is my friend. I would really like to talk to her."

"I'm sure she would like that." Squall ran a hand through his hair. "I went to see her today. She was staying at the Balamb Hotel."

"Oh?" Quistis tried to put on an air of indifference. "How is she doing?"

"Okay, I suppose. At least, that's what she wants me to believe."

The blonde frowned. "What do you mean?"

"You know how Rinoa is. She'll hide anything from me if she believes that she is doing the right thing. She said that she wants us to be happy..." he trailed off.

"I wish I had had a chance to talk to her today. First thing tomorrow, I'll go over to Balamb and see her."

"Actually," Squall began, "I said she _was _staying at the Balamb Hotel. She's back in Garden now."

"Back in Garden? Here? I can't imagine why she would want to live here again," Quistis said, puzzled.

"I asked her to come back," Squall admitted.

"Oh," Quistis said quietly. "Well, that explains it."

Squall narrowed his eyes. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"Come on, Squall. Do you honestly believe that Rinoa would be staying here unless she felt that you wanted her to?"

"That's just it, Quistis. I do want Rinoa to be here. Can you understand that? She's my friend."

Quistis swallowed nervously. "Are you sure that's all she is to you?"

"Quistis, you don't need to feel threatened by Rinoa, okay? You're my wife and nothing is going to change that. I almost lost Rinoa. God, for the past three years, I thought she was _dead_. Aren't I entitled to be happy that she is back?"

"Of course you are, Squall. If anyone deserves to be happy, it's you. I owe you an apology. I overreacted and there was no need for me to. I was foolish to suspect anything was going on between you and Rinoa."

"What do you take me for, Quistis?" Squall's voice rose in anger. "Rinoa's been back for a day. Do you think I went to see her so that I could take her to bed?"

"No!" Quistis exclaimed. "Squall, calm down! I was just apologizing. I know that there's no need for me to be jealous."

"But you didn't trust me prior to this conversation, did you?" he demanded.

"Of course I trusted you. It's just that...you and Rinoa were so close. I think it was reasonable for me to feel worried."

Squall shook his head. "I don't know what to tell you Quistis." He held up his hands, at a loss for words. "I'm going to bed."

"Squall, please..." She reached for his hand, but he brushed her off.

"Just...don't. I don't want to talk to you right now, Quistis." With that said, he entered their bedroom, slamming the door behind him.

Rinoa woke up with a start. How long had she been asleep? The dark sky outside of her window gave her an answer. _How could I have slept for so long? _She realized that she was holding something and saw that it was Squall's jacket. The events from earlier that day all came rushing back.

"What am I doing here?" she whispered. "Why on Earth did I listen to Squall and let him talk me into staying?" She knew, though. Oh, how she knew. She couldn't bear being away from Squall. Even though he was married, staying in Garden allowed her to see him.

Glancing at the clock, she saw that it was just after midnight. Realizing that she wouldn't be able to fall back asleep, she decided to go for a walk. Although everything was closed, save for the training center, walking around Garden past curfew was not forbidden. At least, it hadn't been three years ago. She exited her dorm, making sure to lock the door behind her. Her footsteps quietly tapped out a pattern onto the marble floor. As she walked, a million thoughts seemed to be running through her head. She had promised Squall that she would support his marriage and she intended to keep that promise. Still, it wouldn't be so easy to let go of Squall. _But you have to, _she reminded herself. _There's just no other option._

Sighing, Rinoa decided that she would seek out Quistis in the morning and make sure things were set straight between them. She supposed that if the roles were reversed, and she was in Quistis's position, she would feel intimidated by the "other woman" as well. _You don't have anything to worry about, Quistis. Squall is not going anywhere. _Rinoa rolled her eyes. _Look at me, having imaginary conversations in my head! I really need to move on before I go crazy!_

As Rinoa was turning a corner, she heard raised voices coming from down the hall. Upon closer inspection, she realized that the voices were coming from the last room in the hall. Looking around her, she realized that she was in a new wing of Garden housing apartments for married couples. A feeling of dread bubbled up inside of her as she realized just who the raised voices belonged to: Squall and Quistis. Eavesdropping was a terribly bad habit, but she couldn't stop herself from moving closer to the door.

"...that's all she is to you?" she heard Quistis ask.

"Quistis, you don't need to feel threatened by Rinoa, okay?" she heard Squall say. "You're my wife and nothing is going to change that."

Rinoa didn't even wait to hear what else they would say. She took off and ran as far away from the room as she could get. Once she was a considerable distance away, she collapsed in a corner of the hall. She felt as if she had just been stabbed through the heart with a knife.

"You're so stupid, Rinoa," she chastised herself aloud. "You just had to listen in on their conversation, didn't you? And now you're paying the price. When are you going to learn that it's over? He's _married _for God sake! Wake up, damn it!"

Regardless of what she was _supposed _to be feeling, she was still hurt. Now she knew for sure that she wouldn't be able to fall back asleep. In fact, she dreaded the very idea of returning to her room. Too many painful memories were present there. So, without fully comprehending what she was doing, she found herself knocking on Irvine's door. A minute later, she was staring at Irvine clad in nothing but a pair of brown boxers.

"Rinoa?" he asked in surprise, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. "What are you doing here?"

Rinoa blushed and tried to divert her eyes from the scantily clad Irvine. "I'm sorry; I don't know what I was thinking. I shouldn't have woken you up."

"Well, you obviously had a reason for doing so. Now that you're here, you might as well come in."

"Are you sure? It's really late, Irvine."

"Hey, you're the one who came knocking on my door. I'm awfully flattered." He smiled. "Come on, Rinoa. You look upset."

Sighing, she followed Irvine into his room. "I guess I just need someone to talk to. This whole day has been overwhelming."

"True..." Irvine started as he pulled a shirt over his head, "but you were okay earlier. Or at least better. Did something happen?"

"Yeah, I guess you could say that I've come to a realization. Squall doesn't love me anymore. He loves Quistis. He _really_ loves her."

"Did Squall tell you that?"

Rinoa shook her head. "No, but I...overheard him talking to Quistis. You know what, Irvine? I'm a fool. You must think I'm really stupid. You'd think that I would have learned by now that Squall and I are over. How many times do I have to get slapped in the face to admit that to myself?"

Irvine reached over and patted her shoulder reassuringly. "You're not a fool, Rinoa."

"Yes I am. Only a fool spends their time pining for a married man. Why can't I just be happy for them? It's been three years. I should have expected him to have moved on."

"Rinoa, look at me." He gently turned her face toward him. "You can't blame yourself for loving someone. Because of you, Squall became a better person. _You _did that to him, no one else. Yes, Squall moved on, but he'll always carry a part of you with him. Now it's your turn to do the same."

Rinoa's eyes glistened with unshed tears. "I don't know what to say."

"Then don't say anything." He drew her towards him in a tight embrace. "I'm here for you. I'll always be here for you."

Rinoa allowed herself to snuggle deeper into Irvine's comforting embrace. For once, it was great to be able to have someone to lean on. Suddenly, she didn't feel so alone anymore. "Irvine?" she asked after a few minutes.

"Yeah?"

"Do you think I could stay here tonight? I just don't think I can take a night alone in...that room."

Irvine smirked. "Why Rinoa, what are you suggesting? Are you planning on taking advantage of a lonely old cowboy such as myself?"

Rinoa giggled despite herself. "Irvine, be serious!"

"Of course you can stay here, Rinoa. Any time you like. I can sleep on the floor."  
"Oh, no, I'll take the floor," she insisted.

Irvine shook his head firmly. "No, I think you've been through enough today. You don't need to add a night of no sleep to that list."

Rinoa sighed. "Okay...if you really don't mind."

"I don't. Go on, make yourself comfortable." He got up from the bed, allowing Rinoa to snuggle under the covers.

Irvine raised an eyebrow. "You're sleeping in that?"

Rinoa realized that she still had on her purple t-shirt and black sweatpants. She shrugged. "This is comfortable enough."  
"Well, good night then." He settled himself into a comfortable position on the floor.

"Goodnight, Irvine."


	19. Chapter Nineteen

Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy VIII....

Author's Note: Happy belated Independence Day to those of you in the USA. My chapters seem to be taking on a mind of their own, and are therefore becoming longer. Hopefully, they'll continue in that pattern. Thank you for your feedback!

To Love You More

Chapter Nineteen

****

"It's just a game of love, love, love

And even though it hurts me baby

I can never give you up

'Cause you're the one I'm dreamin' of

I can't live without your love

Tonight

And it's you that I adore

You're the one that I live for

Inside

Of you, I'm dreamin' of you"

-"Dreamin' of You" Celine Dion

Rinoa opened her eyes, blinking against the light that filled them. Looking around, she realized that she was not in her room, and then remembered that she was in Irvine's. At the thought of the cowboy, her eyes trailed to the floor where he had been sleeping. It was empty. Frowning, she swung her legs over the side of the bed and got up. The room was extremely bright, a result of the shades having been drawn. Rinoa looked around the room for a clock and saw that it was just after nine.

"Irvine?" she called. There was no answer. Her eyes traveled to a piece of paper on the stand beside Irvine's bed. Upon further inspection, she saw that it had her name on it. It read:

__

Rinoa,

Sorry that I left so soon, but I had to go deal with some crap in my office. That's where I'll be if you need me. I didn't want to wake you...especially after last night. Feel free to stay as long as you want. I'll see you later.

-Irvine

Smiling, Rinoa tucked the note into her pocket. Despite the invitation to stay longer, she decided that she had better get back to her room and freshen up. One glance in the mirror just further proved how much she needed to do the latter. Her clothes from the previous day were wrinkled and her hair was limp and unkempt. However, her eyes seemed to look brighter. She had actually been able to get a good night's sleep. Of course, thoughts of Squall and what she had heard last night began to surface, but she quickly pushed them away.

_No more of that remember? Today's a new day and a new beginning. _She quietly made her way back to her dorm, which was actually only a few rooms down and across the hall from Irvine's. Then, quiet as could be, she unlocked her door and stepped into her room for the second time. It was exactly the same as before, untouched, and a perfect preservation. _Maybe I should redecorate. _Sighing, she pulled open her closet, and sure enough, everything was there. She ran her hands over the clothes, spotting what had been her favorite outfit. A blue duster paired with a black tank top, black shorts, and a dark blue mini skirt. On the floor of her closet sat her favorite pair of black boots. _Hmmm...I wonder if everything still fits. _Gathering the clothes up in her arms, she deposited them on her bed and began to get changed. When she was done, she stepped back and admired herself in the mirror. She looked upon the image as if she were looking at a ghost. Her body hadn't changed much in the years she had been in a coma. Looking at the image of herself now, it was just like seeing her eighteen-year-old self again.

Out of nowhere, a sudden thought popped into her head. _Angelo! What happened to Angelo? _She couldn't believe that she had forgotten about her faithful companion. What could have happened to her? Rinoa mentally made a note to ask Irvine about it later. Hopefully everything was alright with Angelo. She suddenly realized just how good it would be to see her again. A knock on the door startled Rinoa out of her thoughts. She quickly ran a brush through her hair and then proceeded to open the door.

Rinoa couldn't hide the surprise in her eyes when she saw Quistis standing there. Dressed in a long brown skirt and white blouse, she looked even more mature and elegant than Rinoa had remembered. She suddenly felt very childish in her old outfit.

"Rinoa?" Quistis smiled. "Do you mind if I come in?"  
"No, of course not." She stepped aside to let her in.

Quistis looked around the room, a hint of surprise evident in her blue eyes. "Wow...this room hasn't changed a bit, has it? Come to think of it, neither have you."

Rinoa realized that she was referring to her outfit. "Maybe not physically, but mentally, I think I have. What about you? It doesn't look like you've aged a day!"

Quistis shook her head. "I assure you, that's the magic of makeup. The number of wrinkles I have would astound you."

"Wrinkles? At your age?" The brunette asked skeptically. As with Squall, she realized that her and Quistis were just making small talk to avoid the subject at hand. For the time being, that was fine with her. It actually felt good to be talking to Quistis in a friendly manner.

"It's been a stressful few years. For everyone, actually. You too, I would assume. Which is the reason why I came here in the first place. I guess it's rather obvious that we have a lot to talk about."

Rinoa held up a hand to silence her. "If you're referring to Squall, then there really is no need to explain. I talked to him yesterday and he told me everything. I realize that I was extremely rude to the both of you the other day and I apologize for that. I also want you to know that, despite the situation, I want us to continue our friendship. Really, there is no need for hard feelings at all."

Quistis nodded. "Thank you."

Rinoa frowned. "Why are you thanking me?"

"For everything. You know, I really missed you. Squall," she said thoughtfully, "he told me that you were alive. In a way, maybe he knew all along."

Rinoa looked at her in shock. "What are you saying? That Squall knew I was alive and didn't do anything about it?"

"No, no, no!" Quistis exclaimed. "That's not what I meant at all. I just thought you would want to know how long it took for Squall to let you go. I didn't want you to get the impression that he just moved on without a second thought."

"Well, I appreciate your saying that. I told Squall that I am happy for him, and I will say the same to you. I honestly am."

"I know how hard this must be for you, Rinoa. Like you said, I want to remain friends with you. Squall would like that as well. Maybe things can finally start to get back to normal around here."

"Whatever 'normal' is." Rinoa smiled. "I'm just glad that you don't have the wrong idea about why I came back."

Quistis raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean?"

"Just...you know. That maybe I was coming back here to try and seduce Squall or something."  
Quistis laughed. "Oh, don't be silly! I would never think something like that. I trust you, Rinoa." _Okay, so maybe that isn't exactly true..._

"I trust you, too, Quistis. I'm glad that Squall chose you for his wife. You can give him what he needs."

"You really think so?"

Rinoa nodded, despite her heart feeling as if it had been split in two. "Absolutely."

"I hope so." Quistis resisted the urge to confess that it sure didn't seem like it. "I have a question, though. Not to sound rude, but why are you wearing those clothes?"  
Rinoa blushed. "I was going through my closet and I saw them. This used to be my favorite outfit."

"That's right," Quistis said. "I have to admit, I got completely thrown to the past when you answered the door wearing that. You're probably going to need some new clothes. I could take you shopping if you want."

"Now?" Rinoa asked in surprise.

"Well, the stores don't usually open until ten, but we can grab breakfast before we go. You haven't eaten yet, have you?" Rinoa shook her head. "Great! So, do you want to go?"

"Okay," Rinoa said uncertainly. "I better go see Irvine first and find out if I still have an account at the bank. I'm going to need money if we're going shopping."  
"Alright then, you go talk to Irvine and then meet me at the cafeteria."

"Okay. Thank you for doing this," she said sincerely.

"Don't worry about it. I haven't seen you in three years, Rinoa. What better way to spend my day off then catching up?"

"So you're still teaching, huh?"

Quistis nodded. "I'll tell you about it later. See you in a little while!"

It was funny, but as Quistis left, Rinoa didn't feel so helpless anymore. She felt that keeping her friendship with Quistis was not only possible, but inevitable. Despite her being the wife of her ex-boyfriend/love of her life, there didn't seem to be any hostility between them. For that, Rinoa was immensely relieved. She felt that she could actually have fun shopping with Quistis. And for the first time since getting back, Rinoa felt hope.

A few minutes later, Rinoa was knocking on the door to Irvine's office. She hadn't been sure of which office was his since multiple offices had been added to the third floor. However, the receptionist had shown here where to go. A minute later, the door swung open and Rinoa got her first look at the office. The room was average sized, with a wooden desk cluttered with papers and a computer, smack dab in the middle. A brown leather chair was behind the desk, along with two in front of it, and a matching leather couch off to the right side. A pool table was pushed against the left side of the wall. Behind the desk, the whole back wall was lined with floor to ceiling windows.

"Wow," Rinoa breathed. "Nice place."

Irvine shrugged. "Squall had this whole place done over. I was lucky enough to end up here. What a view, eh?"

Rinoa nodded as she approached the windows. She could see Balamb, and beyond that, the ocean. "It's beautiful."

"Yeah, well it's nothing compared to Squall's. His office is twice the size of this one." He grinned. "So, what can I do for ya? Did you get my note?"

"Yes. Thank you for that. I came to see you for two reasons. First, I want to ask you about Angelo. Where is she?"

"Ah, it's about time you asked! Angelo is fine. She's in Balamb, actually, with Zell's mother. She offered to take care of her, and from what Zell tells me, she just had puppies."

"Wow. I'm going into town with Quistis today. Maybe I can stop by and see her."

"Wait, wait, wait. Did I just hear you say that you're going into town with _Quistis_?"

Rinoa nodded. "She offered to take me shopping." She noticed the shocked look on Irvine's face. "Hey, don't look so surprised! We talked about a lot of things this morning. I think everything's going to be okay between us. I can see us being friends again."

"Well, that's good news. So, what's the second thing you came here for?"

"Oh, I was wondering about my bank account. I mean, I had money in there. I don't know if it's still there or what could have happened..."

Irvine shook his head. "I wish I could help you there, but I honestly don't know. Squall handles all of that financial mumbo jumbo. You're going to have to talk to him about it."

Rinoa mentally cursed. _Great. Just the person I want to talk to. _"Well, I'd better go and see him then. I told Quistis I would meet her in the cafeteria."

Irvine nodded. "Good luck. Squall's office is the one in the center of the hall. You can't miss it."

"Okay. Thanks again."  
Taking a deep breath, Rinoa slowly made her way down the hall. The door to Squall's office seemed to loom in front of her threateningly. _You have to face him_, she reminded herself. _Besides, you agreed to be friends. Friends don't get intimidated by each other. _Sighing, Rinoa slowly lifted her hand and knocked on the door.

"Who's there?" a gruff voice called from the other side of the door.

_He doesn't sound too happy... _"It's, um, Rinoa."

She could hear his footsteps as he approached the door and then opened it. "Hey," he said upon seeing her. He then noticed her outfit, his eyes practically bulging out of his head.

Rinoa shuffled her feet nervously. "I'm sorry to bother you. It's just that Quistis and me are going shopping. I was wondering if my bank account is still active. I asked Irvine, but he said you would know."

Squall nodded numbly, barely taking in what she was saying. "Come in."  
As soon as she stepped into his office, Rinoa understood what Irvine had been talking about. The place was _huge_, although sparsely furnished. "It's nice," she said quietly.

Squall forced himself to snap out of his daze. "What is?"

"This office. It's much bigger than your old one." She walked up to his desk. "Your desk is huge, too. There's so much more room!" Rinoa blushed suddenly as she recalled the many times she had snuck into his office so that they could "make use" of that desk. The look on Squall's face told her that he was thinking the same thing.

Squall cleared his throat. "So you're going shopping with Quistis?"

"Mhmm. You don't need to worry about us. We worked a lot of things out."  
"I'm glad," he said absently.

"Yeah..." She shuffled her feet uncomfortably again. "About my account..."

"Oh, right." He took a seat at his desk and turned on his computer. "Your account is inactive, but the money is still there. I can print you out the information and then you can take it to the bank to get your account reactivated."

Rinoa frowned. "The money is still there? I would have thought that somebody would have claimed it. More specifically, my father."

Squall shook his head. "I had the bank lock down your account. No one could touch the money."

"Why didn't you just take it?" she asked. "You know that money was as much yours as it was mine."

"I would never take your money, Rinoa." He sighed. "In a way, keeping the money in the bank made it seem like you were coming back. Pretty stupid, huh?"

"No, Squall, not stupid." She said softly. "I did come back. You were right all along."

He shrugged, turning back to his computer. "Here are your files. They shouldn't give you any trouble at the bank."

"Thank you," she said as she took the pages from him.

"Are you going shopping in Deling City?" he asked suddenly.

"No, Balamb. Why?"

"I just thought you'd want to see your father. He really took your death hard."

Rinoa shook her head. "I'm sure he's heard that I'm alive by now."

"Even so, don't you think he wants to see you?"  
"I'll keep that in mind, okay? What about you, though? How's it going with Laguna?"

Squall shrugged again. "Nothing's really changed since...before."

Rinoa put her hands on her hips. "Oh, so you want to lecture me about seeing my father, but you still won't talk to yours?"

"This is different, Rinoa. You know I'm no fan of General Caraway, but the man thought you were dead. I know what that's like. I think he deserves to see you."

"And Laguna didn't know you were alive. See, our situations aren't very different at all."

Squall rolled his eyes. "You're still so damn stubborn, you know that?"

Rinoa stuck her tongue out at him. "Meanie."

Squall placed a gloved hand over his mouth to hide the smile that had formed there. "The infamous meanie line. That's classic, Rinoa."

"Ha! Did I just see you smile?"

"No," he said, trying to put on a serious face.

"Yeah, okay. _Whatever_, Squall." She smirked.

Squall rolled his eyes once more. "And you're still stealing my lines."

Rinoa laughed. "Okay, I give up. If you work on your relationship with Laguna, I'll go see my father."

Squall narrowed his eyes. "Define 'work'."

"You have to at least call him...twice a month. And you have to have actual conversations with him."

"Alright, I'll do it."

Rinoa looked at him in surprise. "You will?"

"Yes, I will. Now I think it's time that you go get started on your end of the bargain."

"Yes, Sir!" Rinoa mock-saluted and then sprinted out of the office.

Squall watched her go, a smile gracing his usually stoic face. It seemed like the first time in the past three years that it was genuine. The thought made a sharp pang of regret bite through him. He had lost himself a few minutes ago. She _still _had that effect on him. It made him wonder just what exactly he was missing because it sure felt like a hell of a lot.

  


__

  


****


	20. Chapter Twenty

Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy VIII....

Author's Note: This chapter is definitely not one of my best. It basically focuses on Rinoa and Quistis, but for some reason, I'm just not happy with it. I was trying to create a more lighthearted chapter, where the girls could begin to renew their friendship. Maybe I should stick to the angst. Anyway, please tell me what you think, even if it's something horrible!

To Love You More

Chapter Twenty

**__**

"There's nothing you can say

Nothing you can do

There's nothing in between

You know the truth

Nothing left to face

There's nothing left to lose

Nothing takes your place..."

- "Not Enough" Our Lady Peace

Rinoa entered the cafeteria, looking around for Quistis. She spotted the older girl at a table towards the back of the room. At that same moment, Quistis looked up and waved her over. The cafeteria was fairly empty, but the students that were there all seemed to have their eyes glued to the two women. Ignoring them, Rinoa made her way over to the blonde.

"Hey," she greeted as she took a seat. "I'm sorry to keep you waiting. I got a little held up."

"Oh?" Quistis raised an eyebrow. "Were you able to work things out with your account?"

The brunette nodded. "Yes, everything is taken care of. I just need to stop by the bank and give them some papers. You know, in order to reactivate my account."

"Of course. Oh," she gestured toward the food in front of her," This is for you. I remembered that your usual breakfast was cinnamon oatmeal with a cup of coffee."

Rinoa smiled, touched that Quistis still remembered. "Thank you. I can't believe that you still remember that!"

Quistis looked away embarrassedly. "Really, it was nothing."

"Oh, before I forget, do you mind if we do our shopping in Deling City instead?"

Quistis frowned. "That really isn't a problem, but why the sudden change of heart?"

"Well, I thought that I would go and see my father when we were done. I'd kind of feel better if I had someone with me. If you don't want to go, though, I would definitely understand."

"No, that's fine. So we can stop by the bank in Balamb and then take the train to Deling."

Rinoa nodded. "Oh, and if it's not too much trouble, do you mind if we stopped by Ma Dincht's house? Irvine told me that Angelo is there and I would really like to see her."

"Of course. Actually, I haven't been there in a while. It will be good to see Ma Dincht."

"Thank you, Quistis," Rinoa said sincerely. "I'm sorry to be dumping all of this on you."

"It's no problem. Can I ask you something, though? Why do you suddenly want to see your father?"

Rinoa was surprised at how forward Quistis had become. She thought it wise not to mention the deal she had made with Squall. "Well, um, I guess I just realized that I should see him. Even though we never really got along, maybe we can work some things out."

Quistis nodded. "I understand. So, are you ready to get going?"

"Yes, I'm done."

The two stood up and exited the cafeteria, depositing the remains of their breakfast in a trashcan along the way. A few minutes later, they were in the parking lot. Quistis led the way to a shiny red convertible.

"Wow," Rinoa gasped as Quistis unlocked the doors. "_This _is your car?"

Quistis smiled. "Yes. Squall bought it for me, actually, as an anniversary gift. Come on, get in."

_Anniversary? _Once in the passenger seat, Rinoa turned to the blonde. "So...have you and Squall been married long?"

Quistis shook her head. "Not at all. We got married a week ago."

"What?" Rinoa was shocked. "A week ago?" _If I had called sooner...would Squall have married Quistis? _Quickly composing herself, she added, "What about your honeymoon?"

"Oh," she rolled her eyes, "Garden pretty much screwed us over on that one. We had left Irvine in charge while Squall and I went to Dollet. We planned to stay there for at least two weeks, but then Irvine disappeared. Xu was put in charge of Garden, but then she fell ill, so we had no choice but to come back. Our honeymoon ended up lasting days, instead of weeks."

"I'm sorry," Rinoa said quietly. Was she, though? A small part of her felt triumph at the fact that Quistis and Squall had had to cut their honeymoon short.

Quistis waved it aside. "It's not a big deal, really. Who knows? Maybe I can persuade Squall to take a second honeymoon." She suddenly remembered that Squall wasn't currently speaking to her, but she pushed that thought aside.

"What was your wedding like?" Rinoa asked softly.

Quistis looked at the younger woman concernedly. "Are you sure you want to know?"

"Why wouldn't I want to hear about my friends' wedding?"

Quistis sighed. "You don't have to do this, you know."

"Do what?"

"Be nice for my sake. I want our friendship to be genuine, Rinoa. Like it used to be."

"Was it ever really genuine to begin with? You always had feelings for Squall; even I could see that. You never said anything about it, though. You just pretended that you were perfectly content."

"Rinoa, I..." She trailed off as she realized they had reached Balamb. Quistis silently parked the car and quickly exited.

"I'm sorry," Rinoa said suddenly. "Quistis, I didn't mean to say that. It was completely uncalled for."

Quistis shrugged. "It's the truth, isn't it? That's how I was. I never said anything to you about my feelings, and I should have. You were his girlfriend, after all."

"Quistis, no, just stop. I didn't mean to bring that up at all."

Quistis smiled faintly. "Why don't we let the past remain as just that? Today should be a new beginning."

Rinoa nodded. "I couldn't agree more. Enough about the past."

"Come on, let's go to Ma Dincht's first."

The two women traveled down the street to Zell's mother's house. Walking inside, Rinoa realized that, like Balamb Garden, it hadn't changed a bit. It was funny, how nothing had seemed to change in the physical sense, but in the most important sense of her life, everything had changed.

"Hey, who's there?" a male voice called. A moment later, Zell walked down the stairs and spotted them. "Hey guys!" he greeted with a smile. "What are you doing here?"

"We came to see your mother," Rinoa explained. "Irvine told me that Angelo is here."

At the mention of her name, Angelo came bounding into the room. Upon seeing Rinoa, she barked with joy, circling her in happiness.

"Looks like she remembers you, Rin," Zell commented.

Rinoa immediately threw her arms around the brown ball of fur. "Hey girl," she cooed. "I missed you."

Angelo woofed happily in reply, and upon hearing the commotion, Ma Dincht walked into the room. "Oh my!" she exclaimed. "I didn't realize that we had company."

"These are my friends," Zell explained. "Quistis and Rinoa."

"Oh, don't be silly, Zell! I know who they are." She turned her gaze to Rinoa. "I'm glad to see that you're okay. Zell told me about what happened."

Rinoa slowly pulled away from Angelo and stood up. "Thank you. I don't know how to repay you for your kindness in taking care of Angelo."

Ma Dincht shook her head. "There is no need to, Dear. Angelo has been a blessing and a wonderful companion to me. I am truly going to miss her."

Rinoa's face fell. "I'm sorry. I don't want to take her away from you."

Ma Dincht once again shook her head. "Dear, I think you need her more than I do. Besides, I have three adorable puppies to keep me company now."

"That's right!" Rinoa exclaimed. "Irvine told me that Angelo had puppies."

Ma Dincht smiled. "Would you like to see them?"

"I'd love to."

The older woman led Rinoa into the living room. Running around were three of the cutest puppies Rinoa had ever seen. Two of them were the spitting images of Angelo, but the third had white spots all over her dark brown fur.

Seeing Rinoa's gaze on the unique puppy, Ma Dincht said, "We suspect that the dog next door fathered Angelo's puppies. That one there looks exactly like him."

Rinoa smiled. "It looks like Angelo has been busy while I've been gone!"

"Rinoa, I don't want to break this up, but we really have to get going if you want to stop at the bank before our train leaves," Quistis explained.

Rinoa nodded. "Do you mind if I leave Angelo here until I get back?" she asked Ma Dincht. "We're going to Deling City."

"Of course. You can pick her up whenever you get back."

"Thank you," Rinoa said genuinely as she hugged the older woman.

As soon as they had exited the house, Quistis quickly led the way to the bank. Once there, she checked her watch. "Okay, Rinoa, the train leaves in twenty-five minutes. I'll go get the tickets, and then meet you out here."

"Okay," Rinoa said. "I won't be long."

She walked into the bank and was greeted by a young woman, maybe a few years older than her. She had light brown hair, green eyes, and a serene smile.

"Hello," she said cheerfully. "How can I help you today?"

Both physically and personality- wise, the woman seemed to resemble Selphie. That thought made Rinoa extremely anxious to see her old friend. She realized then just how much she truly missed the bubbly brunette. Selphie had been such a comfort to her in the short time that she had known her. Her mere presence exuded happiness wherever she went and it was impossible not to smile when you were around her. Rinoa made a mental note to find some way to get in touch with her when she returned to Garden. Maybe she could ask Quistis about it.

Snapping out of her daze, she extracted the documents Squall had given her from her bag. "My account has been locked down for the past three years and I would like to reactivate it." She handed the woman the papers. "These documents should give you all the information you need."  
The woman took the documents from Rinoa and read them over. "Oh, yes. You're Rinoa Heartilly. We've been expecting you."  
Rinoa frowned. "You have?"

"Yes. A Mr. Squall Leonhart called us to inform us of the situation. It was very...unique, to say the least. On behalf of Balamb Savings Bank, I would just like to say that we are thrilled to have you back with us."

"Okay..." Rinoa said, feeling as if the whole thing was a bit surreal. "So everything is all set?"

The woman nodded. "Yes. In fact, I already entered all of the information into the main system. All that's left is for you to sign here." She handed a paper to Rinoa.

After reading through the paper, Rinoa signed it and handed it to the woman. "There you go."

"Okay, you're all set. You can now withdraw or deposit money into your account. Oh, and here is your new ATM card and the key to your safety deposit box."

"Thank you," Rinoa said as she took the objects from the woman. "Could I withdraw 1,000 gil now, please?"

"Yes, please wait a moment." The woman disappeared into a back room. Moments later, she returned with a stack of bills. "Here you go. Is there anything else I can do for you?"

"Just one more thing. Could you please take me to my safety deposit box? I know I can't get back there without having a teller escort you."

The woman nodded. "That is correct." She walked around the desk so that she was facing Rinoa. "Follow me, please."

As Rinoa followed the woman, she glanced down at her watch. About fifteen minutes to go until the train left. She would have to make this quick. The teller suddenly stopped before a door and quickly unlocked it.

"Here you go. Your safety deposit box is located in there. Just holler if you need anything."

Rinoa nodded and scanned the wall until she found the number of her safety deposit box, 541. She slid the key into the lock and then opened the door. She hadn't put many things in the safety deposit box. There were basically important documents, such as birth certificates and the like. She quickly scanned the contents to make sure nothing was missing. While she was doing so, an average sized black box caught her attention. She picked it up, not remembering having seen it before. Slowly, she lifted the lid. The object located inside made her gasp in awe. Silver chain...two rings...her necklace. _How did this get here? I thought I lost it in the accident. _Rinoa suddenly remembered something Squall had said when she had first been reunited with him.

_"There was the crash...they said you didn't make it. I didn't want to believe them, but I found your necklace..."_

My necklace...he must have meant this one. But if he found it, then why is it here? Shaking her head, she quickly deposited the necklace into her purse. She didn't have the time to ponder Squall's actions at the moment. Her and Quistis had a train to catch. Rinoa quickly locked up the safety deposit box and hurried out of the bank.

"Hey," Quistis greeted as she stepped outside. "Perfect timing. I just got back from buying the tickets. Now all we have to do is board the train."

Rinoa nodded absently, falling into step beside Quistis. Her mind was still swimming with thoughts about her necklace and how it had come to be in her safety deposit box. She was so preoccupied with her thoughts that she didn't even notice that they had arrived at the train station.

"Rinoa," Quistis said as she tapped her on the shoulder. "Are you okay? I said that we have to board the train now."

"Oh, right," Rinoa said as she followed Quistis into the train.

After taking their seats, Quistis turned to Rinoa anxiously. "Did something happen at the bank? You've been extremely quiet ever since you've gotten out of there."

Rinoa shook her head. "No, I'm fine. A bit overwhelmed, maybe, but fine nonetheless."

"Were you able to take care of your account?"

"Yes. Actually, things were pretty much all set from the moment I stepped in there. I guess Squall called beforehand to let them know."  
Quistis raised an eyebrow. "Squall? How did he know that you were going to the bank?"

"Well, I had to ask him about my account this morning. He's the one who printed out the documents I needed."

"Really?" Quistis said slowly. "You didn't tell me that at breakfast. I thought you had talked to Irvine."

Rinoa could hear the jealousy in Quistis's voice, and maybe some hidden accusation, but she chose to ignore it. "I did, but he told me that Squall handles the financial information."  
"But he doesn't," Quistis insisted. "Actually, Xu handles the financial information."

"Well, I only know what Irvine told me."

"And Squall was able to help you?"

"Yes," Rinoa said, beginning to get annoyed.

"Oh," was all Quistis said as she settled back into her seat.

"So..." Rinoa began, deciding that it was time to change the subject, "You were going to tell me about your teaching."

"Oh, yes," Quistis said, seeming to perk up. "Well, I'm still a teacher. My students can be a handful sometimes, but it's really a rewarding experience. Have you thought about what you want to do now that you're back at Garden?"  
"In all honesty, no, I haven't. Actually, it's been one of the furthest things from my mind. I suppose that I could go back to being a secretary. Would I have to clear that with Cid?"

Quistis shook her head. "Cid is on a temporary leave of absence from Garden. Edea was concerned about his health, so he is currently residing with her at the orphanage."

"It's not serious, is it?" Rinoa asked worriedly.

"No, nothing like that. If anyone knows Cid, then it's Edea. I think that she felt a break from Garden would do him some good."

Rinoa nodded. "I can't blame her for being worried. Cid was one of the most hardworking people I knew. I'd really like to visit them sometime."

"I'm sure they would like that."

The two woman drifted into a semi-comfortable silence as the train pulled into Deling City. They gathered their purses and followed the line of people off of the train. Rinoa felt a strong sense of nostalgia upon entering the city. Sure, she had spent most of her childhood here, but she found her thoughts wandering back to the night of Edea's parade, and her naivety in going to see her. When Squall had rescued her and told her to stay close to him, she had melted. It was then that she had begun to fall in love with him.

"So, where are we headed?" Quistis asked. "Do you know any good shops?"

Rinoa shrugged. "Let's head to the Shopping Arcade. I'm sure we can find something there. It's just down the street, so we don't need to take a bus."

After walking the few blocks to the Shopping Arcade, Quistis spotted a cute little boutique. Rinoa, having remembered going to the store years ago, was more than happy to oblige. Once inside, Rinoa felt overwhelmed at the selection of clothing. The styles had seemed to change in the years she had been away. She didn't even know where to begin.

"Do you want to split up?" Quistis asked. "I can pick out some things I think you like, if you want. We might be able to cover more ground that way."

Rinoa nodded. "Sure. I'll take the front half of the store, and you can take the back."

Thirty minutes later, they met up at the dressing room, their arms piled high with various articles of clothing. Quistis had also selected a few items for herself along the way. The two of them had a great time modeling their different outfits for each other and cracking up when they had definitely committed a fashion faux paus. It felt like old times, and both Rinoa and Quistis enjoyed that feeling very much. Finally, Rinoa had just finished trying on everything, when Quistis burst into the dressing room.

"You have to try this on!" she exclaimed.

"Excuse me?" Rinoa said, but then her eyes caught sight of what Quistis was holding up. It was a beautiful ivory-colored gown. The top of the gown was a ruffled halter top with a plunging neckline. The skirt, which was made in a gorgeous leaf-life pattern, met with the top in an elegant swoop that looked like it would reach a few inches above her ankles. The whole dress was made of pure silk and Rinoa fell in love with it immediately.

"I saw it and I just knew you would love it. Will you try it on?"

"It's beautiful, but when could I possibly wear it?"

"Just try it on," Quistis urged.

With a roll of her eyes, Rinoa took the dress from Quistis and reentered the stall. A minute later, she walked out wearing the dress. Quistis herself was stunned at how great her friend looked. It was as if the dress had been made for her. It fit every curve of her body perfectly and accentuated her natural beauty.

"What do you think?" Rinoa asked.

"I think that you would be a fool if you didn't buy it."

Rinoa smiled. "I want to buy it, but like I said, I wouldn't have any reason to wear it."

Quistis waved that aside. "Remember all those times we went shopping, and I said the same thing? What was your excuse? 'You never know what could come up. Besides, you could always wear it to the next SeeD Inaugural Ball.'"

Rinoa laughed. "You got me there. Alright," the brunette said, holding up her hand in defeat, "You win. I'll buy it."

They headed for the register with their purchases. After paying a hefty sum for the large amount of clothing they had bought, they exited the store.

Rinoa yawned. "Man, I'm exhausted. Let's take the bus to Caraway's Mansion."

"Are you sure that you want to see your father, Rinoa?" Quistis asked.

She nodded. "You don't have to come with me if you don't want to."

"No, I don't mind. I wouldn't leave you alone in the 'lion's den', so to speak."

"Thanks, Quistis. I really do appreciate your doing all this."

"I told you, Rinoa, it's no problem."

"Well, here's the bus. I guess it's time to 'face the lion.'"


	21. Chapter TwentyOne

Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy VIII....

Author's Note: As some of you may know, I was on vacation this past week and I just got back Saturday. I actually wrote this chapter before I left, but I did not have a chance to start typing it until Saturday night. As usual, thank you to everyone that reviewed. I don't know if I've said this is an author's note, but this fic is going to be much longer than I had originally anticipated. Originally, I had figured it would be around thirty chapters long, but it looks like it's now going to be at least forty chapters. There are just too many things that I need to cover and thirty chapters would not let me do that sufficiently. Anyway, I just thought I'd let you know that. Oh, and I know many of you are asking when Selphie will reappear into the story. Well, that will be happening very soon, probably in the chapter after the next one. Selphie will actually have a fairly big role to play in this story, and in the revolving relationships.

Emina: The dress that Quistis picked out for Rinoa was actually inspired by a real creation. I saw it in the May 2004 issue of Teen Vogue and I loved it. According to the article, the dress is designed by Luisa Beccaria. Of course, I don't think my description did it justice at all. If you like, I could try to take a picture of the page with my digital camera and e-mail it to you.

Well, this author's note has definitely been long enough, so on with the chapter!

To Love You More

Chapter Twenty-One

**__**

"Tell me something I don't know

And I'll find that I'm always looking 'round behind me

You say that it's all been said before

Now I find that there's something I don't know...."

-"So Far Away" the Goo Goo Dolls

The oak door towered over Rinoa; a most formidable opponent. The young woman took a deep, steadying breath. She would have to face her father sooner or later. Still, the uncertainty of how her father would react to her sudden reappearance into his life scared her. She had no choice, though. She had made a bargain with Squall, and she was not about to back down.

"Rinoa?" Quistis tapped the girl on the shoulder lightly. "Are you going to ring the bell?"

Rinoa nodded and raised her finger to push the small button. She could hear the faint ding that resonated through the house. Minutes later, the door swung open, revealing an older man; the butler. Rinoa recognized him immediately.

"Albert!" she exclaimed. "It's so good to see you!"

"Ms. Rinoa?" Albert asked in astonishment. "My God, I must be seeing things!"

"You're not seeing things, Albert," Rinoa assured him. "It's me."

Albert shook his head slowly. "Look at you! Come in, come in! Your father is never going to believe this!"

Rinoa gestured for Quistis to follow her into the house. Albert led the two women into the parlor, where he told them to wait while he got Caraway. Quistis was amazed at how beautiful the room was. It was set in rich hues of green and blue. The couch she was currently seated on was just one of three in the room. A grand black piano stood in the right-hand corner of the room. A fireplace stood in the center wall, made entirely of marble.

"Wow," Quistis breathed. "This room is beautiful."

Rinoa nodded. "It hasn't changed a bit since the last time I was here."

At that moment, Caraway hurried into the room. "R-Rinoa?" he managed to stammer. "Albert told me it was you, but I didn't believe him..."

"Hello, Father," Rinoa said curtly as she stood up. "I take it that you remember my friend Quistis?"

Caraway nodded absently. "Do you mind leaving us alone for awhile?" he asked the blonde. "You may make yourself comfortable in the room across the hall."

"Certainly," Quistis said as she elegantly stood up and exited the room.

Caraway turned his gaze back to his daughter. "What happened to you?"

Rinoa frowned. "What do you mean? You must have heard about what happened by now."

"Rinoa, what are you talking about? Please, explain this to me. For the past three years, I have gone on believing that my only child was dead, and now here you are."

"Wait a minute. You honestly didn't know that I was back?"

"Back? Back from what, Rinoa? Don't play games with me, girl!" he said angrily.

"I'm not playing games. I've been back in Balamb for a few days now. I just figured that you would have heard by now, with all your connections and everything," she said spitefully.

"No," Caraway said as he collapsed onto an armchair. "I had no idea."

The silence hung between them uncomfortably. Rinoa looked down at her hands, unsure of how to respond to what Caraway had just told her. "Well," she said slowly, "I'm sorry that this comes as such a surprise to you. I honestly thought someone would have told you."

Caraway shook his head. "Tell me one thing, Rinoa. You say that you had no idea that I didn't know you were alive, yet you are here. Why?"

Rinoa shrugged. "You wouldn't believe me if I told you."

Caraway narrowed his eyes. "Try me."

"Squall convinced me to come. We made a deal, actually. I would work on my relationship with you, and he would work on his relationship with his father."

The older man looked at her in disbelief. "Squall _Leonhart _said that? _He _convinced you to see me?"

Rinoa nodded. "I told you that you wouldn't believe it."

"He's married to Quistis, you know."  
"Actually, I did know, but if I hadn't, thanks for telling me in such a caring way."

Caraway sighed. "He was never good enough for you, anyway. Didn't I tell you all along that he would break your heart?"

"Can we please not get into this right now? Don't you even want to know where I've been all this time?"

"Of course I do. I asked you, didn't I?"

Rinoa quickly recounted her story to Caraway. She told him about Nida and Zuwang, but cleverly chose not to mention her feelings of hurt when it came to Squall. Caraway had never liked him anyway, and would just use the situation to lecture her about him further.

"Where are your things? Balamb?" Caraway demanded.

Rinoa nodded. "I'm living at Balamb Garden again."

"Excuse me?" Caraway roared. "Why the hell would you live there?!"

Rinoa narrowed her eyes angrily. "Balamb Garden has served as my home in a way this place never could."

"You think I don't know the real reason why you went back? You went back for Leonhart! Rinoa, I want you to come and live here immediately. Squall Leonhart is married, which leaves no place for you in his life!"

Rinoa shook her head. "No, you're wrong. Squall asked me to come back to Garden."

"That fucking bastard!" Caraway could barely control his anger. "He thinks he can have you for his mistress now, does he?! I am going to show that boy what happens when he tries to use my daughter!"

"What are you talking about?!" Rinoa shouted. "Who said anything about being his mistress?!"

"All men have one thing on their mind, and one thing only. Rinoa, I demand that you move back here at once!"

"In case you forgot, _Dad_," Rinoa spat, "I am twenty-one years old and perfectly capable of taking care of myself. You can't dictate my life for me."  
"Rinoa, I am your _father_! I don't care how old you are! You will do as I say!"

Rinoa shook her head in disbelief. _I can't believe I ever though we could get along. I am such a fool. _She stood up and quickly exited the room, ignoring Caraway's pleas that she stay. She hurriedly located Quistis in the study across the hall and mentioned that they were leaving. Once outside and away from the mansion, Quistis turned towards the brunette.

"How did it go?" she asked.

"Don't even ask."

Squall put down his pen and glanced at his phone for what must have been the twentieth time in the past hour. He knew that he should just call Laguna and get it over with, but he didn't have the faintest idea about what he would say. Squall wasn't the type of person to call someone for the sake of exchanging pleasantries. He had no choice, though. Never one to break his word, he couldn't just ignore the deal he had made with Rinoa. Although, he had agreed to call Laguna twice a month, so by no means was he obligated to make the call that day. Still, he had a pretty good idea that Rinoa had already fulfilled her end of the bargain. He rubbed his forehead wearily. _What have I gotten myself into? _Deciding that he could always make up some excuse about Garden, Squall picked up the phone and dialed Laguna's private line.

_"Hello?" _a cheerful voice answered after the first ring.

"Uh, hi," Squall said awkwardly. "Laguna?"

_"Yeah, I'm Laguna. Who is this? Oh, wait, don't tell me! You're that plumber, right? Man, I'm so glad you called! Elle called you guys days ago! We've been having quite a situation with our plumbing system! Personally, I suspect it was Ward, my advisor, who caused the problem."_

Squall smacked his forehead. _This guy will never change. _"This isn't the plumber. It's Squall."

_"Squall!" _Laguna exclaimed. _"Squall, my boy! Why didn't you say anything? And here I thought you were the plumber!"_

"Do you normally give your private number to plumbers?" Squall replied coolly.

_"Ha ha, you got me there. So, how have you been? Anything interesting happening on that honeymoon of yours?"_

"I'm actually back at Garden," Squall explained. "We had to come back from Dollet early."

_"Oh?" _Laguna said worriedly. _"Is everything okay?"_

"Fine," Squall said shortly.

_"So, um," _he gulped, _"Anything interesting happen lately?"_

Squall narrowed his eyes. "What are you talking about?"

_"N-nothing!" _he stammered. _"I was just asking!"_

Squall sighed. "I suppose I should just tell you. Rinoa is back."

_"S-she is?" _Laguna said, pretending to sound surprised. The whole conversation was making him nervous.

"Yes," Squall said. "Turns out that out former pilot, Nida, was responsible for the crash. Rinoa was in a coma for three years in a place called Zuwang. Irvine went to pick her up there. It's funny, though," Squall said thoughtfully. "Since none of us had ever heard of Zuwang before, I wonder how Irvine was able to find it. I haven't had a chance to formally question him about it yet, but you wouldn't happen to know anything about it, would you?"

_"O-of course not. Why would you think that?"_

"It doesn't take a genius to figure out the resources you have in Esthar. Tell me something, Laguna. Do you know where Zuwang is?"

_"I-I..."_

Just then, there was a knock on Squall's door. "Who's there?" he called irritably.

"It's me," a voice responded quietly; Quistis.

"Dammit," Squall cursed.

_"Excuse me?" _Laguna asked, clearly confused.

"I wasn't talking to you," Squall snapped. "Listen, I have to go. We'll continue this conversation some other time." He hung up the phone as Quistis walked into the office.

"Who was that?" she asked.

"Laguna," he replied shortly.

"Ah," she said. "What did he need?"

"Nothing. I called him."

Quistis's eyes widened in surprise. "_You _called him."

Squall nodded. "That's what I said, isn't it?"

The blonde sighed. "It's just...you avoid Laguna every opportunity you get. It's surprising to me that you would call him. Is everything alright?"

"Fine," he said once again. "How did shopping go?"

Quistis was once again surprised. Since when did Squall care about shopping? "It was nice," Quistis said. "I had a really great time with Rinoa."

Squall nodded. "Uh...thank you."

"For what?" Quistis asked, surprised once again. Squall seemed to be full of surprises today.

"For spending the day with Rinoa and not making assumptions about her. I know that the last thing she wanted was to lose her friendship with you."

"I know," Quistis said. "There were some awkward moments, but I think that we got the important things out in the open. However," Quistis said, chuckling, "I don't think the same goes for her father."

Squall's interest immediately piqued. "She went to see Caraway?"

Quistis nodded. "I can't imagine why she would want to do such a thing. I even tried to convince her not to go, but she wouldn't hear it. She wouldn't tell me about what happened, but she was quiet the whole way home."

Squall shook his head. "Maybe this was a mistake," he mumbled.

Quistis frowned. "What was?"

"Nothing. Listen, I'll see you later, okay? I have a lot of work that I need to finish."

"Okay," Quistis said, feeling somewhat hurt. "Just...one more thing. It's really foolish, but...we're not fighting anymore, are we?"

Squall shook his head. "Not for the time being," he said with a hint of a smile.

Quistis smiled back. "I'm glad."

Rinoa sighed as she surveyed the task in front of her. She hadn't even begun to sort through the clothes she had bought, not to mention the various undergarments and accessories. Her old clothes were also a mystery. She was still debating on whether or not to keep them. Judging from the outfit she was wearing, she assumed that most of her old clothes still fit her. The problem was that most of them were outdated. The even bigger problem was the memories the clothes brought up. Rinoa finally decided that she would only keep some of her old outfits that had been her favorites. Her eyes traveled over the items in her closet until they settled on a short ivory dress. It was the dress that she had worn to the SeeD Inaugural Ball the night she had met Squall. She knew off the bat that there was no way that she would get rid of that. She sorted through the rest of the clothes, choosing a few more items to keep, and then piling the remaining clothes onto her bed, figuring that she could donate them. She was just about to start unpacking her new things when Angelo began to stir.

"Hey, what is it, girl?" Rinoa asked as she approached her dog. Angelo continued to bark at the door, causing Rinoa to feel worried. What could possibly be causing Angelo to get so worked up? Taking a deep breath, Rinoa cautiously opened the door...and found herself staring up into Squall's icy blue eyes.

"Squall!" she exclaimed. "God, you almost gave me a heart attack!"

"I'm sorry," he said as he scratched the back of his head nervously. "I was about to knock, when I heard a dog barking..."

"Oh," Rinoa said, giggling. "That's just Angelo. She seemed to sense your presence there all along."

"Angelo's back?" he asked, feeling rather stupid.

Rinoa nodded. "I picked her up at Ma Dincht's on the way back from Deling City." Realizing that they were still in the hallway, she said, "Do you want to come in?"

"Okay," Squall said uncertainly as he followed her into the room.

"I'm sorry for the mess," she said apologetically. "I haven't had a chance to put these things away yet."

Squall nodded. "I, uh, came to ask you about your father. Quistis told me you went to see him."

"Yeah," Rinoa said. "Can't say that it went very well, though."

"Are you okay?" Squall asked, genuinely concerned. "I know how you feel about your father. I never should have asked you to go."

Rinoa shook her head. "In a way, I'm glad that I went. He didn't know that I was alive, you know. Despite that, he still found a way to push my buttons. He's always been good at doing at."

"If it makes you feel any better, things went pretty shitty with Laguna, too. The moron thought I was his plumber."

Rinoa laughed. "He didn't!"

Squall nodded solemnly. "He did."

"At least your father doesn't try to control your life. Caraway wants me to move back in with him," she said softly.

"Are you going to?" he asked quietly, part of him fearing that she would say yes.

"Of course not!" she exclaimed. "God, he makes me so mad! I'm twenty-one years old, yet he still treats me like a little girl. He just expects me to drop everything and obey his every command. When I told him that this was my home, he exploded at me."

"You told him that?"

Rinoa nodded. "It's the truth. Garden is my home; where I belong."

"Rinoa," his voice was so soft that it sent chills up her spine. "I meant what I said. I shouldn't have brought up going to see your father."

"It's nothing," she said as she played with the rings on her necklace.

Squall's eyes immediately shifted to her neck. "You have your necklace back."

"You put it in my safety deposit box." It was a statement, not a question.

"Yes."

"Why?"

"I kept it for awhile," he admitted, "But then I realized that it wasn't mine to keep. I knew it would be safe at the bank."

"Squall..." Rinoa found that she didn't have the words to express how she was feeling. Without thinking, she grabbed his hand, squeezing it tightly. A deep cut along his palm caught her eye. "You're hurt."

Squall shook his head. "It's nothing. I cut it in the training center, no big deal."

"It looks pretty deep to me." She gently examined the cut. "Did you have Dr. Kadowaki look at it?"

"No. It's fine. Really," he insisted, upon seeing her skeptical look.

Still holding his hand, she closed her eyes, drawing upon her sorceress powers. "Cure," she murmured. A faint glow appeared and then the cut was gone. "Better?"

Squall could only stare at her. The gentleness she was showing toward him just made all of his old feelings come rushing back tenfold. He suddenly felt an irresistible urge to kiss her. The feeling must have been mutual as they found their faces traveling closer and closer....

"Rinoa?" a voice suddenly asked.

The two of them jumped apart guiltily as Irvine entered the room. Squall stood up and headed for the door.

"Hey, Squall," Irvine greeted. "Sorry to barge in on ya. I didn't know you were here."

Squall shook his head. "I was just leaving."

Rinoa looked after him, an unreadable expression on her face, as he left. Irvine turned to Rinoa.

"I figured you hadn't eaten yet, so I brought you lunch." He handed her a bag.

"Thank you," she said absently.

"Are you okay?" he asked worriedly. "Did something happen?"

"No...nothing," Rinoa said quietly. She couldn't have been more wrong, though. Something _had _just happened. The question was, what?

__

__


	22. Chapter TwentyTwo

Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy VIII....

Author's Note: Ha ha, sorry about the end of the last chapter. Damn that Irvine and his timing, huh? Thanks for your feedback!

Etherealist: Regarding the role that Quistis will be playing in this fic, no, it won't be evil like in On the Ice. Lol, it's really fun to write a darker side of Quistis, but in this fic, one of my goals was to make her likeable. Granted, that's always hard since she is with Squall, whom the majority of you want to be with Rinoa. Hey, I'm a major Squinoa fan, too, so I know what's going on in all of your minds evil grin Anyway, getting back to your question, Etherealist, Quistis is trying to be supportive of Rinoa, but she cannot help feeling jealous. I mean, Squall and Rinoa had a really strong connection, so of course that's going to leave doubts in Quistis's mind about her marriage to Squall. So, how will this all play out? Ha ha, you'll just have to wait and see

To Love You More

Chapter Twenty-Two

****

"I feel like a shadow

Walking behind who you think I am

Just like my shadow

Wanting to see the sun again

I'm your shadow

And I'm lost

Just like my shadow"

-"Shadow" Maria Mena

"Great job, guys! I'll see you all in class tomorrow, okay? Take the rest of the day off. You've definitely earned it!"

The class of twelve mumbled their thanks, simply relieved that their field training was over. Not only were there plenty of monsters to fight, but there was also the harsh Trabian climate to consider. Camping out in the freezing snow wasn't exactly a picnic. In fact, some would even say that they would rather take on the fiercest blue dragon than brave the weather. Needless to say, the students were just happy to be in out of the cold.

"I think you deserve most of the credit for making this successful, Selphie."

The petite brunette turned her head until her emerald eyes met those of the speaker. Dominic Hagen was a fellow instructor and had become a close friend of Selphie's over the past few years. With his dark hair and eyes, he was the object of many girls' affection. Selphie, although not completely oblivious of Dominic's charm, thought of him as only a friend. No matter how sweet he was to her.

"Aw, you're giving me too much credit, Dom. The kids learned much more from you on this trip than I could ever teach them," Selphie said sincerely.

"Well, you seem to be happier having fun with the kids than teaching them."

Selphie smiled sheepishly. "What can I say? I guess I'll always be a kid at heart."

"And _that _is exactly why you make such a great teacher," Dominic told her appreciatively. "The kids love the fact that you're not afraid to have fun."

"True...but to be honest, I sometimes hate that side of me."

Dominic looked at her in surprise. Ever since he had met her, Selphie had been a ball of energy. He had never seen someone with such enthusiasm and spirit in his life. It had always seemed so natural for Selphie to be that way that he couldn't believe the words that had just come out of her mouth.

"What do you mean?"

Selphie sighed. "I've always been happy-go-lucky Selphie. Don't get me wrong, that's who I've always been; who I _am_. Well, that's not entirely true. I was always that way except for..." She shook her head. "You must have heard about Rinoa Heartilly, right?"

Dominic nodded. "Commander Leonhart's girlfriend from Balamb. She died in an accident three years ago, right? What does that have to do with anything?"

"You didn't meet me until a year after the accident, so you didn't see me then. You see, I never told you this, but Rinoa was one of my best friends. I was the one who asked her to come here and help rebuild Garden. After...after she died, I blamed myself. If I hadn't asked her to come, she never would have been in the crash."

Dominic stared at the brunette, a tender expression on his face. "You can't possibly still believe that, can you?"

Selphie shrugged. "Over the years, I've come to terms with it. Still, there's always that tiny part of me that thinks otherwise. I'm better now, though." She smiled. "You've been a really great friend, Dom. I owe you for helping me get my 'real' self back and helping me move on."

Dominic blushed slightly. "You're a wonderful person, Selphie. Regardless of what you think, I honestly believe that you never lost sight of who you are. It was there all along, just buried under all of the pain you were feeling."

"Aw, Dom, you're gonna make me cry!" Selphie smiled. "Thanks for cheering me up. I'll see you later, okay? I don't think I can stand being in these wet clothes any longer!"

Dominic chuckled. "Yeah, I'd better get changed, too. See you around, Selphie."

Selphie waved and then hurried down the hall to her room. Once inside, she quickly peeled off her wet clothing and changed into a pair of black sweatpants and a yellow sweater. Normally, she would have taken a warm shower, but she had no time for that now. In addition to being a teacher at Trabia Garden, Selphie was also one of the assistant commanders there. She was now hurrying to the bridge to be briefed on everything that had happened in her absence. As soon as she got there, she was greeted by her friend, Kristine.

"Hey," she said happily. "How'd field duty go?"

"Great!" Selphie exclaimed. "One of my best classes yet. How are things here? Did anything interesting happen while I was gone?"

"Well, regarding Garden, no, but on a personal level..."

Selphie raised an eyebrow. "Hey, spill! What do you mean 'on a personal level'?"

"What I mean is, Irvine called a few days ago."

Selphie was genuinely surprised. It had been ages since she'd last talked to Irvine. "What did he want?"

"You," she stated simply.

"Me?"

Kristine nodded. "Actually, it seemed pretty urgent. He seemed concerned when I told him you were on field duty, though. Wanted to know if you had gone alone. He wouldn't even respond to my flirting!"

Selphie rolled her eyes. "I guess I should call him back. I wonder why he called..."

"You'll never know unless you ask, right? Unfortunately, that's going to have to wait for now. Violet wants to see you in her office."

Selphie nodded, relieved. She was in no hurry to talk to her ex-boyfriend. They hadn't exactly parted on the best terms, and, to be completely honest, she hadn't planned on ever talking to him again. She had made a new life for herself at Trabia Garden. She had a good job, great friends, and most importantly, she was coming to terms with her guilt. Like she had told Dominic, she was finally able to be cheerful again. If she had stayed in Balamb, she knew that she would be a completely different person. Still, like it or not, she would be making a call to Irvine after her meeting with Violet. Perhaps it would even do her some good. Irvine Kinneas was the last link to her past. Once she cut him away, nothing would be holding her back. She could finally get on with her life one hundred percent. Because that was what she wanted. Right?

Rinoa walked to the cafeteria, her head in a daze. Two days had passed since her almost-kiss with Squall and she still didn't know what to make of it. Truth be told, she had been avoiding him. The situation was just too awkward. Squall must have felt the same way because he hadn't sought her out, either. Looking back on it, she still couldn't believe how close they had come to kissing. Squall was married, for God's sake! She had no place kissing a married man. She tried to remember if she had been the one to make the first move, but the whole scene was a blur. All she could remember was Squall's lips traveling towards hers and the sudden need to feel them against her own.

_Stupid, stupid, stupid! _Rinoa silently berated herself. How could she have let herself get caught up in the moment like that? Squall probably pitied her for being so desperate. How many more signs did she need? Squall had all but admitted that Quistis was the love of his life. She had no business acting the way she had. Although, in that moment, it was if they had been on the same page; just like old times. She could have sworn that, for just a moment, she had seen something in Squall's eyes. Rinoa shook her head. _No, you're mistaken. Every time you take a step back from Squall, you screw it up and get reeled back in. Not anymore, though. Nothing like that is ever going to happen again. _Rinoa was so preoccupied with her thoughts that she wasn't watching where she was going and ended up walking right into Irvine.

"Hey, hey, hey," Irvine teased. "Where are you off to in such a hurry?"

Rinoa smiled sheepishly. "Sorry, my mind was somewhere else. I was heading to the cafeteria."

"Urgh, don't even bother. I just came from there and the hotdogs are all sold out. Actually, most everything is sold out tonight. The cafeteria lady said something about a student picnic."

Rinoa sighed. "Great. The one night that I'm starving."

"Tell me about it," Irvine said. "Hey, how about this? There's this new cafe in town that serves the best apple pie. How about you join me for dinner and desert?"

Rinoa was unsure of how to respond. Was Irvine asking her out? Irvine was amazing, but Rinoa wasn't sure if she was ready for that yet. _Weren't you just saying how you need to get your mind off of Squall? Irvine is the perfect distraction, if you ask me._

"Okay," Rinoa said finally. "That sounds great."

"Awesome," Irvine said, grinning.

"Just let me go get changed. I'll meet you at the front gate in, oh, fifteen minutes. Would that be okay?"

"Sure," Irvine said, "But I don't see why you need to change. You look fine to me."

Rinoa felt her cheeks start to burn up and quickly turned her gaze to the floor. "That's sweet of you to say, but...well, look at me! I've had these clothes on all day and I'm a mess! I know that I've been out of the loop for three years, but doesn't one generally get dressed up at night? _That _much hasn't changed, I'm sure," she teased.

"No, you're right. People generally do that. The thing is, though, this isn't some fancy dinner. It's a casual dinner at a small cafe, hardly anything to make a fuss about. And," he said, grinning, "I meant what I said. You look great no matter what you're wearing, Rinoa."

Once again, she found herself blushing. "Aren't you the flirt tonight." Tucking a stray piece of hair behind her ear, she finally said, "Okay. I won't change. Just let me go grab my purse."

Irvine shook his head. "Nope, you don't have to get that, either."

Rinoa sighed exasperatedly. "And why not?"

"Because dinner is on me tonight."

"No, Irvine, I can't allow you to do that."

"Regardless, I'm still going to." He winked, offering her his arm. "I was the one who asked you, remember? So the question is, are you ready to have some fun tonight, Ms. Heartilly?"

"Fun?" Rinoa raised an eyebrow. "Who said anything about fun?"

"Why, Rinoa, that really hurts." He placed a hand on his chest in mock pain. "Doesn't one normally assume that the word 'fun' is automatically associated with myself?"

Rinoa laughed. "Of course. I don't know how it ever escaped my mind."

"Well, I don't know about you, but I'm starving. So are you ready to go, or are you just going to stand there?"

Rinoa shook her head. "No, I'm ready, but I'm only agreeing to this because I'm starving."

Irvine just smiled. "Whatever you say, Rinoa, whatever you say."

"That's it for my report. Like I said, the kids were great," Selphie finished explaining to Violet, their commander.

Violet nodded. "Thank you, Selphie. That will be all. Dismissed."

The brunette exited the office and headed into her own office across the hall. To be honest, she hadn't fully comprehended what Violet had just filled her in on. Her mind had been miles away, wondering just why Irvine had called out of the blue. There was no way to find out unless she called him back. A ripple of excitement shot through her petite frame at that thought. Even after all this time, the thought of the sweet talking cowboy still gave her butterflies. _Stop thinking like that_, she chided herself. **_You're _**the one who broke it off with him. It never would have worked out between us.

Telling herself that she was being ridiculous, it was just _Irvine_, she picked up the phone and dialed his number. The number, although rarely used, had been engraved into her brain. She couldn't count the number of times that she had contemplated calling him, but then backed out. In her mind, the less communication they had, the better. It was just so much easier that way.

The line rang a few times before it was picked up and a gruff voice barked out, _"Hello?"_

Selphie was surprised by the sharpness to his voice, but she couldn't really make a judgment since it had been ages since they had last talked. "Irvine?"

_"No," _the voice said irritably. _"This is Squall Leonhart. Who's this?"_

"Squall?" Selphie asked, extremely confused. Had she dialed the wrong number? "This is Selphie. I meant to call Irvine, but I must have dialed your number instead. Sorry."

_"No, you have the right number. Irvine isn't here right now, though."_

"Oh," Selphie said quietly, feeling disappointed.

_"Anything I can help you with?"_

"That's sweet of you to ask, but unless you know why Irvine called me, I don't think there's much you can do."

_"Irvine called you?" _Squall asked, feeling surprised. The last he heard, Irvine and Selphie hadn't exactly been on speaking terms.

"Yeah," Selphie said wistfully. "A few days ago, actually. I was away on field duty, but I heard that what he wanted to talk to me about was pretty important. I can't imagine what he would want to tell me, though. It's been so long since we've actually had a real conversation. Oh, sorry, Squall. I'm rambling on, aren't I? Tee-hee, I'm sure you have a lot of work to do, so I'll let you go." She began to hang up the phone.

_"Selphie, wait!" _Squall exclaimed.

Selphie put the phone back to her ear in surprise. "Y-Yeah?"

Squall sighed. _"I think I know why Irvine called you. You say he called you out of the blue, right?"_

"Yes," Selphie replied. "I can't even remember the last time we talked."

_"It makes sense, then. He was calling to tell you."_

"Tell me what?" Selphie asked, confused.

Squall sighed once more. _"Rinoa...she's alive. She came back almost a week ago. It's a long story...one which I'm sure you'd rather hear from her. Do you want her number?"_

"N-No," she managed to stammer. "I'm coming over there."

_"What? Selphie, what do you mean you're coming over here?" _There was no response. _"Selphie?" _The sound of a dial tone was the only response he got.

"Dammit," he muttered. "She'll never change."

Rinoa and Irvine sat at a cozy table by the window at Cafe Fiori, the new cafe Irvine had been talking about. The atmosphere in the cafe was very relaxed and comfortable. Natural hues of brown adorned the walls and pretty much everything else. Rinoa was relieved that she had listened to Irvine and had not changed. Actually, Rinoa could only sing praises about the place so far. Her chicken salad was delicious, and she could tell that Irvine was enjoying his burger.

"I talked to Squall about getting you a job at Garden," Irvine announced suddenly.

"You did?" Rinoa asked, clearly surprised. She didn't remember mentioning anything to Irvine about needing a job.

Irvine nodded. "I figured you needed to do something to support yourself. I brought up the idea of teaching, but Squall suggested being his personal secretary."

Rinoa began to cough, practically spewing bits of food all over the place. "Excuse me?"

Seeing her dumbfounded expression, Irvine clarified. "Not _his _personal secretary, exactly. More like a secretary in general, for all of us."

"But don't you already have a secretary?"

"Yeah, but Squall was gonna fire her anyway. Listen, Rinoa, the truth is, we'd love to have you. You're familiar with the position from working with Cid, and you're more than capable. I'd say go for it."

"I don't know...I need to think about it. Can I get back to you on that one?"

Irvine smiled. "Sure. You'll ultimately have to go to Squall with your decision. He's the one who has to finalize everything."

The thought of going to see Squall definitely was not an appealing one to Rinoa at the moment, but she chose not to vocalize her thoughts. Instead, she decided to change the subject. "Have you talked to Selphie lately?"

Irvine shook his head. "No. I called her the other day to tell her about you, but she's on field duty. I'm sure she'll call me as soon as she gets back."

"Do you think that you and her might be able to work things out?" she asked quietly.

The cowboy shrugged. "I doubt it. The truth is, we were over a long time ago. It's the way Selphie wanted it. I've come to accept that and I know she has, too. Besides, how do you know that I'm not interested in someone else?"

Rinoa raised an eyebrow. "Are you?" He just smirked in reply. "You are! Aw, who is it? Anyone I know?"

"Actually, yes. I'd say that you know her very well."

Rinoa smiled. "Now I'm intrigued. Who is the lucky lady?"

"You."

Rinoa's smile faltered. "What?"

"I said that it's you, Rinoa."

"Stop joking around, Irvine. Come on, who is she, really?"

"I'm not joking, Rinoa." His eyes told her that he was being dead serious. "You don't have to say anything. I know you're still getting over Squall, and the last thing on your mind right now is being in a relationship, but I just had to tell you how I felt."

"Wow," Rinoa said softly. "I don't know what to say. What about Selphie?"

"Didn't I just finish telling you that it's over between us? You're the one I'm interested in now. To be honest, I think the attraction was always there. Nothing ever happened because it never had the chance to. You had Squall and I had Selphie. Now, both of us are alone."

"Irvine," Rinoa said, her eyes looking lost. "I'm sorry. Right now, I just can't give you what you need. It's too soon for me to even be considering this."

Irvine nodded. "I understand. That's why I'll always be here for you, Rinoa. When you're ready, I'll be waiting for you. I'm willing to wait as long as it takes."

"Irvine..." Rinoa shook her head. "I'm sorry. Could you please take me home?"

The cowboy frowned. "Are you feeling okay?"

Rinoa nodded. "I'm just extremely tired. I'm sorry to cut our dinner short. It looks like I won't get to try that apple pie, after all."

Irvine shook his head. "Don't worry about it. Come on, lets go."

Rinoa followed him silently, still unbelieving of what she had just heard. Irvine had feelings for her. _Irvine_. God, did she ever need to get to bed. Her mind couldn't deal with what Irvine's confession meant. She needed to sleep. Perhaps, when she woke up, she would find that it really had all been a dream.

__

**** ****


	23. Chapter TwentyThree

Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy VIII....

Author's Note: Thanks for the reviews, everyone! I know that a lot of people are boycotting this site, so it really means a lot to me that you are sticking with this. Also, **elanor tinuviel**, it's great to hear from you again! Lol, you had me worried there!

To Love You More

Chapter Twenty-Three

**__**

"'Cause all of the stars  
Are fading away  
Just try not to worry  
You'll see them some day  
Take what you need  
And be on your way  
And stop crying your heart out..."

-"Stop Crying Your Heart Out" Oasis

_SHE was so cold. Her hands...her forehead...everything. As a result, her skin had turned even paler than its usual shade. He felt so helpless just staring at her, knowing there was nothing he could do. Gripping her hand, he watched the rhythmic rise and fall of her chest. His eyes roamed over her face, calm...tranquil. It was as if she were only sleeping. If only that were the case._

"Wake up, Rinoa," he pleaded. "Please, wake up. I need to hear your voice."

He received no response. No reassuring smile, no fluttering of her eyelids, nothing. He had never felt so helpless in his life. If only there were something he could **do**. He hated sitting around and succumbing to defeat. No, not defeat. He wouldn't let Rinoa be defeated. He was not helpless, despite feeling that way. There had to be something he could do...**anything**. He knew now that he would go to the ends of the Earth for this woman. This raven-haired beauty that had stolen his heart from right under him. It had been so obvious...why was he the last to see it? Especially now, when it could be too late.

"No," he said aloud. "It's not too late. Rinoa...I'm sorry. If you hadn't gotten involved with me, then this never would have happened." He sighed. "Why did you have to be so persistent? I...I don't understand you. I don't understand how you can even stand to be around me." He buried his head in his hands in defeat.

"Because I love you," a voice said softly.

He looked up in disbelief. "Rinoa? You're awake?"

She nodded, smiling at his dumbfounded expression. "Your words...I heard them. I had to come back and tell you. I love being around you, Squall. I wish it could stay this way forever."

"It can," he whispered, tucking a stray piece of hair behind her ear. "This doesn't have to end."

She nodded sadly. "Yes, it does. It's already gone."

Squall frowned, unsure of what to say. "I don't understand."

"I know you don't." She cupped his face in her hands. "I love you, Squall Leonhart. No matter what anyone says, no matter what **I **say, never forget that. It is because I love you that I am setting you free. I am not going to interfere with your life."

"Rinoa..." He felt her forehead. "Are you alright? Do you want me to go get Dr. Kadowaki? You're not making any sense."

She smiled, tears glistening in her eyes. "It will all make sense when you wake up. Goodbye, Squall." She closed her eyes.

"Rinoa? Rinoa?!"

"Rinoa!" Squall's eyes shot open, revealing his bedroom. He took a few deep breaths, trying to calm himself down. It had just been a dream.

"Squall?" a voice asked beside him. "Honey, you're shaking." Quistis wrapped her arms around her husband, trying to soothe him. "A nightmare?" she asked after a few minutes.

Squall nodded numbly. "Rinoa..." he mumbled.

Quistis raised an eyebrow. After Rinoa had died, Squall's nightmares involving her were common. However, he hadn't had any in almost a year. So why now? "Do you want to tell me what happened?"

Squall shook his head. The last thing he wanted was to hurt Quistis by reenacting another nightmare about Rinoa. "It was nothing," he lied. "I can't even remember most of it."

The blonde was skeptical of that, but she didn't want to push Squall. "Okay," she said simply. "If you want to talk, I'm here."

Squall surprised her by pulling away and getting up. Quistis watched as he pulled on a pair of black sweatpants and a white muscle shirt. He looked slightly dazed, but what scared her the most was the look in his eyes. He just looked so...lost.

"I'm going for a walk," he announced, heading towards the door.

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" She glanced at the clock. "Squall, it's past one."

"I don't care," he said coldly. "I'm the commander, aren't I? I doubt they're going to throw me in detention," he said sarcastically.

"Squall...I'm worried about you."

"Don't be. I'm a big boy, remember? More than capable of taking care of myself."

"Squall..." she started. It was too late, though. He was already gone.

SQUALL walked down the hall, his mind a blur. The dream he had had about Rinoa was still fresh in his mind. _Why _would he be dreaming about her _now_? More specifically, why would he be dreaming about her in a coma? There was no answer, no clear explanation. For some reason, he felt the overpowering need to see her. In all honesty, he knew that it was probably a bad idea, but quite frankly, he didn't give a damn. He was so sick of doing what was "right", what was "expected" of him. Screw logic. Logic had been thrown out the window a long time ago. And so it was with those thoughts that Squall made his way over to her door and hastily knocked.

"Who's there?" she mumbled, still half asleep.

"It's Squall," he said quietly.

From inside her room, Rinoa stumbled out of bed, grabbing her robe along the way. Wrapping the blue silken material over her black nightgown, she opened the door. "Squall," she said, yawning, "It's past one."

"I know," he said, running a hand through his hair. "I just wanted to see you."

"You know, Squall, three years ago, I would have been flattered. However, this isn't three years ago. You're married, Squall, and I'm the ex-girlfriend. You can't just show up here at one in the morning."

"You're right," he said coldly. "This was a bad idea. I shouldn't have come." He turned to leave.

"Squall, wait," Rinoa said, grabbing his wrist. "I'm sorry. You wouldn't have come unless it was important. I should know that by now." She rubbed at her eyes wearily. "Okay, we'll talk, but not here. Who knows what people would say." _Or what I would do_, she silently added. With Squall in her room that late, who knows what could happen. They were lucky that the most that had happened between them was that almost-kiss.

Squall nodded. "The Secret Area?"

"Exactly what I was thinking. Just give me a few minutes to throw something on."

Rinoa closed the door behind her as she reentered her room. Digging through her closet, she pulled out a pair of baby blue sweatpants and a white t-shirt. She quickly changed into the clothes and then put her hair up into a messy ponytail. Satisfied that she looked presentable, or at least as presentable as one can look at one in the morning, she opened the door once more.

"Okay, let's go."

Their walk to the training center was a silent one. Rinoa preferred to let Squall bring up his reason for coming. He was, after all, the one who had sought her out. Once at the training center, they made their way to the secret area, surprisingly not encountering any monsters. Upon entering the secret area, Rinoa was filled with a strong sense of nostalgia. She remembered the many times Squall and her would go there to escape the daily demands of Garden.

"Did I wake you?" Squall asked suddenly.

It took Rinoa a few seconds to figure out what he was talking about. "Oh, no, not really. I wasn't really sleeping. It was more like I was at that point where you're not really awake, but you're not fully asleep, either. Do you know what I mean?"

He nodded. "I shouldn't have come to see you," he said for the second time that night.

"But you did. Why?" So much for waiting for him to get to the point.

"You'd think it was stupid if I told you."

"Have I ever thought you were stupid before?" she demanded.

Squall sighed. "Okay. If it makes you happy, I had a dream about you."

"And?" she prompted.

"And what?"

Rinoa rolled her eyes. "You are not going to tell me that you woke me up at one in the morning just to tell me that you had a dream about me."

"I thought you said that I didn't wake you up."

"Don't change the subject."

"Alright, fine. I'll tell you about my dream. You were in a coma," he told her softly. "Almost like after we fought Edea at Galbadia Garden. I wanted to hear your voice. I just wanted you to open your eyes."

"Something else happened, didn't it?" she asked quietly. "I didn't open my eyes."

"No, you did open your eyes. You told me that you loved me, but we were over. You said something about what we had being gone. And then...you were gone. You left me, Rinoa."

Rinoa looked at him intently. "Remember that dream I had the night before I left?" He nodded. "Your dream sounds an awfully lot like that one."

Squall frowned. "What is that supposed to mean?"

Rinoa sighed. "It was just a dream, Squall. I'm obviously still here."

"You think I don't know that?" he snapped. "I still had to see you. Don't ask me why, because I don't know, dammit! None of this makes any Goddamn sense!"

"I'm sorry, Squall. If you're experiencing any pain because of me, I truly am sorry. There just isn't anything I can do for you anymore."

"What's wrong with you?" he whispered.

"Nothing! Nothing is wrong with me, Squall. Excuse me for not feeling comfortable with being out here with you at this time. What would Quistis say if she saw us?"

"We're talking, Rinoa. Nothing more."

"It's easy to get the wrong idea. I know that I would not be happy to find my husband in the secret area with his ex-girlfriend."

"I don't give a damn about what Quistis thinks right now. This is between you and me."

"What do you expect me to say?" she demanded. "Do you just expect me to take you up in my arms and kiss all of your pain away? Do you expect me to reassure you? To tell you that everything is fine?"

"You used to," he said quietly.

"Yes, Squall, _used to_! We were dating back then, and I felt the need to do all of those things. I _wanted _to do those things. What you need to understand is that I_ can't _do those things for you anymore. You made a desicion to kick me out of your life the day you married Quistis."

"_Don't _you even fucking go there," he snarled. "I never kicked you out of my life, Rinoa. I thought you were _dead_!"

"Regardless, you _are _married. Quistis is my friend, Squall. I am not going to go behind her back to ease your confused mind!"

"What the hell..." he trailed off, at a loss for words. "I don't even know what to say to you anymore, Rinoa. I see you, but maybe I'm blind because you are not the Rinoa Heartilly I used to know."

"People change. _You _should know that better than anyone. Afterall, I never would have expected you to move on so fast."

"God dammit!" he roared, slamming his fist into the wall. He cornered Rinoa, pinning her up against the wall. "Why do you always have to be so damn difficult? Haven't you heard a word I've said?"

Rinoa nodded. "Yes, Squall. I heard the words coming out of your mouth, but I still can't decipher their meaning. You never were one to beat around the bush, but after everything you've told me, I still don't know how you _feel_."

"Words aren't the only way to tell someone how you feel," he whispered.

"Wha-" she began, but was cut off as she felt a forceful prssure on her lips. At that moment, she felt like she was falling, falling...down, deeper and deeper. She was caught in a trap, in a neverending spiral. There was no way to break free, no air... Gasping, she suddenly broke away.

Squall stared at her, a slight question in his eyes. What scared Rinoa the most was how badly she wanted to dive into his arms and allow herself to get lost in him forever. It wasn't until that moment that she realized just how much she missed his touch. No, she couldn't think like that. As much as she had enjoyed that kiss, _wanted _it, even, it was _wrong_. She wouldn't betray Quistis in such a way.

"No," Rinoa whispered. "No. I can't do this anymore, Squall. I can offer you friendship, nothing more. You have Quistis to give you everything else."

Squall shook his head. "She's not you."

Rinoa closed her eyes, fighting against tears. "Why did you kiss me?"

"I don't know," he admitted. "I just had to."

Rinoa sighed. "I went out to dinner with Irvine last night," she said suddenly. "He has feelings for me, and...and I have feelings for him. We're dating, Squall. So do me a favor and go back to Quistis. She needs you."

"Rinoa," he began.

She held up a hand to stop him. "I don't know what you meant by that kiss, and in all honesty, I doubt you'll ever tell me. You and me...we can't be together, okay? I have Irvine and you have Quistis. That's how it has to be."

Squall nodded painfully. "I'm sorry that I kissed you. It was a mistake...a lapse of judgement."

"Of course," Rinoa said. "Isn't it always? I'll see you around, Squall. Just...not in the middle of the night."

He nodded once more, watching as she fled. What had he gotten himself into? A lapse of judgement? Just what the hell was he thinking?

EMERALD eyes stared up at the shiny blue structure known as Balamb Garden. It had been years since she had last been there, yet it almost felt as if she had never left. Smiling to herself, Selphie began the long walk into the depths of the Garden. She took in the little things as she walked. Things so small that she had never really realized how much she missed them until now. The flowers, for example. She had always loved how they showed up in the most random of palces. It was almost as if they had strategically been placed there just to add a little cheer to someone's day. At least, that was what she liked to think.

As she strolled through Garden, Selphie admired one of the things she mad missed the most about Balamb Garden; the beautiful fountains. She would have loved to have such fountains at Trabia Garden, but they unfortunately lacked the funds. She quickly waved thoughts of Trabia Garden away. She's rather not think about the people she had left and how they had reacted. Dominic most of all. He had completely been against her going, to the point where she almost had to sneak away. She didn't care about what anyone thought, though. Her sole purpose for coming was to see Rinoa. _Rinoa. _Just the thought of her friend made her face break into a wide smile. _Rinoa is alive! _After Squall had called, the only coherent thought she had been able to form was that she needed to see Rinoa. She had barely had time to comprehend what that actually meant. The ride over had given her time to contemplate that, but so many questions still remained unanswered. She had so much to talk to Rinoa about.

"Selphie?" Zell did a double take as he saw the brunette walking down the hall.

"Hey, Zell!" Selphie greeted happily. "Come on, give me a hug! I haven't seen you in ages!"

"Wow...you look great, Selphie. You seem to be doing really well."

"I really am. I mean, I'm so much happier. The time at Trabia has really helped me."

"So, what brings you back to good ol' Balamb Garden?"

"Rinoa, of course!"

"So you've heard about Rinoa?"

Selphie nodded. "Mhmm. I talked to Squall yesterday and he told me. Of course I had to come out right away! So, where is the woman of the hour?"

"Actually, I just left her at the cafeteria. She should be alone, so it should be a good chance for you to talk to her."

"I just feel like there's so much to catch up on." Her voice grew serious. "How is she taking Squall's marriage to Quistis?"

Zell shrugged. "You know Rinoa. She's putting on a brave face to the world, but inside, I can tell that it's hurting her."

Selphie sighed. "Maybe I can cheer her up. What a mess, though, huh? Three years ago, things were going great, and now look. Oh, listen to me! I shouldn't talk like that. Rinoa is alive, afterall."

Zell nodded. "Yeah, that's right. Hey, I gotta get to class. We should all have dinner together tonight or something."

"Yeah! Just like old times, huh? I'll see you later, Zell!" Selphie waved and then ran off toward the cafeteria. There, she was quicky able to locate the dark-haired beauty, indeed sitting alone. It was such a strange feeling, seeing her there, as if no time had passed. It was almsot as if she was seventeen again. "Rinoa!"

Rinoa looked up, her face automatically breaking into a grin as she saw who it was. "Selphie! What are you doing here?"

Selphie immeadiately enveloped her friend in a tight bear hug, tears glistening in her eyes. "I heard that you were here, and I just had to see you! Rinoa...I can't believe it! I missed you so much! You better have a good explanation for where you've been all this time!"

"It's a long story," Rinoa explained.

"Hey, we have three years' worth of stuff to catch up on! I'm all ears."

Rinoa then proceeded to tell her about everything that had happened since the day the Ragnarok had gone down. She had told the story so many times now that she could almost tell it without feeling any emotion. Almost. It was still hard to think about the years of her life that she had missed.

"Selphie," Rinoa said after she had reccounted everything that had happened. "Irvine told me about how you blamed yourself for what happened. Now you look at me. _None _of this was your fault. It had _nothing _to do with you. Do you understand?"

Selphie nodded. "I'm just so glad you're back, Rin."

"Me too," she said, smiling. "How long do you plan on staying here?"

Selphie shrugged. "I took an indefinite leave of absence from Trabia Garden. I can petty much stay here as long as I want to. It'll be nice to see everyone again and get to spend some time with everyone. It'll be just like old times."

Rinoa nodded. "Yeah," she said, a hint of sadness in her voice. "Just like old times."

****


	24. Chapter TwentyFour

Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy VIII….

Author's Note: Well, tomorrow is, unfortunately, the first day back to school for me. Which means that updates will probably be taking place on the weekends again. I'll try to update every week, but to be honest, I very much doubt that that will happen. If I get the workload that I have received in past years, then I just don't think I will have the time to update every week. Basically, look for updates every two weeks from now on, and, as usual, I will e-mail you all when I do update. Thank you all so much for hanging with me. It will soon be a year since I started this fic. It really means a lot to me that so many of you are still around, reading and reviewing. THANK YOU!!!

To Love You More

Chapter Twenty-Four

**__**

"I feel forty kinds of sadness when you're gone

I feel the same thing always happens when you're gone

And I know you're just around the corner

But just around the corner is not enough

It's not enough…"

-"Forty Kinds of Sadness" Ryan Cabrera

SQUALL ran a hand through his hair and sighed. Why was it that things in his life always seemed to get more complicated? Nothing in his life was going the way he had planned. Of course, on the few occasions that he had allowed his mind to contemplate the future, he had always seen Rinoa by his side. If Rinoa did not want to be with him, then he had always seen that future shifting to one of loneliness. Things had not turned out that way, though. Of all people, he was sharing his life with Quistis. No, it was more like he was _supposed _to be sharing his life with her. He was trying, he really was, but Rinoa's image was constantly on his mind. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt Quistis, but if he was being honest with himself, then that was inevitable. He had tried to deny it, to convince himself otherwise, but he knew the truth. In his heart, he knew. He was still in love with Rinoa Heartilly.

What was he supposed to do? No matter what, someone was going to get hurt. There was also what Rinoa had said. According to her, she was dating Irvine. Squall didn't even know what to make of that. It just seemed so sudden. He needed to respect her wishes, though, didn't he? Rinoa had made a decision, one which did not include him. He had no control over the situation anymore. The only logical solution was to stand by his wife and forget all about Rinoa. That way, neither of the women would get hurt. Right? It was all for the best. He had put himself into the situation. If he hadn't married Quistis, he would be with Rinoa right now. If Rinoa hadn't come back, he would probably be leading a pretty normal life with Quistis. If Squall hadn't kissed Rinoa the night before, he might not want to do it again so badly. The problem was, there were too many "ifs." Looking at what could have been wasn't going to get him anywhere. The here and now, that was what was important. Rinoa had taught him that long ago. He had to honor her wishes. It was as simple as that.

"Squall!" a voice exclaimed. "Looks like you haven't changed a bit! You've still got your head in the clouds."

Squall raised his eyes to meet those of Selphie. "Selphie. So you weren't lying when you said that you were coming."

Selphie shook her head. "Nope! You should know that much by now."

"You're right, I should. Did you just get here?"

"No, I actually got in this morning. I've pretty much been talking to Rinoa ever since."

Squall nodded. "I'm, uh, glad you came. Rinoa could use a familiar face right now."

"My thoughts exactly." Selphie smiled. "That's part of the reason why I came to see you. I've been thinking…wouldn't it be great to have a welcome home party for Rinoa? It would give her a chance to just relax and catch up with everyone. I know that I have to clear it by you first, so what do you say?"

Squall shrugged. "I think it's a good idea."

Selphie stared at him in disbelief. "What? Are you serious?"

Squall nodded once more. "Yes, as long as it doesn't get out of hand."

"Oh, it won't, I swear! Thanks, Squall!" She flung her arms around him. "I'll make sure that everything is perfect. Gosh, I have so much to do! Hey, do you still have the Garden Festival Committee?"

"Yes."

"Do you think I could get them to help with everything?"

"Go right ahead. I'm not so sure this is a smart thing to do, but I'm going to leave you in charge. Just let me know when you plan to have the party."

Selphie nodded. "I will. Thanks again, Squall!" She happily skipped out of his office…and right into Irvine. "Oh!" she exclaimed, surprised. "I'm sorry."

Irvine lifted his eyes to hers, taking in her full appearance. "What are you doing here?"

"Well," she began, a bit put off by his forwardness, "I heard about Rinoa."

He nodded. "I see. Well, I'll let you continue on your way, then."

"Irvine, wait. I could use your help, actually."

Irvine raised an eyebrow. "My help?"

"Yes. I'm going to have a big party for Rinoa. Do you think you could help organize everything? You don't have to if you don't want to. You were just always so good at that."

Irvine nodded. "Sure, I don't mind. That is, if you don't mind my hanging around."

Selphie looked at him in confusion. "Why would I mind? I wouldn't have asked, otherwise."

"You're the one who broke things off," he quietly reminded her. "I guess I just figured that you never wanted to see my face again."

"Oh, Irvine," Selphie said softly. "I'm sorry if that's what you thought. I would love to have your help. What happened between us was a long time ago. Why don't we just try to forget the past and move on? We could have a fresh start."

"If that's what you want, then fine."

"It's not just about what I want. I want you to be happy, too. I know we can't go back to the way we were before, but can we at least be friends? I've missed you, Irvine."

"I've missed you, too," he admitted. "Okay, I'm willing to give this friends thing a shot. We don't have anything to lose, right?"

Selphie smiled. "Nope. I think I'm going to get the rest of the gang in on this, too. Squall's busy being commander, but I'm sure Zell and Quistis could help. I'll round them up and meet you at the cafeteria in an hour."

"Okay, I'll see you then."

"See ya!"

RINOA tapped her foot against her chair as she tried to concentrate on reading a book. It was no easy task, however. After strolling through the library in search of a good read, she had finally settled on a book entitled _Mystique_. It had looked interesting, but _Mystique_ had turned out to be a romance novel, which she definitely wasn't in the mood for. Every interaction between the main characters, Ash and Diana, reminded her of the one person she wasn't supposed to be thinking of. Last night had been a big step for her, and in moving on. So she had lied to Squall about her feelings for him. It was a small price to pay for his happiness. Then, there was what she had said about Irvine. Where had that come from? Her and Irvine were most certainly not dating, and while he had feelings for her, she wasn't sure how she felt about that. Sure, he had been wonderful to her, but did she really feel anything more than friendship towards him?

"Damn!" she cursed as she slammed her book onto the desk. "This is impossible."

Reading just wasn't an option for her right then. It offered wandering thoughts, which she just didn't need right now. What she did need was something that would keep her mind occupied. Something that would take up her time. Something like a job. Irvine had told her about the secretary job, but she needed to talk to Squall about it. Squall definitely wasn't someone she wanted to talk to right then, but the sooner she started the job, the less time she had to think about her screwed up life. She stood up, telling herself that she would have to ask Squall about the job eventually. Wasn't now as good a time as any? Of course the situation would be awkward, but she would do her best to avoid any talk of what had transpired the previous night. She was seeing him solely for the purpose of inquiring about the job. That was it; nothing more.

Putting on what she hoped was a mask of confidence, Rinoa strode down the hall. As usual, she had to deal with the whispers and stares of many of the students, and, as usual, she ignored them. No formal announcement had been made about her return to Garden, causing Rinoa to wonder what Squall was waiting for. Wouldn't it be easier to just get everything out in the open? Perhaps that would cease the gossip until some other major event happened. Like Quistis getting pregnant. Where had _that _come from? She couldn't help but feel jealous at the thought of Quistis carrying Squall's baby. It was bound to happen eventually. Someone like Quistis was sure to make a wonderful mother, and Squall would be a great father, despite his protestations of the contrary. Any kids they had were sure to be beautiful, and intelligent, too, if they were anything like their parents. A little blonde girl with Squall's icy blue eyes.

"Stop it!" she practically shouted. Why was she doing this to herself? To her horror, she felt tears sting her eyes. She was so frustrated with herself. Why did she have to be so damn weak?

"Hey," Rinoa felt a reassuring hand on her shoulder. "Are you okay?"

Rinoa quickly spun around to see Irvine. "I'm fine," she said, forcing a smile. "It seems like my allergies are acting up today."

Irvine frowned, not quite believing her. "Are you sure? This doesn't have anything to do with me, does it?"

Rinoa shook her head. "Not in the least. I really am fine, Irvine. I just need to go talk to Squall about that secretary position."

The cowboy nodded. "Okay. Remember, though, if you need to talk, I'm here. My door is always open to you, Rinoa."

"I know. Thank you, Irvine."

"You're welcome," he said uncertainly as he watched her retreat down the hall. Would she ever be able to confide in him? He felt the urgent need to protect her, but would she ever let him in? There was no time to ponder those questions now. He was already overdue for Selphie's meeting in the cafeteria.

"HEY everyone!" Selphie greeted happily. The gang had settled around a table in the back of the cafeteria. It was a fairly secluded spot which offered a private place for discussion. Irvine and Quistis were seated across from her and Zell. Selphie had to admit that it felt a bit odd not to be seated next to Irvine.

"Selphie," Quistis said, quickly glancing at her watch. "I don't mean to be rude, but can we hurry this along? I agreed to sub for Ms. LeVarge's humanities class today."

Selphie nodded. "Don't worry, Quis. This won't take long." Selphie found that she had already begun to revert back to everyone's old nicknames. In a way, it was scary how everything had gone back to the past so quickly.

"So we all know about the party by now," Irvine put in. "And we've all agreed to help out, correct?" Everyone nodded their heads. "Alright, Selphie, what do you want us to do?"

"Well, I've pretty much worked out everything in my head. Each of you are going to have a specific task to carry out. Squall has given me the go ahead to enlist the help of the Garden Festival Committee, so I'll be talking to them after this. Anyway, let's start with you, Quistis. You are going to be in charge of the invitations. I'm counting on you to compile a list of everyone who you think should be at the party."

Quistis nodded. "No problem. Basically, that's everyone in Garden, plus Zone and Watts, Laguna, Kiros, Ward, and Ellone. What about General Caraway?"

"Hmmm…" Selphie thought about that for a moment. "I say we go for it. He is Rinoa's father, after all. We can't just exclude him. Oh, and don't forget about Headmaster Cid and Matron. I know you're really busy, Quistis. Are you sure you can handle everything between being an instructor and an assistant commander?"

"Yes. Actually, I'll probably have more free time. You see, I've decided to give up my current job of assistant commander and, instead, will help Dr. Kadowaki. I've found that I really have a passion for medicine, so Dr. Kadowaki plans to take me under her wing, so to speak."

"That's great, Quistis!" Selphie said sincerely. "You'll make a wonderful doctor. Do you know who will be taking over your position yet?"

Quistis shook her head. "I'm sure Squall will choose someone wonderful. I highly doubt he would hire outside of Garden, so who knows who it could be. Most likely someone we are familiar with."

Selphie nodded. "Sounds good. Okay, getting back to business, let's continue with you, Irvine. I'm putting you in charge of the music. It's up to you to hire the band, DJ, or whatever. Just keep in mind that you're trying to find music that _Rinoa _likes. That means no country."

Irvine smiled. "Aw, no country? Come on, Selphie. How can we have a party without any country music?"

"Is this _your _party?" she demanded. He shook his head. "Didn't think so. We're doing this for Rinoa, guys. She's been through a lot and this party is a way to show her that we all care. I really want it to be perfect."

"Okay, you win," Irvine said. "No country."

"Thank you." Selphie turned to Zell. "Okay, Zell. You are going to be in charge of the food. Hire caterers, have your mom help you, whatever you want to do. Just, please don't try to cook the food yourself."

"Hey!" Zell cried indignantly. "What's wrong with my cooking?"

Irvine snorted, and Quistis had to hide her face from fear of insulting Zell with her laughter. "Remember the time that you almost set fire to the cafeteria when you tried to 'roast' a hotdog?" Selphie asked. "You tried to build a fire in the middle of the kitchen!"

Zell smiled sheepishly. "Hey, how else are you supposed to roast a hotdog?"

Everyone just shook their heads. "_No _cooking, Zell."

"Okay, okay. Don't worry about a thing. As long as I'm in charge, this is going to be one kick ass party."

"Great! Oh, I forget to tell you guys one more thing. I want this party to be a surprise. That means we can't let Rinoa near the quad or the ballroom for a few days. We're going to need someone to distract Rinoa in the meantime. Any takers?"

"I'll do it," Irvine said quickly, slightly surprising everyone else. "I'll find a way to keep her away from the plans."

Selphie nodded. "Well, that about covers everything. I'll have the Garden Festival Committee work on the decorations. I'm planning to have this party in three days. I know that's short notice, but I know we can do it. I'm counting on you guys! Thanks again for helping me out. Oh, and by the way, do you all want to have dinner together tonight, you know, Squall and Rinoa, too. It would give us all a chance to catch up."

Quistis nodded. "Sounds good. I'll let Squall know. He'll probably make a fuss about it, but I'll drag him down here if I have to."

"Sounds good for me, too," Irvine chimed in. "I'll let Rinoa know if I see her."

"I'll be there, too," Zell said. "What time do you want to meet here?"

"How about seven?" Selphie asked. They all agreed and then broke up to go their separate ways. _Woo-hoo! This is gonna be great!_

"SQUALL?" Rinoa called from outside of his office door. "Can I talk to you for a second?"

After a few seconds, the door opened, and to Rinoa's surprise, Headmaster Cid walked out. "Rinoa!" he exclaimed. "Squall was just informing me of everything that has happened. It is wonderful to have you back!"

"Thank you," Rinoa said, and then surprised them both by enveloping him in a tight hug. "It's great to see you, Headmaster."

"Ah, ah, ah. Have you forgotten? Cid is just fine."

"Alright, Cid then. Um, is Squall in there? I just wanted to talk to him about a job opening."

"Oh, you mean to take over Quistis' job? I think it's a fine idea!"

Rinoa looked at him in shock. "Excuse me?"

"Headmaster," Squall said as he walked out of his office. "Please excuse us. If there is anything that you further need to discuss with me, then please do so later. I need to talk to Rinoa right now."

The Headmaster nodded. "Squall, my boy, you are turning into a fine commander. I see that I've always been right about you. Anyway, I will be in my office. Perhaps I should call Edea and tell her where I am. I sort of…snuck away."

Rinoa giggled at the Headmaster's confession, but Squall just shook his head. He gestured for her to follow him into his office. Once inside, he shut the door behind them and turned to her expectedly. "Do you really want to take over Quistis' job?"

Rinoa was even more startled by Squall asking her than when the Headmaster had. "I'm sorry," Rinoa said quietly, "But I'm not sure that I understand what you are talking about."

"Quistis has decided to practice medicine with Dr. Kadowaki. The job requires the utmost dedication, so she's giving up her current job."

"Oh," Rinoa said softly. "You must be very proud of her."

Squall nodded absently. "That was what I was referring to." He frowned. "What did you think I was talking about?"

Rinoa found herself blushing at just what she had been thinking. "N-nothing," she stammered. "I don't want to take over Quistis' job, though. Irvine told me that a secretary position was open, so I came to ask you about that."

"Oh," Squall said rather stupidly. He also felt embarrassed at what he figured Rinoa had been thinking. He cleared his throat. "Yeah, the secretary position is still open. It's basically what you used to do for the Headmaster. Filing, booking, and the like. You up for that?"

Rinoa nodded. "Sure, but don't you need to interview me or something? You can't just hand me the job."

Interview her? Hell, the only interview he would like to carry through was one that involved throwing her onto his desk and having his way with her. That was interview enough, wasn't it? "I'll be honest with you, Rinoa. I was thinking of having you assist Dr. Kadowaki."

Rinoa was surprised. "Me? Why?"

Squall shook his head. "To put some distance between us. After last night, you seemed to make it pretty clear that that's what you want. The fact is, Rinoa, that I don't need to interview you. I already know that you are the best person for the job. If you had told me that you wanted Quistis' job just now, hell, I would have given you that, too. I know you, Rinoa, and I know the way you work. So if you want the secretary job, it's yours."

Rinoa wasn't sure what to say to that. Of course she wanted the job, but she also wanted to earn it fair and square. Still, Squall had just made it pretty clear that, in his book, this was fair and square. "Okay," Rinoa said, a bit reluctantly. "I'll take the job. When would you like me to start?"

Squall shrugged. "If you can, tomorrow. If not, then tell me what's good for you."

_You're good for me. _Eek! Where the hell had that come from? Thank God she hadn't said that out loud. What was wrong with her today? "No, tomorrow is fine."

"Okay, good. Just come see me around eight and I'll get you all set up."

Rinoa nodded. "Okay, I'll see you then." She walked out of his office, feeling a bit uncertain about everything. She had wanted the job as a way to keep her mind off of Squall. Instead it seemed like she would be seeing even more of him.

"Hey," she heard Squall say behind her.

She turned around, thinking he was talking to her. Then, she spotted Quistis through the doorway of his office. Rinoa quickly darted behind a pillar in the hall so she wouldn't be spotted.

"Hey, baby," Quistis greeted her husband. "I just wanted to check and see if everything was okay with you, you know, since last night."

"Yeah, I'm fine," she heard Squall say.

"Okay, great. I have to go teach a class now, but I was thinking we could get together after that. I miss you, you know. I could cook you a late lunch, just the two of us."

"Yeah," Squall said. "That sounds great. I'll meet you at our apartment in an hour, okay?"

"Mhmm." Rinoa watched as Quistis wrapped her arms around Squall's neck and began to kiss him hungrily. That sight was more than she could take, and she quickly ran down the hall, in the opposite direction. Once again, she ran into Irvine.

"Irvine," she said, breathless from running. "I thought about what you said, and I agree. I want to go out with you. In fact, how does tonight sound?"


	25. Chapter TwentyFive

Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy VIII….

Author's Note: Hey guys! Sorry for the long wait with this chapter. I'm really sad to say that school is taking up even more of my time than I had anticipated. Junior year is definitely very demanding. However, there is no way that I am giving up on this fic after investing so much in it. Besides, I don't think I _could_ give it up. I just love writing it too much. So I guess what I'm saying is, you should probably expect chapter updates to be more sparse, but I will try my best to update once to twice a month. Thank you all so much for your patience!

****

Digital Siren: Lol, ask and you shall receive. I have to admit that I've had a lemon planned from the start, so look for that in a later chapter

To Love You More

Chapter Twenty-Five

**__**

"So afraid to love you

More afraid to lose

Clinging to a past that doesn't let me choose

Where once there was a darkness, a deep and endless night

You gave me everything you had

Oh you gave me life…"

-"I Will Remember You" Sarah McLachlan

"WHOA, whoa, whoa," Irvine said, clearly startled. "What did you just say?"

"I want to go out with you," Rinoa told him once more. "Isn't that what you want?"

Irvine stared at her, a mixture of hope and disbelief on his face. "Is it what _you _want?"

Rinoa nodded. "I've been thinking about everything that you said, and I'm willing to give this a shot. You're the only person who really stood by me throughout all of this. I…I really appreciate that. You've been so great to me, Irvine."

"Ah," Irvine said knowingly. "So it's more of a pity date, then."

"No, that's not it at all! I admit, part of me needs a distraction, but most of all, I want to see how this works. We really don't have anything to lose."

"No," he said slowly. "I suppose we don't. Okay, then. If you need a distraction, then I am more than happy to oblige. Sadly, though, I'm going to have to take a rain check on that date tonight."

Rinoa frowned, thinking that Irvine was having second thoughts. "You don't have to do this if you don't want to. Actually, I can't believe I've been so stupid. Of course you don't want to go out with me. You want to get back together with Selphie, don't you?"

Irvine rolled his eyes. "What did I already tell you? It's over between Selphie and me. Rinoa, I want to go out with you. I wish we could go out tonight, but that can't happen. Selphie wants all of us to eat together at the cafeteria tonight."

"What?" Rinoa said stupidly. "All of us?"

Irvine nodded. "That includes you. I guess, in a way, we'll have our date. Although I doubt it's what you were expecting."

"How about this? Why don't we go together tonight," Rinoa said with a smirk.

"Together?" Irvine repeated. "Are you sure that's such a good idea?"

"Why not?" she countered. "We have nothing to hide. Who cares if everyone knows we're dating? What do you think?"

"You really want to make a statement, don't you?"

Rinoa shook her head. "I'm just trying to make this more of a real date, but, you know, if you'd rather keep up your impression of being a ladies man…"

Irvine chuckled. "You win. I'll stop by your dorm at quarter of seven. I guess I'll be seeing you then."

Rinoa smiled once more. "I guess so."

TRUE to his word, Irvine showed up at Rinoa's dorm at six forty-five. Rinoa had opted to dress casually, wearing a dark pair of jeans, a white t-shirt, and a blue sweater over it. Her hair was down and she wore very little makeup. Regardless, she still looked gorgeous. She had to admit, though, that it felt strange to be opening the door for Irvine, instead of Squall.

"You look great," Irvine commented appreciatively as he took in Rinoa's appearance.

"Thank you," Rinoa said, surprised by the sudden blush she felt. This was just Irvine, after all. There was no need to feel awkward, right?

"Shall we?" Irvine said, a smirk on his face as he extended his hand to Rinoa.

She accepted, and they began their journey to the cafeteria. How many times had she taken the same route with Squall? Dinner, parties, meetings. Those thoughts would get her nowhere. Here she had a perfectly wonderful man escorting her to dinner. Why was it so difficult to focus her full attention on him? Who had come to get her after she had come out of her coma? Irvine. Who had always offered a shoulder to cry on? Irvine. Who was willing to be there for her, even when she felt so uncertain of everything? Irvine. No matter what, it was obvious that Irvine cared a great deal about her. Rinoa knew that she cared about him, as well. Couldn't that grow into something more? Sure, they hadn't had that instant connection that her and Squall had shared, but Irvine was reliable; a sure bet. Something that Squall had never been.

"Hey," Irvine said softly. "Are you okay?"

Rinoa looked up at him in confusion. "Yeah, fine. Sorry about that. I guess I just got lost in my thoughts."

The cowboy nodded. "Basically, pulling a 'Squall'." He winced the moment the words left his mouth. "Sorry about that. Not the best choice of words there."

Rinoa waved it off. "Hey, it's fine. There's no need to feel sorry. Squall is our friend, right? There's no reason why we can't discuss him."

Irvine could tell that Rinoa wasn't all too confident about that, but he chose to change the subject. "You know, I heard that tomorrow is supposed to be a great day. You up for that date after all?"

"That sounds great," Rinoa said sincerely. She found that, despite her reasoning in the beginning, she really did want to go out with him. Then, a sudden thought hit her. "I almost forgot. Tomorrow is the first day of my secretary job." She sighed. "Looks like _I'll _have to take a rain check this time."

"Well, hold on a minute. What are your hours?"

Rinoa shrugged. "I have no idea. I suppose that Squall will explain things further tomorrow. I'm really sorry, Irvine. I would have loved to do something tomorrow."

"You know," Irvine began thoughtfully, "There's always your lunch hour. We can do something then. Maybe, you know, give it another go?"

Rinoa nodded. "I'm game. I'll let you know what time I get off for lunch. What do you think? Café Fiori again?"

Irvine shook his head. "Actually, I have a different idea."

"Well," Rinoa prompted, "What is it?"

Irvine chuckled. "Sorry, but that's a surprise."

Rinoa crossed her arms in mock anger. "That is so unfair. You aren't even going to give me a hint?"

The cowboy shook his head. "Nope. Then that wouldn't be much of a surprise, would it?"

Rinoa shook her head in defeat as they reached the cafeteria. She was definitely intrigued as to what the surprise was, but she would have to wait until the next day to find out. Right now, all she had to worry about was having a quiet dinner. Ha! Who was she kidding? The only way the dinner would be quiet would be from awkwardness. Although, that was pretty unlikely with Selphie in the picture. Speaking of Selphie, Rinoa spotted her waving them over from a table in the center of the room.

"Rinoa, Irvine, over here!" she called energetically.

As they arrived at the table and took their seats, Rinoa couldn't help noticing that Squall and Quistis were the only ones missing. Had Squall refused to come? That wouldn't exactly be surprising. There had been plenty of times where Rinoa practically had to drag Squall to social events. She had always managed to get through to him, though. It made her wonder if Quistis would be able to succeed tonight. The thought had barely left her head when she spotted Quistis dragging a reluctant Squall into the cafeteria. It looks like Quistis had succeeded, after all. Why did that realization cause a dull ache in Rinoa's chest?

"Sorry everyone," Quistis said as she took a seat next to Squall. "Squall had some paperwork to finish up in his office. Isn't that right, Squall?" She looked at him pointedly.

"Yeah," he said absently. "Sorry."

"Hey, no problem," Selphie said. "Now that everyone's here, we can start eating. I hope you all like hotdogs because, for once, that's what we're having."

Zell's eyes immediately lit up. "Did you say hotdogs?" Selphie nodded. "How did you manage that one? The hotdogs have been sold out for weeks!"

Selphie shrugged. "Let's just say that I have 'connections'."

"Well, let's eat then, eh?" Irvine said. "I'm starving!"

Everyone was fairly quiet at the start of the meal. For some, the silence was welcome, but for others, it proved to be awkward. Rinoa belonged to the latter group. At least they had an excuse to be quiet while they were eating, but what would happen when everyone was done? Thankfully, Rinoa never had to find out, as Selphie saved the day once again.

"So, has everyone heard Quistis' good news? She's going to be studying under Dr. Kadowaki. Isn't that great?"

The others congratulated her, causing much embarrassment on Quistis' part. "Thank you," she said modestly. "It really isn't that big of a deal, though."

"Of course it is," Selphie assured her. "We're looking at the future doctor of Balamb Garden!"

"Well, I'm not so sure about that, but thank you, anyway."

Irvine stood up suddenly. "Excuse me for a minute. I'll be right back."

Rinoa watched him go, feeling as if she had just lost her only ally. At least with Irvine, she had had someone in her corner. Now, she felt more alone than ever. She quickly glanced at Squall and found that he was having just about as much fun as her. His gaze was fixed on the plate in front of him and he seemed to be tuning everyone out. Rinoa found herself wondering what he was thinking about.

"Who wants a beer?" Rinoa looked up to see Irvine standing beside her, a twelve pack in his hand. "I snuck this in just for you guys. So, who wants one?"

"I do," Rinoa said, surprising herself and everyone else at the table. She had never been a drinker.

"Sure thing," Irvine said as he handed her a bottle. "Anyone else?"

"I'll take one," Squall said suddenly. The way the night was going, he was going to need it.

Irvine handed a bottle to Squall, and then sat down, popping open a bottle for himself. "If anyone else wants one, just say the word."

Rinoa took a swig of her beer, letting the bitter taste wash over her. "So, Quistis," she began suddenly, "Does this new job of yours mean that you're giving up instructing?"

Quistis shook her head. "Oh, definitely not. I could never quit teaching. I love it too much."

Rinoa gulped down some more beer, enjoying the feeling it gave her. "I see. It must have been hell when you got fired, then, huh?"

Squall looked at Rinoa, a bit disbelieving of what she had just said. Was that really Rinoa, or was it the alcohol talking? Rinoa had never been able to handle alcohol, no matter how small the amount. Squall remembered, with amusement, the time Rinoa had had a glass of wine and gotten completely drunk. That night had certainly been…interesting.

"It certainly wasn't an experience I would like to relive," Quistis said as calmly as possible. "I was inexperienced back then. I would like to think that I've since learned a few things."

"Oh, I think you have," Rinoa said in a pleasant voice. "Besides, it must be great to have such a supportive husband."

Everyone at the table now had their eyes glued to the blonde and the brunette. This conversation was going nowhere good fast. They couldn't help but become fascinated with the two, wondering what would happen next. Someone was sure to lose their composure. The question was, which woman would be the first?

"Oh, it is," Quistis assured her in an equally pleasant tone. She wasn't sure what game Rinoa was trying to play, but she could go ahead and play right back. "Having a husband is wonderful. You know, Rinoa, I just hope that one day you will be able to find true love, as well." She reached for Squall's hand in affection. Squall stared at his ex-girlfriend, an unreadable expression on his face.

"Yeah," Rinoa said, her eyes locked on Quistis'. "I wish the same for you." With that said, she hastily stood up. "Thanks for dinner, Selphie. It was great." She turned, and quickly left the cafeteria, the image of Squall's stare fresh in her mind.

THE sunlight poured through the window; specks of light darting around the room. Rinoa groaned as she felt the sunlight hit her face. She slowly opened her eyes, squinting against the brightness. It wasn't supposed to be that bright in there, was it? Her eyes traveled towards the window, and she realized that she had forgotten to close the blinds last night. At the thought of the previous night, she groaned once more, massaging her forehead. She found that she had developed a migraine, probably from consuming that beer so fast. Alcohol had never really sat well with her to begin with. _Oh, God_, she thought suddenly. _Quistis! How could I have said that to her? _She had no time to contemplate her actions further as she realized that she was supposed to be in Squall's office in fifteen minutes.

"Shit!" Rinoa cursed as she sprang up from her bed, quickly raiding her closet. After a few minutes, she settled on a denim knee-length skirt and a black ruffled top. She wanted to make a good impression on her first day. Although, there was always the possibility that Squall has reconsidered after what she had said at dinner. She silently vowed never to touch alcohol again. It only led to trouble. Squall was sure to be less than pleased with the comments she had made to his wife. Well, what was done was done. Nothing she did now could change that. The only thing to do was hold her head up high and proceed with her life.

That was why, minutes later, she stood outside of Squall's office, breathless from sprinting all the way up there. She quickly smoothed her hair, which she was sure was a frizzy mess by now. Miraculously, though, Squall's office was dark. _Ha! Beat him! _she thought triumphantly. As if one cue, Rinoa heard heavy footsteps, followed by Squall walking down the hall towards her. As usual, his expression was unreadable. He wordlessly unlocked the door, not acknowledging her in the least. Rinoa was not sure if she should follow, but what other option did she have? She entered the room and watched as Squall walked over to his desk and powered on his computer. Finally, he turned to her, as if just noticing she was there.

"How did you sleep last night?" he asked suddenly.

Rinoa was beyond surprised. That was the last thing she had expected him to say. She doubted that she would have been more surprised is he had suddenly broken out in song. Well, maybe that was a _slight _exaggeration. "Fine. Why?"

Squall shrugged. "I just remembered the last time you drank. You were throwing up all night."

Rinoa winced as she, too, remembered that night. She also remembered how tenderly Squall had cared for her that night. "Thankfully, nothing like that happened. I feel fine, except for the pounding in my head. And," she said, wincing once more, "Making a complete fool of myself. You're mad at me, aren't you?"

"Would you be surprised if I said no?"

Rinoa nodded. "Very."

"Well, I guess you're giving to be surprised, then, because I'm not mad at you."

"I don't understand you," Rinoa told him. "I insulted your wife, Squall! In front of all of our friends. How could you not be mad at me?"

Squall waved that aside. "I know that it was the alcohol talking, not you. I don't think I've ever seen someone lose their composure so fast."

Rinoa rubbed her forehead wearily. "Regardless, I had no right to say those things to Quistis."

Squall nodded. "You're right, but you're forgetting that she had no right to say what she did to you. Unlike you, she was not intoxicated."

Rinoa just shook her head. It was impossible to talk to him rationally when he insisted to stick up for her. How the hell was she supposed to forget about him? He sure wasn't making this any easier on her. "Well, what do you want me to do? I'm here to start my job, aren't I?"

Squall nodded again. "Here are some papers detailing your hours and what you are required to do. You have an hour off from twelve to one for lunch."

"So I get off at five?" Rinoa verified as she looked over the papers.

"Yes, except for today. You can leave for the day at twelve."

Rinoa frowned. "What's so special about today that I get to leave early?"

"Nothing. I just figured that you could use the rest."

"Oh," she said quietly. "Well, thank you."

Squall looked away, using everything in his power to stop himself from pulling her towards him and simply holding her. He missed the feel of her arms around him. "Your, uh, desk is right out here." Squall led her to an empty desk located in an area in the center of all of the offices. "I guess I'll leave you to get settled in."

Rinoa nodded. "Thank you for giving me this job, Squall. It really does mean a lot to me."

Squall scratched the back of his head uncomfortably. "I, uh-" He stopped as he heard incoming footsteps. He turned to see Quistis approaching.

"Squall, can I talk to you for a minute?" Quistis then noticed that Rinoa was standing there. "Oh, hello, Rinoa," Quistis said coldly.

"Hello, Quistis," Rinoa returned, her voice equally as cold.

Quistis had been extremely insulted at Rinoa's remarks at dinner the previous night, drunk or not. She decided to continue their little game by placing her hand in Squall's. "I promise this won't take long," she told Squall, grinning up at him.

Squall looked helplessly at Rinoa. "Are you going to be okay?"

Rinoa waved him off. "I've done this before, remember?" However, she couldn't help adding, "If you need anything, _anything_, I'll be right out here."

Quistis shot Rinoa a death glare as she disappeared into Squall's office. Rinoa sighed. Twelve o'clock couldn't come soon enough.

****


	26. Chapter TwentySix

Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy VIII….

Author's Note: School is evil! Ha ha, I have a nice four-day weekend off from school, so hopefully more writing will ensue. Chapter twenty-seven is completely done and about 90 typed, so things are looking pretty good so far. Sorry if this chapter seems boring, it's more of a filler, than anything. The next chapter will be all about the party, and lots will be going on. Thanks for the reviews, and keep them coming, please!

To Love You More

Chapter Twenty-Six

****

"Through this world I've stumbled

So many times betrayed

Trying to find a honest word

To find the truth enslaved

Oh you speak to me in riddles

And you speak to me in rhyme

My body aches to breathe your breath

Your words keep me alive…."

-"Possession" Sarah McLachlan

RINOA sat at her new desk, furiously typing away on her computer. All of the frustration, anger, and helplessness she was feeling was reflected in her typing. She knew that she had no right to be mad at Quistis, but that didn't change the fact that she was. Yes, she had said some hurtful things to Quistis the previous night, but Quistis had completely rubbed it in her face. In all honesty, Rinoa had been more than happy to apologize to her when she had seen her that morning. However, after hearing the way Quistis had addressed her, and the way she had flaunted the fact that she was Squall's wife, Rinoa couldn't help but retaliate. Now, she felt pretty stupid about the comment she had made to Squall. It made her come off as childish and immature, trying to compete for a married man's affection. Feeling even more frustrated with herself, she continued to bang away on the keyboard.

"Hey, do you have a death wish or something?"

Rinoa looked up to face the speaker. "I'm really not in the mood, Irvine."

"Well, I can see that. It looks like you could use a little cheering up, and I know just the thing," Irvine told her. "Let's get out of here."

"Sorry," Rinoa said, "But if you couldn't already tell, I'm working. Furthermore, it's my first day on the job. I'm not about to just get up and leave."

The cowboy scratched his head, puzzled. "Squall must really be taking it hard on you. Don't you have a lunch break?"

Rinoa nodded absently as she continued to type. "Yes, but it's not until twelve."

"Uh," Irvine said slowly, "It's one o'clock, Rinoa."

Rinoa's head immediately shot up from the monitor. "What?"

"It's one o'clock. You should have taken lunch an hour ago. What have you been doing?" Irvine asked.

As if on cue, the door to Squall's office opened, and he walked out. "Rinoa?" he asked, surprised. "What are you still doing here? I told you that you could leave at twelve."

Rinoa shrugged sheepishly. "I guess that I just lost track of the time. You know, because these SeeD reports are just _so_ interesting."

"Of course," Squall said dryly. "Well, I hate to bring an end to your amusement, but your shift for the day is over. Have you had lunch yet?"

Rinoa shook her head. "I was just about to catch a bite with Irvine. What about you?"

Squall shrugged. "I'm supposed to meet Quistis at the cafeteria."

Rinoa nodded. "Of course. Well, see you later." She grabbed Irvine's hand. "Now, I believe you said something about a surprise?"

Irvine nodded. "That's right. You sure that you're up for it?"

Rinoa pretended to be insulted. "Of course I am, Sir Knight," Rinoa teased. "Let's go!"

Squall watched them leave, a pained expression on his face. Rinoa had just called Irvine her knight. Whether she had meant it seriously or in jest, he did not know. All he knew was that he had always been Rinoa's knight. The thought of someone else filling that position did not sit well with him at all. Not in the least.

THE first thing Rinoa heard was the crashing of the waves. She could smell the salt from the ocean, and feel the warm breeze ruffle her hair. There could be no denying the fact that they were at the beach. Irvine had forced Rinoa to wear a blindfold, insisting that it would only add to the surprise. Rinoa couldn't help feeling a dull, aching pain in her chest when she thought about the time that Squall had blindfolded her and surprised her by taking her on a yacht for her birthday. Irvine slowly led her over to an area just off to the right of the water. Finally, he told her she could remove the blindfold.

As Rinoa opened her eyes, pulling the blindfold off, she immediately gasped. They were looking upon a series of large rocks. On top of the rocks was a large blanket and a picnic basket. Rinoa was extremely touched that Irvine had set all of that up for her, but she couldn't brush off the feeling that things were moving too fast between them.

"Do you like it?" Irvine asked.

Rinoa nodded. "It's wonderful. When you said you wanted to go out for lunch, this was the last thing that I expected."

"Well, I figured you could use the change of scenery. You ready to climb up?"

"Yes, as long as I don't kill myself trying to do so."

Irvine chuckled. "Darlin', if I could climb up there carrying a blanket and a picnic basket, I'm sure you can make it."

Rinoa smiled. "Okay, you have a point there."

Irvine climbed up first and then extended his hand to Rinoa. "Here, give me your hand. I won't let you fall."

Rinoa cautiously stepped up and allowed Irvine to hoist her up onto the rock. "Wow," Rinoa said as she took in the view. "This is amazing."

"You should see what the sunset looks like from here. Too bad you have to get back to work."

"Actually," Rinoa said, "Squall gave me the rest of the day off. Didn't you hear him?"

"He did?" Irvine asked, surprised. "I guess I didn't hear that. Well, if you want to stay here for a few more hours, then it looks like we can catch that sunset after all."

Rinoa nodded. "That sounds great. Right now, though, I am starving. Bring anything good?"

Irvine chuckled. "Well, why don't you have a look and see for yourself?"

Rinoa decided to do just that and opened up the basket. Inside, she found an assortment of sandwiches, fruit, chips, soda, water, and what appeared to be some type of pie.

Seeing what Rinoa was holding, he quickly said, "Oh, I picked that up at Cafe Fiori on the way over. You never got to try the apple pie last time, so I figured that I'd bring it to you."

Rinoa was extremely touched at the Cowboy's actions. "Aw, Irvine, you didn't have to do all of this."

The Cowboy just shrugged. "I'm trying to do everything I can to cheer you up."

She couldn't help but smile when he said that. "Well, it's working." Her face fell suddenly. "I almost forgot about everything I said to Quistis last night."

Irvine winced. "Did you have to bring that up?"

"It's kind of hard to forget, Irvine. I made a complete fool of myself. Not to mention that Quistis hates me now and is pretty much doing everything in her power to flaunt the fact that she has Squall."

Irvine sighed. "Last night wasn't your fault, Rinoa. I should have never brought that beer. You wouldn't have said those things if you hadn't been drinking."

Rinoa shook her head. "You had no way of knowing. Besides, no one forced me to drink the beer."

He shrugged. "I guess." His face suddenly turned serious. "You're still hung up on Squall, huh?"

Rinoa was slightly taken aback by his forwardness. "Why would you say that?"

"Well, you said that Quistis is rubbing it in your face that she has Squall. I just kind of took that as you still having feeling for him."

She sighed. "I didn't mean it like that. Irvine, I know that Squall and I are over. Do I still care about him? Of course! I don't think I'll ever stop caring about him, just like I'm sure you'll never stop caring about Selphie. However, caring for Squall doesn't mean that I'm in love with him. I'm with you now, remember?"

"So it's official," he stated, a hint of amusement evident in his voice. "We're dating. No regrets."

"No regrets," Rinoa repeated. "I'm moving on with my life."

"Well," Irvine said as he produced a hidden bottle. "How about a toast then?"

Rinoa stared at the bottle in horror. "Um, after last night, I don't think it's a good idea for me to be drinking alcohol."

Irvine chuckled. "I figured you'd say that." He handed her the bottle. "Read the label. It's just sparkling cider. You're completely safe."

Rinoa laughed. "I guess I am." She popped the cork off the top and poured a glass for Irvine and herself. "What shall we toast to?"

"To the future," Irvine said. "And moving on with life."

Rinoa remembered a time, not so long ago, when she didn't even want to think about the future. She had been perfectly content to live in the present, one day at a time. However, that old Rinoa was gone. She was stronger now, and the future was a part of her life that she should look forward to wholeheartedly. That was why, in that moment, she raised her glass and let it clink against Irvine's.

"To the future."

"HONESTLY, this couldn't have happened at a worse time. I don't know what she was thinking. I thought we had made a lot of progress." Quistis glanced at her husband. "Squall, are you listening to me?"

"Huh?" Squall said as he snapped out of his daze. "What were you saying?"

Quistis sighed exasperatedly. "You haven't been listening to a word I've said, have you? Honestly, Squall, sometimes I don't know why I even bother talking to you."

"I'm sorry," Squall said. "I just have a lot of things on my mind. I'm listening now."

The truth was, he did have a lot of things on his mind, but he could never tell her what those things were. They mostly revolved around the fact that Rinoa had left with Irvine on a date, and, to his knowledge, still had not returned. He knew, because he had personally been staking out the security room and gluing his eyes to every available entrance into the Garden. He felt so pathetic, but that didn't change the fact that he was waiting for Quistis to stop talking so he could hightail it back there. _Yeah, fucking pathetic._

Quistis just shook her head. "I was saying that this is a horrible time for Rinoa and I to be fighting. The party is right around the corner." She sighed. "I just don't understand why she had to personally attack me like that. I thought everything was fine between us."

"She was drunk, Quistis," Squall said flatly, counting every second he was missing. They had probably come back by now.

"I don't mean to sound accusatory, but she had _one _beer. Is it really possible to get drunk to the point of losing all common sense after drinking one beer?"

Squall shrugged. "You're the child prodigy, so why don't you tell me."

"How the hell would I know? For the record, I have never been drunk, nor have I studied anything having to do with it."

Squall rubbed his forehead. "So you're calling Rinoa a liar, then."

"No," she said defensively. "I was merely forming a hypothesis."

"Rinoa doesn't handle alcohol well. I know because I've experienced it first hand. The smallest portion of alcohol makes her tipsy, so there is no doubt in my mind that she was drunk last night. Don't take what she said to you personally."

Quistis looked at him in disbelief. "I'm not one to hold grudges, Squall, but this is a bit ridiculous. Although Rinoa may have been drunk last night, she most certainly wasn't this morning. You saw how she acted towards me. A little support on your part would be great."

Squall was beginning to get annoyed with the whole conversation. "What do you want from me? It seems like everything I say just pushes me higher up on your shit list."

"You know that isn't true! All I'm asking you for is your support. Is that too much to ask?"

"Well, you can forget it. I think you're blowing this thing way out of proportion. Why don't you just apologize to Rinoa so that things can be okay between you at the party."

"Excuse me?" Quistis said dumbfoundedly. "You want _me _to apologize to _her_?"

Squall nodded. "You were really rude to her last night."

Quistis laughed, for lack of anything better to do. Squall's lack of sympathy on her part was completely unnerving. "Why do you keep defending her over me?"

Squall sighed. "I am not defending her over you. All I am saying is that Rinoa had an excuse for the things that she said, but you didn't."

"Of course," Quistis said softly. "Because Rinoa can do no wrong. She's perfect, right? I should have known that you would side with her over me. That's the way it's always been, so why am I surprised? I mean, who cares if we're married, right? I guess some things just never change."

"There you go, making assumptions again. You know what, Quistis? I'm not going to stand here all day and justify my relationship with Rinoa to you. You're not inclined to believe me, so think whatever you want. I'm out of here." He turned to go.

"Not so fast," Quistis said as she quickly grabbed his wrist. "We're not through here."

"Yes we are, Quistis," Squall said as he roughly pulled his hand away. "I can't deal with you right now." In three quick strides, he had crossed the room and exited.

Quistis watched the door swing shut behind her husband, tears quickly filling her eyes. She was hurt beyond belief by the things that Squall had said to her. It made her feel like a discarded rag, just yearning for affection. She had tried so hard to make her marriage to Squall work, but it seemed to be falling apart right before her eyes. It was all because of Rinoa. Quistis hated to say it, but it was the truth. If Rinoa hadn't reappeared into their lives, Squall wouldn't be arguing over her. Everything seemed horribly unfair. Why did her happiness always seem to come last?

Sighing, Quistis grabbed her purse and exited the apartment. She was already late for a training session with Dr. Kadowaki. The last thing on her mind was medicine, though. Rinoa's party was in two days. How the hell would they be able to patch things up between them? Did she even _want _to patch things up between them? Maybe it would be easier to just call Rinoa out. No, that was impossible. It would only serve to anger Squall more, and Quistis loved her husband too much to see him unhappy. There just was not any other option. She was going to have to set things straight between her and the brunette.

INSIDE the security room, Squall was once again glued to the screen. He supposed that people would probably begin to realize he was missing from his office and try to find him. He doubted that they would think to check in there for him. The security guard on duty had called in sick, and Squall hadn't found a replacement. It worked to his advantage, though. There was no one there to witness him making a fool of himself.

The main entrance to Garden was fairly desolate. A few students trickled through the gates here and there, but the one person he was looking for was nowhere to be seen. Squall sighed irritabley. What could they possibly be doing for so long? Thousands of unwanted images flew through his head. He just didn't want to think about Rinoa and Irvine together in that sense. _You better get used to it. She's dating the guy, remember? _Suddenly, Rinoa's form took shape on the camera, walking hand in hand with Irvine. Squall watched through narrowed eyes as they stopped in the main hall. He quickly punched in a code to turn the volume on.

"...was great," Squall watched Rinoa say.

"I'm glad that you had a good time. I, uh, really like spending time with you, Rinoa."

She smiled. "Me too. Do you want to meet for lunch again tomorrow?"

Irvine nodded. "Of course. No beaches, though, unfortunately. Too bad you don't get out early every day."

Rinoa nodded. "Well, I'm going to take a shower now. The sand seems to have snuck up all over me. See you tomorrow."

"Oh, Rinoa, wait a second. I forgot to tell you that Headmaster Cid is having a special anniversary party for Edea in two days. Would you do me the honor of being my date?"

Rinoa laughed. "Of course! Although I very much doubt it's any honor."

"Well, we'll see about that. I'll talk to you more tomorrow."

She nodded and they parted ways.

Inside the security room, Squall watched in relief as they each went their separate ways. Part of him had been afraid that he would have had to witness some type of kiss between the two. In all honesty, he wasn't so sure that he could handle that. It was a horrible realization to make. He was a married man. _Why _did he have to keep reminding himself of that fact every second? Shouldn't it be a natural instinct? A beautiful feeling that came along when thinking of your spouse? Why was it so hard for him to feel that?

_No_, he thought, _I do feel it. Just...with the wrong person. _Rinoa made him feel that way. She had _always _had that effect on him. Why couldn't they just be together? Why was there always an obstacle standing in their way? It was too late now. Far too late. Fate's bell had tolled and he had never heard it ringing. "Now" was too far gone and there was no looking back. The past was the past, meant to lie untouched, unchanged. What was done was done. _That _was the reality of the situation. Reality was unkind, but it hadn't always been. Reality had blessed Squall Leonhart once. Just once. Luck had never been on his side.

Squall got up and left the security room. He _should _go to his office and finish the day there. He _should _go apologize to Quistis. He _should _do a lot of things. Why was it that all he wanted to do was run off to Rinoa's room and beg her to reconsider what she had said? He knew he couldn't do that, though. Besides, she was taking a shower. A smirk suddenly danced across lips at that thought. Shaking his head, he brushed his risqué thoughts aside and headed for the only place that had been faithful to him throughout all the years. It was the only place where he could let his anger loose and just let go. It was a place that he needed now, more than ever. The Training Center.

****


	27. Chapter TwentySeven

Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy VIII, nor do I own the song "Hotel Paper" by Michelle Branch.

Author's Note: Hey everyone! This chapter is really close to my heart because the song, "Hotel Paper," by Michelle Branch is actually what sparked the whole idea for this fic. You can actually consider this chapter as a turning point of sorts. Think of it as closing the door on "act one" and paving the way for "act two." This chapter is pretty much what bridges the gap and leads into the latter half of this story. I hope you enjoy it!

To Love You More

Chapter Twenty-Seven

"SHH, she's coming," Selphie whispered frantically as she scurried to her hiding place behind a table in the ballroom. "Everyone in position!" The few people who weren't already in their hiding places hurriedly resumed their positions. Footsteps could be heard approaching.

"Are you sure the Headmaster is having the party tonight?" They all heard Rinoa say. "It doesn't look like anyone is in there."

"I'm positive," Irvine assured her. "Maybe we're just here early."

Rinoa stepped into the ballroom skeptically. "How early are we, exactly?" There was no answer. Rinoa turned around. "Irvine?"

Suddenly, the lights came bursting on, accompanied by shouts of "Surprise!" Rinoa looked around her in astonishment. It seemed as if every student attending Garden was there, along with her friends, and plenty of familiar faces. Rinoa was now able to see that the ballroom had been decorated in all different hues of blue, from the brightest turquoise to the deepest midnight shade. A huge banner hung from the center of the room that read "Welcome back, Rinoa!" in shiny gold letters.

"What do you think?" Selphie said as she approached her friend.

"I...I don't know what to say! How did you manage to pull this off without my knowing?" she asked incredulously.

"Well, that's where Irvine came in. He volunteered to keep you distracted while the Garden crew worked their magic."

Rinoa turned her gaze to Irvine. "Oh, I see. So that's why you had the sudden interest in spending so much time together." Her tone was teasing, but she couldn't help feeling disappointed.

Irvine shook his head. "I assure you, everything that happened these past few days was completely real on my part." A few whistles were heard throughout the ballroom at Irvine's statement.

Rinoa blushed. "Well, thank you all so much. I can't even begin to tell you how touched I am."

Selphie grinned. "You all know what happens now, right? Time to par-tay!" The crowd erupted into a fit of applause and the ballroom was immediately transformed into a chaos zone. "So, you really didn't suspect anything?"

Rinoa shook her head. "Not a thing. I can't believe so many people are here! You're the best, Selphie."

Selphie beamed. "I'm glad you're happy, Rin. Now, I'm going to go check on the music and let you circulate with your guests. See ya later!" Grinning, she disappeared off into the crowd.

Looking around, Rinoa wasn't sure who she should approach first. There were so many people that she wanted to talk to. It had been so long since she had seen most of them. She suddenly wondered if Squall was there, and quickly scanned the room for him. She was disappointed to note that he was not there. Quistis, however, was, standing by one of the refreshment tables. Rinoa was surprised to see her there, and made a mental note to talk to her later. Right now, she wanted to catch up with Zone and Watts.

"Princess!" Watts exclaimed as she approached him and Zone. "We were so relieved to hear that you were okay!"

Zone nodded in agreement. "I knew that Squall wasn't good enough for our Princess. You're better off without him."

Rinoa resisted the urge to roll her eyes. "Well, it looks like you two haven't changed a bit. Although I have to say, it's great to see you guys."

"Zone was sick for months when he found out the bad news. If you thought he had stomach problems before, you should have seen him then!" Watts told her, his face lighting up with the retelling.

"Shut up!" Zone snapped defensively. "That's not true, Princess!"

Rinoa smiled. "Whether it's true or not, it was really sweet of you to think of me." She gave each of them a hug. "I'll see you later, okay?" She waved and walked off in search of her next "victims."

"Rinoa, dear," a voice said quietly behind her.

Rinoa turned to see Edea, whom she had grown to call Matron over the months after Ultimecia's defeat. Edea had been helping Rinoa control her sorceress powers before the accident. "Matron!" Rinoa exclaimed, enveloping the elegant woman in a tight hug. "It's so great to see you!"

"As it is to see you. You look beautiful, dear," Edea said, smiling at the young woman.

"Thank you," Rinoa said modestly. She was wearing the ivory dress that she had bought with Quistis. It had come in handy after all.

"How have your powers felt lately? They haven't acted out of the ordinary, have they?" she questioned.

Rinoa shook her head. "I haven't really been using magic lately, but everything seems fine."

"Good," Edea said. "I only ask because sometimes sorceress powers can be affected by traumatic experiences. If you have any questions, or if you just want to talk, you know where to find me. Cid and I will be staying at Garden for awhile."

Rinoa nodded graciously. "Thank you. I'm sure that I'll be taking you up on that offer. If you'll excuse me, I think I saw Laguna." She smiled. "I haven't seem him in so long..."

"Of course, my dear," Edea said, smiling. "Just keep what I said in mind and come to see me if you have any problems at all. I'm always free to listen."

Rinoa smiled her agreement and walked over to Laguna.

"Rinoa!" Laguna said happily as he hugged her tightly. "I've missed you."

"I've missed you, too," she said, laughing. "How are things in Esthar?"

"Same old, same old. I've come to realize that Esthar is completely trivial compared to my family. That includes you, Rinoa."

Rinoa was surprised to find tears stinging her eyes. Laguna's words really hit home with her. "Thank you," she managed to croak. Clearing her throat, she said, "Will you be staying in Balamb for awhile?"

Laguna shook his head. "I don't think so. Maybe for a couple of days, if things don't get too serious in Esthar. I think that it's better if I keep my distance from Squall. He seems to want nothing to do with me. Although," he said thoughtfully, "He did call me out of the blue about a week ago."

Rinoa inwardly smirked. "He'll come around, I'm sure. You said he called you, so that's a step in the right direction, right? It would be really great if you could stay."

Laguna shrugged. "Maybe. I'll think about it." He paused, as if choosing his next words carefully. "You know," he said quietly, "I always thought that you would make a wonderful wife for my son. This is probably wrong of me to say, but I think Squall made the wrong choice. I've always seen you as my daughter-in-law."

Rinoa stared at him, speechless. Had he just confessed that he thought Squall's marriage to Quistis was a mistake? Suddenly, a hand was placed on Rinoa's shoulder. She spun around to face the blonde.

"May I have a word with you, Rinoa?" she asked.

Rinoa nodded mutely, not really registering what was going on. All she heard as she walked away was Laguna's sharp intake of breath, followed by, "Ah, I think my leg's cramping up!"

SQUALL walked into the ballroom just in time to see his wife leading Rinoa away. He narrowed his eyes. _What is she up to? _Despite the fact that they were both probably going somewhere to have it out, Squall couldn't help but notice that they both looked gorgeous. Quistis, with her long, red satin gown, and her hair up perfectly framing her face. Rinoa, with her delicate ivory gown, hugging her in all the right places, contrasting perfectly with her dark hair cascading over her shoulders. There was no doubt that the two were breathtakingly beautiful.

A hand was clamped firmly on Squall's shoulder. "Observing my daughter, eh? Keep your eyes on your wife, Leonhart."

Squall resisted the urge to groan. Whose bright idea was it to invite _him_? "General Caraway," Squall said politely. "I didn't expect to see you here."

The General awarded Squall with a look full of venom. "And why not?" he barked. "Rinoa is my daughter, is she not?"

"In the biological sense, yes."

The General narrowed his eyes. "I've never liked you, Leonhart. Here's a friendly word of advice: stay away from my daughter."

Squall glared right back at him. "Quite frankly, Sir, I don't give a damn about what you think. If you want my opinion, I think Rinoa would be a hell of a lot better without _you _in her life."

Caraway's fists clenched in anger. Suddenly, a thought popped into his head. "If you feel that way, then why did you ask Rinoa to come see me?"

Well, that question seemed to have him backed into a corner. Why _did _he make that stupid bet with Rinoa? He certainly had nothing to gain from it. "Rinoa loves you. I honestly don't understand why, but nevertheless, she does. I didn't want her to have any regrets about you. You know what, though? I should have kept my mouth shut because all you proved to do was crush anything she saw in you."

"Ah, that's a good one," Caraway said, laughing bitterly. "Just like you did to her. I guess we're more alike than I'd imagined."

"I never abandoned Rinoa. Too bad I can't say the same for you."

"You're a bastard," Caraway hissed. "Saying such things to my face. You never abandoned her? What the hell do you call your marriage to Trepe?"

"You know damn well that that has nothing to do with abandoning Rinoa. She wasn't even in the picture."

"Don't lie to me, boy. If you claim to have loved my daughter as you've said, then there was never a moment when she _wasn't _in the picture. Why do you think I never remarried after my wife's death?" He shook his head. "Deny it all you want, boy, but you abandoned her. My earlier statement still holds true. We are more alike than you think."

Squall just shook his head, refusing to acknowledge that fact. "You have your beliefs, and I have mine. Good evening, General."

RINOA had been concentrating on following Quistis when she had spotted him. He had walked into the ballroom looking extremely debonair in his SeeD uniform. The way he carried himself, from his long strides, to the way he stood tall, exuded authority. There was no mistake in Rinoa's mind that Squall had been born to be in a position of authority, no matter how much he tried to convince everyone otherwise.

"Rinoa, I'm sorry," Quistis blurted out suddenly. "I've wanted to tell you that for the past few days, but I couldn't seem to find the nerve to." She chuckled nervously.

The brunette shook her head. "No, I'm the one who should be apologizing. I was completely out of line. Everyone's been using the alcohol as an excuse, and although I was drunk, I don't think it should matter. I honestly didn't mean any of the things I said."

Quistis nodded. "We've really been acting childish, haven't we? I mean, we're both adults here. I don't want a petty squabble to come in-between our friendship."

"I couldn't agree more," Rinoa said wholeheartedly. "Now that I have the chance, I also want to thank you for helping plan this party. I'm sure that it was the last ting you wanted to do after what I said."

"No, I really did enjoy it. Although I had hoped that we would be on speaking terms for it. It looks like that wish came true."

Rinoa nodded. "Definitely." She hugged the blonde lightly, not wanting to ruin her dress. "Gorgeous dress, by the way."

Quistis smiled. "Thank you. The same goes for you. Whoever picked it out has great taste."

They both laughed at that one. Rinoa noticed Squall standing by himself in the corner. She felt goose bumps dot her arms as she was suddenly thrown into the past. Everything was so like that first night when she had met Squall and shared that amazing dance with him. Tonight, there would be no dancing between her and Squall. There was someone else for that now.

"Quistis," Rinoa said suddenly, "Why don't you go over and talk to Squall? Who knows, maybe you can even drag a dance out of him."

The blonde looked uncertain. "Are you sure you don't mind?"

Rinoa shook her head. "Go on and have some fun." She smiled encouragingly.

"Okay. I'll talk to you later." She smiled and made her way over to the other side of the ballroom. Rinoa watched her go, smiling sadly to herself. What she would give to dance with him that night...

**__**

I write mostly on hotel paper

Knowing that my thoughts will never leave this room

I'd be out of line telling you, "Leave her"

So I lie lonely surrounded by you

By you

Quistis grabbed Squall's hand uncertainly. "Will you dance with me?"

Rinoa watched as Squall nodded his head and allowed himself to be lead onto the dance floor. Quistis placed her arms around his neck and he placed his firmly on her waist. No guidance was needed, as had been the case when she had danced with him. The music played softly in the background, thankfully, not the infamous song that had played so long ago. _Their steps are flawless_, Rinoa noted, unable to keep her eyes off the pair. They looked like the perfect couple; her light features complementing his darker ones perfectly. She watched as Quistis laughed, twirling, and Squall rewarded her with a smile. They were the fairytale couple that everyone always dreamed about being one day. _Is this what Quistis used to think when she saw Squall and me together?_

"Champagne, Miss?" The waiter's words snapped Rinoa out of her trance-like state.

"Oh, no," she said. "No, thank you."

Before the waiter could even reply, Rinoa's eyes were back on the dancing couple. She did indeed seem to be in a trance. It was as if every fiber of her being was pulling her to that spot, forcing her to watch. Her mind silently taunted her. _See that, Rinoa? See how happy he is with her? Are you ready to finally accept that? _The song suddenly ended and both Squall and Quistis looked flushed. The latter was positively beaming at her husband. From where Rinoa was standing, it was impossible to decipher the look on Squall's face.

"Oh my God, Rinoa!" Selphie exclaimed as she came bouncing over. "Have you heard the good news?"

"No," Rinoa said slowly, not understanding what she was talking about. "What good news?"

"Well, it's kind of a secret, but I don't think Zell will mind if I tell you."

"Tell me what, Selphie?" Rinoa asked exasperatedly.

"Zell proposed to Carrie!" she squealed. "And Carrie accepted! Isn't that wonderful?"

Rinoa nodded, forcing a smile. "That's wonderful. I'll have to congratulate Zell when I see him."

Selphie nodded enthusiastically. "Looks like I've got a wedding to plan! I've got to spread the good news!" She skipped away, humming to herself happily.

**__**

Lately I can't be happy for no one

They think I need some time to myself

I try to smile but I can't remember

And I know tomorrow there'll be nothing else

The news Selphie had just bestowed upon her was pretty surprising. She had never really imagined Zell as the type to settle down. She was happy for him, though. Even if she didn't show it on the outside, she was pleased that her matchmaking skills from so long ago had succeeded. Too bad nothing else had. Including the plan for her own life. That had pretty much washed down the drain the second Nida had crashed the Ragnarok.

"Hmph, that boy might be stubborn, but at least he knows enough to heed my advice."

Rinoa turned around to find herself facing her father. In all the commotion, she hadn't even realized that he was there. "What do you mean by that?" she asked, her eyes narrowing.

"Nothing. Leonhart just needs to keep his priorities straight. It looks like he's finally coming around with that wife of his."

Rinoa rolled her eyes. "I don't know why you even bothered showing up. I most certainly don't want you here."

"I know you don't mean that, Rinoa."

"I assure you that I do. Just leave me the hell alone."

She quickly walked away from him and allowed the crowd to conceal her. Looking up through the glass domed ceiling, a shooting star whizzed by. Shocked, she glanced back down and spotted Squall watching her a few feet away, sans Quistis. She looked at him questioningly, and he nodded, signifying that he, too, had seen the shooting star. The right thing to do would be to look away and pretend that that just hadn't happened; that it was all a coincidence. Rinoa didn't believe in coincidences, though. She believed in fate. There was no looking back. She took a step forward.

**__**

And I wanted to be

Giving you everything that she's not giving

And I wanted to see

Because I didn't believe what I'd been hearing

"Hey," Rinoa breathed as she finally reached him. "Dance with me?"

He had to fight a grin at that comment. "Rinoa...you know we can't."

"Why can't we?" she insisted. "We've done a lot of things that we shouldn't have."

Squall shook his head. "I'm sorry."

"Please," she said, looking directly into his eyes. "I'm looking for something, and I'll never be able to find it unless you dance with me." It was the truth. She was looking for her freedom, and this was her key to it. She needed this dance; just one more dance. One night where she could lose herself in the past. One night so she could be free.

Squall sighed. "Alright, one dance. Come on." He extended his hand to her and they made their way to the center of the dance floor.

Every eye in the ballroom seemed to be on them. The scene was surreal to them. Was their commander really going to dance with his ex in front of all of them? In front of his _wife_? Quistis watched the scene from the sidelines, also wondering what was about to happen. Strangely, she didn't feel any hostility toward either of them. Rinoa was dancing with her _husband_, for God's sake, but oddly enough, she didn't feel threatened. It was her turn to watch Rinoa place her arms around Squall's neck, and his around her waist. The music started up: Waltz for the Moon. Quistis suddenly felt dizzy and had to grip the column beside her for support.

Meanwhile, on the dance floor, Squall and Rinoa were moving with such fierce intensity that all the other dancers had stopped and were now simply watching them.

"You've improved," Rinoa said breathlessly as Squall spun her around.

"I've been practicing," he told her, his voice a silken whisper against her ear. "I never forgot what you taught me."

"Do you still remember that night?"

"How could I have forgotten?" he whispered. "You underestimate me."

"No," Rinoa said, shaking her head. "I had just hoped that you had forgotten. Please try to forget about that night, Squall."

He frowned, pulling back slightly. "Why? Rinoa, that was the night that I met you."

"I know," she said softly, "But it's of no use to us anymore." Tears stung her eyes. His lips were so close...all she had to do was tilt her head forward.

"I don't understand you," Squall whispered back harshly. "Why are you dancing with me? Is this all a game to you?"

"Maybe it would be easier if it were." She looked up at him, wishing he could read what was written all over her heart. "But no, this is not a game. This is simply...freeing myself."

"Freeing yourself from what? Me?" Squall searched his face. "Don't speak in riddles, Rinoa."

Rinoa shook her head. "No...from myself." The music stopped and she pulled away abruptly. "Thank you for the dance, Squall." As soon as the words had left her mouth, she ran. The balcony was her sanctuary. No one could disturb her there.

**__**

You turned out to be more than I bargained for

And I can tell that you need to get away

Forgive me if I admit that I'd love to love you

We both realized it far too late

That was it; it was done. The curtain had now closed on that part of her life. She couldn't explain why, exactly, she had needed that dance. All she knew was that she would have regretted it forever if she hadn't seized that opportunity. Being in Squall's arms again was all that she had needed to experience. Her talk with Quistis that night had been the only answer she needed. She would never allow herself to hurt Quistis in such a way. That was why she had needed that dance. Hopefully, Quistis would understand. She had allowed herself to live in her memories for one last moment. Now, she had locked that door for eternity.

"What are you thinking about?" Irvine asked as he approached her from behind.

"I'm thinking," she said softly, "That I've finally set him free."

Irvine didn't need to ask who she was talking about. He, like everyone else, had witnessed what had happened in the ballroom. "Do you ever think about what would have happened if you and me had just escaped from the Desert Prison together? We could have taken on the world."

"Things would probably be a lot less complicated right now. Maybe we should have taken off. Who knows where we'd be now?"

"You and me against the world, huh? Anything could have happened."

Rinoa sighed. "There's no use in looking back. You can't live in the past, Irvine."

"No, you can't." He turned to face her, gently lifting her chin so that she was looking him directly in the eyes. He searched her face, perhaps looking for some sign of consent, before gently placing his lips upon hers.

**__**

And I wanted to be

Giving you everything that she's not giving

And I wanted to see

'Cause I didn't believe what I'd been hearing

Selphie turned her head away from the two, feeling like she had just been hit with a pile of bricks. Her and Irvine had ended a long time ago, so why did she feel so hurt that he was kissing Rinoa?

"QUISTIS, before you say anything, I just want to tell you that it was purely a dance between friends," Squall told his wife.

Quistis nodded. "I know. I saw the way Rinoa was looking at you. She's given up."

Squall raised an eyebrow. "What?"

"Yes, she's given up on you. The question is, have you given up on _her_?"

**__**

Maybe this wind blowing in just came from the ocean

****

****


	28. Chapter TwentyEight

Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy VIII...

Author's Note: Sorry for the delay with this chapter. Actually, I haven't even finished writing the next chapter yet. I do have most of the story planned out, though. Thanks for sticking with me!

To Love You More

Chapter Twenty-Eight

__

"It doesn't mean much

It doesn't mean anything at all

The life I've left behind me is a cold room

I've crossed the last line

From where I can't return

Where every step I took in faith betrayed me

And led me from my home..."

-"Sweet Surrender" Sarah Mclachlan

_"THE question is, have you given up on **her**?" _The months had passed, yet that question still found a way to constantly haunt Squall. When Quistis had asked him that, that night after Rinoa's party, Squall had completely frozen. Surely it had been a question she had been dying to ask for quite some time. What had surprised Squall the most was that Quistis hadn't harbored any ill feelings towards Rinoa. Not even after witnessing that dance. It was _him _that she was mad at. She had every right to be. It was a wonder that she had even remained silent for so long. He had wronged her in so many ways, and on so many levels. She didn't deserve to be treated as second place for the rest of her life. That was why, in that moment, he had looked Quistis straight in the eye and told her that, yes, he had given up on Rinoa, and that she was the only woman he was concerned with.

It had been a lie, of course. What was one more lie thrown atop the pile of all the others? The difference this time was that Squall was going to do everything in his power to turn that lie into a truth. He owed so much to Quistis; he couldn't just give up on her. That was why he had lied to her then. One more lie to save his wife, and, to anyone on the outside looking in, it had worked. They were the perfect, loving couple. Quistis felt it, hell, everyone else felt it. Everyone, that is, but him. He didn't love his wife, it was as simple as that, yet, he cared about her enough to keep up this farce, for her sake.

He had to admit, though, since that night, almost four months ago, not a day had gone by without his decision haunting him. There was always that constant, plaguing thought of what would have happened if he had told Quistis the truth, however painful it would be for her. Would he be with Rinoa now, if he had taken that route? Perhaps, but he doubted it. The way it looked now, Rinoa was well on her way to becoming Mrs. Irvine Kinneas. Rinoa and Irvine had been dating since the night of the party. Some speculated that they had actually started dating before then, but pretty much everyone at the party had witnessed that kiss between them out on the balcony. Of course, rumors had been flying left and right after that, but the truth was revealed with confirmation from both Rinoa and Irvine. She had moved on with her life, simple as that.

Squall regretted the fact that they barely talked anymore. They exchanged pleasantries while working, but that was about it. She always seemed to be with Irvine, and when she wasn't, he never had the nerve to approach her. Rinoa's message had been clear all along. He had been a fool not to heed it from the beginning. It sure would have saved them both a great deal of heartache and pain. Maybe they could even be friends now. Isn't that what they had both wanted? It was amazing, how easy promises could be broken. Now, they were left with nothing. Nothing but regret.

"BETHANY'S Wedding Cakes," Quistis read aloud. "This looks like the place." The blonde stepped into the shop, holding the door for Selphie, who walked in behind her.

"May I help you, ladies?" a middle-aged woman asked from behind the counter.

"Yes," Quistis said. "We need to order a wedding cake."

"Well, that's our specialty here. Would you like to look at a book of samples?"

"Actually, we're ready to order," Selphie piped up. She extracted a slip of paper from her pocket. "I've got everything written right here."

The woman nodded. "Just tell me what you need done, and we'll see what we can do for you."

As Selphie explained to the woman what was needed, Quistis' focus was diverted to a woman and her child looking at the display of various cookies. The woman looked to be about thirty-five, with light brown hair and hazel eyes. The child, who Quistis assumed was her daughter, had light blonde hair and wide, brown eyes.

"Mamma!" the little girl exclaimed, "I want that one!" She pointed excitedly to a cookie frosted in the shape of a chocobo.

The woman chuckled. "Alright, hunny. As soon as the woman finishes helping those people, I'll have her get you a cookie."

"Yay!" the girl shouted, her blonde curls bouncing up and down as she spun around.

Quistis found herself smiling, and then, before she fully realized what she was doing, she had walked up to them. "Hi," Quistis said to the woman. "I'm sorry to bother you, but your daughter is so adorable!"

The woman smiled. "Well, thank you. She can be a handful, but I wouldn't have it any other way. Having her was the best thing to ever happen to me." She smiled. "Do you have any children?"

Quistis shook her head. "Oh, no. I don't think I'm ready to think about having kids yet."

"Why not?" the woman asked. "I was about your age when I had my first child. And," she said, glancing at the ring on Quistis' finger, "It looks like you're married. I'm sorry, I know it's none of my business, but I know from experience. My sister was diagnosed with cancer two years ago. Thankfully, she was able to conceive shortly after. She doesn't know how much time she has left, but at least she has this time to spend with her son."

Quistis nodded. "Thank you for telling me that. I'm very sorry about your sister. I understand what can happen if you take life for granted. It's just that, my husband and I have very demanding jobs. I just don't think we'd have time for a child right now."

"Jobs are important, but no job is more important than family. Are your jobs so demanding that you wouldn't even be able to take some time off?"

The blonde shook her head. "It's not so much my job than it is his. He's the commander of Balamb Garden."

The woman's eyes widened. "I knew you looked familiar! Quistis Trepe, correct?" Quistis nodded. "Well, my name is Nancy. It's very nice to meet you, Quistis."

"Quistis," Selphie said as she walked over to her, "Everything is all set. The cake will be all set for the wedding in two weeks."

"That's great, Selphie." She turned to Nancy. "Well, thank you for the advice. I hope everything works out with your sister."

Nancy nodded. "Thank you. Remember what I said."

The second they stepped out of the shop, Selphie turned to Quistis expectedly. "Sooo, what was that all about?"

"What was what about?"

Selphie rolled her eyes. "What you and that woman were talking about. It looked pretty important."

Quistis shrugged. "We were talking about children, actually."

"Children?" Selphie said, raising an eyebrow. "A-Are you pregnant?"

"Of course not!" Quistis exclaimed, shooting her friend a look. "She was just telling me that I should consider having kids since you never know what could happen."

Selphie nodded. "That's true. So, are you going to heed her advice?"

"Selphie!" Quistis exclaimed.

"Sorry! I was just wondering if I was going to be an aunt soon."

Quistis sighed. "I don't know, Selphie. Having a baby is a big step. I'm not sure that Squall is ready for that yet. We haven't even been married for half a year."

"What about you?" Selphie asked. "Are you ready?"

Quistis smiled shyly. "I've always wanted to be a mother."

"Then go for it! Come on, Quistis. You and Squall love each other, so what's standing in your way?"

"Nothing, I suppose. Well, nothing that can't be compromised, anyway."

"It's settled then," Selphie said, grinning. "I'm going to be an aunt!"

RINOA rubbed her forehead wearily. She had been sitting at her desk for hours, typing SeeD report after SeeD report. It didn't help that her head was completely congested, and her eyes and nose wouldn't stop running. A flu bug had been going around the Garden, and it looked like she was its latest victim. _Looks like I'm going to have to cancel dinner with Irvine. _

"Urgh," she groaned as she proceeded to bang her head against the desk. "This is just great."

Squall happened to be walking by at that moment, and wasn't quite sure of what to make of Rinoa's actions. "Ahem," he said, clearing his throat.

Rinoa lifted her head from the desk wearily. "Hey, Squall," she said, her voice raspy. "I'm sorry, I'll get back to work now."

Squall raised an eyebrow. "Are you okay?"

She nodded. "Yup. Just fine." She certainly didn't look fine. Her face was flushed, her nose was red, and her eyes were glistening. The question was, should he leave her alone, or press her further? He opted to do the latter.

"Well, you look horrible." He mentally winced. That wasn't exactly the smoothest thing to say.

"Thank you for that observation, Squall. You sure do know how to make a girl feel fantastic."

Squall sighed. "Take the rest of the day off. You should probably go and see Dr. Kadowaki. It looks to me like you have the flu."

Rinoa shook her head. "I'm honestly fine. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go drop these documents off in Cid's office."

She stood up, but was suddenly hit with an extreme dizzy spell. Immediately losing her footing, she stumbled forward. Luckily, Squall caught her just in time.

"You are not fine, Rinoa." He lifted a hand to her forehead. "You're burning up, too. Damn it, Rinoa, I'm taking you to the infirmary."

"I'm not a little girl," she insisted, trying to pull away.

"I never said that you were. You obviously aren't well enough to make it there by yourself, so I'm going to drag you there if I have to. Are you willing to cooperate now?"

Rinoa opened her mouth, ready with an angry retort, when the room started spinning again, and she suddenly went limp in his arms.

"Rinoa!" Squall exclaimed, receiving no response. "Damn it," he said as he picked her up. "See what you get for being stubborn?"

He quickly made his way to the infirmary, ignoring the stares of the passing students. The only thought on his mind was getting Rinoa to Dr. Kadowaki. Finally, he reached his destination, calling for the doctor as soon as he was in hearing range.

"Squall!" Dr. Kadowaki exclaimed. "What happened?"

"She passed out," he explained, out of breath from rushing down there. "She was burning up..."

She nodded. "Place her on that bed there. I'm sorry, Squall, but I'm going to have to ask you to leave while I have a look at her."

Squall nodded. "She's going to be okay, right? It's just the flu."

Dr. Kadowaki shook her head. "I won't know anything until I examine her. I promise that I'll let you know what's going on the moment I find out." She gently shut the door, blocking out all access to Rinoa.

Sighing, Squall took a seat in the waiting area. Screw work. He was willing to wait there for as long as it took. _Damn it, Rinoa. You can never listen to me, can you? You always have to wait until it's too late. _

"How is she?" Irvine asked frantically as he ran into the room. "I just heard about what happened."

Squall shook his head. "Dr. Kadowaki is examining her now."

Irvine sighed, taking a seat next to Squall. "Do you think we'll have to wait long?"

The commander shrugged. "Who knows?"

"You know, Squall, you don't have to wait if you don't want to. I'll let you know what happens. Besides, I'm sure that you have a lot of work to do."

"No," Squall said. "I can wait."

"Are you sure? Come on, man, you don't have to play hero all the time."

Squall had no chance to respond as Dr. Kadowaki had just walked into the room. Both men looked at her anxiously, trying to judge by her expression just what the news would be.

"Relax, boys," the doctor told them upon seeing their worried expressions. "Rinoa is going to be fine. It looks to me like she has the flu, and, on top of that, she has been overworking herself. It's no wonder that she passed out today. I want her resting and out of work for the rest of the week, and maybe even next week. Rest and lots of fluids are the best thing for her right now."

The men nodded. "Can I see her?" Irvine asked anxiously.

"Actually," Dr. Kadowaki said, looking a bit uneasy, "She's asking for you, Squall."

Squall looked up in surprise. "What are you talking about?"

"Rinoa has asked to see you. I have no idea why. Just remember not to agitate her. She doesn't need any more unnecessary stress."

Squall nodded and walked over to the door. Irvine's eyes bore into Squall's back, watching his every move. Why on Earth would she ask for Squall and not him? Irvine hated to admit it, but he was terribly jealous. He should be the one going to visit his sick girlfriend, not her ex.

"Have a seat, Irvine," Dr. Kadowaki told him as she noticed the look on his face. "I'm sure Squall won't be long. You can see Rinoa as soon as he's done."

"Yeah," Irvine grumbled. "Sounds great."

ALTHOUGH her eyes were closed, Rinoa could sense Squall approaching the room. Perhaps it was her sorceress power that allowed her to constantly feel his presence, or perhaps it was something else entirely. Either way, he was there now, just as she had asked. A stupid move on her part, yes. _Smooth, Rinoa, real smooth. Ask for the ex-boyfriend instead of the current one! _Part of her had opened her eyes, and, upon instinct, called for Squall. The other part, however, just wanted to talk to him. It had been so long since they had been able to do that. Months ago, they had agreed to be friends. Where had their friendship gone?

"Rinoa?" she heard Squall call softly.

God, even after all this time, the sound of his voice still caused chills to run up and down her spine. Slowly, she opened her eyes. "Hey," she said quietly.

"Hey," Squall echoed, taking a seat next to the bed. "How are you feeling?"

Rinoa shrugged. "Alright, I guess. According to Dr. Kadowaki, I have the flu, _and _I'm over-stressed. Sounds great, doesn't it?"

Squall shook his head. "You could listen to me every once in awhile."

"Okay, so you were right this time. That doesn't mean that I have to give up my stubbornness."

Squall smiled slightly. "I don't think you could even if you tried."

"You're probably right," Rinoa said, laughing. "You know what, though? Thanks for making me laugh. I really miss this."

"This?"

"_This_. Our friendship. What happened to us, Squall?" she asked quietly.

"I don't know, Rinoa. You're the one who wanted things this way."

"No," she said, shaking her head. "I never wanted this. I never wanted us to hate each other."

"I don't hate you, Rinoa."

She sighed. "I know you don't. I just miss talking to you, Squall. I don't mean saying a few words to each other while working. I mean _real _conversation."

"Since when have I done 'real conversation'?" Squall asked, cracking a small smile.

"You used to. _We_ used to." Rinoa shook her head. "I guess what I'm saying is, can we be friends again?"

Squall nodded. "I'd like that. However, right now the only thing you should be concerning yourself with is resting and getting better. You have the rest of the week off, and after that, however much more time you need."

Rinoa rolled her eyes. "I have the flu, Squall. It's really no big deal."

Squall held up a hand. "Sorry, doctor's orders."

"Yeah, whatever. You'll be wishing that you had been singing a different tune when you get back to that stack of paperwork sitting on your desk. Speaking of which, it's been selfish of me to keep you for so long, Besides, you had better send Irvine in. I don't want him getting the wrong idea or anything."

_You sound like you want people to get the wrong idea... _His words to Rinoa from so long ago suddenly echoed in his head. Shaking it off, he nodded and stood up. "Remember what I said." Once outside of the room, Irvine stood up from his seat. "She wants to see you."

Irvine hurried over to the door. "It's about damn time."

QUISTIS walked into her and Squall's apartment, thoughts of Nancy's words echoing through her head. Children were such a huge responsibility, and a gigantic step in any marriage. However, it was more apparent to Quistis now than it had ever been before. She wanted a baby. She had always been praised for her maternal instincts. A baby would finally give her something to truly make use of her skills on.

Smiling to herself, Quistis entered the kitchen and grabbed a bite to eat. How was she ever going to approach the idea of a child to Squall? They had never before discussed children, hell, she didn't even know if he liked kids. Fear began to creep into Quistis' mind. What if Squall was completely opposed to the idea? He had never expressed any wishes for children, yet he had never said anything against the idea, either. They were young, yes, but they were also responsible. Besides, what Nancy had said was right. You never know what can happen.

From her place in the kitchen, Quistis heard the door open. "Squall?" she called as she walked into the living room.

"Yeah," Squall said as he faced his wife. "How was your day? Did you order the wedding cake?"

Quistis nodded. "Yeah, it was great. Un, how was your day?" _Well, at least he seems to be in a good mood. _

Squall rubbed his forehead wearily. "Stressful."

_...or not. _The blonde frowned in concern. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"No, not really. I'd rather hear about your day."

"Actually," Quistis said, twirling a strand of her hair nervously, "I have something to ask you."

"Okay," Squall replied. "What is it?"

"What do you think about having a baby?"


	29. Chapter TwentyNine

Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy VIII...

Author's Note: It's been awhile, hasn't it? I'm soooooo sorry! I'm aiming for updating every two weeks now, so hopefully I'll be able to stick with it. Thanks for your reviews!

To Love You More

Chapter Twenty-Nine

**__**

"I've lied to you  
The same way that I always do  
This is the last smile  
That I'll fake for the sake of being with you

Everything falls apart  
Even the people who never frown  
Eventually break down  
The sacrifice of hiding in a lie  
Everything has to end  
You'll soon find we're out of time left  
To watch it all unwind  
The sacrifice is never knowing

Why I never walked away  
Why I played myself this way  
Now I see you're testing me pushes me away  
Why I never walked away  
Why I played myself this way  
Now I see your testing me pushes me away..."

****

-"Pushing Me Away" Linkin Park

"W-What?" Squall managed to stutter. "What did you just say?"

"I asked you how you felt about having a baby," Quistis replied calmly.

"Are you serious?" he asked in disbelief. What had brought this on all of a sudden?

"Yes, Squall, very serious. I know we haven't been married for that long, and that we're both very busy, but I think we could fit a baby into our lives. What do you think?"

Squall sighed as he collapsed onto the couch. "I don't know what to think."

"Squall, don't you want children? I know we've never talked about it before, but I had just assumed..."

"You shouldn't have assumed anything, Quistis. I don't know the first thing about being a father."

"Nothing can prepare you for becoming a parent. In a way, that's why it's so exciting. You don't know what to expect."

"I don't have the time to raise a child, Quistis. You, of all people, should know that."

"So what you're saying is that you're completely against having a baby?"

Squall nodded. "I'm sorry."

The truth was, the second Quistis had said "baby", something inside Squall had cracked. Some tiny little spring had been tripped, setting off a series of emotions within him. The truth was plain and simple; he didn't want to have kids with Quistis. Every time he thought about his future children, he saw brown eyes in place of blue, black hair instead of blonde. As strange as it was, this had been the final straw. The final drop of liquid before everything within Squall overflowed. He could not possibly bring children into the world when he didn't love their mother. It wasn't fair to Quistis and it wasn't fair to their future children. It was time to talk to Quistis about what he was really feeling. He owed her that much, at least.

"Squall?" Quistis asked, worry evident in her features. From the expression on his face, it looked like he was fighting an inner battle with himself.

"I'm sorry, Quistis, but I just can't do this anymore."

"Do what?" she asked, clearly confused.

"This," Squall said, gesturing to everything around them. "I can't pretend to be happy when I'm really not. You deserve better than that."

Warning lights began to go off in her head. "W-what are you saying, Squall? I thought we were happy."

Squall shook his head. "Look at us, Quistis. We can't even see eye to eye on something as important as having children. I think...we need to spend some time away from each other. We both need to find out what we really want."

"How can you say that?" Quistis whispered. "You are the only thing that I've ever wanted."

Squall sighed once more. This was anything but easy. "I'm trying to be fair. I mean, you've had to have felt the tension between us. A break could do us good. I don't think either of us knows what the hell we want." He ran a hand through his hair. "Quistis, you can't tell me that you've been happy with this marriage."

"I agree that things haven't been going as smoothly as I would have liked, but I love you. Isn't that enough?"

"I don't know," Squall answered honestly. "I don't know about anything anymore."

"Then," Quistis said slowly, "I agree with you. I think that a break could do us both some good. I've been so dedicated to this marriage that I barely even know who I am anymore."

Squall nodded. "Thank you. I know this is the last thing that you expected to hear."

Quistis shook her head sadly. "I'm not completely oblivious, Squall. It may surprise you to hear that I have suspected that this was coming for a while now. Although, I desperately tried to deny it." She reached for his face, and let her hands cradle it gently. "I love you, Squall. Surely, you must know that by now."

Squall nodded. "Of course."

"You know what, though? You've never, in all the years we've been seeing each other, told me that you loved me."

"Quistis, I-"

"No," Quistis said, cutting him off. "It's too late for that now. I guess I'll see you...sometime. I'd like to be back for the wedding, but at this point, I don't know how long I'll be gone."

"Where are you going?"

Quistis shrugged. "Who knows? I'll figure something out. Just, please, don't try to find me. I guess, when I come back, we'll figure out where to go from here." She quickly swiped at her eyes to brush away the tears that had spilled over.

"Be careful," he told her seriously. "I really...care about you."

Quistis nodded, her heart silently breaking. He couldn't tell her that he loved her because he _didn't_. Why hadn't she seen it before? How could she have been so blind? She hadn't been able to see the truth when it had been staring her in the face all along. Now, she had the time to make sense of what that "truth" was. Time to find out if she really belonged with Squall.

RINOA sighed as she watched the sunset from her window. Specks of gold molding into brilliant shades of orange, pink, and blue. When was the last time that she had stopped to witness such a scene? Her and Squall used to watch them together from the balcony all the time. Since then, though, she had forgotten about how amazing sunsets were. That is, until now. Perhaps being confined to her room would be a good thing, after all.

Her eyes moved towards the door as the sound of knocking was heard, followed by the door opening to reveal Selphie. When Selphie had first returned to Garden, months ago, she hadn't anticipated on staying for more than a month. However, one thing led to another, and now, with Zell and Carrie's wedding coming up, there was no way she would be leaving.

"Hey," she said cheerfully as she walked into the room. "I heard that you've got the flu, so I brought you some chicken soup."

Rinoa noticed that Selphie was balancing a tray in her left hand. "Thank you," she said sincerely. She began to get up. "Let me help you with that."

Selphie shook her head firmly. "No, no, no, you stay right there! I've got things under control." She placed the tray on the stand next to Rinoa's bed, and then pulled a chair over so that she could sit next to her friend. "So, how are you feeling?"

"Pretty good, actually. I've felt a lot worse in my lifetime. I just hate being stuck in here."

Selphie nodded sympathetically. "I know what you mean. I hate being stuck in one place for a long time. Don't worry, though. I'll figure out some way to sneak you out of here." She smiled.

Rinoa smiled right back. Selphie's cheerfulness had always been contagious. "Thanks, Selphie. You seriously are the best."

"Hey, don't sweat it. The week will be over before you know it, and then, when you're back upstairs filing SeeD reports, you'll be wishing that you still had the week off!"

Rinoa chuckled. "You're probably right. Oh well, I suppose that some rest and relaxation can't be all that bad, right?"

"Nope, not at all." Suddenly, there was another knock on the door. "I'll get that," Selphie said as she walked over to the door. She pulled it open to reveal Quistis, several suitcases and bags surrounding her.

"Selphie," Quistis said, surprised. "Is Rinoa here?"

Selphie nodded, eyeing the scene in front of her in confusion. "Yeah, she's lying down. I don't know if you've heard, but she has the flu. Um, anyway, are you going somewhere?"

Quistis nodded. "I was going to find you after I spoke to Rinoa, but now that you're here, I can explain to both of you at once."

Selphie frowned. "Explain what?"

"Well, if you let me come in, I can tell you."

"Oops, sorry," Selphie said sheepishly as she cleared the doorway.

"Hey, Quistis," Rinoa rasped from her place on the bed, the steaming bowl of soup in her lap.

"Hi," she said quietly. "Well, uh, the reason I'm here is because I have something important to tell you. I wanted you to hear this from me, personally, before the rumors start to circulate." She took a deep breath. "Squall and I have decided to take a break...from each other, I mean. I'll be leaving Garden for awhile."

Both girls stared at the blonde in shocked silence. Finally, Selphie said, "Where are you going?"

"To Fisherman's Horizon, I think. I could really use the relaxed atmosphere. The truth is, Squall and I need to figure out who we are and what we want before our marriage can be successful."

"I'm so sorry, Quistis," Rinoa said, surprised to realize that it was the truth. No shouts of victory were ringing throughout her head.

Quistis shook her head. "It's really for the best. Anyway, I should get going or I'll miss my train. Could you please do me a favor and not tell Squall we're I've gone? I'd rather not have him try to find me." The girls nodded. "Thank you. I hope you feel better, Rinoa. Goodbye."

"Bye," the echoed, watching as their friend picked up her bags and exited the room. The two girls stared at each other in silence. Squall and Quistis were on a _break_? What the hell was going on?

QUISTIS descended the steps of Balamb Garden, her heart filled with emotion. She couldn't believe that she was making this trip. Yes, she had been honest in telling Squall that she had suspected this was coming, but it sure as hell didn't make things any easier. Her marriage was falling apart right before her eyes. Everything that she had worked so hard for was about to vanish. Yes, Squall had said the word "break", but Quistis couldn't help but think that the word he really wanted to use was "divorce".

Sighing, she stepped into the cab that was waiting for her. It was easier this way, to leave without having to further involve her friends. They were innocent bystanders in something that was destined for ruin from the beginning. Her own hopes had shielded the plain and simple truth. Squall had never told her that he loved her, yet she had clung to a foolish dream that words had not been needed. Oh, how very wrong she was. She had been nothing more than a replacement all along. _Why _hadn't she been able to realize that?

She knew that she shouldn't be jumping to conclusions, but she couldn't help it. Optimism hadn't gotten her anywhere before, so why should it now? Hope was for fools. _Fools like me_,she silently mused. Wasn't that the truth? Hadn't she been the biggest fool of all in clinging to a marriage that never should have happened? She had to figure things out now. She had to decided whether or not she wanted to put up a fight.

The cab slowly came to a stop. Quistis silently paid the driver and grabbed her bags from the trunk. She walked up to the ticket window and purchased one ticket to FH. The train would be arriving soon, she was told. No one was there to see her off...to say goodbye. Squall had told her to "be careful", that he "cared" about her. Well, he sure as hell hadn't cared enough about her to drive her to the train station. He hadn't even offered. Quistis knew he was busy with work, but hadn't that been one of the key problems all along? Squall put his job before her, and she had let him. _You let him walk all over you._

The blonde focused her gaze on the train as it roared to a stop in front of her. Taking a deep breath, she picked up her bags and began walking toward the massive structure. She clutched the ticket tightly in one hand...her ticket to freedom. She began to ascend the steps, slowly, until there was no turning back. Once inside the train, she took a lone seat by a window. Her gaze was focused on the landscape outside her window. Part of her was still hoping that Squall would come for her. That he'd demand she come back with him, that it was all a mistake.

The train's whistle blew and the structure rumbled to life. A lone tear ran down Quistis' cheek as she finally admitted that Squall wasn't coming. Why had she even dared to hope? She shook her head. There were no surprises with Squall. Work was important. Much more important than her. Hadn't it always been that way?

"Screw you, Squall," she whispered to herself. "I'm better off without you."

THE next morning, Rinoa decided that she felt up to a walk around the Quad. She had quickly snuck out of her dorm before one of her friends, or, even worse, Irvine, saw her. Her friends were wonderful, but extremely overprotective. Now, thanks to Dr. Kadowaki, they were blowing the whole flu thing way out of proportion and acting as if she were made of glass.

Upon entering the Quad, Rinoa was pleased to note that it was empty. Glancing at her watch, she realized that it was only six fifteen. _Still early. _She made her way down the stairs slowly, simply savoring the quiet peacefulness that the morning offered. Not normally a morning person, moments like these were even more precious to the young sorceress. As she turned a corner, she stopped suddenly. Sitting on a bench a few feet in front of her was none other than Squall. He seemed to be deep in thought, and the last thing Rinoa wanted to do was intrude. She started to back away slowly, but it was too late. Squall had chosen that moment to look up, directly at her.

Rinoa held up a hand in greeting. "Hey, Squall."

Squall's gaze turned stern. "What are you doing out of bed?"

"I needed some fresh air," she told him truthfully. "I hate being cooped up in my room."

He nodded in understanding. Still, Rinoa was sick. She needed to take it easy. "Just don't strain yourself. Whether you want to admit it or not, you're still sick."

Rinoa waved that aside. "I know how to take care of myself." She took a seat next to him. "It's you that I'm worried about."

"Why?" he asked, frowning.

"Quistis came to see my yesterday. She told me that you guys decided to take a break. That can't be easy for you."

Squall sighed. "Do you know where she went?"

"Yes, but she asked me not to tell you."

"It's probably better that way."

An uncomfortable silence followed. "Um," Rinoa began after what felt like and eternity, "I'm here if you want to talk about it. About anything, actually."

"Thanks, but you're probably not the person I should be talking to."

Rinoa narrowed her eyes. "Why not, Squall? Are you afraid that I might discover something that you've tried so hard to keep hidden?"

"W-What?" Squall questioned, slightly dazed.

"I'm sorry, that was out of line. I can't pretend that I know what you're feeling right now, or what could possibly be going on in your head. All I'm saying is, I'm your friend, and I'm here for you if you need me. You used to confide in me once. That door is always open to you, Squall."

"Thank you," he said sincerely.

Rinoa nodded and started to stand up. A tug on her wrist brought her back down beside him. "Squall?" she asked, surprised.

He simply stared at her face, noting the laugh lines around her cherry lips, the intoxicating deep brown of her eyes, the flawless, porcelain skin. Yet, in all this beauty, he could still make out the frown lines on her forehead, and the unmistakable tinge of sadness in her eyes.

"I should have told you about this before. Quistis and I have been having problems for awhile. I...told her we need to figure out who we are...what we want."

Rinoa nodded. "Yes, she mentioned that before she left."

"What she doesn't know, what I didn't tell her, is that I already know what I want. I think that I've always known...I just kept trying to convince myself otherwise."

Rinoa's eyes were wide, fearful, yet hopeful of what that something could be. However, for some reason, she still felt like she needed to defend Quistis. "Quistis loves you, Squall."

He nodded. "I know. The thing is..."

"What?" Rinoa pressed gently. "What is it?"

"No, it's nothing," he said, shaking his head. "I shouldn't have brought this up."

"But you did," Rinoa said, he voice equally as soft. "If there's something that you were going to say, then please, just say it."

"I...feel helpless. I'm hurting Quistis, and she doesn't deserve any of it."

"Then tell her. Tell her how you feel, Squall. You're going to lose her if you don't." She could barely believe the words that were coming out of her mouth. This was her chance to confess her true feelings to Squall, yet here she was, campaigning for their reunion!

"No," he said quietly. "I can't do that."

"Why not? Squall, you are going to lose your _wife_. Is it that hard for you to tell her how you feel?"

_If only you knew. Tell her how I really feel? That I was never in love with her? That...that I'm in love with you? _The words were on the tip of his tongue. He wanted so badly to just admit everything to her. "It's not that simple, Rinoa."

Rinoa searched his face. "You're keeping something from me."

Squall opened his mouth to respond, but was immediately cut off by an announcement over the loudspeakers. It was Xu, requesting Squall's presence on the bridge.

"I'm sorry," Squall said, "But I have to go."

"Yeah," Rinoa said faintly. "Do what you have to do."


	30. Chapter Thirty

Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy VIII...

Author's Note: Hey everyone! Okay, so I _almost_ met my goal of updating every two weeks. Here's a little hint, though. Reviews always inspire me to write faster, lol. Anyway, Winter Break has officially started for me, which will hopefully result in a lot of writing. Happy holidays everyone!

To Love You More

Chapter Thirty

**__**

"Even the best fall down sometimes

Even the wrong words seem to rhyme

Out of the doubt that fills your mind

You finally find

You and I collide..."

-"Collide" Howie Day

QUISTIS shielded her eyes from the blinding sun as she exited the hotel she was staying in. The past week in FH had brought her much needed peace of mind. The quiet town offered endless time for reflection and contemplation of her future. She still had not reached a decision about what, exactly, she would do upon returning to Garden, but she figured that she still had time to think about that.

Wearing a white, sleeveless sundress, Quistis decided to head to the pier. Nothing was more relaxing than sitting on the docks and watching the ocean. In the past week, she had found that the ocean had been her closest companion. It was funny, she had spent most of her life in the harbor town of Balamb, yet she had never enjoyed the ocean like she had in the past week in FH.

As she arrived at the pier, a fisherman at the end of the docks caught her eye. His back was turned towards her, but she felt a strange connection to him. From where she was standing, she could see that he had blonde hair, sparkling in the sun. As she moved closer, he suddenly turned around, causing her to gasp in shock. Her blue eyes looked upon amused green ones. Eyes that she would never forget.

"Hello, Instructor," he drawled, his trademark smirk playing about his lips. "Long time no see."

"Seifer," Quistis said as calmly as possible. "Yes, it has been a long time."

"You're looking great," he said, flashing that smirk again.

"Thank you," Quistis said politely. "You don't look so bad yourself." Was that ever an understatement! The years had been more than kind to Seifer. He was more muscular now, more built, and very tan. Stubble dotted his jaw line, giving him a rugged, sexy look. Quistis couldn't help but stare.

Seifer laughed. "Well, are you going to tell me why you're in town? This doesn't have anything to with Commander Puberty, does it?"

"His name is Squall," she corrected him irritably. "And you can call me Quistis. I stopped being your instructor a long time ago."

"Okay, then, _Quistis_. Would you care to answer my question?"

Quistis sighed. "The answer is yes. My being here has everything to do with Squall."

"Of course it does. I shouldn't have even asked. After all these years, nothing's changed. Let me guess. Squall's still ordering everyone around back at Garden, especially you, while he follows Rinoa around like a dog. Am I right?"

Quistis stared at him in shocked silence. "Have you been living under a rock?"

"Don't speak in riddles, Instructor. I'm just a lowly fisherman now. We like to speak plain and simple."

"So you really don't know, then."

"Know _what_, Instructor?" Seifer asked through gritted teeth.

"That's _Quistis_," she reminded him. "There's so much to tell you that I don't even know where to begin."

Seifer sighed. "You know what? You're lucky that I've been catching a lot of fish lately. I know a place where we can talk. Come with me."

Quistis hesitated. Could she trust him? Years ago, he had betrayed them all. Back then, though, he had been possessed. He had been a completely different person. It was Seifer the fisherman now. That was why, a moment later, she was sprinting to catch up with her former student.

RINOA capped her tube of red lipstick and took a final look into the mirror. Irvine would be arriving any moment to go on another one of his "surprises". She had no idea what he had in store for her. All he had told her was to get dressed up. Taking his word for it, she had chosen to wear a long, strapless, black dress. It was made from rustling satin, which formed a swooping skirt at the waistline. Rinoa's hair was down, and she wore simple makeup. The only jewelry that adorned her features were a string of pearls around her neck, and small pearl earrings to match.

Just as Rinoa had anticipated, there was a knock on the door. Carefully balancing herself in her black sandals, she walked over to the door. Opening it revealed Irvine, looking dashing in a black tuxedo.

"Wow," he said, upon seeing his girlfriend. "You look beautiful."

"Thank you," Rinoa said. "You don't look so bad yourself."

He extended his hand to her. "Ready to get going?"

Rinoa nodded, taking his hand. "So, do you wanna tell me where you're taking me?"

"Now what would be the fun in that?" Irvine said, smiling mischievously.

"Why do I even bother asking anymore? I should have learned by now that I can never get any answers out of you."

The cowboy laughed. "Ain't that the truth."

As the two stepped outside, Rinoa was shocked to see a limousine parked by the curb.

"That's not for us, is it?" she questioned bewilderingly.

Irvine grinned at the expression on her face. "Now, who else would it be for?"

Rinoa looked at him in surprise. "You rented a limo? Wow...I can't wait to see where we're actually going."

"You'll see," he said as he opened the door for her. "After you."

Rinoa stepped into the limo, followed by Irvine. A moment later, the driver took off to their "secret" destination. Rinoa felt butterflies in her stomach. It was odd, she usually didn't get nervous about such things. However, something felt different about tonight. She couldn't put her finger on it, but something had definitely changed.

"We're almost there," Irvine told her as he reached for her hand.

Minutes later, the limo pulled up to an elaborate looking restaurant. From inside the limo, the view wasn't very clear, but Rinoa was fairly certain that she had never been to this area before. As she stepped out of the limo, she saw that the restaurant was named "Vivere" and was situated right next to the harbor. Rinoa turned to Irvine, confused.

"This is going to sound really stupid, but where are we?"

Irvine chuckled. "This restaurant opened about two years ago. We're actually directly opposite from the Balamb docks right now. This whole section of town was completely renovated, and this here restaurant has become a really popular spot in Balamb. So, are you ready to see what all the hype is about?"

Rinoa nodded, and the two of them walked into the restaurant together. The sorceress felt her eyes widen at the scene before her. First of all, the place was _huge_. A grand staircase was located in the center of the room, which led up to the second floor dining room. The whole restaurant was decorated in rich shades of red, from the velvet drapes, to the elegant table clothes. As Rinoa was taking all of this in, an elegantly dressed waiter approached them.

"May I help you?" the waiter asked.

Irvine nodded. "I have a reservation for two under the name Kinneas."

The waiter scanned the list he was holding, and then nodded. "Very well. Follow me."

The waiter, whose nametag read "Vick", led them over to a table by the window, overlooking the harbor. He handed them the menus, told them to call him if they needed anything, and promptly left.

Rinoa quietly studied the menu, noting how expensive everything was. The prices were outrageous! She searched for the cheapest item on the menu, but even that was outlandishly priced.

"Do you know what you're getting?" Rinoa asked Irvine.

"The special sounds good," Irvine told her. "How about you?"

She shrugged. "The same, I guess. I trust you know what's good here."

"Actually, I've only been here once before, for a business meeting. Two specials, then, I guess? I've heard that everything here is good, so I don't think we can go wrong."

"Okay, sounds good."

A few minutes later, Vick came back over and Irvine placed the orders. As soon as Vick walked away, the cowboy turned to Rinoa, amusement in his eyes.

"You know, they have a great dance floor upstairs, complete with a live orchestra. What do you say? You wanna give it a go?"

Rinoa smiled. "I'd love to."

Irvine led her up the amazing staircase and straight to the dance floor. The orchestra was playing a slow jazz song. They immediately fell into the rhythm of the music. Rinoa felt herself pulling Irvine closer, and then resting her head on his chest. She loved the way his arms encircled her, making her feel safe and protected. She let the music envelop her, allowing her body to sway softly to the beat.

"Rinoa?" Irvine whispered softly.

"Mhmm," she murmured, eyes closed, enjoying the tranquility the dance washed upon her.

"I love you."

Rinoa smiled. "I love you, too, Squall."

"AND that, in a nutshell, is why I'm here," Quistis told Seifer. She had just spent the better part of an hour sitting in a small café, pouring her heart out to _Seifer_. Wow, her life had really gotten screwed up. Surprisingly, though, Seifer had been a great listener, keeping the sarcastic comments to a minimum.

"Well, I could have predicted half of that crap if you had asked me. I could have told you that Commander Puberty would never get over his little girlfriend. Maybe, if anyone had asked for _my _advice, you wouldn't be in this situation right now. No one seemed to bother to invite me, though."

Quistis sighed. So much for being understanding. "I'm sorry that you weren't invited to the wedding, but, well...you and Squall don't particularly get along very well. As for Squall never getting over Rinoa, how do you know that's the reason why he wanted the break? He married me, didn't he?"

"You're only kidding yourself if you believe that Squall doesn't still love Rinoa. Or she him, for that matter. In fact, I bet that they're screwing each other's brains out as we speak."

"Seifer!" Quistis exclaimed, outraged that he would say such a thing.

"What?" he answered casually. "It's only a matter of time before it happens."

Quistis grabbed her purse and quickly stood up. "You know what, Seifer? I was a fool to actually think that you'd care. I don't know why I even bothered to talk to you."

"Aw, come on, Instructor. I was just kidding around," he told her defensively.

"Obviously, you haven't changed a bit from the sorry prick you were four years ago! Goodbye, Seifer!"

"Instructor, wait!" he exclaimed, grabbing her arm.

"For the hundredth time, it's _Quistis_! And _let go _of my arm, Seifer!"

"I'm sorry, _Quistis_, but I can't do that."

"And why the hell not?" she demanded, annoyed beyond belief.

"Because we're not through here. I'm sorry for what I said, okay? Just sit back down. I'm in no rush to get back to fishing."

"How do you know that _I _don't have somewhere to be?"

"You're on vacation in a small fishing town. I highly doubt that you have an appointment with anyone."

Quistis sighed and sat back down in the chair. "I can't believe that I'm listening to _you_, of all people."

"What's your alternative?" he questioned. "It doesn't look like Commander Puberty turned out much better."

"_Seifer_," she warned.

"Can I ask you an honest question, Quistis? Why the hell do you keep defending him?"

"He's my husband, Seifer."

"You say that as if it explains everything."

"Doesn't it?"

Seifer shook his head. "Not to me."

"Well, maybe when you're married someday, you'll understand what I mean when I say that."

He shrugged. "You're forgetting that I'm just an old fisherman."

"I don't think either of us believes that, Seifer."

"What do you believe, then?" he questioned.

"To be completely honest, I don't really believe in anything anymore."

"What happened to you?" he asked suddenly, his voice completely serious.

Quistis sat there uncomfortably, not sure what he meant by that question, or what kind of answer he was looking for. She decided to change the subject, instead. "You haven't told me anything about your life here. Where are Raijin and Fujin?"

Seifer knew she was avoiding his question, but decided to let it go...for now. "They're on vacation in Winhill, actually. They've been dating for awhile, and decided that a change of scenery could do them some good. Raijin's a fisherman now, like me, and believe it or not, Fujin actually owns this café."

Quistis raised her eyebrows in surprise. She had never really seen Fujin as that type. _I guess people change. _"So, all you do around here is...fish?"

"Pretty much. It's how we earn a living, and when the fish doesn't sell, well, it's always dinner on the table."

"Yes," Quistis said, "But don't you ever get sick of doing the same thing all the time?"

"Sometimes, I guess. It sure as hell beats being Ultimecia's puppet, though," he said, with a weak laugh. Quistis could tell that the bad memories still haunted him.

"Well, I had better get going. I don't want to keep you from your job any longer."

Seifer nodded. "Yeah, I guess I should get back out there. You staying at the Breezy Hotel?"

"Yes. Isn't it the only hotel in town?"

"Yeah," he said. "Just testing you. So, are you going to give me your room number, or what?"

"Excuse me?"

"Your room number. So I'll know where to find you. Unless you want to ignore me the rest of the time you're here."

"No," she said hesitantly. "It's room number two-twenty."

"Two-twenty," he said, smirking. "I won't forget it."

"WHAT?" Irvine asked in disbelief, pulling away from Rinoa.

Rinoa froze. She hadn't just said that, had she? From the look on Irvine's face, she obviously had. "Irvine, I...don't know why I said that."

Irvine shook his head. "You had to have had a reason. You don't just say you love someone if you don't mean it."

She mentally cringed. Irvine was right, you didn't. Tears welled up in her eyes. For months, she had hid her feelings, buried them so deep that they had almost disappeared. Almost. She had tried so hard to convince herself that she was in love with Irvine. _Why _couldn't she just love him? He had always been so wonderful to her. Now, he was looking at her with such hurt, that she couldn't even bring herself to say anything. She simply stood there, tears silently falling down her face.

"Do you love me, Rinoa?" he demanded.

Rinoa shook her head sadly. "No," she whispered. "I'm so sorry, Irvine, but I don't love you."

Irvine just stood there, looking crushed. Everyone at the restaurant was now staring at the couple. The tension in the room was so thick that it felt as if one could slice it with a knife.

Rinoa couldn't take it anymore. All of this pain was her fault. _She _was the one who had to be so damn weak. _She _was the one who had screwed everything up.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, and then turned around and ran. Down the stairs, she ran, right through the restaurant, and the stares of the diners. As soon as she flew through the door, she was hit with a blast of cold water. She cursed her horrible luck, as it was now pouring, and the limo from earlier was nowhere to be seen.

Her mind was racing. Where could she go? She didn't even know how to get back to Balamb Garden from this part of town. _Screw this rain_, she suddenly decided. She had no choice but to walk. Anything was better than going back into the restaurant and seeing the pain in his eyes. _I'm a coward._ All of the shops surrounding the area had already closed for the night, so it wasn't like she could ask someone for directions. She decided to take a street to her right, and began sprinting down the path, which wasn't exactly easy, considering the shoes she was wearing. _I'm so stupid. Quistis wouldn't have acted this way. She would have stayed at the restaurant and discussed things maturely._

At that point, she was completely lost. It didn't help that it was dark and pouring. She was soaked and miserable, and all she wanted to do was curl up under her sheets and bawl her eyes out. Suddenly noticing a shop with a small canopy above it, she quickly ducked under it, struggling to catch her breath.

"Hey little lady," a voice called out. "What's a pretty little thing like yourself doing all alone in the rain?"

Rinoa looked up to see a tall man walking towards her. He looked to be a little older than her, with black hair and black eyes. Rinoa shivered, partly from the cold, and partly from fear. "What do you want?"

"Tsk, tsk, that isn't any way to be talking to someone who's only here to help."

Rinoa backed away slowly. "Stay the hell away from me!"

"I'm not going to hurt you," he said soothingly. "I only want to...have a little fun." He had Rinoa backed into a corner now. Reaching out to stroke her face, he said, "Such a pretty girl. Why do you look so sad?"

"Because I..." She trailed off, inwardly smiling. Quick as could be, she kicked him in the groin, digging her heel where it would be the most painful.

"Argh!" he cried out, stooping in pain. "Son of a bitch!"

Rinoa had already fled in the opposite direction. She had no idea where she was going, only knowing that she had to get as far away from that man as possible. She suddenly crashed into something hard, and gasped.

"Relax," a voice said. "It's just me."

The sorceress let out a sigh of relief as she saw that it was Irvine. "Thank God it's you!" she exclaimed, flinging her arms around him.

"Hey, it's okay. The limo is waiting right around the corner for us." Irvine led a trembling Rinoa around the corner and into the limo. Once inside, he turned to her worriedly. "You okay?"

Rinoa nodded, taking a deep breath. "I'm so sorry, Irvine. I never wanted any of this to happen. I know that I'm a fool, and I'll understand if you never want to see my face again."

"Rinoa," he said, sighing, "I'm not mad at you."

"What?" she asked, sure that she had heard him wrong.

"I'm not mad at you, Rinoa. We had some good times, right? I'm just happy that I was able to distract you for awhile. Even if that's all I was."

Rinoa shook her head. "No, Irvine, you were more than that. You _are _more than that. You've been my rock throughout all of this. I can never repay you for that. I just...wish I could give you what you're looking for. I wish for that so bad, but I just can't change how I feel."

"Hey, it's okay. Am I disappointed? Of course. You're an amazing person, Rinoa. If all I can offer you is friendship, then so be it. I want you to know that I respect your feelings."

"Thank you," she said sincerely. "You don't know how much that means to me. _You're _the one who's amazing, Irvine." She rested her head on his shoulder as the limo made its way through the rain, back to Balamb Garden.


	31. Chapter ThirtyOne

Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy VIII, nor do I own the song "Take Me Away" by Lifehouse.

Author's Note: Well, there's not much to really say about this chapter. I'm actually a bit hesitant to post this, and you will be able to tell why when you get to the end of this chapter. So, yeah...I think I should run for the hills, lol!

To Love You More

Chapter Thirty-One

SQUALL watched the rain fall from outside his office window. From the way the rain was falling now, they were going to be in for quite a storm. The Commander sighed and turned away from the window. It was getting late. No one in their right mind would spend as much time in their office as Squall Leonhart did. However, the last place he wanted to be was in the apartment he shared with Quistis. He had never really seen it as home, and the empty space left him with nothing but unpleasant memories. Having spent the past few nights there, he knew from experience. A sudden idea hit him, and he wondered why he hadn't thought about it before.

He immediately exited the office, quickly locking the door behind him. His footsteps led him downstairs and into the dormitory area. Long strides carried him down the hall until he reached the room he was looking for. It had been ages since he had last entered the room, but tonight, for some unfathomable reason, he felt as if he had to. Slowly pulling a card key out of his pocket, Squall briefly wondered if this was what he really wanted to do. Finally deciding that it was, he swiped the card key through the lock and slowly opened the door.

As the door swung open, Squall froze. Much like Rinoa had been upon returning to Garden and seeing her room again, Squall was completely thrown into the past. Everything in his room was exactly the way he had left it; untouched and preserved through time. He slowly walked over to his old desk and cautiously opened the top drawer. He froze as he saw Rinoa's face staring back at him. He gently picked up the picture and held it up to the light, studying it better. The picture had been taken on her eighteenth birthday. It showed Rinoa standing on the deck of the yacht Squall had rented for the occasion. Her hair was blowing about her face and she was smiling serenely. Squall remembered taking the picture without her knowing it, simply wanting to capture the moment forever. Looking through the rest of the drawer, he found picture after picture of Rinoa, some including him, some including their friends, but mostly of her alone. He had stored them all there shortly after her death.

Gently replacing the pictures and closing the drawer, Squall's eyes wandered directly below it. His mind dared him to open the drawer, to see what he already knew was inside. Perhaps he just wanted to torture himself, but something inside of him snapped, and he pulled the drawer open. He lifted the black cloth covering the top of the drawer and was met with the sight of a small, black square box. The image of himself standing next to Zell as the Ragnarok flew away immediately flooded his senses. What would have happened if he had given her this ring before she left? Would things have been different now? He wondered why he had kept the ring for all of these years.

As soon as the question entered his head, he felt as if he had been punched in the gut. Wasn't it painfully obvious? Not to him, no, not until now. He finally understood. With every fiber of his being, he knew. Forget about Quistis. Forget about Irvine. Screw everything! He was in love with Rinoa Heartilly and he didn't give a damn about what anyone thought anymore. He suddenly laughed out loud at the realization. For once, it just felt so damn good to throw logic out the window and follow what his heart had always been telling him. Now, there was nothing left to do but tell Rinoa how he felt.

RINOA stood in her dorm, soaked from head to toe. Her and Irvine had parted on surprisingly good terms. It just showed how wonderful a person he was. Maybe she had made a huge mistake in ending things tonight, but she couldn't go on lying to Irvine. She supposed that she had always known that she would never love someone like she had loved Squall, _still _loved him, but it hadn't stopped her from trying to convince herself otherwise.

Sighing, she entered the bathroom, grabbing a towel. She wrapped the towel around her head, trying to squeeze out the water from her hair. Looking at herself in the mirror, she saw that she was a complete mess. Her makeup had completely run, leaving smudges all over her face. Her hair hung about her head in a disheveled manner, the towel just adding to the frizz. Looking down at her dress, she saw that it was completely ruined. The material was not waterproof, and as a result, stains of water now adorned the dress. _Well, it's no one's fault, but your own_, she reminded herself. No one had made her run out into the pouring rain.

She had just walked out of the bathroom, in search of some dry clothes, when she heard a pounding at her door. Glancing at her clock, she saw that it was just after ten. Who would be knocking on her door at this time? Angelo was curled up in a ball on the floor, sleeping peacefully. Rinoa was almost certain that Angelo would be barking furiously if there was any danger. She cautiously walked over to the door and slowly opened it.

Rinoa's eyes widened as she saw who it was. He was definitely the last person she had expected. "Squall?"

"I need to talk to you," he said, and then, without waiting for a reply, walked past her and into the room.

Rinoa stared after him, slightly dazed, and then closed the door. Something was definitely wrong; Squall never acted this way. Momentarily forgetting about her wet clothes, she approached him slowly. "Squall...what is it?"

He simply stood there, collecting his thoughts. The urge to see Rinoa had been so sudden that, now that he was here, he was at a loss for words. There was so much that he needed to tell her, and he had no idea where to begin.

Noticing his discomfort, Rinoa gestured for him to take a seat on the edge of her bed. He did so, and Rinoa cautiously sat down next to him. Whatever his reasons were for being there, Rinoa knew that they were important. She had all the time in the world to hear him out, and she intended to wait for as long as it took. "Whenever you're ready, Squall," she told him softly. "Take your time."

Squall searched her face, and, upon looking deep into her eyes, knew that he had made the right decision. This was the only place that he wanted to be. That he had _ever _wanted to be. "I have to tell you something."

Rinoa nodded. "Okay."

"I should have told you this the other day, when we were talking. Hell, I should have told you this the day you walked back into this Garden. I just hope you can forgive how long it has taken me to come to this realization." He paused, once again searching her eyes. "I...don't want to live a lie anymore."

"I don't understand," Rinoa said quietly. "Did something happen?"

Squall nodded. "Yes, something did happen. Something right." He reached for her hands. "Will you come with me? I need to show you something."

"Okay," Rinoa said, taking his hand. "I trust you."

Hand in hand, they exited the room. Squall led Rinoa down the hall, coming to a stop in front of his old dorm room. Rinoa watched Squall in confusion as he unlocked the door and beckoned for her to follow him.

As the lights came on, Rinoa gasped. "Everything is still here," she said in amazement.

"I never had the heart to clear this place out, and it just felt...wrong to move these things into the apartment with Quistis." He closed his eyes for a moment, choosing his next words carefully. "I came here tonight, right before I came to see you. It was the first time I'd been back since I moved out."

"So why did you?" Rinoa questioned. "Come back, I mean."

"You're going to think this is ridiculous, but I just felt like I had to. It was almost as if something, or someone, was calling me."

"And you think that someone was me."

Squall shook his head. "No, it was different. I could always tell when it was you, Rinoa."

"Could you?" Rinoa asked skeptically. "If so, then why didn't you hear me calling on the day of your wedding?"

"I knew it," he whispered. "God, I was such a moron."

"Squall, you said that you needed to tell me something, right? Please, whatever it is, just _tell _me. You know you can tell me anything."

"I heard you that day, Rinoa. The whole time you were gone, I felt that you were alive. For a time, I even believed it. Everyone tried to convince me otherwise, said that I was crazy. Self doubt got the best of me, and that's when I gave up." He closed his eyes in pain. "I should have never given up."

Rinoa looked at him with profound sadness. "It's not your fault, Squall. Everyone thought I was dead, and God knows there was enough evidence pointing towards it."

"I need to tell you what happened," he said, desperation in his voice. "I need to make you understand what really happened. Rinoa, you asked me once what I was like after I thought you had died, and I told you that I was broken. That doesn't even begin to describe how I felt. My heart had been completely ripped from my chest. Everything was black, Rinoa, everything. I didn't feel anything, and when an emotion broke through, it was nothing but hate. Quistis...Quistis helped me through that."

Rinoa had been listening to him with tears in her eyes. She could picture everything he was saying, and it completely broke her heart. However, at the mention of Quistis, Rinoa had frozen. Why was he telling her this?

"Believe it or not, Quistis was actually the one who convinced me to visit your grave. I guess I thought that, by not visiting your grave, it was almost like it didn't exist." He shook his head. "That was a damn lie. All of it was. I was so fucking weak, clinging to Quistis like a child."

"Squall," Rinoa said, "You don't have to tell me all of this. The past is the past, right? It won't do us any good to dwell on it."

"No, you don't understand. I need this, Rinoa. I need you to hear it." He took a deep breath. "I want you to understand what Quistis means to me. She helped me see that you would have wanted me to live, to move on with my life. Can you understand that?"

Rinoa nodded. Yes, she understood. Oh, how clever Quistis had been! Using Rinoa to gain Squall's heart. _No_, she reminded herself, _Quistis just did what she thought was best. _"I understand, Squall. You decided to live for Quistis. There's nothing wrong with that."

"Damn it, Rinoa, you've got it all wrong! I decided to live for _you_, not Quistis. I could have married anyone then, it didn't matter. I made a promise to you that I would stop hurting myself." He looked straight into her eyes. "I was a fool. Marrying Quistis was the biggest mistake of my life."

Rinoa's eyes widened. "What are you saying?"

"I never loved Quistis. At least, not in the way that I was supposed to." He took a deep breath. "It's always been you, Rinoa. It still is you."

**_This time, all I want is you_**

**_There is no one else_**

**_Who can take your place_**

The world seemed to stop right before Rinoa's eyes. Squall was looking at her now with so much hope and love shining in his eyes. She couldn't believe that she had never seen it before. Never, in her wildest dreams, had she imagined Squall would tell her what he just had. She wanted to confess everything she felt for him, and scream to the world how much she loved him. Again, though, the guilt began to creep into her, slowly seeping through her veins. Regardless of her feelings, of their feelings, Squall was still married.

"Squall, I shouldn't be here. You can't be telling me this."

Rinoa couldn't mistake the hurt in his eyes. "I don't care about what's supposed to be right. This is the only thing that has ever been right to me."

"You're married, Squall. I can't give you what you're asking of me," she said sadly.

"I'm not married, Rinoa."

"What?" Rinoa asked, her voice sharp.

"Yes, I attended a ceremony with Quistis. The same ceremony where I was only thinking of you the whole time. Quistis and I might be married on a piece of paper, but in my heart..." He suddenly turned to the drawer he had opened earlier. Once again, he extracted the small box, this time handing it to Rinoa.

"W-What is this?" Rinoa asked, fearing the answer, yet also thrilled by it.

"I bought that ring for you before you left. I didn't have the nerve to propose to you that morning, but I planned on doing so the moment you came back. But..." He shook his head. "My biggest regret is not proposing to you that day."

Rinoa held the box carefully in her hands, treating it as if it were made of glass. As she opened the box, so many emotions were running through her head. This would have been her wedding ring. If she hadn't left, she would be Squall's wife right now. Gently, she picked up the ring inside, a stunning gold band with intricate diamonds embedded in an angel wing pattern. It was simply stunning.

"You..." Rinoa cleared her throat, the tears silently pouring down her face. "You kept it all these years?" Squall nodded. "Why?"

"I couldn't let you go. A part of me always hoped you would come back. You're back, Rinoa. Through everything we've been through, every _damn _thing, we made it. I don't give a damn about what anyone else thinks. They can say whatever the hell they want. It took me a long time to figure this all out, too long, but God, Rinoa, I love you so much.

**_This time, you burned me with your eyes_**

**_You see past all the lies_**

**_You take it all away_**

At Squall's admission, Rinoa felt all of her resolve completely crumble. She had tried so hard to stay strong, to do the right thing. What was the right thing, really? It all depended on what perspective you were looking at. What was right to Quistis was killing Rinoa, and what was supposed to be wrong had never felt so right. Squall had just said that he didn't give a damn about what other people thought. Did she? No, she heard a small voice in the back of her head say. To hell with them.

Seeing the emotions running across Rinoa's face prompted Squall to take her hands gently in his. "What is it?" he asked softly. "Are you in love with Irvine?"

Rinoa shook her head. "We broke up tonight," she told him quietly. "He told me that he loved me and I...said the words right back to him. Except...I called him by your name when I said them."

Squall's blue eyes showed surprise. "Did you mean what you said?"

The room was deathly silent. All that could be heard was the pounding of the rain that was still falling outside of their little world. Rinoa trained her eyes to the floor, unable to meet his gaze. Minutes passed by that felt like hours, until Rinoa finally spoke up.

"I wanted to be in love with Irvine so badly. I even tried to convince myself that I was." She shook her head. "The truth is, I've only ever loved you, Squall. It must have been so painfully obvious that I can't believe you didn't see it. I've never gotten over you, and I don't think I ever will." She was finally able to meet his gaze. "There, I said it. Now you know how I feel. Not that it changes anything because-"

Rinoa was cut short as she felt the sensation of Squall's lips against her own. It was so hauntingly familiar and wonderful that Rinoa felt her eyes tear up. Gasping for breath, she suddenly pulled away.

"We shouldn't be doing this." Tears poured down her face as she said it.

Squall shook his head, gently wiping her tears away. "We've come too far...to turn back now. Everything we've done so far tonight we probably shouldn't have, but I told you, I don't give a damn anymore. You're the only thing that I've ever cared about, Rinoa."

_**I've seen it all and it's never enough**_

_**It keeps leaving me needing you**_

With a desire she hadn't known she possessed, Rinoa flung herself into Squall's arms. Screw the world, screw logic, screw it all! The only logic she knew was Squall, and she just didn't give a damn about anything else. She was selfish. She knew that, but in that moment, all she wanted was Squall. Long ago, she had asked Squall for a hug, telling him that she needed to know that she was alive. Well, she needed that more than ever now. It was long overdue.

"Squall, she whispered, her voice pleading. "I need to know that I'm alive."

Squall remembered the words well, and how he had reacted to them last time. Now, they had a deeper meaning, and this time, Squall was more than happy to oblige. He pressed his lips against hers, gently at first, and then hungrily. Rinoa moaned softly, running her hand through his silky locks of hair. It had been far too long, and now she wanted to rediscover every single part of him.

**_Take me away_**

**_Take me away_**

**_I've got nothing left to say_**

**_Just take me away_**

Time had been so cruel to both of them. If all they had was this moment, then Rinoa wanted to relish in it. She clung to Squall, almost desperately, as he continued his assault on her mouth. They became almost frantic now, in their want and need for each other. Too long had they been in denial. Too long had they gone without each other's touch.

Squall quickly wrenched his lips away from her mouth, only to begin an assault on her neck. Rinoa closed her eyes in pure bliss, and then giggled when his kisses tickled a particularly sensitive spot. Just as soon as he had begun, Squall stopped. Rinoa opened her eyes, disappointed beyond belief. Before she could question him, Squall picked her up in his arms and deposited her onto the bed in one gentle swoop.

Rinoa allowed Squall to resume his frantic kisses as she laid back contently, eyes closed once more. This was complete bliss; she never wanted it to end. After allowing Squall to have his fun for a few more minutes, she suddenly became impatient with the pace of things, and immediately sat up.

"Rinoa?" Squall asked, a puzzled look on his face.

She responded by tearing his muscle shirt right off, revealing his gorgeous upper body. "My turn," she whispered seductively as she pushed him back onto the bed, grinning wickedly.

**_I try to make my way to you_**

**_But still I feel so lost_**

**_I don't know what else I can do_**

She began to rub her hands up and down his chest, enjoying the effect he had on her senses. God, he had a great body. He had only grown sexier in the three years she had been away.

"Enjoying the view?" Squall asked amusedly, a grin on his lips.

Rinoa just smiled and began a slow trail of kisses from his bellybutton all the way up to his neck. As she reached his neck, she slowed down, taking the time to gently nibble her way up to his ear, eliciting satisfied groans from Squall. The dress she wore suddenly felt very restrictive.

"Can you help me out of this?" Rinoa asked as she turned her back to him.

Squall sat up, pulling the zipper down her back. Rinoa shivered at the gentleness of his touch. God, he was good. As soon as the zipper had reached its end, Rinoa kicked off the dratted dress, letting it land somewhere on the floor. Squall let his eyes roam over her scantily clad body, not sure how much longer he could hold out.

"Who's enjoying the view now?" she teased.

He smirked before quickly reclaiming her mouth with his, allowing himself to bite down gently on her lip.

_**I've seen it all and it's never enough**_

_**It keeps leaving me needing you**_

Still heatedly kissing her mouth, Squall eased her back down onto the bed. Rinoa once again broke away, reaching up to undo Squall's belt. Squall rolled over so that she was on top of him and allowed her fingers to quickly undo his belt, discarding the pants on the floor with the dress. Rinoa then grabbed on to the back of her black lacy bra, trying to undo the clasp. The clasp, however, seemed to have a mind of its own and simply refused to budge. Rinoa sighed in frustration, but quickly felt Squall come to her aid as his hand gently unfastened the stubborn clasp.

"Thank you," Rinoa whispered as the bra fell to the floor.

The words had barely left her mouth when she found herself under Squall once more, his mouth slowly sucking on her now hardened breasts. His caresses were doing a number on her senses, and she could barely contain herself.

"God, Squall," she moaned. "Don't stop."

**_Take me away_**

**_Take me away_**

**_I've got nothing left to say_**

**_Just take me away_**

Rinoa closed her eyes and threw her head back in utter contentment. Her hands had found their way into Squall's mess of hair once more. God, how she loved his hair. She loved every single thing about him; every flaw, every scar, everything. The years they had spent apart had only proved to fuel her feelings. How she had ever managed to deny herself for this long remained a mystery.

However, she feared that she hadn't made her feelings clear enough. All those times Squall had hinted to how he still felt, she had turned him away. She didn't want to turn him away anymore. She just wanted to give in to her feelings, to be with Squall freely, even if it was only for this night.

"Squall," Rinoa breathed, looking up into his eyes. Squall stopped his kisses to return her gaze. "I love you so much. I just need you to understand that. No matter what happens, just remember that."

Squall nodded. "I know, Rinoa. You don't have to say anything else. I know."

**_Don't give up on me yet_**

**_Don't forget who I am_**

**_I know I'm not there yet_**

**_But don't let me stay here alone_**

As Rinoa heard the sincerity in Squall's voice, and, more importantly, saw the love burning in his eyes, something suddenly came over her. She pulled Squall towards her, kissing him hungrily. Squall immediately responded, kissing her back with an equal desire. Just as Rinoa had been thinking earlier, Squall realized just how much he loved the woman in front of him. How could he have ever entrapped himself into such a loveless marriage when he could have had this? It was the biggest mistake of his life.

Their heated kissing continued, only to be broken off to discard the remainder of their clothing. Squall had never seen Rinoa act like this before, and he rather liked it. However, her forwardness was doing a number to his senses. As much as he was enjoying her frenzied kisses, he needed to feel her against him or he was going to go insane.

Rinoa seemed to sense his mood as she suddenly broke free from his lips to stare into his eyes. They seemed to reach a silent agreement, and Rinoa slowly leaned back, grabbing Squall's hands and guiding him toward her.

_**This time, all I want is you**_

_**There is no one else**_

_**Who can take your place**_

Squall looked down into Rinoa's sparkling eyes as he positioned himself above her. He wanted her so badly. Still, he had to be sure that it was what she wanted, as well. The last thing he wanted was for her to regret this night.

"Rinoa," he said, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. "Are you sure that you want this?"

Rinoa smiled up at him tenderly. "I wouldn't be here if I didn't."

Squall nodded, never breaking eye contact with Rinoa. Their eyes were locked on each other, oblivious to everything around them. If the sky had chosen that moment to fall, it was doubtful that either of them would have noticed. This was their moment, their time, and no one was going to take it away from them.

**_I've seen it all and it's never enough_**

**_It keeps leaving me needing you_**

Squall slowly lowered himself down into Rinoa's depth, causing her to gasp out suddenly. Squall looked at her in concern, a question in his eyes.

Rinoa shook her head. "No, I'm fine."

Nodding once more, Squall resumed his position, quickly thrusting himself inside of her. Rinoa moaned, arching her back to allow him access. God, he knew how to leave her begging for more.

"Squall," she moaned, digging her nails into his back as he had his way with her. The world seemed to explode right before her eyes, so extreme was the sensation that Squall had wrought upon her.

**_Take me away_**

**_Take me away_**

**_I've got nothng left to say_**

**_Just take me away_**

As they both reacked their peak, they collapsed onto one another exhaustedly. They were now one large mass of entangled arms and legs, too exhausted to care, and finding that they rather enjoyed it. Squall pulled the blankets up over their naked forms, and pulled Rinoa close to him. He allowed the steady beating of Rinoa's heart to lull him to sleep, his last conscious thought being how much he missed falling asleep with her in his arms.

**_Take me away_**

**_Take me away_**

**_I've got nothing left to say_**

**_Just take me away_**

Author's Note: Blushes I can't believe I wrote that. It was horrible, wasn't it? I'm sorry, but it was my first lemon, and I didn't want to go into too much detail, but I fear that the end result was horrific. Please take it easy on me, lol.


	32. Chapter ThirtyTwo

Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy VIII....

Author's Note: Thank you so much to everyone that reviewed the last chapter! I don't feel quite so bad about it now. Also, sorry for the delay with this chapter, but I've had midterms this past week, so I've been pretty busy studying. Thanks again!

To Love You More

Chapter Thirty-Two

**__**

"Time, it's gone so fast, all it took was one night back,  
to crash it all into the ground,  
Now two gone deep in a predictable last scene,  
I never thought it'd be you and me

So what do we do?  
I tell you I'm afraid just like you,  
but by the time we're done thinking it's gone,  
So don't waste your life,  
just look at me and remember the time,  
the time my angel came to stay  
Take me away..."

-"Blind Sight" Ryan Cabrera

IRVINE stared at his breakfast of bacon and eggs, not feeling that it was very appetizing. The events of the previous night, and what Rinoa had said to him, kept playing over in his head. He knew that Rinoa hadn't meant to intentionally hurt him, but it didn't change the fact that she had. Still, he had meant what he had said to her. He fully intended to continue with their friendship. Like he had told her, they had had their fun, and it was great while it had lasted. Since he apparently couldn't offer her more than friendship, he was willing to offer her just that. Besides, as much as he had cared for her, he had never really expected the relationship to last that long. There was only one person he had ever seen forever with, and that was...

"Selphie," Irvine said, startled, as the petite brunette took a seat across from him.

"Hey, Irvine," Selphie said, smiling in greeting. "I haven't seen you in awhile, so I thought I'd say hi. It's been so crazy lately with planning the wedding, and I know you've been busy with Rinoa. Speaking of which, how has she been doing? She's another person I've been meaning to talk to."

"Actually," Irvine began slowly, "I'm not sure how she's doing right now. We...broke up last night."

Selphie's eyes widened. "Oh, Irvine, I'm so sorry!"

He waved it aside. "No, don't worry about it. Rinoa and me are better off just being friends."

"Do you want to talk about it?" she asked gently.

Irvine shook his head. "There really isn't anything to talk about. I should have realized it before, but I guess I turned a blind eye."

Selphie frowned. "What are you talking about? Realized what?"

"Rinoa is still in love with Squall, and I'm willing to bet that Squall is still in love with her. I wish they would just admit it to each other and get it over with. They both deserve to be happy, and they've gone through with this ruse long enough."

"You sound genuine about that," Selphie said, smiling. "You're forgetting one thing, though. Quistis."

The cowboy smiled ruefully. "Why do you think that she left? If you ask me, she knows that it's over. It's only a matter of time before this whole thing explodes and becomes public news."

Selphie sighed. "None of this ever should have happened. How could fate have been so cruel, Irvine?"

He shrugged. "That's fate for ya."

"It looks like I'll be staying here for much longer than I ever anticipated," she told him. "I don't think I could go back to Trabia when I know things are so complicated here."

"Why did you leave, Selphie?"

"Trabia? To come and see Rinoa, of course."

"No, that's not what I meant. Why did you leave here? Why did you leave me?"

"Irvine," Selphie said, startled. "I thought we were going to forget about the past."

"Do you really want to forget about us, Selphie? About everything we had?"

"Why are you getting into this all of a sudden?" she questioned.

"You never gave me answers, Selphie. I want you to give them to me now."

Selphie shook her head. "I can't have this discussion with you right now, Irvine. I only stopped by to say hi. There's still so much to handle with Zell and Carrie's wedding, and I still have to call Trabia Garden..."

"At least let me help you," Irvine insisted. "You can't handle this whole wedding by yourself."

"No, really, Irvine, I'm fine," she said, standing up. "I'll see you around." Waving, she exited the cafeteria. leaving behind a very puzzled Irvine.

_RINOA walked down the halls of Balamb Garden, humming to herself happily. Everything seemed to be especially beautiful in the world right then. The sun was pouring through the windows, bathing the Garden in a warm, glowing light._

As Rinoa walked down the hall, she couldn't help but feel as if she was the happiest girl alive. On her finger was the beautiful ring that Squall had given her, asking her to become his wife. It had been a proposal that she had always dreamed about, and she couldn't wait to start planning the wedding. All of their friends and family would be there, and it would be perfect! Beaming, Rinoa rounded the corner, and ended up bumping right into Quistis.

"Oops, sorry, Quistis!" Rinoa apologized, smiling sheepishly. "My head seems to be in the clouds today."

Quistis glared at her, a look of pure venom distorting her features. "Why don't you watch where you're going, instead of dreaming about my husband."

Rinoa's smile instantly vanished at Quistis' words. "What are you talking about?" she asked, extremely confused. "You're not married."

The look in Quistis' eyes only got darker at Rinoa's words. "How dare you! Maybe in your sick little head, you twisted things around to hide reality, but Squall is **my **husband, not yours."

What Quistis had just said was so outrageous that Rinoa burst out laughing. "Quistis, are you crazy? I think you've been staying up too late grading those papers. Look at the ring on my finger. Squall and I are engaged." She held out her hand to show Quistis the ring.

This time, it was Quistis who burst out laughing. "I think **you're **the one who's going crazy, Rinoa, because there's nothing on your finger." Rinoa looked down at her hand and gasped when she realized that Quistis was right. The ring was gone. "Maybe it's **my **hand you should be looking at." Quistis held out her hand, revealing a gorgeous diamond ring.

"W-What's going on?" Rinoa asked, on the verge of tears.

"What's going on, my dear Rinoa, is that you seduced my husband into sleeping with you!" she shrieked. "You'll never get it into your head that he loves **me**, not you! You think I don't know the game you're trying to play? He might have fallen for your trap last night, but he's realized that you're nothing but a whore, and I'm the only woman he's ever wanted!"

"No," Rinoa said, shaking her head. "You don't know what you're talking about!"

"Don't I? Only a whore would sleep with a married man, Rinoa, and that is exactly what you are! A whore!"

"No!" Rinoa screamed. "No!"

Rinoa's eyes shot open and she bit back a scream. Her breath was ragged, and it took her a few minutes to calm down and realize where she was; Squall's room. The events of the previous night suddenly came rushing back, along with a plethora of emotions. She was still tangled up in Squall's arms, with him holding onto her protectively. Shifting slightly, she turned so that she was facing him. His eyes were still closed, a serene expression on his face.

Rinoa smiled despite herself. She had always loved watching him sleep. Her smile faltered as she realized that this was probably the last time that she would ever have the liberty of watching him sleep like this. Despite all that they had confessed last night, there was no future for them. Her dream alone should have been proof of that. If Rinoa stayed with Squall, then she would become the adulteress, the other woman. No, never the other woman. She wanted all of Squall, or she wanted nothing at all. This was it, she couldn't waver. There was no way that she could ask Squall to leave Quistis for her.

Suddenly, she felt Squall move, and then his blue eyes were staring back at her. "Hey," he whispered, a smile playing about his lips. God, how he had missed her.

"Hey," Rinoa said, forcing a smile. How was she going to break the news to Squall when he looked so happy? When she _felt _so right?

Squall absently tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "God, you're beautiful," he said, leaning over to kiss her.

Rinoa closed her eyes. It wouldn't hurt to enjoy this for a few more minutes, would it? Quistis' face suddenly popped into Rinoa's head. Yes, it would. "Squall," Rinoa said, opening her eyes and pulling away, "I should go."

"I can take the day off," he told her. "I don't want you to go."

Rinoa's heart was melting. A day alone with Squall sounded wonderful, but it was impossible. She had to get a hold of herself and end this before it got any further. "You know I can't stay, Squall." She got up, pulling the sheet around her. "We made a mistake last night. This can never happen again."

Squall's face twisted into one of extreme pain. "You don't mean that."

"Yes, Squall, I do," Rinoa said, refusing to meet his gaze.

"What about everything that happened between us last night? Was that all a lie to you? I thought you loved me."

"I _do _love you, Squall. That is why we have to end this. Both of us are just going to end up hurt. Your place is with Quistis."

"I told you that I don't love her, Rinoa. What more do you want from me?"

"That's just it, Squall. I don't want _anything _from you. We need to pretend that this never happened and carry on as usual. Quistis loves you and she is my friend. That is enough for me. I refuse to hurt her any further then I already have." She began to search for her clothes.

"So what you're saying," Squall said angrily, "Is that you want to forget any of this ever happened. Everything that happened between us last night! Is that what you're saying?" he demanded.

Rinoa nodded. "I think that would be best."

"Well, I don't!" Squall exclaimed. "I am not going to spend the rest of my life living a lie!"

Rinoa sighed, finally locating her undergarments and quickly slipping them on. She turned to face him, tears in her eyes. "Listen to me, Squall. You are married to one of my best friends. I am not going to let this go any further because it would destroy her. You need to talk to Quistis, come to a mutual decision, and then see how things go from there. I am not going to be the other woman."

Squall, too, sighed, knowing that what she was saying was true. No matter how painful that reality was, it was still a reality. "Okay," Squall said, his voice cold. "We'll pretend this never happened."

Rinoa nodded. "Thank you." She picked her dress up off of the floor and pulled it over her head. Before she could even begin to reach for the zipper, Squall's hands were there, gently doing the job for her. She turned to face him then, a look of regret and loss written all over her face. It was taking all of her self control not to jump right back into his arms and stay with him forever. Finally turning away, she headed for the door. Just as she was about to turn the knob, Squall called out to her.

"Rinoa, wait."

She turned around, a quizzical look on her face. This was already so incredibly hard. Was it necessary to delay it even further? "What is it?"

"You can't leave here looking like that if you want to keep this a secret," he pointed out.

Rinoa realized that he was right. If she left his room wearing her wrinkled and water-stained dress, and looking as disheveled as she did, rumors were bound to spring up all over Garden. Rumors that were sure to eventually get back to Quistis, which is exactly what she was trying to avoid. What other option was there, though? She couldn't exactly leave his room naked! The only other option would be to wear some of Squall's old clothes, but had he kept any of them here? Even if he had, wouldn't it look even more suspicious to be seen wearing Squall's clothes, than wearing the dress?

"What should I do?" she asked, looking around the room as if it would offer a solution. "Regardless of what I wear, someone is bound to see me leaving your room."

She was right, of course, but there had to be some other solution. Personally, he didn't care what the Garden population had to say about him, but he knew it would hurt Rinoa, and he was willing to do anything to protect her. "I have an idea," he announced suddenly. "I'll make up some excuse over the PA system that will force everyone to temporarily evacuate the building. You can sneak out of here then, an no one will see you."

Rinoa stared at him with admiration. "Squall, you are brilliant." Once again, she resisted the urge to jump into his arms."

He offered her a wry smile and quickly finished getting dressed. "You won't be here when I get back, so..." he trailed off, unsure of what to say.

"I know, Squall. I feel the same way." She smiled at him, holding back tears. "If there was any other way..."

He nodded in understanding, and, with three quick strides, he was gone.

SEIFER climbed the steps to the second floor of the Breezy Hotel feeling pretty confident. To his complete surprise, it had been good to see Quistis the other day. After being in FH for the past few years with no one but Raijin and Fujin for company, it had been refreshing to see an old face. He would never admit it, but he had always admired the blonde. She had always been so in charge of her life, knowing exactly what she wanted and how to get it. After hearing about how Squall had treated her, Seifer felt a certain anger toward his old rival that he had not felt in a long time.

Realizing that he had reached the second floor, Seifer slowed his pace, in search of room two-twenty. He had not written it down, feeling no need to since he had memorized it the moment Quistis had told it to him. Despite his charming looks, it wasn't every day that a lady offered him her room number. In fact, it had been a fairly long time since Seifer had had a relationship, friendly or otherwise, with the opposite sex. His last relationship had ended over a year ago to a brunette named Kira. Kira had turned out to be too high maintenance for Seifer. Besides, she had been looking to settle down, and he just wasn't ready for that back then.

There it was, right in front of him. Room number two-twenty stared him down. Seifer smirked, not feeling very intimidated. He usually had the upper hand in relationships, not that he and Quistis had a relationship, per se. However, Seifer had enough confidence not to be too worried. He raised his fist and knocked on the door.

A moment later, the door swung open and Quistis stood there, wearing a long white skirt with a pink floral pattern, and a plain white, short-sleeved top. In her hand was a book, and it was obvious that she had been reading before he had knocked, since she was also wearing her glasses.

"Seifer," she said, sounding surprised.

"Hello, Quistis. Why do you seem so shocked to see me? I told you I'd be coming to see you, and you opened the door readily enough. Unless," he said, smirking, "You were expecting someone else."

"Actually, I was," Quistis told him, her eyes twinkling with amusement.

"Oh," Seifer said, trying not to sound too disappointed. "And who would this person be?"

"I don't see how that's any of your business, Seifer."

Before Seifer could come up with something witty to say, room service arrived in front of Quistis' room with a cart of food.

"Here you are, Madam," the boy pushing the cart announced. "Enjoy."

Seifer turned toward Quistis and saw that she had turned three shades of red. "Wow, Quistis, I didn't know you went after men so young." He grinned.

Quistis glared at him. "You caught me, okay? So why, exactly, are you here?"

"I told you already that I was going to come and see you. I figured we could go out for lunch, but it looks like you've already got that covered. So, are you going to ask me to join you?"

"Has anyone ever told you how arrogant you are?" Quistis asked.

Seifer shrugged. "One or two."

Rolling her eyes, Quistis stepped aside, allowing Seifer entrance to the room. "I didn't order very much," she pointed out. "But you can't exactly complain, since you weren't invited in the first place."

"I don't mind. Anything's better than more fish." He lifted up the covers on the food, revealing a garden salad, turkey sandwich on whole wheat bread, and a fruit salad. Seifer looked up at her in disbelief. "Are you kidding me?"

"You just agreed that you weren't going to complain," she pointed out.

"That was before you told me that you were a health freak!"

"I am _not _a health freak. I'll eat the salad, and you can have the sandwich. Take it or leave it."

Grumbling, Seifer grabbed the plate with the sandwich on it and took a seat in an empty chair. Quistis grabbed her salad and sat opposite him, a smug look on her face.

"So, Quistis, do you have any idea when you'll be leaving this island paradise?"

Quistis shrugged. "Most likely by the end of the week. I have to be back for Zell's wedding."

Seifer almost choked. "Hold on, did you just say that Chicken Wuss is getting _married_?"

"If by Chicken Wuss, you are referring to Zell, then yes, that's exactly what I said."

"Wow, you weren't kidding when you said things had changed. Chicken Wuss getting married." He shook his head. "I still can't picture it."

Quistis rolled her eyes. "Can you please refrain from calling him that? You know, I bet you two could have been really good friends if you hadn't wasted your time constantly insulting him."

Seifer laughed. "Yeah, that would be the day! I'd have a better chance of getting along with Commander Puberty."

Quistis shot him a look. "What did I just say?"

Seifer shrugged, causing another glare from Quistis. "Okay, fine. I'll stop using nicknames."

"Thank you," she said, looking pleased.

"Here's another question for you. What are you doing tomorrow?"

"Why?" she asked suspiciously.

"Meet me at the pier around ten, and I'll show you."

Quistis narrowed her eyes. "What are you up to?"

"Nothing," he said, standing up. "Just be there."

"Where are you going?" she asked, upon seeing him walking toward the door.

"I have to get back. I know you're awfully disappointed." He grinned. "Tomorrow morning at the docks. Ten o'clock. See ya."

Just like that, he was gone, leaving Quistis shocked to find that she actually _was_ disappointed. What was the world coming to?

_"THIS is Commander Leonhart speaking. We have reason to believe that there could be a gas leak in the basement level of this facility. For safety purposes, all Garden members are ordered to evacuate this building until further notice. Your cooperation is essential for this problem to be resolved quickly. Thank you."_

Rinoa couldn't help but smile at Squall's announcement. He had sounded so cool and professional that he almost had _her _convinced that there was a gas leak. She could hear the footsteps of students hurrying down the hall and out of the building. It would be safe to leave soon.

As Rinoa waited by the door, her mind went over everything that had happened in the past twenty-four hours. Breaking up with Irvine, Squall's admission that he loved her, her admission of the same, making love, and then ending things just minutes ago. Her emotions were so conflicted. On one hand, she was ecstatic from everything Squall had told her, and it felt wonderful to have finally admitted everything to him. Plus, the previous night had been, to put it mildly, amazing. She had never even dreamed how wonderful it would be to be with Squall again. On the other hand, she felt an incredible amount of guilt. If Quistis found out about what had happened between them, Rinoa doubted that the blonde would ever want to lay eyes on her again.

Ending things had been the obvious thing to do. Of course it hurt terribly, but Rinoa knew in her heart that they would somehow find their way back to each other. They always did. Squall didn't love Quistis, and he was going to have to start being honest with her. Even if they couldn't be together now, Rinoa was confident that it would not remain that way forever. That was why, on a day when she should be feeling crushed, she chose to remain optimistic. Negativity wasn't going to get her anywhere.

Rinoa suddenly pressed her ear to the door. As she had thought, the footsteps had now stopped, and the hall was quiet. She cautiously opened the door, careful not to make an excessive amount of noise, and peeked her head out. As the silence suggested, the hall was deserted. Breathing a sigh of relief, she quickly sprinted down the hall, not stopping until she reached her room, unlocked the door, and heard the door close behind her.

From behind a pillar in the hall, Irvine stared at the scene, unsure of what he was feeling. He had seen Rinoa leave Squall's old dorm, still in her dress from the previous night. Irvine wasn't someone to jump to conclusions, but there weren't exactly a lot of other plausible scenarios other than the one he was thinking. All he could think about in that moment was that if word got out about this, the shit was going to hit the fan. 


	33. Chapter ThirtyThree

Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy VIII...

Author's Note: Sorry for taking so long with this chapter. For some reason, I had a really hard time writing it. Actually, I had been going through a period recently where I just couldn't seem to be inspired to write anything. Thankfully, I'm finally over it! Thanks for all of your reviews!

To Love You More

Chapter Thirty-Three

**__**

"What are we?

What you wanna be

Everything!

That you wanna be

All I need

Right in front of me

I've know before

Would you come my way?

Or did you burn out to the end

Would you come my way?

Should have listened when you called my name..."

-"Bullet Proof" Goo Goo Dolls

PROMPTLY at ten o'clock the next morning, Quistis arrived at the pier. Although it was still morning, the weather was already unbearably hot. As a result, Quistis had opted to wear a short denim skirt, paired with a white sleeveless top. The straps of a white bikini top could be seen tied around her neck. Her hair was pulled up into her usual clip, wanting to remain as cool as possible. Her eyes scanned the pier, searching for a certain arrogant blonde. She was surprised to find that she was disappointed that he wasn't there yet. Wasn't he the one who had insisted on being there on time?

"Sorry I'm late, Instructor." His voice was suddenly next to her ear, causing a chill to run down her spine. "I was just checking over the boat."

Quistis spun around to face him, choosing to ignore that he had seemed to be reverting back to her old nickname. She had more pressing matters to address. "What boat?"

"My boat," Seifer said, as if stating the obvious. "What, do you think I sit on the docks all day to fish?"

"No..." She trailed off, shrugging. "So, why did you need to check your boat in the first place?"

"Because, my dear instructor, we're going sailing today," he replied, smirking.

"Sailing?" Quistis asked, narrowing her eyes. "You never said anything about sailing."

Seifer laughed at the look on her face. "_Relax_. I told you that I had a surprise planned, right? Well, this is only part of it. Come on, let's go." He gestured for her to follow him.

Sighing, she decided to humor him. Whatever he had planned couldn't be _that _bad, right? Besides, curiosity was beginning to get the best of her, and she was anxious to find out what else Seifer had in store for her.

Seifer stopped abruptly in front of a medium-sized boat. Anyone could tell that it was a fishing boat just by looking at the nets slung over the sides, and the traps piled on the deck. The blonde fisherman lowered a ramp that would allow them to board the vessel.

"Be careful," he warned, as Quistis began walking up it. "The ramp can be slippery. I don't think you want to become shark food, but what do I know. You could be into that kind of stuff."

Quistis rolled her eyes. "Very funny." She quickly finished ascending the ramp, and placed her feet firmly on the deck of the ship.

Seifer followed closely behind her, and once aboard, began to work on untying the ropes that were tied to the dock. He seemed to undo them in record time, much to Quistis' amazement. She had never imagined that Seifer would ever be so adept in handling boats and the like. Then again, she had never pictured Seifer as a fisherman.

"You ready?" Seifer asked, his trademark smirk once again paying about his lips. "I won't let you down."

"OKAY, guys, the dresses have arrived!" Selphie squealed.

Rinoa, Carrie, and Michelle, one of Carrie's close friends, were assembled in Selphie's dorm. The bubbly brunette was more than excited that the bridesmaid dresses, and, more importantly, Carrie's gown, had arrived.

"Thanks for picking them up, Selphie," Carrie said gratefully. "I can't believe that the wedding is only days away!"

"Hey, no problem. So, are you nervous about marrying Zell?" Selphie asked with a wink.

Carrie began to blush. "Of course I am! What bride isn't?" She giggled. "It doesn't matter, though. I know that Zell is the guy for me."

"That's so romantic," Michelle said, sighing dreamily. "I wish I could find a guy as sweet as Zell."

The girls all laughed good-naturedly. "Okay, girls, time to try these dresses on!" Selphie exclaimed, pulling out three bridesmaid dresses from the closet. She handed one to Rinoa, and then one to Michelle, setting hers aside on the bed. "We'll try these on first, and then we'll help you with your gown, Carrie."

Carrie nodded. "Okay. I'll wait here while you all get changed."

Rinoa and Michelle each took off to their respective dorms to try the dresses on, while Selphie changed in the bathroom. As Carrie waited for the girls to return, she walked over to the closet to inspect her gown. She carefully laid the silken material onto Selphie's bed. The design was simple; a short-sleeved, straight gown, dotted with baby pearls around the neckline and waist. It suited her perfectly, and she couldn't wait to try it on. As she walked over to the closet to see if her veil was in there, she couldn't help noticing that a lone bridesmaid dress hung in the front of the closet; Quistis'. Carrie, like the majority of the Balamb Garden population, had heard about how Quistis had just taken off. Very few people could say they were surprised, though. It was pretty obvious to everyone that Squall and Quistis had been having problems. Still, Carrie hoped that Quistis would come back in time for the wedding. The rehearsal dinner was just three nights away. Carrie really admired the blonde, and sincerely wanted her at her wedding.

The door to the bathroom opened, causing Carrie to jump back from the closet. She felt as if she had been snooping, even though she knew that she hadn't. Selphie entered the room, followed closely by Michelle, and then Rinoa.

"You guys look amazing!" she exclaimed, completely meaning it. Anyone would happily agree with her. The pale lavender, spaghetti-strapped dresses looked great on all three of the girls. They were made of a rustling satin, and were simple and elegant. The lavender color accentuated each of the girl's features, from Selphie's brown hair, to Michelle's dirty-blonde.

"Well, you have great taste," Selphie complimented her. "Now, it's your turn! Into the bathroom with you!" She placed the gown safely into Carrie's arms. "Holler if you need any help."

Feeling a bit overwhelmed, the bride to be nodded and entered the bathroom. As soon as the door had shut behind her, Selphie turned to Michelle.

"Michelle, I hate to bother you, but do you think you could go get changed and then head down to the Quad? My crew has assembled there to finalize the ballroom plans, and it would be a real life saver to me if you could handle it."

Michelle nodded enthusiastically. "No problem. The second Carrie gets done, I'll head over there."

"Thanks, Michelle!" Selphie said happily. "You're the best!"

Seconds later, the bathroom door opened, and out stepped Carrie, smiling nervously. She twirled around once, showing off all sides of the gown. "So...what do you think?"

"It's beautiful, Carrie!" Michelle gushed.

Selphie nodded in agreement. "Perfect!"

Carrie looked to Rinoa for her opinion, but she seemed to be lost in thought. Selphie elbowed her, trying to break whatever trance she was in.

"Huh?" Rinoa questioned, confused.

"Doesn't Carrie look gorgeous?" she said pointedly.

Finally getting the hint, Rinoa nodded enthusiastically. "You look wonderful, Carrie. Zell won't know what hit him when he sees you."

Carrie was positively beaming. "Aw, thank you, guys. I don't know what I'd do without all of you!" She disappeared back into the bathroom to change back into her regular clothes.

"Well, that's my cue to go," Michelle told them. "Don't worry about the decorations, Selphie. I'll make sure everything is all set. See you guys later!" She smiled and left the room.

As soon as she had left, Selphie turned to Rinoa expectantly. "Okay, spill. You've been quiet this whole time. What's wrong with you?"

"Nothing's wrong," Rinoa insisted. "I'm just tired."

Selphie shot her a look that clearly read, 'You expect me to believe that?' "Rinoa, I know you a lot better than you think. You've been spacing out this whole time. What's going on?"

Rinoa sighed, knowing that Selphie would not drop the subject. "It's really complicated, Selphie, and I don't exactly feel like going over the details right now. I'm just having a hard time processing some things."

"Is this about your breakup with Irvine?"

"Wow," Rinoa said, surprised. "News sure does travel fast around here."

"No," Selphie said, shaking her head. "I talked to Irvine earlier today and he told me you guys had broken up. I take it you didn't want anyone to know?"

"It's not that. I just hate how you can't do anything without the rest of Garden hearing about it." She sighed once more. "To answer your question, though, no, this has nothing to do with Irvine. Actually, us breaking up was one of the better things to happen lately. We're definitely better off as friends."

"Your decision didn't have anything to do with Squall, did it?"

Rinoa once again looked at her friend in surprise. Was it that obvious? Before she had a chance to respond, Carrie had walked back into the room.

"I guess I'll get going now. Thanks again for all of your help." She smiled warmly. "Don't forget, the rehearsal is Saturday night at seven. See you then!"

The second Carrie was gone, Selphie turned back to Rinoa. "So...are you going to answer my question?"

"I think you already know the answer," Rinoa said quietly.

"So it's true then. You still love him."

Rinoa looked up sharply. "Where did you hear that?"

Selphie looked away momentarily, as if ashamed. "When I was talking to Irvine this morning, he mentioned that he suspected that you and Squall...still had feelings for each other."

"What a mess," Rinoa said miserably as she buried her head in her hands. "Everyone will know before long."

"Hey," Selphie said softly, "It's alright. Nobody's going to know unless you tell them. I'm not saying anything, and I know that Irvine won't, either. He could only tell because he's been close to you lately. That's all. No one else will notice a thing."

Rinoa shook her head. "They'll find out eventually." She turned to her friend, a look of despair written all over her face. "I've done a horrible thing, Selphie."

"No, Rinoa. Falling in love is not a crime. You have no control over who you love."

"You don't understand!" Rinoa exclaimed. "It's so much more complicated than that!"

Selphie looked at her friend in surprise. Rinoa rarely showed such outright despair. She was always the one who saw the brighter side of things, and remained optimistic through it all. What could have possibly happened to have made her act this way? "What is it?" she asked gently. "Rinoa, you can tell me."

"I can't get you involved in this," the sorceress answered truthfully.

The truth was, Rinoa would have loved to get everything off of her chest and confide in her friend. However, doing so would require Selphie to keep a secret, a life-altering secret, from Quistis. There was no way that Rinoa was going to allow that to happen. She wouldn't ask Selphie to choose between her and the blonde.

"Listen, Selphie, I really appreciate your concern. You're one of my best friends, and if I thought I could tell you this without it affecting you, then I would. The thing is, if I told you, you would only end up caught in the middle of an extremely messy situation. That's the last thing that I want to happen."

Selphie nodded in understanding, although her curiosity remained piqued at Rinoa's cryptic statements. "Okay, I won't mention a word of it again. Even if you can't tell me, though, you're still my friend and you can always come to me for anything, k?"

Rinoa smiled, partly from relief, and partly because she felt so lucky to have such an understanding friend. "Okay. Thank you, Selphie. I really mean it." She drew her into a warm hug. "I really should get going now, though. Thanks again for the talk."

"Don't worry about it. Just remember what I said." The two women stood up, and Selphie walked Rinoa over to the door. "See you later!" she exclaimed.

QUISTIS stood by the railing of Seifer's boat, watching the sun blazing in the distance. It was a perfect day to be on the ocean. Still, as she stood there, she couldn't help but think about how things were going back at Garden. More specifically, how things were going with Squall. Did he miss her? Had he even given her a single thought since she had left? She was doing surprisingly well without him. The laid-back environment of FH had done her a world of good. Of course, there was also Seifer. She hated to admit it, but she liked being around the blonde. He was a distraction, yes, but...was that all he was?

Quistis sighed. _What am I doing? _She had come to FH to figure out what she really wanted. To decide how to proceed in her relationship with Squall. Instead, here she was, on a gorgeous day, sailing the ocean with Seifer Almasy, her husband's life-long rival. What would Squall think if he saw her now? Quistis shook her head. Who cares what he would think? He was the one who wanted the break in the first place. She was free to do whatever the hell she wanted. Squall Leonhart did not control her life.

"What are you thinking about, Instructor?" Seifer asked, his tone playful, as he came up beside her.

She hesitated, not sure if she wanted to tell him the truth. "I was thinking...that Squall wouldn't be too happy if he saw me right now."

Seifer raised an eyebrow. "I don't see anything wrong with you."

Quistis rolled her eyes. "You know that's not what I meant."

"You're right, I did. What you really meant was that your old husband would throw a fit if he found out that you're with me. He probably would hate the fact that we've seen each other almost every day, too. Is that the gist of what you're trying to say?"

The tone of his voice gave away nothing about how he felt. Quistis couldn't tell whether he was angry or amused. "Yes," she said softly. "That's the gist of it."

"And what about you?" Seifer demanded. "How do you feel about it? Do you wish you'd never run into me?"

Quistis shook her head. "No. I'm glad that I ran into you." Seeing the sudden smirk on his face, she felt the need to clarify. "It's been nice to have someone to talk to. You know...a _friend_."

Seifer nodded, now grinning. "Of course, Instructor. Let me just say that I'm honored to be your _friend_. Although, while we're still on the subject of your husband, I doubt he'd be pleased to know that."

She shrugged. "You know what? I'd rather not think about Squall right now. It's such a beautiful day... I'd just like to enjoy it."

Nodding, Seifer backed away from the railing. He looked out onto the distant horizon, shielding his eyes from the blinding sun. He could just make out the faint outline of land. "We'll be there soon," he informed her.

"Yes, but where exactly is 'there'? You haven't said a word about where we're going. For all I know, you could be leading me to a death trap."

"Now, do I look like the type of guy who would do that to a poor, defenseless woman?"

Quistis laughed out loud at that one. "Poor and defenseless, huh? Might I remind you that I'm carrying a whip with me?"

"Why, Quistis," Seifer said, grinning once more, "I am shocked! I never thought you were that kind of a person. Makes me feel dirty."

"Seifer!" Quistis exclaimed in disgust.

At that point, Seifer was doubled over in laughter. Quistis stared at him in disbelief. He was laughing so hard that tears were practically running down his face. Suddenly, a small sound escaped from Quistis' lips, and then erupted into an all-out laugh. Within seconds, she, too, was doubled over in laughter, unable to control herself. Minutes passed with the two of them laughing hysterically.

Surprisingly, Seifer was the first to compose himself. He opened his mouth to say something, but the situation was beyond words. All he could do was shake his head.

"Thank you," Quistis said suddenly, finally getting her laughter under control. "I really needed that."

Seifer simply smiled and wandered back into the boat's cabin. They would be docking soon.

"YOU know, these things are pretty pointless. We're having a dress rehearsal in three days, so what's the point in trying on these tuxes now?" Zell complained as he finished buttoning his tuxedo jacket.

Squall, Irvine, and two of Zell's other friends, Brett and Dusty, were gathered in Zell's room. Unlike the girls, they weren't exactly thrilled to be stuffed up in a room, trying on tuxedos.

"Hey, man, you don't want to disappoint Carrie, do you?" Irvine asked pointedly. "Besides, we're having a rehearsal, not a dress rehearsal. You don't want to wait until the morning of your wedding to find out that your tux doesn't fit, do you?"

Zell sighed in defeat. "No."

"I feel your pain, Zell," Brett chimed in. "Are you sure you want to go through with it? I mean, what's wrong with the single life?"

"My philosophy, exactly," Irvine said, laughing. "I'm afraid that Zell's already whipped, though."

"I am _not _whipped!" Zell exclaimed indignantly.

"Sure could have fooled me," Irvine retorted. Dusty and Brett nodded in agreement. "What do you think, Squall?"

Squall had chosen to remain quiet throughout the whole ordeal. Zell was his friend, but the commander wasn't exactly in the mood to be social. Not that he ever really was to begin with. "Yeah," he said absently, "Definitely whipped."

"Some friends I have," Zell grumbled. "You know, when you guys get married, I'm never going to let you hear the end of it."

"Well, I'm enjoying the single life," Irvine informed him, "And from the looks of it, so is Brett. Squall's already married, so it looks like you've only got Dusty to pick on."

Zell just shook his head. "I give up."

"Come on, Zell, just admit it," Brett urged. "I mean, you're not even having a bachelor party!"

"Excuse me for not wanting to have a hangover for my wedding," Zell argued.

"Ok, Brett, leave the guy alone," Dusty interjected. He decided to change the subject. "What did you guys think about that gas leak this morning? It would have been a real pain in the ass if it had checked out."

Irvine's eyes immediately traveled to Squall, who seemed to be fascinated with the floor. It was probably best to just change the subject, but... "Yeah, it was kind of strange, wasn't it? Care to shed any light on the situation, Squall?"

Squall looked up, his eyes narrowing. He couldn't put his finger on it, but there was something in the way Irvine had spoken that made him feel uneasy. "There's nothing to tell. There were reports of a possible gas leak, and we had to check it out before we allowed students to stay in Garden. Why is that so strange?"

Irvine shook his head. "It's not, really. Guess I was just curious."

Zell looked between the two men, sensing a slight tension. "Well, I have more important things to worry about. There was no gas leak, Squall took the necessary precautions, and it's done with. No use in talking about it all day."

"Are we done here?" Squall asked suddenly. "I have to get back to work." Without waiting for an answer, he quickly crossed the room, opened the door, and left.

"SO, what do you think?"

Quistis heard Seifer's question, but she didn't even know how to begin to reply. The scene before her was so breathtakingly beautiful that no words could even begin to do it justice. They had just arrived in a small cove. The water in front of them was such a pale blue that you could see right through to the bottom. The sand they were standing on was a beautiful, pale pink, and they were surrounded by lush vegetation and wild flowers of every color imaginable.

"It's...amazing," Quistis said softly.

Seifer inwardly smirked. He knew she would love it. "Well, why don't you make yourself comfortable while I grab lunch."

Quistis raised an eyebrow. "Lunch?"

"Yeah, lunch. You didn't think I'd take you out here empty handed, did you?"

"I guess not. Is there anything I can do to help?"

Seifer shook his head. "Nope. Like I said, just sit back and relax, and I'll handle everything."

Quistis watched as Seifer disappeared back into the boat. Since she had first run into him at FH, he had constantly been surprising her. He was so unlike the Seifer she had previously known, yet, she could still sense traces of his old personality within him. Over the years, Seifer had really grown up and matured. He was in charge of his own life now, and she really admired that. It was too bad that she hadn't been able to get through to him when she was his teacher. Still, perhaps having learned such things on his own was for the best. He had sure turned out a hell of a lot better than anyone could have imagined, including herself. That realization made her face burn in shame. She had been foolish to be so judgmental.

Perhaps part of the reason why she had always been so biased when it came to Seifer was because of Squall's lifelong disgust for him. It was no secret that she had always been partial to Squall, so it was no surprise that she would look down on his rival. She realized then that Squall had changed her opinions on a lot of things. She had let her feelings for him overshadow everything else. _I feel like a fool._

"Here we are," Seifer said as he set up a blanket on the sand and began laying out various food items on it. "You ready to eat?"

"Actually, do you mind if I take a swim first? I'd really like to, um, clear my head."

"No problem. A swim sounds great." Seifer grinned and began to strip down to his bathing suit.

Quistis stared at him, her mouth open in shock. She hadn't said anything about him joining her, but it looked like he was going to do so, regardless. She was shocked to find it difficult to look away as he discarded his shirt. There could be no denying the fact that he had a gorgeous upper body. As Seifer suddenly looked up, Quistis quickly turned away, her face red with embarrassment.

Seifer grinned, but chose not to say anything. He feared that Quistis would change her mind about that swim if he teased her further. He began walking towards the water, stopping once to look over his shoulder and call to Quistis. "You coming?"

The blonde rolled her eyes and quickly slipped out of her skirt and top. She sprinted into the water, allowing its cool sensation to wash over her. It was such a refreshing and invigorating moment. Right then, she felt as if she could take on the world. Closing her eyes, she inhaled the fresh smell of the ocean...and a mouthful of water.

"Seifer!" she shrieked, her eyes blazing in anger. "What is wrong with you!"

Seifer would have responded if he hadn't been so caught up in laughing. Many people would have trembled at the look in Quistis' eyes, yet Seifer found it completely amusing. Besides, he thought Quistis was cute when she was angry.

Quistis just stared at him. Since talking didn't seem to be working, she decided to give Seifer a taste of his own medicine. She gave him a shove, causing him to stumble and fall face first into the water. A grin of triumph lit up her face. As she stood there, feeling quite proud of herself, she failed to notice that Seifer had yet to resurface. Finally, that realization dawned on her, and the grin quickly left her face.

"Seifer!" she exclaimed, scanning the water frantically. "Seifer, where are you?"

The water around her remained still and calm, showing no signs of human life. Quistis' heart began to beat frantically in her chest. Something was definitely wrong. Nobody could hold their breath for this long. What had she done?

"Seifer!" she called once more, unwilling to give up and face defeat.

"You called?"

Quistis' eyes widened as she spun around to face the shore. There, standing upon the shore, was Seifer, that damn smirk yet again adorning his face. Quistis could only stare at him, her worry melting into relief, which quickly dissolved into anger. She marched straight to the shore, her eyes blazing.

"What the hell is your problem, Seifer!" she demanded, once she had reached him."

"I was just having a little fun with you, Instructor."

Quistis clenched her fists in anger. "Who the hell do you think you are? Do you think what you just did was _funny_? I thought you had drowned!"

Seifer knew he should be taking her more seriously, but at the moment, he was a little distracted with admiring Quistis' toned body. Hey, no one had forced her to wear that skimpy bikini.

"Seifer, are you even listening to me?"

Seifer forced his eyes away from her body to meet her own. "I'm sorry, okay? Like I said, I was just trying to have a little fun. I'm sorry that I worried you." Quistis just shook her head in defeat. "But you _were_ worried about me, right?" He hound himself grinning once more. "Does that mean you like me?"

When had his face grown so close to hers? Quistis felt herself blushing at their close proximity. She quickly turned away, suddenly very uncomfortable. "Let's just eat, Seifer."

Seifer inwardly grinned. _Oh yeah. She likes me alright._


	34. Chapter ThirtyFour

Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy VIII...

Author's Note: I don't have much to say, except to yet again apologize for the long waits with each chapter. All I can do is thank you all for being patient and continuing to follow this. You seriously are the best!

To Love You More

Chapter Thirty-Four

**__**

"This is over my head  
But underneath my feet  
'Cause by tomorrow morning  
I'll have this thing beat  
And everything will be back to the way that it was  
I wish that it was just that easy..."

-"Somewhere In Between" Lifehouse

SQUALL put down his pen and sighed. Looking over Garden's financial reports was tiresome on a normal day. Add to that his problems regarding Rinoa, having Zell and Carrie's rehearsal dinner that night, and there still being no sign of Quistis. Could you blame the guy for not being able to focus?

A knock on the door made Squall growl in annoyance. He wasn't in the mood to socialize. Still, he was the commander, which meant that he had a duty to see who it was. Damn job. "Come in," he growled.

Squall was surprised to see that it was Zell. He hadn't seen much of the energetic blonde lately, partly because he had been so wrapped up in his own problems, and partly because Zell had been busy with Carrie and planning the wedding. In fact, Squall couldn't remember the last time he had had a serious talk with his friend. Hopefully today wouldn't be the first in a long time.

"Hey, Squall," Zell said as he entered the room, shutting the door behind him. "What's up?"

"Zell, if you came up here to ask me 'what's up', then I might just have to throw you out of Garden, wedding or not," Squall said, rubbing the bridge of his forehead wearily.

Zell smiled. Not many people understood Squall's sense of humor, but Zell had been around him long enough to tell when he was joking. "No, that's not the reason I came up here. I actually wanted to ask for your advice. I mean, the wedding is tomorrow, and I'm getting kinda nervous. Was that how it was for you before you and Quistis got married?"

Squall closed his eyes, traveling back to his own wedding day. He could not remember feeling nervous. In fact, he couldn't remember feeling much emotion at all. If he had to pick one word to describe himself that day, then it would have to be numb. He should have never married Quistis that day, but he couldn't exactly tell Zell that. Not even Squall was cold enough to admit such a thing to the enthusiastic groom.

"Yeah," he said, instead. "I hear it's natural to be nervous on the day of your wedding. Don't worry about it."

Zell smiled again, relieved that he was not the only one to have gone through such a situation. "Thanks, man. I'm sorry to have interrupted you. It's been awhile since we've talked, though. The other reason I came up here was to see how you're doing. Don't take this the wrong way, man, but you've been acting strange lately."

The commander raised an eyebrow. "Strange?"

"Well, yeah. I guess you've seemed preoccupied, and more distant than normal. Is everything okay?"

Squall nodded. "I've been under a lot of stress lately, that's all. There have been a lot of Garden problems to handle."

"You know, I'm probably digging myself into a hole here, but are you sure nothing's up? Have you heard from Quistis at all?"

"No," he said, shaking his head. "Nor do I expect to."

Well, that statement certainly caught Zell's attention. "What do you mean by that?"

Squall shrugged. "The wedding is tomorrow. She's cutting it awfully close, isn't she?"

"That's true, but this is Quistis we're talking about here. She never acts irresponsibly," Zell insisted.

"There's a first time for everything."

Zell stared at his friend in shock. How could he act so casually about this? It was his wife they were talking about, for God's sake! "Aren't you even worried about her?"

"Quistis is a big girl. She can take care of herself," Squall replied calmly.

"But you haven't heard from her in almost two weeks! She could be-" He suddenly stopped as a realization hit him head on. "You don't love her."

Squall sighed. What was the point in denying it anymore? "No," he said quietly, "I don't."

Zell was stunned. He had always believed that Squall had successfully moved on from Rinoa with Quistis. Sure, they had had their problems, but what couple didn't? There were so many questions that Zell had, but the main one immediately escaped his lips. "Then why did you marry her?"

Squall considered that for a moment. "I don't know. I guess I wanted to convince myself that I was over Rinoa; that I had moved on with my life. I guess I also felt that I owed it to Quistis. She had put up with me for so long, and I knew it was what she wanted."

"Does Quistis know how you feel?"

"No. I didn't have the heart to tell her. When she comes back, I'll have to. She deserves to know the truth."

"And what about Rinoa? Does she know?"

This time, Squall nodded. "I told her the other night."

"Jesus Christ."

"Listen, Zell, your wedding is tomorrow. I really want you to enjoy it. Don't worry about my problems. I can deal with them."

Zell nodded. "I know you can. It's just...wow. I had no idea." He smiled sheepishly. "It makes sense, though. Oh, and don't worry. Your secret is safe with me. So, I guess I'll see you tonight?"

Squall nodded. "Thank you, Zell. I think I really needed to get that off my chest."

"No problem, man," he said sincerely, "No problem.

THE sunlight poured in through the cracks in the blinds of Quistis' hotel room. With a sigh, the blonde rolled onto her back and opened her eyes. Today would be the last day that she spent on the island. In all honesty, she would love to stay, but tomorrow was Zell and Carrie's wedding, and she absolutely had to be back for that. Still, it was going to be unbearably hard to say goodbye to Seifer. He had no idea that she was leaving tonight, and she hadn't had the heart to tell him.

Sighing once more, she swung her feet over the edge of the bed and got up. She hadn't started packing yet, but she had so few things that she doubted it would take very long. Deciding to put off the packing for later, she quickly slid into a beige pair of capris and a pale pink tank top. She ran a brush through her hand, grabbed her purse, and exited the room. She was not usually one to act to impulsively, but she felt the need to see Seifer...to say goodbye.

As she made her way to the pier, she felt uncharacteristically nervous. Part of her was afraid of how Seifer would react. Would he demand that she stay, or would he gladly see her off? She had never thought that Seifer Almasy's opinion would matter so much to her, but the truth of the matter was, something had happened over the past two weeks. Quistis wasn't exactly sure what had happened, but something within herself had changed. She was not going to act as the silent, agreeable wife anymore. The time had finally come for her to stand up to her husband.

When Squall had asked Quistis for the break, she had been devastated. Yes, she had told him that she knew they were having problems, but failure had never been an option for her. She had been willing to do whatever it took to save her marriage. That was why she had initially agreed to the break. However, as her two weeks in FH went by, she began to see her marriage for what it really was; a lie. Had she ever really loved Squall? Yes, she believed she had, but their marriage had been so broken from the start that she couldn't believe that she had agreed to it in the first place.

The signs had all been there. For God's sake, he had never even told her that he loved her! Every time he looked at her, Quistis saw the look in his eyes. It was one of emptiness, mixed with yearning. That yearning was for one person and one person alone; Rinoa Heartilly. Fate had long ago intertwined the two. Perhaps she was a fool for thinking that she could come between that. There was nothing left to do but return to Garden and have a long talk with Squall. Perhaps it would be their first real conversation in a long time.

As Quistis reached the pier, she quickly closed her mind to all of her depressing thoughts. Once she reached Balamb, there would be plenty of time to ponder such things. Right now, though, she just wanted to focus on a certain blonde who had quietly crept into her life, and her heart, over the past two weeks. It would soon be time to say goodbye. Her eyes scanned the pier for him, but were unsuccessful. In fact, the pier was empty, save for a couple of old fishermen.

"Excuse me," Quistis said as she approached one of them. "Have you seen Seifer Almasy?"

The elderly fisherman looked up at the blonde, squinting from the sun. "Sorry, Miss, can't say that I have. He sure ain't been around here this morning."

"Well, do you have any idea when he might be coming by today?"

The fisherman shook his head. "It ain't normal for Almasy to show up here later than us. I'd say that he won't be showing up at all."

Quistis nodded, feeling dejected. "Well, thank you, anyway." She began to walk away, thinking of where else Seifer could be.

"Miss!" a voice suddenly exclaimed behind her.

Quistis turned around and saw that it was one of the other fishermen. "Yes?"

"I overheard you asking about Seifer Almasy. I thought you might like to know that his boat is gone. I reckon that he went over to the mainland to make a delivery."

"The mainland? Do you have any idea what time he could get back?"

The man shrugged. "It's hard to say. Probably tonight, at the earliest. It all depends if he stays overnight or something."

Quistis nodded once more and thanked the man. She couldn't believe it. The chances of Seifer returning before she left were slim at best. It looked like she was going to have to leave the island without saying goodbye to the blonde fisherman.

"OKAY, guys, we're ready to begin!" Selphie exclaimed excitedly.

"Uh, we seem to have a problem," Irvine said suddenly. "Brett's really sick, so it doesn't look like he'll be able to make the wedding tomorrow."

Selphie sighed. Everyone had gathered in the ballroom for the rehearsal dinner. Most of them had now turned to Selphie, worried expressions on their faces. Quistis still hadn't shown up, and now Brett...

"Don't worry, everyone! We'll just have to switch a few things around. Give me a minute to figure everything out, and then we can begin," Selphie told the worried crowd.

Rinoa frowned from her place at the front of the ballroom. Brett was supposed to be escorting her down the aisle. She wondered who Selphie would find as his replacement. It was a shame that he had to get sick so close to the wedding. The sorceress had no time to ponder the situation further as she felt a hand tap her on the shoulder. She turned around to see Squall.

"Hey," Squall said quietly. Rinoa couldn't help noticing how uncomfortable he looked. Well, he had never exactly been found of such situations.

"Hi, Squall," she said, trying to sound cheerful. They hadn't really talked since "their incident," and Rinoa couldn't help feeling uncomfortable. "Have you heard from Quistis at all?" Okay, so introducing the subject of Quistis probably wasn't the smartest move, but she was genuinely curious.

"No," Squall said, shaking his head. "I don't even know where she is. Although," he said, looking at Rinoa pointedly, "I know you do."

Rinoa sighed and ran a hand through her hair. "I promised Quistis that I wouldn't say anything, but if you really want to know, then I'll tell you."

Squall shook his head. "Forget it. Quistis knows what she's doing. If she doesn't want to come back, that's her decision."

Rinoa looked up at him searchingly. "You're not even worried about her, Squall?"

It was the second time that day that Squall had been asked that question. Unfortunately, he had no chance to answer as Selphie chose that moment to announce the new arrangements for the rehearsal.

"Can I have everyone's attention, please? We're ready to begin. Can everyone please be seated, except for Carrie, Zell, Rinoa, Michelle, Irvine, Squall, and Dusty. You guys are following me out into the hall."

Once out in the hall, everyone turned to Selphie expectantly. "Okay, since Brett is sick and Quistis isn't here, I've had to rearrange things a bit. Rinoa, since Brett was supposed to partner up with you, and Quistis was supposed to partner up with Squall, then the obvious choice is to have you two partner up. Is that alright with the two of you?"

They both nodded, feeling that it was pretty ironic that each of their partners were not there. It just seemed like too much of a coincidence. Still, neither of them was about to disagree with the arrangement. It was their friends' wedding, and they weren't going to do anything to disrupt it.

"Okay, good. Now that that's settled, we can proceed. Zell, you are going to go and stand at the front of the ballroom, next to the priest. They'll have a little altar set up for tomorrow, so you'll be standing right next to it. For now, you're just going to have to pretend."

Zell nodded. "Got it." He began to walk back into the ballroom.

"Oh, and Zell?" The blonde turned around. "Can you ask Headmaster Cid and Bridget to come out here?" Zell nodded once more and reentered the ballroom.

As soon as Cid and Bridget, a cute girl of about six, had arrived, Selphie turned to the latter. "Hey there, Bridget! You're going to be the flower girl. Do you know what that means?"

Bridget nodded enthusiastically, her dark brown curls bobbing. "I get to throw the flower petals!"

Selphie laughed. "Yes, that's right. You're going to walk down the aisle with that basket full of flower petals. Here, I'll show you what to do." She took Bridget's hand and led her into the ballroom.

As Selphie demonstrated what Bridget was supposed to do as the flower girl, Rinoa found her eyes wandering over to Squall. The other night, he had confessed that he had been thinking about her throughout the duration of his wedding. She found herself envisioning herself as Squall's bride. She would be standing here, in this very spot, waiting to enter the ballroom, where Squall was waiting. Her stomach would be a web of knots, but there would never be any doubt in her mind. She would know, with one-hundred percent certainty, that she was making the right decision. Marrying Squall could never be wrong. They had long ago been destined to be together.

"Rinoa, did you hear me?"

Rinoa looked up to see Selphie staring at her impatiently. She had been so occupied with her thoughts that she hadn't even noticed that Michelle and Dusty had already entered the ballroom. "Sorry," she said sheepishly. "What were you saying?"

Selphie just smiled. "I said that Irvine and I are going to enter now. After we reach the front, you and Squall are to come in, followed by Headmaster Cid and Carrie."

"Okay," Rinoa said, nodding. "See you in a few minutes."

Nodding, Selphie took Irvine's hand and began walking down the aisle. Rinoa couldn't help but notice how comfortable they looked together. Maybe it was because she had dated Irvine, but Rinoa could definitely sense some lingering feelings between the two. Rinoa found herself smiling at that. She was happy for them.

"What are you smiling about?" Squall asked as he took his place beside her.

"That," Rinoa replied, gesturing to the couple that had just about reached the altar. "Isn't it funny, how people always find their way back to each other?"

Squall found himself smiling at that one. "I don't know," he said in mock seriousness. "Do you know from experience?"

Rinoa laughed and punched him playfully in the arm. Any awkwardness that she had previously felt had completely vanished. She found it amazing that she could let her guard down so easily with him and revert back to the way they were before. "Come on. It's our turn."

Squall offered his arm to the sorceress, his sorceress, and they proceeded down the aisle. Although this was only a rehearsal dinner, and not his wedding, Squall couldn't help feeling that things couldn't be more right. This was the way that things were supposed to be. Of course, he would still have to sort things out with Quistis, but that thought wasn't nearly as intimidating as it had once been. He would be truthful with his wife, and when everything had been talked over, Rinoa would be right there waiting for him. Then, they would have their own wedding.

Wedding? Squall had surprised even himself with that thought. Here he was, married to Quistis, and already planning a wedding with Rinoa. He was a horrible husband. Besides, how could he be so sure that Rinoa would even accept him after everything that he had put her through? Still, despite his doubts and the fact that he was still married to Quistis, Squall knew that he wanted to marry Rinoa. _Their _marriage was the one that should have happened from the start. He wanted to wake up every day and see her beside him. He wanted her forever, all of her, for the rest of their lives. There was nothing in his life that he was more certain about.

"Squall," Rinoa suddenly whispered, causing him to quickly snap back to the present. "You have to let go of my hand now."

Squall realized, with embarrassment, that they had arrived at the altar and his right arm was still intertwined with Rinoa's. He quickly pulled his arm away and took his place next to Irvine.

As the doors opened, and Carrie and Cid made their way down the aisle, Squall couldn't help but keep his eyes on Rinoa. He knew that, tomorrow, when Carrie made her entrance, every eye in the ballroom would be on her. Every eye, but his. He couldn't help but be fascinated by Rinoa. Her beauty, strength, poise...everything about her constantly had him in awe. He couldn't believe that he had ever tried to believe that he was in love with Quistis. For God's sake, on the day of their wedding, his mind had been on Rinoa! Shouldn't that have told him something?

Now, she was watching the scene in front of them with such a mixture of happiness and loss that it broke his heart. He couldn't help but feel that any pain she was feeling was because of him. He reached out and squeezed her hand suddenly, causing her to look at him. She met his eyes and smiled that radiant smile of hers. Squall found himself smiling back at her, momentarily forgetting his prior thoughts. That was the effect that she had on him, on everyone. With that one smile from her, all of Squall's problems disappeared.

Seifer finished tying his boat to the dock, whistling as he did so. He had sailed into port about an hour after nightfall. His trip to the mainland had been a simple one. In fact, he had delivered the shipments of fish so quickly that he had found himself with some free time on his hands. It was in a shop in the heart of Dollet that Seifer had purchased his gift for Quistis. He hadn't intended to buy Quistis anything, but he had passed by an antique shop, and something in the window just caught his eye. It was a delicate mahogany music box, which, upon further inspection, revealed intricate carvings of a myriad of flowers. As Seifer had entered the store, and carefully lifted the lid, a haunting melody began to play, but instead of the traditional ballerina inside, a small hummingbird seemed to come alive to the music. Seifer was not quite sure why, but it immediately reminded him of Quistis, and he knew he had to buy it for her.

Now, as he made his way down the pier, the small box held safely wrapped in his hands, his only thought was of seeing Quistis. He knew that he should probably wait until the morning, but for some reason, he felt the need to see her tonight. It was funny, how so much could change in the course of two short weeks. He had always found Quistis attractive, but then again, who hadn't? No, in the past two weeks, something had changed, and Seifer had really grown to care about his former instructor. To be honest, the day he had first seen her at the pier, she had been nothing more than a link to his past; the same past that he had been trying so desperately to forget.

As he entered Quistis' hotel, he couldn't help but think of the past few days they had spent together. They had gone out on his boat several more times, enjoying the calmness of the ocean, and simply talking. Although he had Raijin and Fujin to talk to, he had never realized what he was missing until now. As Seifer climbed the stairs to Quistis' floor, he felt himself uncharacteristically nervous. There really wasn't anything to be nervous about. It was only Quistis, after all.

Seifer stopped in front of room two-twenty. He was surprised to find the door wide open. "Quistis?" he called as he stepped into the room.

A feeling of dread built up in his stomach as he realized that the room was empty. All of Quistis' belongings were gone, as if she had never been there at all. Suddenly, a woman walked into the room from the bathroom. By her appearance, it was obvious that she was one of the maids. She looked up in surprise as she noticed Seifer standing there.

"Can I help you, Sir?" she asked.

Seifer frowned, as if confused by the whole scene. "Where is Quistis?"

"Quistis?" the maid asked in confusion.

"Quistis Trepe. The blonde woman who was staying in this room," he clarified.

"Ah," the maid said. "She is gone."

"Gone?" Seifer asked in confusion. "Where the hell did she go?"

The maid shook her head. "I am sorry, Sir, but I do not know. Perhaps you should ask at the front desk."

The words had barely left her mouth when Seifer quickly left the room and headed downstairs, to the lobby. He spotted a receptionist behind the desk and immediately made his way over to her.

"Excuse me," he said, slightly out of breath, "Can you tell me what happened to the woman staying in room two-twenty?"

The woman looked up at him for a moment, her brown eyes studying him. Then, without a word, she disappeared into a back room. Seifer stared after her in disbelief. What the hell was going on? He was just about to hop the counter and demand some answers from the woman when she reappeared.

"May I ask you your name, Sir?" she asked.

"Seifer Almasy," he said impatiently, "And I'd really appreciate some answers."

"The woman in room two-twenty checked out about an hour ago. She left this for you." The woman handed him an envelope, and Seifer realized that it was what she had gone to the back room to retrieve. "Have a nice night, Sir."

Seifer held the envelope in his hand, wondering what it contained. He made his way over to a seat in the lobby, placing the music box beside him. Then, he opened the envelope, extracting a letter from inside.

__

Dear Seifer,

If you are reading this, then it looks like we missed each other. I came by the pier this morning, but the fishermen told me that you were away on business. I tried again tonight, but you still hadn't come back. I'm sorry for leaving so suddenly, but Zell's wedding is tomorrow and I can't let him down. I just want to thank you for the kindess and understanding you have shown me in the past two weeks. When I arrived in FH, I was hurt, and lost, but you helped me find myself again. Words cannot express how grateful I am for that. I wish we could have had the chance to say goodbye in person, but I suppose this will have to suffice. It is my sincere hope that you will come back to Balamb some day soon, and pay us all a visit. I know that the others will readily welcome you. I must end this letter now, or I fear I will miss my train. Goodbye, Seifer.

All the best,

Quistis

Seifer put down the letter, a million different emotions spinning through his head. Quistis was gone. Just as fast as she had walked into his life, she had walked out of it. With a sigh, he placed the letter back into the envelope, picked up the music box, and began the long treck home. 


	35. Chapter ThirtyFive

Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy VIII...

Author's Note: Hmm...there's not much to say, except THANK YOU to everyone for being patient with me. I know that updates have been slow, but you can't even imagine how touched I am at the number of you that continue to read and review despite that. From the bottom of my heart, THANK YOU!

To Love You More

Chapter Thirty-Five

**__**

"And all the roads we have to walk along are winding  
And all the lights that lead us there are blinding  
There are many things that I would  
Like to say to you  
I don't know how

Because maybe  
You're gonna be the one who saves me  
And after all  
You're my wonderwall..."

-"Wonderwall" Oasis

RINOA watched the sun rise from the balcony of Balamb Garden. Although it was still early, the weather was fairly warm, and there was not a cloud in the sky. Zell and Carrie would have a beautiful day for their wedding. Rinoa closed her eyes, letting the sun's warm rays shine down on her. It was a moment of the utmost peace and tranquility. The sorceress could not help but smile to herself. Her friends deserved the best day for their wedding, and Rinoa had a feeling that they were going to receive just that.

Rinoa's eyes suddenly snapped open as she felt a pair of arms encircle her waist. Tilting her head back, she saw that it was Squall. She pulled away quickly, shocked at the risk that Squall had just taken. Was he out of his mind?

"Squall," Rinoa said indignantly. "What are you doing?"

The commander shrugged. "I had to see you."

"Oh, Squall," Rinoa said, sighing, "You make everything sound so simple. You know that we can't be here together."

"Why not?" Squall asked, taking a step toward her. "Most of Garden is still sleeping right now."

"That's not the point. Anyone could see us and jump to conclusions. Besides, I thought we agreed that nothing could happen between us while you're still married."

"I know," Squall said, sighing in defeat. "I just figured that now would be a good time to see you. I miss you, Rinoa."

Rinoa smiled sadly. "I miss you, too, Squall."

"Screw it," Squall whispered as he took one final step towards her, closing the distance between them. He claimed her lips with his own, reveling in their sweet taste.

Rinoa was momentarily swept up in his kiss, forgetting where they were and what they weren't supposed to be doing. God, he had this effect on her every damn time. She could never refuse his kiss, or resist it, for that matter. He was damn good, and he knew it. Rinoa found herself running her hands through his silky brown hair, moaning against the assault on her mouth. Still, both were forced to part, simply for their need of air.

Squall was the first one to gain his composure, as he so often was. "I'm sorry," he breathed. "I shouldn't have done that."

"No," Rinoa said quietly, "You shouldn't have." She saw the hurt flash across his face, albeit briefly. "_But _you have nothing to be sorry for. I know that I shouldn't have enjoyed that, but I did."

Squall allowed a small grin to form on his face. "I should get going, as should you. We have the wedding to get ready for." Rinoa nodded, and turned to go. "Besides," Squall continued, calling her attention back to him. "I don't trust myself around you. If I kiss you again, I don't think I'll be able to stop myself."

Rinoa grinned. "You're not the only one who feels that way." Her gaze turned serious. "You're right, though, we need to get ready. I trust I'll be seeing you at the wedding?"

Squall nodded. "It looks like I'll be your escort down the aisle."

"Well then," Rinoa said, running a hand through her hair, "I look forward to it. See you later, Squall."

Squall's eyes followed her as she left, noticing every curve and sway of her body. He shook his head, clearing such thoughts. Now was not the time to be thinking such things. With a sigh, he, too, left the balcony.

QUISTIS placed her bags on the floor of her bedroom and sighed. She had arrived in Balamb so late the previous night that she had just decided to get a room at the hotel for the night. Now, she was back in her apartment at Balamb Garden, feeling a bit out of it. Squall was not there, so she assumed that he was in his office. She was secretly relieved by this fact, seeing how she wasn't too keen on seeing Squall again. They had a lot of things to talk about, and Quistis was not so sure that she was ready to do so. Any resolve she had felt in FH seemed to be slipping away by the moment.

The sound of a key turning in a lock made Quistis completely freeze. So much for Squall being in his office. She knew that she should call out to him and let him know that she was there, but she found that she couldn't speak. She wasn't quite sure why she was so nervous, it was just _Squall_, but nevertheless, she just stood there, frozen. She suddenly had the strange sense to hide. What had come over her? She urged herself to calm down.

Squall, in the meantime, was rummaging around in the kitchen. He figured that he'd have a snack before he got ready for the wedding. A small smile played about his lips as he recalled his morning rendezvous with Rinoa. He couldn't wait to see her again at the wedding. She always had the ability to completely alter his mood. At that moment, a shadow seemed to fall over the kitchen, causing Squall to look up...right into the eyes of Quistis. The box Squall had just been holding fell to the floor with a crash. All Squall could do was stare in shock.

"Hello, Squall," Quistis said quietly. "I hope I didn't startle you."

Squall shook his head mutely, and then bent over to retrieve the box of cereal. "You're back," he stated, hoping that he sounded calmer than he felt.

Quistis nodded. "Yes."

Squall felt like an idiot. He couldn't even seem to put two words together. _Snap out of it_, he mentally ordered himself. "I suppose you know that the wedding is today."

Quistis nodded once more. "Yes. It's the reason that I came back."

"Oh," Squall said quietly. "So you weren't going to come back."

The blonde sighed. "Squall, we have a lot to talk about. I've come to many realizations in the past two weeks, and I can only assume that you have, as well. I want to sit down and discuss everything with you, but now is not the time. After the wedding, perhaps. If you don't mind, I would like to enjoy myself today."

Squall nodded. "Of course. Whenever you want to talk, I'll listen."

"Okay," Quistis said, surprised at the change in Squall's attitude. He was being more agreeable than she had remembered. The only other time she had seen him like this was with Rinoa. _Of course_, she thought. _Rinoa's had two weeks to work her magic on him. _She shook her head, forcing herself to banish such thoughts. There was no reason for her to jump to conclusions.

Squall frowned at her action. "Are you okay?"

"Yes, I'm fine." She forced a smile. "I suppose I'm just a little tired from my trip."

Squall nodded in understanding. He knew what it felt like to be worn down from traveling. "You have time to rest before the wedding, if you want to. I can wake you up in about an hour to get ready."

Quistis once again was surprised. What had gotten into Squall? Regardless of what it was, she couldn't deny the fact that it was pulling at her heart strings. Perhaps he had missed her, after all. "Thank you, Squall. I think I'll do just that." She began to walk out of the room when she suddenly thought of something. "Oh, and if it's not too much trouble, do you think you could get my dress from Selphie?"

"Sure, no problem. You just rest up, and I'll handle everything."

Quistis nodded and proceeded to walk to the bedroom. Something was definitely off with her husband. The question was...what?

"HERE you go, Rinoa. Don't forget, we're all meeting here to do hair in makeup in an hour and a half. Just be dressed by then," Selphie told Rinoa, handing her her bridesmaid dress.

Rinoa nodded. "Sure, I won't forget. By the way, have you heard anything about Brett? Is he going to be okay?"

"Yeah, Dr. Kadowaki says he's going to be fine, but it'll take a few days. The poor guy has a stomach bug."

Rinoa winced. "Those are the worst. It's too bad that he won't be able to make the wedding."

Selphie shrugged. "I don't know, it seems like it has its advantages."

"What are you talking about?"

"Don't play dumb with me," Selphie said, grinning mischievously. "You know _exactly _what I'm talking about."

"Selphie!" Rinoa exclaimed, "I have no idea what you're going on about."

"I'm talking about _Squall_, and don't pretend that you weren't thinking the same thing because it's written all over your face!"

Rinoa opened her mouth to protest, but was cut off by a knock at the door. Selphie moved to open the door, but not before shooting Rinoa a look that clearly read that the conversation was far from over. From where Rinoa was standing, she could not see who it was, but Selphie would not keep her friend in suspense for long.

"Oh, hey _Squall_! What brings you here?" the brunette asked cheerfully.

"Uh, I'm here to pick up Quistis' dress," he told her.

From her place within Selphie's room, Rinoa froze. He had come to pick up Quistis' dress? Then that could only mean one thing. Quistis was back.

Selphie's smile immediately faltered. "Oh, Quistis is back?"

Squall nodded. "Yeah, she got in this morning. Said that she wanted to make it for the wedding. Anyway, she was feeling tired, so I figured I'd give her a break and help her out. That's why I'm here for the dress."

"Okay, I'll go grab it. Oh, and let her know that we're meeting here in..." she glanced at her watch, "An hour and twenty minutes for hair and makeup." Selphie turned to retrieve the dress, but found that Rinoa had beat her to the punch.

"Here you go, Squall," Rinoa said, plastering a smile on her face as she handed it to him.

"Rinoa," Squall said in surprise. "I didn't know you were here."

Rinoa shrugged. "It's okay. I was just leaving." She turned to Selphie. "I'll see you in a little while. Thanks for the help." She began to walk away, but was quickly stopped by Squall.

"Hey, at least let me walk you to your room."

"Sorry, Squall, but I don't think that would be such a good idea," she said, continuing to walk away.

"Rinoa," Squall said, grabbing her arm. "Why are you acting like this?"

This time, Rinoa stopped. "In case you forgot, your wife is back. Do you want her to see us and go jumping to conclusions? I think that is the last thing anyone needs to go through today, especially Zell and Carrie."

"I understand that, but it's just walking you to your room. Besides, Quistis is asleep. I very much doubt that she'd be down here spying on us."

Rinoa sighed, suddenly feeling extremely tired. "Okay, fine. If you insist, then fine. Just don't blame me when things start to fall apart."

They began to walk in silence. Now that Squall had gotten his way, he found that he didn't have a thing to say. Unlike previous silences between them, this one proved to be extremely awkward and uncomfortable. He could sense that Rinoa was upset, and he figured that it had something to do with Quistis being back. He hoped that she didn't think he had any intention of staying with Quistis now that she was back. He still fully intended to tell Quistis that he wanted a divorce. He was just about to tell Rinoa as much when she grabbed his arm with a gasp.

"Rinoa?" he said, alarm in his voice. "Rinoa, what's wrong?"

Rinoa clung to his arm, trying to steady her breath. After a few minutes, she pulled away and regained her composure. "I'm sorry," she said. "I just got dizzy for a minute."

"Are you okay to walk back to your room?" Squall asked worriedly.

"Yeah, I'm fine. The dizziness is gone now."

"Are you sure? I can take you to see Dr. Kadowaki."

Rinoa shook her head. "Really, Squall, I'm fine."

Squall rolled his eyes. "Stubborn, as usual. Remember what happened the last time you wouldn't let me take you to the infirmary?"

It was Rinoa's turn to roll her eyes. "This is a completely different situation. Everyone gets dizzy spells."

"Why do I have the feeling that this isn't the first time this has happened?"

"Squall, I don't want to argue with you, okay? Right now, I just really need to get ready for the wedding. I advise you to do the same."

"Rinoa, look at me," Squall demanded, turning her face towards his. "I know what's going on in your head right now, and for some reason, you feel the need to push me away. I know, because I've been there before. How many times did I push you away, Rinoa?" She shrugged, averting her eyes. "Just _listen _to me, dammit! I am not, nor do I have any intention of staying with Quistis. Do you understand that? _Nothing _has changed."

Rinoa nodded mutely, feeling her resolve crumble. She just wanted to be able to trust him so badly. "Okay," she said finally. "I understand. I'm serious, though, Squall. If you don't let me go, we're both going to be late for the wedding."

Squall released her reluctantly. "Are you going to be okay to get back to your room by yourself?" Rinoa nodded. "Okay, then. I guess I'll see you at the wedding."

"Yeah, see you then," Rinoa said softly before turning around and briskly walking away.

BALAMB Garden loomed imposingly over Seifer Almasy. The reality of the situation, that he was actually back, still felt surreal to him. The decision to return to his former home had not been an easy one. In fact, after reading and rereading Quistis' letter several times, he had fought an inner battle with himself. He had always secretly wanted to come back, and with Quistis gone, he figured he had even more reason to do so. That was why, just hours after Quistis had left, Seifer packed up a few belongings and bought a ticket to the next train to Balamb. The train hadn't arrived until that morning, but Seifer made it, and that was what mattered.

With a small sigh, Seifer made his way into the intimidating structure. Seifer had never been one to cower in fear, but even he could not deny the fact that this whole situation was resulting in a flock of butterflies in his stomach. He supposed that the one thing that had him the most nervous was how Quistis would react to his arrival. Sure, she had written that he should visit sometime, but he highly doubted that this was what she had had in mind. Regardless, he still had a gift to deliver to her, and he would not give up until he had.

With a deep, steadying breath, Seifer began to climb the front steps of Balamb Garden. He willed himself to become more confident, more self-assured. He had never had such problems before, but then again, this wasn't exactly an ordinary situation. Whether he wanted to admit it or not, the past two weeks in FH with Quistis had had a major impact on him. He wouldn't be back in Balamb if it wasn't for her, that was for sure. Truth be told, showing up on the day of Zell's wedding probably wasn't the best idea, but it was too late to turn back now. He just hoped that the wedding hadn't started yet so that he would have the chance to talk to Quistis before then. No matter what, though, he was willing to wait as long as it took to deliver the music box to her. He could just imagine the look on Squall's face when he saw him. Smirking, Seifer's steps quickened.

"IS everyone ready?" Selphie asked from outside of the ballroom.

The crowd of bridesmaids, groomsmen, and other various friends of the bride all quieted down. Rinoa and Quistis were among the group, however they had not had a chance to say anything to each other, except for rushed hellos. Squall was also there, speaking quietly with Irvine and the other groomsmen. He had not addressed Rinoa in front of his wife, and he preferred to keep his distance from the both of them.

"Okay, listen up," Selphie told the crowd. "We're going to have a slight change of plans again. As you may recall, we had to switch partners around during the rehearsal due to the absence of Brett and Quistis. Brett is still not with us today, but Quistis is. That means that Squall and Quistis will partner up as originally planned. Rinoa, we need to find you a new partner."

Rinoa nodded, scanning the area for possible replacements. Would they be able to find someone on such short notice? Well, if it was possible, Selphie would definitely find a way. "Do you have anyone in mind?" she asked as she approached Selphie.

Selphie shrugged. "No...but we better find someone fast! The wedding starts in five minutes!"

"Okay, we just have to remain calm. Out of all the people in Garden, there has to be someone who could stand in."

"I could stand in."

Rinoa immediately tensed up at the voice behind her. Before turning around, she knew who it was. A silence fell over the crowd, further confirming her suspicions. She turned around to face the amused green eyes of Seifer Almasy. Before she could even open her mouth to speak, Squall was by her side, a furious expression on his face.

"What the hell are you doing here?" he demanded angrily.

"Can't a guy come see his friend's wedding?" Seifer asked coolly.

"He could," Squall said, "But I don't see any friends of yours here."

Seifer clenched his jaw in anger. All of his old feelings of hatred towards Squall were returning ten-fold. He was just about to retort with a comment about how cozy Squall and Rinoa had become in Quistis' absence, when none other than the blonde herself suddenly stood between the two angry men.

"Enough!" she exclaimed. "Seifer is here because I invited him." Squall stared at his wife in shock. She had _invited_ him? What the hell was going on? "The wedding is going to begin in a few minutes, and we're short a groomsman. Seifer, if you come with me, I'm sure I can find you a spare tux."

"He can't be in the wedding," Squall hissed. "How the hell do you think Zell will feel?"

Quistis shrugged. "It can't be helped, Squall. There isn't time to find anyone else." She turned to Seifer. "Come on, we have to hurry with that tux."

As the two of them hurried off, the crowd stared after them in awe. Had the Commander's wife really run off with _Seifer Almasy_, her husband's rival? Is that where she had run off to these past two weeks? Rinoa and Squall shared the same thoughts as the rest of the crowd. Thing just kept on getting more complicated.

"WHAT on Earth are you doing here?" Quistis demanded the second they were safely away from the crowd.

"Hey, you left without saying goodbye. I had to do something to remedy that. Besides, you wrote in your letter that you wanted me to come," Seifer replied with a smirk.

"Yes, but I never imagined you would come so soon! Seifer, now is not exactly the best time for you to be here."

"Actually, I think that my timing is perfect. You needed another groomsman, right?"

Quistis nodded. "Still, I doubt Zell will be pleased when he sees you."

Seifer shrugged. "Too bad for him, eh? He should be thankful that I stepped up to the plate."

Quistis rolled her eyes. "Oh yeah, he'll be _thrilled_." Shaking her head, she swiped the key card through the door to her and Squall's apartment, which they had just reached.

"Wow, nice place," Seifer commented as he followed her through the door. "Squall must be living the good life."

Quistis ignored him and hurried over to the bedroom to retrieve Squall's spare tux. Once back in the living area, she handed the suit to Seifer. "Go change into this. I'm hoping you and Squall are about the same size."

"I bet I could teach you a thing or two about size," Seifer told her, smirking.

"Seifer!" Quistis exclaimed, blushing crimson. "Just go change!"

With a chuckle, Seifer made his way over to the bathroom. He hated to admit it, but he was glad to be back in the presence of Quistis. It was just too fun to egg her on and embarrass her. He chuckled to himself again, wondering what her reaction would be to his gift. There was plenty of time for that later, though. He had a feeling that he'd be staying at Garden for awhile.

"Seifer, what are you laughing at?" He heard Quistis ask exasperatedly. "We don't have time for games!"

_Yup_, Seifer thought, smirking, _I'll definitely be sticking around_.

"SO I just want to dedicate this toast to Zell and Carrie, two great people who make an even greater couple. To Zell and Carrie!" Irvine exclaimed as he finished up his toast.

Glasses clinked together all over the quad as people joined in the toast. It was a beautiful, sunny day, just as Rinoa had predicted. The weather had worked out perfectly since the wedding reception was being held in the quad. Zell and Carrie's wedding had been short, but extremely sweet. Of course, the majority of Garden had been shocked to witness Squall escorting Rinoa down the aisle, followed by Seifer escorting Quistis. Although Quistis was originally supposed to partner up with Squall, she decided that it would be less awkward for everyone if she paired herself up with Seifer, instead. It was definitely fodder for rumors circulating around Garden.

Zell and Carrie were seated at the head table, grinning from ear to ear. No one could really focus on gossip when the bride and groom were looking so happy. Rinoa was seated between Zell and Selphie, so she was never at a loss for conversation. To Selphie's left was Irvine, followed by Seifer, Quistis, Squall, and Carrie. Squall was not at all pleased that Seifer was sitting with them, but Quistis had insisted upon it.

"So," Selphie said, addressing the table, "Whose up for some dancing?"

Grumbles were heard throughout the table from the males in the group, but Selphie figured that dancing was a sure bet to break the tension between certain members at the table.

"Alright, alright," Irvine grumbled. "If it makes you happy, I'll dance with you, Selphie."

"Excellent," Selphie said, rubbing her hands together with and evil smirk. "Come on, the rest of you guys have to come, too!" With another smile, she grabbed Irvine's hand and headed over to the dance floor.

"Come on, Zell, let's go, too!" Carrie exclaimed, dragging Zell to the dance floor.

All that remained at the table now were four very uncomfortable people. Each who seemed to be gazing down at their hands nervously. Rinoa realized that she should probably say something to break the tension, but she had absolutely no idea of what to say. Before she could think of something, however, Squall got up and stormed out of the quad. Quistis and Rinoa exchanged looks, as if daring the other to go after him.

"Excuse me," Rinoa said as she got up and hurried out of the ballroom. She noticed, with a sigh of relief, Squall sitting on a bench right around the corner. She walked right up to him and extended her hand. "Come on."

Squall looked up, an unreadable expression on his face. "I'm not in the mood for games, Rinoa."

"This isn't a game," Rinoa insisted, still holding out her hand to him. "You look like you could use a walk. Besides, I owe you one for being a pain in the ass this morning."

With a sigh, Squall grabbed her hand and hoisted himself up. He quickly dropped her hand as they began to walk side by side. It was far too risky to be holding her hand in public. The two of them walked in silence until Rinoa couldn't help but break it.

"What's on your mind, Squall?" she asked softly, looking at him questioningly.

Squall shrugged. "A lot of things."

Rinoa nodded in understanding. She, too, had a lot of different things running through her mind. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Squall shook his head. "What's the use? I'll just end up angry, and I don't want to take that anger out on you."

Rinoa sighed. "If it's any consolation, I'm worried, too. I'm worried about Seifer coming back to Garden, I'm worried about Quistis, I'm worried about losing you."

Squall looked up at her admission. "You're not going to lose me, Rinoa."

"Nobody can predict the future, Squall," she reminded him. Their footsteps had led them to Garden's second floor balcony by the classrooms.

"It doesn't matter," Squall told her. "You should know that by now. Rules don't apply to us, Rinoa."

Rinoa nodded, walking over to the balcony's railing. She closed her eyes, letting the fresh air wash over her. A sudden thought came over her, and she turned back around to face Squall. "Dance with me?" she asked, cocking her head to the side.

Squall raised an eyebrow. "Here?" Rinoa nodded. "You know I don't dance."

"No," Rinoa said, taking his hands. "I know that you do."

With a small smile, Squall pulled her closer, and they began to sway to an imaginary melody. In that moment, they were in their own little world, concentrating on nothing but the eyes of the other. Rinoa rested her head on Squall's shoulder, enjoying the feel of his arms around her. She would never get tired of that feeling.

"Squall," Rinoa said, looking up at him. She would not get to finish the thought, though, as she suddenly felt another bout of dizziness wash over her, causing her to fall into Squall's arms.

"Rinoa!" he asked, panic-stricken. This was the second time today that such a thing had occurred. "Is it the dizziness again?" Rinoa nodded mutely, her eyes closed. "Just hold on, I'm taking you to Dr. Kadowaki."

This time, Rinoa did not refuse as Squall scooped her up in his arms and hurried to the infirmary. The halls were empty since most of Garden was attending the reception in the quad. Squall knew for a fact that Dr. Kadowaki had attended the actual ceremony, but had not planned on attending the reception. Hopefully, she would be in the infirmary. As Squall came through the door, he was immediately thankful to see Dr. Kadowaki sitting at her desk.

"Squall!" the doctor exclaimed. "What happened?"

"She's been getting dizzy spells all day," he explained as he set Rinoa down on one of the vacant beds. "This seems to have been the worst of them, though."

"Alright, Squall, you know the drill. You're going to have to wait in the other room while I take a look at her."

Squall nodded and immediately left the room. He collapsed onto a chair in the waiting room, praying that Rinoa would be okay. He didn't know how long he sat there, maybe minutes, maybe hours, but it sure felt like an eternity. Finally, Dr. Kadowaki emerged from the room.

"Everything looks fine," she assured Squall. "I just need to run a few more tests, but it looks like the dizziness is just a result of Rinoa over-working herself."

"Can I see her?" Squall asked anxiously.

"Well, she's sleeping right now, so I think it would be best if we don't disturb her. Why don't you head back to the quad, Squall? I'm sure everyone is wondering where you are."

Squall shook his head. "I'd rather stay here."

"Now Squall, don't be stubborn," Dr. Kadowaki scolded. "Your friends must be worried sick. I promise that I'll come find you the minute she wakes up."

"Okay, fine," Squall agreed with a sigh. "Take care of her."

"I will," she said, smiling warmly. The second Squall left, Dr. Kadowaki hurried back into Rinoa's room. She looked over the test results one more time, making sure that her eyes weren't failing her.

"What is it?" Rinoa asked sleepily as she opened her eyes. "What's wrong with me?"

"Nothing is wrong with you, Rinoa," Dr. Kadowaki assured her.

"Then why have I been getting these dizzy spells?"

"Oh, dizzy spells are perfectly normal in your condition, dear."

"My condition?" Rinoa repeated slowly.

"Why, yes. Congratulations, Rinoa, you're pregnant!"


	36. Chapter ThirtySix

Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy VIII...

Author's Note: Well, here's a bit of an earlier update. I've been doing a lot of writing lately, and it seems like all my plans for this story are finally flowing smoothly. Thanks to everyone that reviewed the last chapter. All of your reviews really inspired me to write faster! Thanks again!

To Love You More

Chapter Thirty-Six

****

"And you know I need you now

And this ain't easy to admit

But no one needs to know

What goes on behind

The door in my room

I'm kicking through the

Walls in my mind

And I can't stand without you

And I won't find the answers

When you're gone

But it's over to you

I can't find the answer when you're gone

And it's over to you

You can't find the answer where you are..."

-"It's Over" Goo Goo Dolls

"WHAT!" Rinoa exclaimed, jumping to her feet.

"I said that you are pregnant," Dr. Kadowaki told her calmly. "From your reaction, I gather that this news is unexpected."

Rinoa nodded mutely, letting the doctor's words sink in. She was _pregnant_? How could that be possible? An image of being tangled up in Squall suddenly popped into her head. Okay, so that was how it was possible, but still, weren't sorceresses supposed to be unable to conceive? How could this be happening? When people found out about this baby, all hell would break loose. There was that small fact that Squall was still _married_. How could she possibly tell him that she was pregnant with his child? How could she possibly tell _Quistis_? Rinoa groaned, burying her head in her hands.

Dr. Kadowaki patted her shoulder reassuringly. "It's going to be alright, dear. There are plenty of options available to you if you are not ready to have this child."

"No," Rinoa said, shaking her head firmly. "I refuse to have an abortion. My mistakes have created this child, and I absolutely refuse to terminate an innocent life because of _my _mistakes."

"There is adoption to consider, then," Dr. Kadowaki reminded her. "Many families all over the world are looking for children that they can provide with a better home."

Rinoa once again shook her head. "No, that is impossible. Squall was placed in an orphanage when he was young, and he's never gotten over it. I _will not _abandon our child."

"Ah," Dr. Kadowaki said knowingly. "So Squall is the father of this child."

"Yes," Rinoa whispered, tears stinging her eyes. "I don't know what to do. How am I going to tell him?"

"Just be honest with him. Rinoa, I don't know what is going on between you and Squall, but I do know that he cares for you a great deal. You cannot keep this from him."

"You wont' tell him, will you?"

Dr. Kadowaki shook her head. "It will be listed in your confidential medical file in case of an emergency. Other than that, my lips are sealed. Besides, there is a such thing as doctor/patient confidentiality."

Rinoa smiled in relief. "Thank you, Dr. Kadowaki. Thank you so much for all of this."

"Oh, it's nothing, dear. I sent Squall back to the celebration before coming to talk to you, so you need not see him right away. When the tests I ran on you revealed that you are pregnant, I figured it would be better if Squall did not hear the news first-hand. You see, I had my suspicions..."

Rinoa nodded. "Thank you for doing that. Am I free to go now?"

"Yes, but you must remember to take it easy. That means no over-working yourself, and avoiding stress. I told Squall that the cause of your dizziness was exhaustion, so he won't find it odd if you aren't yourself. If the dizziness gets worse, please come and see me right away. In fact, come and see me anytime, for anything. I will have to see you once a month for regulatory checkups, though."

Rinoa nodded once more. "That shouldn't be a problem."

"Excellent. You are free to go. Remember to take it easy, Rinoa."

"Don't worry, I will."

SQUALL stared down at his hands in silence. Dr. Kadowaki had told him to go back to the reception, to enjoy himself. Ha, he could have laughed at that one. How could he possibly enjoy himself while knowing that Rinoa was in the infirmary? Although Dr. Kadowaki had said that Rinoa was just suffering from exhaustion, Squall had a bad feeling that she wasn't telling him something. Why would she want to withhold information from him? Squall sighed. He knew first hand how determined the doctor could be when she wanted to be. He thought about going back to the infirmary and demanding to see Rinoa, but once Dr. Kadowaki made up her mind about something, she did not back down.

He had been so lost in his thoughts that he didn't even notice the presence of someone beside him. It took the clearing of the person's throat to snap Squall out of his daze. He looked up to find Irvine seated to his left.

"Hey there, Squall," Irvine greeted. "We were startin' to worry about you and Rinoa, so I decided to come and look for you. Is everything okay?"

Squall nodded. "Fine."

"So, uh, where is Rinoa, anyway? We kinda, uh, assumed she was with you."

"She's in the infirmary," Squall replied, emotionless. "She wasn't feeling very well, so I took her there."

"Is everything alright with her?" Irvine asked concernedly.

Squall shrugged. "Dr. Kadowaki says it's just exhaustion, and she'll be fine."

Irvine raised an eyebrow. "You think she's lying?"

Squall sighed. "Not lying...just not telling me everything."

"Why would Dr. Kadowaki lie?"

"That's what I've been trying to figure out."

"No offense, Squall, but maybe you're just overreacting. I know that it's been a stressful day."

Squall shook his head. "I don't think so."

"Well, why don't you ask Rinoa about it?"

"I fully intend to as soon as I see her."

"You know, Squall," Irvine said quietly, "You should go see her now. I know that you still care about her. This is probably none of my business, but I just think that you should know. The whole time Rinoa and me were dating, I could tell that her mind was still on you. She still loves you, Squall, and I have a feeling that you feel the same way. I don't know where Quistis fits into all of this, but you owe it to both her and Rinoa to be honest with them."

Squall took in Irvine's words and sighed. He had seemed to hit the nail right on the head. "I'm trying to," he said quietly. "I'm trying to do right by both of them."

Irvine nodded. "Just hang in there, Squall. All you can do is try, right? Go on ahead and see her. I'll make up some excuse back at the reception."

"Thanks, Irvine," Squall said as he stood up. "I know I'm probably not your favorite person at the moment."

"Hey, I was thinking the same about me." The Cowboy grinned. "No hard feelings, man. I understand."

"Thank you," Squall said sincerely. Having Irvine's support meant a lot to him.

"No problem, man."

Squall had barely begun to walk away when he spotted Rinoa walking down the hall. Her head was bowed and she seemed to be deep in thought. It looked like she was hurrying towards somewhere, though. Perhaps she wanted to head back to the reception?

"Rinoa!" Squall called, sprinting to catch up with her.

Rinoa stopped, frozen in mid-stride. She waited for Squall to reach her, her heart beating wildly. Her fingers were crossed that Squall wouldn't be able to read what surely must be written all over her face.

"Hey, Squall," Rinoa said casually as he reached her side.

"Uh, hi," Squall said awkwardly. "I didn't know that you had been released from the infirmary."

She nodded. "Yeah, I just got released. Dr. Kadowaki said you were back at the reception."

Squall let out a small laugh. "Yeah, well, I didn't go back there. I was waiting for you out here. So, how are you feeling?"

"Pretty good, actually," Rinoa said cheerfully. "Dr. Kadowaki says I've been over-working myself lately."

"Really?" Squall asked, raising an eyebrow. "That's what triggered the dizzy spells?"

"Yes," Rinoa told him, her heart rate suddenly speeding up. Why did he sound so suspicious? "It's perfectly fine, though. I just need to learn to pace myself more."

"Yeah," Squall said, nodding. "If you need some time off, just say the word."

"I'll keep that in mind. So, are you heading back to the party now?"

Squall shrugged. "I suppose I should. I don't want Zell up my ass later. You coming?"

Rinoa shook her head. "No, I think I'll head back to my dorm to, uh, rest. It's already been a long day."

"Are you sure you're okay?" Squall asked, frowning. "I can walk you back to you room."

"Yes, I'm sure. Tired, but fine. I don't want you to have to miss any more of the reception because of me."

"You know that I couldn't care less about the reception."

Rinoa laughed. "Yes, I do. That's why it's even more important that you go. Would you tell Zell and Carrie that I'm sorry I couldn't stay?"

Squall nodded. "I'll come check on you later."

"I don't think that would be a good idea, Squall."

"You're right, it's not a good idea. Still, that doesn't mean I won't do it."

Rinoa couldn't suppress a grin at that one. "And you say _I'm _the stubborn one. See you later, Squall!"

"See you later," he said quietly, watching her retreating form. He still couldn't brush off that feeling that something was off with her. _It's probably just my imagination. _Shrugging, he headed back to the quad.

QUISTIS looked up at the entrance to the quad for what must have been the hundredth time. Ever since Rinoa had taken off after Squall, she couldn't help but feel anxious. Everyone knew Squall and Rinoa's history and no one felt more threatened by it than Quistis. Even though things between her and Squall could possibly be ending very soon, the fact of the matter was that, for the time being, Squall was still very much her husband. What could he and Rinoa possibly be doing right now? She glanced at the entrance yet again.

"Would you please _stop _doing that?" Seifer said, annoyed. "It's getting on my damn nerves."

Quistis looked up in surprise. "You've been watching me?"

"Hmm, I don't know," Seifer said sarcastically. "You're only sitting right next to me. I'd have to be blind not to notice."

The blonde felt her face heating up. Suddenly, she felt extremely angry. "You know what, Seifer? None of this would be happening right now if it weren't for you. If you weren't here, I would be with my husband right now, not Rinoa!"

"Well, you know what I think, Quistis? I think you just need someone to blame for your own loss. Why do you think Squall and Rinoa are both gone right now, huh? If you think they're just having a friendly 'talk', then I think you're more naive than I thought."

"How dare you!" Quistis exclaimed, fuming with anger. "You don't know anything about my relationship with Squall, nor do you know anything about Squall and Rinoa. Everything was going perfectly fine today until you had to show your sorry ass around here!"

By this time, both Seifer and Quistis' voices had raised dramatically, earning them the stares of many of the other guests at the reception. Still, both Seifer and Quistis were oblivious to them, such was the intensity of their argument.

"Give me a break, Quistis. Don't even pretend you don't want me here. You wrote me that damn letter, didn't you? What about going against Squall's wishes earlier? You can't tell me that those things mean nothing," he told her, smirking.

"Yes, I damn well can! I should have known not to fall for your tricks in FH. You haven't changed a bit, Seifer. You're still that arrogant, cocky asshole that everyone hates! Yes, I did write you that letter saying you should come here, but that was the biggest mistake of my life."

"Has anyone ever told you that you're a goddamn psychopath? You know what this is really about, and what it's always been about. You're jealous because Rinoa has Squall and you don't. Just admit it, Quistis. You never had the guy and you never will."

"Who the hell is _married _to him!" Quistis demanded. "You don't see Rinoa with the ring on her finger, do you?"

"Whoa, both of you need to calm down," Zell said, rushing over to the agitated pair.

"Can it, Chicken Wuss," Seifer snapped. "This is none of your business."

"This is my reception, Seifer. I have been more than fair in letting you stay. If you don't calm the hell down, you're out of here."

Seifer snorted. "That's awfully noble of you, Chicken Wuss." He raised his glass of champagne. "How about a toast...to your chivalry!"

"Seifer, leave him alone," Quistis snapped. "We're not through here."

"No, you're right. Before I was so rudely interrupted by Chicken Wuss here, I was going to say that your ring means nothing. Not a goddamn _thing_. You know as well as I do that Squall doesn't love you."

Quistis felt tears begin to sting her eyes. Why was he acting so cruel to her? What happened to the Seifer from FH; the carefree fisherman whom she had trusted? All she saw now was someone she despised with all of her heart.

"You're not even worth my time," she whispered, her voice ice cold. "You just came here to spite Squall. Everything that happened in FH was a lie."

Seifer shook his head in disbelief. "You were right about one thing, Quistis. I never should have come back here. You know why I did?"

"I already told you," she hissed. "You came back to spite Squall."

"No, Quistis, I came back to give you this." He extracted the music box from his jacket pocket and placed it on the table in front of her. "But clearly you don't give a damn, and no matter what I say, it's pretty clear that you already have your opinion of me. I guess I'll grant you your wish then. Goodbye, Quistis."

Seifer turned around and began to walk towards the entrance of the quad. Every eye in the room was on him. The tension in the air was so thick that you would need an axe to slice through it. Well, it was just about to get a lot worse. At that moment, Squall entered the quad, greeted by the silence of the spectators. His eyes traveled to the source of their stares, and he was met with the sight of Seifer, standing a few feet away from him, a glare upon his face.

Squall approached the blonde with a glare of his own. He had been less than pleased to discover Seifer back at Garden. By the atmosphere in the quad, his rival had just done yet another stupid thing. Squall was not in the mood for this, nor did he have the patience for it at the moment.

"What the hell did you do?" Squall demanded as soon as he reached Seifer.

"Now, why do you say that?" he answered innocently.

Squall's gaze traveled to where Quistis was standing, tears silently pouring down her face. She, too, was watching them. "What did you do to her?"

"Don't act like you give a damn about her, Squall. This whole time you've been off with Rinoa, she's been sitting there, worrying over you. You know what the ironic thing is? _I'm _the bad guy," Seifer said, laughing bitterly.

"I want you to get the hell out of here, Seifer," Squall told him, his voice flat and void of any emotion.

Seifer laughed again. "You win, Squall. I was already on my way out before you showed up. Oh, and don't worry. I won't be coming back." That said, he walked past Squall and out of the quad.

Squall hurried over to Quistis. "Are you okay?"

Quistis nodded numbly. Squall reached out to her, but she quickly withdrew from his touch. "I just...need to be alone right now." Without giving him a second glance, she, too, fled the quad, the music box in her hands.

RINOA paced the length of her room nervously. She was still in shock over the news that Dr. Kadowaki had given her. It was still impossible to fathom the fact that she was _pregnant_. She couldn't deny the fact that she loved the idea of becoming a mother, though. Especially a mother to Squall's baby. The only problem was the fact that Squall and Quistis were still married. Quistis was sure to be crushed when she found out.

"No," Rinoa said out loud, "She can never find out."

What was she going to do? Once she started showing, there was no doubt in her mind about what people would be saying. It wouldn't take a genius to put two and two together. Who else could the father possibly be? Rinoa sighed, sinking into her desk chair. There was only one way to ensure that Quistis would never find out; to leave Garden and never come back. That way, Quistis would never know about the baby, nor would Squall. Tears pricked Rinoa's eyes at the thought of keeping this child from Squall.

"It's the only way," she whispered to herself. Besides, leaving Garden would be best for everyone. Squall could go back to his life with Quistis, the way it should be. She was a fool to ever believe that her and Squall could be together. How could she have ever let things get as far as they had? All she felt now was loss and sadness. They should have ended things a long time ago. It would sure make things a lot less painful now. Rinoa began to sob at the thought of never seeing Squall again. Her body began to shake as she continued to cry, such was the state of her despair. Who knows how long she sat there, crying her heart out, before she heard the knock on her door.

Quick as could be, Rinoa bolted from the chair, wiping furiously at her eyes. _Oh God, please don't let it be Squall_, she silently begged. She feared that if she saw Squall now, she would completely break down and confess everything to him. With one more swipe of her eyes, and a deep breath, Rinoa thrust open the door, revealing a worried-looking Irvine. Rinoa released the breath she didn't even know she had been holding.

"Uh, hey Rinoa," Irvine greeted her. "Can I come in?"

"Sure," Rinoa said, stepping aside to let him in, and then shutting the door behind them.

"You're probably wondering why I'm here," Irvine said, his gaze averting hers. In fact, his whole demeanor reeked of nervousness.

"Is something wrong?" Rinoa asked, beginning to feel nervous herself.

Irvine shook his head. "No, not really. I guess I should just get to the point. Squall asked me to come and check on you. He would have come himself, except he kinda has his hands full after everything that happened in the quad."

"The quad?" Rinoa asked, raising an eyebrow. "Why, what happened?"

"Well, to make a long story short, Seifer and Quistis got into a huge argument, which resulted in Seifer saying he was leaving Garden. To make matters worse, Squall showed up in the middle of things, and of course they started arguing with each other. Finally, Seifer just took off. I can only assume that he left Garden."

"Wow," Rinoa said in astonishment. "I guess I missed all of the action, huh?"

Irvine nodded. "Speaking of which, how are you feeling?" He suddenly noticed the redness around her eyes. "Rinoa, have you been crying?"

"N-No!" she stammered. "I just have-"

"Allergies, right?" Irvine cut off before she could finish. "Don't lie to me, Rinoa. What's bothering you?"

Rinoa felt a fresh batch of tears sting her eyes. She couldn't keep this all to herself, but she wouldn't burden Irvine with the secret, either. "Nothing is bothering me," she insisted, knowing that she wasn't convincing anyone. The words even sounded fake to _her_.

"Rinoa, if this is about you and Squall, you can tell me. Squall...pretty much told me everything."

"What?" Rinoa asked sharply. "He _told _you?"

Irvine nodded. "To tell you the truth, it didn't come as much of a surprise. I saw you the morning you left his room. You know, I thought that gas leak was awfully suspicious."

Rinoa was shocked that Squall had told Irvine, but at the same time, she felt like a huge weight had been lifted off her shoulders. She suddenly knew that she would need Irvine as an ally in what she was planning to do. "Irvine, if I tell you, do you promise to keep it a secret?"

"Of course. I would never tell anyone something you didn't want me to."

"Irvine, I'm pregnant," she blurted out.

"Come again?"

"I'm _pregnant_, Irvine."

"Jesus Christ!" Irvine exclaimed, his eyes going wide. "When did you find out?"

"Just this morning," she said quietly. "That's what was causing the dizzy spells."

Irvine shook his head. "Jesus Christ," he repeated. "I'm assuming the baby is Squall's?" Rinoa nodded. "Does he know?"

"Of course not," Rinoa said. "When would I have told him? I _can't _tell him. This would destroy Quistis."

"No offense, Rinoa, but did you ever think of that before sleeping with Squall?"

Rinoa felt her face turning red. "I never planned for any of this to happen. _Any _of it." The tears began to stream down her face once more.

"Hey, don't cry, Rinoa. Everything can be worked out."

"No," Rinoa said, shaking her head, "I've already decided what I have to do."

Irvine looked at her wearily. "Why do I get the feeling that I'm not going to like this?"

"Irvine, please don't try to talk me out of this. The only way to protect Quistis, the only way for everyone to be happy, is for me to leave Garden forever."

"What! Rinoa, that's crazy!"

"It's the only way. I've thought this through, and there isn't any other solution. I have to leave before I destroy Quistis' life. I've already done so much to hurt her... I just hope that, one day, she can forgive me."

"Where are you going to go, huh?" Irvine demanded. "You're in no condition to be living on your own."

"I don't plan to live on my own," she told him quietly.

"Then what's your _plan_, Rinoa? You can't just leave here without a second thought."

"I told you, I've given this a lot of thought. I want to go to Zuwang. Marianna said that I could come back anytime. I'm sure that her and Leanne could help me get settled in and take care of things when it's time for me to have the baby."

Irvine couldn't deny the fact that it was a good plan. Still, that didn't mean he had to like it. "What about Squall? He loves you, Rinoa."

"And I love him," she said softly, "But this is something that I have to do. Don't you understand, Irvine? If I stay here and have this baby in front of everyone, Quistis will be devastated. The only way for me to protect her is to leave. Will you help me?"

Irvine hesitated for a minute, but then nodded. "Yes, I'll help you, but on one condition."

"Okay, what is it?"

"We have to let Selphie in on this. I...don't want to keep anything from her."

"I take it that's the kind way of saying that you don't want Selphie to get the wrong idea about us." Rinoa smiled. "I have no problem with Selphie knowing, but only her."

"Okay, sounds good. I'm not happy with your decision to leave, but I understand that there's no changing your mind. That's why I'm agreeing to this. If you have to go through with this, then I want to make sure it's done right."

Rinoa nodded. "I understand. Thank you so much, Irvine." She felt her voice crack, and for what seemed to be the fiftieth time that day, her eyes filled with tears.

"Hey, what did I tell you before? Don't cry, Rinoa. Everything is going to be okay."

"You see, I know that," she said quietly. "I know that what I'm doing is the best thing for everyone. I'm just going to miss everything so much. It goes beyond Squall. I'll miss him so badly, but I'm going to miss everything else, too. All of you, this place, just everything."

"Listen, Rinoa, I told you that you don't have to do this."

"Stop," Rinoa said, holding up her hand to silence him. "I told you that my mind is made up."

"Okay then, I said I'd help. What do you want me to do?"

Rinoa took a deep breath, collecting her thoughts. "Well, I'm going to need transportation, and you're the only one who knows how to get to Zuwang."

Irvine nodded. "You want me to take you there?"

"Yes."

"Okay. When do you want to leave?"

Rinoa took another deep breath. "Tonight."

"What!" Irvine exclaimed. "Rinoa, that's crazy. You won't even be showing for at least another two months. Why the rush?"

"The longer I wait, the harder it is going to be to leave. I think that it would be best if we left tonight."

"Well, I disagree. Rinoa, at least wait until tomorrow night. That way, you don't have to rush everything...you can spend the day preparing. I'll tell Selphie to distract Squall if need be. If you wait until tomorrow...you'll have a chance to see everyone for one last time."

Rinoa sighed. He had a point. "Okay, I'll wait until tomorrow night, but no later than that. No one can find out about this...especially not Squall."

"I gave you my word, Rinoa. No one, but Selphie, will know."

"Thank you again, Irvine. I don't think I could do this without you."

Irvine nodded. "That's what friends are for, right? I'll see you tomorrow, Rinoa."

"Yes," Rinoa said quietly, "See you tomorrow."


	37. Chapter ThirtySeven

Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy VIII...

Author's Note: Alright, you guys completely influenced this chapter, as well as the turnout of the rest of the story. I know that most of you didn't want Rinoa to leave, so that really got me thinking. When I began writing this chapter, I fully intended to have Rinoa leave. In fact, up until I finished writing it today, I had planned on her leaving. However, when I got to the end of the chapter, I got into a huge debate with myself about whether or not to have her leave. I had ideas floating around in my head for both scenarios, but I ultimately came to the decision that Rinoa and Squall have already been split apart so many times, that it's about time that I let them have a little happiness. Although that still doesn't mean that everything is going to be smooth sailing from here on out. Anyway, I hope you guys are happy with the outcome of this chapter. To be honest, I still have mixed feelings about it, but I'm sure that will change with time, especially when I start planning out the final few chapters. Who ever said that the readers have no influence on the story?

To Love You More

Chapter Thirty-Seven

****

"You'll be the thing  
You'll be the pain  
You'll be the star  
You'll be the road, rolling below  
The wheels of a car  
And all of the thoughts, oh God  
Don't know if I'm strong enough now  
You'll be the thing  
You'll be the pain  
You'll be the  
Catalyst..."

**__**

"Catalyst" Anna Nalick

SQUALL entered his apartment, slowly closing the door behind him. He had given Quistis a few hours to clear her head before daring to venture into their living quarters. She had made it clear that she had wanted to be alone, so he had respected her wishes. Now, though, they needed to face the inevitable and talk. There were far too many issues on hand that could not be left idle.

As he walked through the door, Squall scanned the living room for any signs of his wife. He found none. In fact, the sight he was met with was one of vast coldness. All of the shades in the living room had been drawn, and not a single light had been turned on. The apartment was also eerily quiet, with not a sign of human life anywhere. Squall couldn't help but feel worried about the scene in front of him. Quistis wouldn't try anything, would she?

Squall quickened his pace and headed towards the bedroom. "Quistis?" he called. There was no answer. Once he entered the bedroom, he was met with much the same scene as within the living room. The room was so dark that, at first, he thought it, too, was empty. Then, he spotted the outline of a figure seated in the corner of the room. "Quistis?" he repeated, the worry creeping into his voice.

There was no answer from the dark figure. Squall moved to her side, finally able to make out that it was indeed Quistis. Her head was bowed, and she seemed to be clasping something tightly in her hands. If it wasn't for the rise and fall of her chest, Squall could have mistaken her for dead. He reached out to place a hand on her arm. It was then that she spoke.

"Go away, Squall," she whispered. Her voice was so cold that Squall found himself flinching away from her. He briefly wondered if that was how people reacted to him.

"I'm not going anywhere, Quistis. We need to talk." He quickly strode over to the opposite side of the room and flicked on the lights.

"Leave me alone," Quistis said more forcefully, seeming to come alive in the light. "I told you that I need to be alone."

Squall nodded. "Yeah, I heard you. Why do you think I waited three hours to come and talk to you? Have you been sitting here like this the whole time?"

"Oh, don't act like you care, Squall, because you don't. You didn't come here to check up on me because you were worried, you came here to make sure that I agree to divorce you."

"That's bullshit, Quistis. You're my goddamn _wife_. How can you say I don't care?"

Quistis snorted. "I'm your wife, huh? Yeah, I'm your wife when it's convenient for you. Can you honestly look me in the eyes and tell me that you want to continue with this marriage?" Squall remained silent. "Exactly what I thought."

"It's not that simple," Squall told her, trying to keep his cool. "You can't just assume what my motives are."

"Okay then, Squall, tell me," Quistis said, coming to her feet, the object still in her hands. "What are your motives for being here?"

Squall was about to answer, but the object in Quistis' hands was drawing his attention. "What is that?"

Quistis gave him a puzzled look. "Excuse me?"

"What you're holding," he clarified. "What is it?"

Quistis looked down at the object in her hands as if forgetting it was there. "It's a music box," she said softly.

"I've never seen it before. Is it new?"

"What does it matter? You're avoiding my question, Squall."

Squall sighed. "I told you that we have a lot to talk about. Take that however you want. My main motive for coming here was to make sure that you're okay. I really don't care if you believe me or not...it's the truth."

It was Quistis' turn to sigh. "Suppose that I believe you. Where do we go from here, Squall? We need to resolve this once and for all because I am so sick of being pulled in two opposite directions. One day, I feel like you love me, and we can work things out. The next day, I feel even farther apart from you."

"You've been through a lot today," Squall reminded her. "Are you sure you want to talk about this now?"

Quistis rolled her eyes. "Weren't you just saying that we needed to talk?"

"Yeah, but-"

"No," Quistis said, holding up a hand to silence him. "Let's just get this over with. We've been running around in circles for so long now. It's time that we were honest with each other."

"I agree," Squall said. "Still, there's no easy way to put this. I'm not happy, Quistis."

Quistis nodded. "I can't say that I didn't see that one coming. You haven't been happy with me, Squall, and I've come to realize that."

"I've been hurting you for a long time, and I don't want to do that anymore. I think it would be best if we...ended things."

Although Quistis had certainly been expecting Squall to say something along those lines, it didn't change the fact that it still hurt like hell to hear him actually say the words. She forced herself to remain calm, and took a deep breath to steady herself. She absolutely refused to cry. "So what you're saying is that you want a divorce."

Squall nodded. "I'm sorry, Quistis, but I just don't see how this is going to work. I don't want to lie to you anymore. I...still have feelings for Rinoa."

"Feelings?" Quistis asked quietly. "Do you..." She felt tears prick her eyes. "Do you love her?"

"Yes," Squall whispered, his voice barely audible. "I'm sorry."

Despite her resolution not to cry, Quistis could feel the tears sliding down her cheeks. "When we got married, I thought that everything would be perfect. I honestly believed that you had forgotten about Rinoa, but I see now that I was just kidding myself. The truth was looking me right in the face all along, but I was too blind to see it. I was a fool to think that I could ever take Rinoa's place."

"You're wrong," Squall told her firmly. "Quistis, you gave me peace of mind when no one else could. You were the only one who cared enough to help me get over my pain...to save me from myself. You did so much for me, Quistis...there is no way to express how grateful I am for that."

Quistis nodded. "Perhaps I was disillusioned, as well. I had that foolish crush on you, and when you began to show an interest in me, I suppose it felt like a dream come true. The truth is, though, we aren't meant to be together, Squall. I am finally able to see that now. What you and Rinoa have...that only comes around once in a lifetime. Who am I to get in the way of that? Still, I want you to know that I do love you, Squall. I think that part of me always will."

Squall drew her into a sudden embrace. "You have no idea how much that means to me. I do love you, Quistis...just not in the way that I am supposed to."

"You're not _supposed_ to love me, Squall. I never wanted to force you into marriage."

"No, I knew that was not your intent. If anything, I am the one who rushed into things."

"What's done is done," Quistis reminded him. "We have both made mistakes. I think we have both learned from them, though. As clichéd as it sounds, I only hope that we can continue to be friends."

Squall nodded. "I'd really like that."

"Well, that's settled, then. See, that wasn't too painful, was it?" She forced a smile. "Goodbye, Squall."

Squall frowned. "Where are you going?"

"There's something that I need to take care of. When I get back, we can work out the details of everything else."

Before he even had a chance to respond, Quistis was out the door. He wondered what possibly could have made her leave so fast. She had seemed to take the news remarkably well. Perhaps she, too, had felt the deep strain on their marriage. Sighing, he walked over to his closet. He had a lot of packing to do.

THE second Quistis left the apartment, she burst into tears. It had taken every ounce of her resolve to stop herself from breaking down in front of Squall. That would have been the ultimate humiliation. Hadn't she already been humiliated enough? She had just found out that her husband was in love with another woman. Of course, Quistis had suspected as much, but to hear her suspicions confirmed just devastated her. Her mind was such a flurry of emotions right now that she couldn't even put a name to what she was feeling.

Deciding that she didn't want to hang around the area of the apartment (you never knew when Squall could exit), she began a brisk walk down the hall. There were not many people in the halls, which was a welcome relief to her. Most everyone was passed out in their dorms, nursing hangovers from the wedding reception. She never thought she would feel thankful that people had been drinking excessively, but she certainly did right now. The last thing she wanted to do was have the whole Garden look down upon her in pity. She did not want to be known as the woman Squall had rejected. Of course, the news of the pending divorce would spread around Garden like wildfire, but there was always the small hope that the actual details of the divorce would be kept confidential. If anyone had the power to make that happen, then it was Squall.

Tears still streaming down her face, Quistis entered the quad. Everything from the reception had been cleared away, as if it had never happened. Quistis noted, with relief, that the whole area was empty. It was the perfect spot to sit and clear her mind. There was no way that she could stand to remain in the apartment, even if Squall wasn't there. All that apartment served now were unpleasant memories. She would have to move into a single dorm right away. Perhaps her old room would still be available.

What would she do now, though? All of her plans had been shot down in the course of fifteen minutes. She could have objected, of course, could have fought back. The truth was, Quistis had no desire to trap Squall in a loveless marriage. She did not want to be a person that Squall would come to hate for ruining his life. As for her present feelings on Squall, it was a mixed bag. Part of her felt angry at his words, but how could she possibly hate him for wanting to be with his first love? She could never hate him, even if she tried. Mostly, she just felt lost. In marrying Squall, she had assumed that they would be together forever; their future was carved out in stone. Oh, how very wrong she had been. Now, she would have to start all over again, experience all of her old uncertainties once more. What a sad life she led. Perhaps it would be better to just give up altogether.

"Quistis?"

The sound of her name made Quistis jump, and when she finally recovered enough to turn around, her heart seemed to stop beating altogether. She just stared at the person in front of her, unable to form any words.

"Quistis?" he asked again, taking a step toward her. His eyes revealed the concern he felt for the woman in front of him. "Why are you crying?"

At his words, Quistis seemed to come alive, swiping at her eyes furiously. Earlier, she had believed that crying in front of Squall was the most embarrassing thing that could possibly happen, but now she was beginning to feel that this could possibly be worse.

"It's because of me, isn't it?" he asked quietly, his voice full of remorse.

"Don't flatter yourself, Seifer," she finally said. "Not everything in the world revolves around you."

Seifer took a seat beside her and sighed. "Do you want to tell me what's bothering you?"

Quistis shook her head. "It's really none of your business. Besides, aren't you supposed to have left Garden by now?"

"That was the plan."

"Then why are you still here?"

Seifer shrugged. "The next train doesn't leave until tomorrow morning. They're having delays, or something like that."

"So what?" she demanded. "That still doesn't answer my question. Why are you _here_? You should have gone to the hotel."

"I came back to apologize to you, Quistis. I was completely out of line with you earlier."

The blonde snorted. "Out of line? Please. I'd say you were way more than 'out of line', Seifer."

"Alright, I was a real asshole. The truth is, Quistis, I couldn't leave here on such bad terms with you. I don't want you to think that what happened between us in FH was a lie."

Quistis shook her head. "I don't know what to think anymore, Seifer. I want to believe that the person I saw in FH was the real you, but then who was the person I saw just a few hours ago?"

"I lost my temper. That's no excuse, but it's the truth. Quistis, do you know how frustrating it is to see you throwing your life away on that prick, Squall?"

"Well, you won't have to worry about that anymore. Squall and I are getting divorced."

"What?" Seifer said, genuinely surprised. "When did this happen?"

"Just now, actually. I had the pleasant task of being informed that he still loves Rinoa. So, it looks like you were right all along. Go ahead and gloat."

Seifer just shook his head. He felt no feelings of smugness at her words. Part of him was happy that she was finally free of Squall, but he was mostly sad to see Quistis so crushed. What could he possibly say to comfort her? Nothing seemed to be appropriate at the moment. An uncomfortable silence followed until a sudden thought popped into Seifer's head. Before he had a chance to give it a second thought, he blurted out exactly what was on his mind.

"Come back with me."

Quistis' eyes widened in shock. "Excuse me?"

"You don't have to stay here, Quistis. I can see how unhappy you are here. Come to FH with me. You can escape from everything there."

Quistis shook her head. "You're crazy."

"Why? Because I care about you? Because I want to be with you? Yeah, you heard me right, Quistis. I really don't give a damn about my pride anymore, that's the goddamn truth. You can't tell me that you're happy here. I know that you were happy in FH...you could be happy again."

"I don't know what to say," Quistis said quietly. "I can't think about this right now. I have to go." She got up from the bench, slowly backing away.

"Don't run away from me, Quistis. I've seen the way you look at me and I know you care about me, too. What are you so afraid of?"

"I'm married, Seifer. Please don't talk about such foolish things."

"You're the one who's talking foolishly! Why don't you take a look at your life for a minute. What do you see? What the hell do you see? What is keeping you here?"

"My life is here, Seifer," she replied quietly.

"_What _life? Your life with your _husband_? You just told me that it's over between you! Don't you see what you're doing to yourself? _Why _are you hurting yourself like this?"

"Just stop it!" Quistis exclaimed. "This isn't you speaking! I'm not going to fall for this act again. Just please, leave me alone."

"No," Seifer said, stepping right up to her. "I can't do that."

He stared straight into her eyes, hoping she would see the sincerity within them. There was something in her eyes, the tiniest spark, but it was all that he needed. He pulled her towards him, pressing his lips against hers. For a minute, she succumbed to the kiss, forgetting just who she was with. Her thoughts seemed to come rushing back as she quickly pulled away.

"Quistis?" Seifer asked in concern.

"I meant what I said," she told him, tears cluttering her vision. "Just go away, Seifer." With that said, she quickly turned around and fled.

IRVINE found Selphie in the library, browsing the bookshelves half-heartedly. She seemed to be lost in her thoughts, barely paying attention to her surroundings. The cowboy walked up to her slowly, not wanting to startle her. Once he had reached her, he tapped her on the shoulder lightly.

"Oh, hey Irvine," Selphie said, turning around. "What's up?"

"Do you want to take a walk with me?" Irvine asked. "I need to talk to you."

"Okay," Selphie said, feeling puzzled.

Irvine gestured for her to follow him into the hallway. Once outside of the library, Irvine looked around him to make sure there was no one within earshot. Unfortunately, too many people were around. He couldn't risk any of them overhearing what he had to say. Instead, he led the way to his dorm, the only private place he could think of at the moment. Selphie followed him without question, but he could tell that she was itching to know what this was about. Once they reached his room, Irvine silently unlocked the door. It was then that Selphie hesitated.

"Just trust me, okay?" Irvine told her upon noticing the look in her eyes.

Selphie nodded. "I do trust you, Irvine." She followed him into the room and watched as he secured the door behind them.

"I'm sorry about being so secretive about this, but I promised Rinoa that you were the only one I would tell about this."

"Promised Rinoa?" Selphie echoed. "What are you talking about?"

"Selphie, you might want to sit down for this. What I have to say is pretty major."

Selphie waved all of that aside. "Just _tell _me, Irvine! You know I can't stand being in suspense."

Irvine smiled. "Yeah, I know. Okay, then, are you ready for this? Rinoa is pregnant."

Selphie's eyes widened and her jaw dropped. "Are you kidding me?"

"Nope," Irvine said, shaking his head. "Wait, you haven't heard the rest of it. Squall is the father."

"Oh my God," Selphie gasped. "When did she find out? Does Quistis know? Does _Squall _know? What is she going to do?"

"Whoa, slow down there, Selphie. To answer your questions, Rinoa just found out today. No, Squall and Quistis don't know. As for what Rinoa is going to do," he paused to sigh, "That's the reason why I'm here."

"Why do I not like the sound of that?"

"Probably because you're going to hate Rinoa's plan just as much as I do. Rinoa is set on the idea that she ruined Squall and Quistis' lives. She thinks it would be best if she disappeared without anyone knowing that she is pregnant."

"Disappears? Where does she plan on going?"

"She wants me to take her to Zuwang. I know that she'll be safe there. The women that took care of her are good people. I know that they could help her take care of the baby. Still..." he trailed off.

"You don't want her to go."

"No," Irvine said. "I don't."

"Because you still have feelings for her?" Selphie asked quietly.

Irvine shook his head. "No, because she's my friend and I'm worried about her. Because I'm afraid of how Squall will react when he finds out she's gone. Because, deep inside, I always believed that Squall and Rinoa were destined to be together forever."

"I don't want her to leave, either, Irvine," Selphie choked out, her eyes filling with tears. "There has to be some other way."

"I tried to reason with her, but she's so damn stubborn. You know Rinoa...she won't give up once her mind is set on something."

"So you're going to help her, then? You're going to take her to Zuwang?"

Irvine nodded. "I told her that I would, as long as I could tell you were I was going. The last thing I wanted you to think was that I had run away with Rinoa."

Selphie looked at him in surprise. "We're not dating anymore, Irvine. You don't need to justify your every move to me."

"You're right, I don't, but I still didn't want you to get the wrong idea. You see, the truth is, Selphie, that I never really got over you. Now, more than ever, I realize that I never should have let you go. I should have fought harder. I guess what I'm saying is, when I come back from Zuwang, I'd like to give this another try. That is, if you are willing to, as well."

"Oh, Irvine, of course I am!" She flung her arms around the cowboy. "When you come back, we can talk about this further, but just know that I'll be here waiting for you. In the meantime, what can I do to help Rinoa?"

"Tomorrow, it would be great if you could keep Squall distracted somehow, especially in the evening. Make sure he doesn't come near Rinoa's room. Anyway, it's getting late. Why don't you worry about getting some rest for now. Rinoa and I will be leaving tomorrow night. We can all say our goodbyes in the morning."

Selphie nodded. "Okay, we can meet up tomorrow, then. Goodnight, Irvine."

"Goodnight, Selphie." He leaned over to kiss her cheek. She smiled at him once more, and then was gone.

RINOA woke up extremely early the next morning. The night had proved to be an immensely restless one. Thoughts of tonight's departure had been rushing through her head nonstop. At one point, she had woken up in a cold sweat thinking that it had all just been a bad dream. Then, everything came rushing back tenfold, and after that, sleep had not been easy to come by.

Sighing, Rinoa dragged herself out of bed. There was no use in laying around and sulking when there was so much to do. She would have to pack everything before tonight, not to mention say her goodbyes. She wanted to see Squall one last time before she left, but she wasn't even sure if that was possible. Besides, if she saw him, wouldn't it be harder to let go? Perhaps it would be better if she left without seeing him at all. God, she was so confused. There wasn't a single clear-cut path; one choice that stood out among the others. No matter what choice she made, someone was going to get hurt. This way, she would be the one getting hurt. Sure, Squall would be hurt at first, but in time, he would find a way to be happy with Quistis again. She knew that they had been happy together before she came back, so now everything could go back to the way it was before.

Feeling slightly better with her decision, she walked over to her closet in order to select an outfit. Whatever she wore today would most likely be what many people saw her in for the last time. After flipping through her clothes half-heartedly, she finally settled on a knee-length, ruffled black skirt and a white, off-the-shoulder top. Black and white; two complete opposites. Even her clothes mirrored the two extreme choices; leave Garden or stay. It seemed so simple when put that way, but when it came down to it, nothing could be labeled as black and white. There were too many shades of gray that fell in-between. Rinoa had always been one to trust her heart, but in this matter, she had to go against it. It was about time that she let her head guide her, instead of her heart. Her impulsiveness and her _heart _were what had gotten her into this mess in the first place.

Shaking her head, Rinoa grabbed the clothes and headed to the bathroom. A hot shower could really do her some good right now. As Rinoa took off her clothes and stepped into the shower, her eyes traveled to her flat stomach. She couldn't believe that her stomach would soon become swollen with child. It was so strange to think that a baby, _her _baby, was growing inside of her, but at the same time, it gave Rinoa an amazing sense of comfort. She was going to pour all of her heart and soul into this baby. After all, they would only have each other.

Rinoa quickly finished showering and then slipped on her clothes. She combed out her wet hair, ran a towel through it, and then swung it behind her shoulders. She could deal with her hair later. Right now, she had a world of packing to do. As she walked out of the bathroom, however, she suddenly froze. Her heart seemed to leap into her throat as she saw that, no, her eyes weren't playing tricks on her, yes, there was a man sitting on her bed, and yes, that man was Squall.

"Squall," she breathed, her heart pounding wildly. "What are you doing here?"

Squall smiled slightly. "God, Rinoa, you look like you've just seen a ghost. I'm sorry to startle you, but you didn't answer the door, so I was worried." His cheeks reddened slightly. "I let myself in with my spare key."

Rinoa shook her head, allowing what he had just told her to sink in. "I can't believe you still have a spare key."

Squall shrugged. "You never know when it could come in handy."

"So," Rinoa began, fiddling with her necklace, "As you can see, I am perfectly fine. There's no need to check up on me, Commander."

"Well, I have to admit that wasn't my only reason in coming to see you. I wanted to tell you in person, before this gets all over Garden." He paused to run a hand through his hair. "Quistis and I are getting divorced."

Rinoa was momentarily stunned. "W-What?"

"We talked it over, and she agrees that it is the best way to handle things. I just wanted to tell you before I go."

"Go?" Rinoa echoed, feeling more confused than ever. "Go where?"

"Cid's sending me to Deling City to represent Garden in some political meeting. Not exactly my cup of tea, but what can I do."

"I suppose that my father will be a part of this meeting?" Rinoa said, momentarily forgetting her personal problems.

Squall nodded. "Most likely. Is there anything that you want me to tell him?"

"Actually, I'd prefer if you didn't say anything to him at all. I don't care to have any contact with him. Not after what he said the last time I saw him." She grimaced.

"Alright then," Squall said, smiling. "As per your orders, I will have as little contact with him as possible."

"Thank you. So what time do you leave?"

Squall glanced at his watch. "In twenty minutes. I'll probably be gone for a few days. You know how political figures love to drag these things out," he said dryly.

Rinoa nodded. "You're looking at someone who knows firsthand."

Squall got up suddenly and wrapped his arms around her. "When I get back, I'll get everything with the divorce finalized. Then, we can go from there." He buried his head in her hair, inhaling its sweet scent. "There are going to be people saying shit, but I don't really give a fuck about any of them. You're who I want to be with."

Rinoa felt her knees go weak at his words, and then even more so when he began to trail kisses down her neck. She didn't want him to leave. _She _didn't want to leave. "I want to be with you, too, Squall," she heard herself saying.

"Then wait for me. Will you do that for me?"

Rinoa felt her world come crashing down around her. The look in Squall's eyes was so hopeful...how could she destroy that hope? _Stop running! _a voice in the back of her mind screamed. Wasn't that what she was planning on doing? She would run away from all of her problems if she went to Zuwang. The man standing in front of her right now _loved her_. He had a right to know that she was carrying his child. Besides, destiny had found a way to make sure that they belonged together. You can't escape your destiny. It was time to face reality, to own up to her mistakes and begin anew.

"Rinoa?" Squall asked, frowning.

"Yes," she said finally, and smiled at the relief that she felt at uttering the word. "I'll wait for you forever, Squall."

Squall grinned and pulled her towards him, kissing her tenderly. Rinoa closed her eyes in bliss. This was _right_. This was where she was supposed to be.

"Squall," she said suddenly, pulling away. "There's something that I have to tell you."

Just then, Squall's cell phone rang. Squall held up a finger for Rinoa to wait a minute. "Hello?" He paused to listen to the speaker. "Yeah. Yeah, okay. I'll be right there." He turned to Rinoa and sighed. "I have to go."

Rinoa nodded. "Be safe."

"What were you going to tell me before the phone rang?"

"Oh, it was nothing," Rinoa lied. "I'll tell you when you get back."

"Okay," Squall said, slightly puzzled. "I love you." He kissed her again, a long, lingering kiss, and then, before she could reply, he was gone.

Rinoa immediately ran over to the phone and punched in Irvine's number. "Hey, Irvine," she said as soon as he picked up the phone. "There's been a change in plans. I'm not going anywhere."

So much for getting rid of that impulsiveness.

****

****


	38. Chapter ThirtyEight

Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy VIII...

Author's Note: Well, it looks like we are coming to the end of this fic. Just this morning, I was finalizing my outline for the next chapter, and when I finished writing everything down, it shocked me because I realized that there are only two chapters left after this one. I guess you could say that the ending of this fic just crept up on me. Anyone, I thank you all as usual for continuing to read this fic and stick with me. Also, I want to give a special thanks to **Smile My Empty Soul **for recommending the lyrics that you will see at the beginning of this chapter. You were right, they really do fit the mood!

To Love You More

Chapter Thirty-Eight

**__**

"And it may take some time to  
Patch me up inside  
But I can't take it so I  
Run away and hide  
And I may find in time that  
You were always right  
You're always right

So you sailed away  
Into a gray sky morning  
Now I'm here to stay  
Love can be so boring

What was it you wanted  
Could it be I'm haunted?"

-"Best I Ever Had" Vertical Horizon

FIVE minutes later, both Irvine and Selphie had assembled in Rinoa's dorm. Rinoa hadn't said much over the phone. The second Irvine had hung up with her, he had called Selphie, and now here they were. Both of them were dying for some answers. What could have caused Rinoa to change her mind so suddenly?

"Okay," Rinoa began when she saw their expectant faces, "Why are you looking at me like that?"

Selphie sighed exasperatedly. "Are you kidding me? All you told Irvine was that you aren't leaving anymore. Why the sudden change of heart?"

Rinoa shrugged. "I just decided that it would be best to stay here."

"Are you shitting me?" Irvine broke in. "Rinoa, when you talked to me yesterday, you were pretty damn set on leaving. You don't just change your mind all of a sudden. Why don't you tell us what's really up."

Rinoa just smiled to herself. "Let's just say that I've had a change of heart."

"Squall came to see you, didn't he?" Selphie suddenly asked.

"Why would you say that?" Rinoa replied innocently.

"Oh, he definitely did!" Selphie exclaimed. "Just _look _at you! You've got the glow!"

"What glow?"

"_The _glow! Rinoa, you can't wipe that smile off of your face. What did Squall say to you?"

Seeing Rinoa's hesitation, Irvine couldn't help but tease her as well. "Yeah, Rinoa, you definitely have 'the glow'. You better tell us what happened before it eats you up."

"Irvine!" Selphie exclaimed, swatting his arm, "Are you making fun of me?"

"Of course not," the cowboy replied. "Why would you say such a thing?"

Selphie rolled her eyes, causing Rinoa to giggle. "Oh, you guys are too cute!"

"Hey, don't try to make this about us now. You're not going to make us forget about this one, so spill," Selphie told her sternly.

"Alright, alright," Rinoa said, holding up her hands in defeat. "Geez, you two sure are persistent! If you must know, Squall was here to say goodbye to me before he left for some meeting in Deling City."

"And..." Selphie prompted.

"And what?" Rinoa replied defensively.

"Rinoa! Out with it!"

Rinoa sighed. "Squall and Quistis are getting a divorce. Squall said he wanted me to know before I left. I was ready to let him go then, but at that moment, he asked me to wait for him, and I just couldn't say no. Do you guys think I did the right thing?"

"He asked you to wait for him?" Selphie squealed. "That is the most adorable thing ever!"

"It was," Rinoa agreed, "But that was the problem. I just couldn't say no to him. I...didn't want to say no to him."

"I think you did the right thing," Irvine said suddenly. "Rinoa, we've all seen you and Squall together. We all know that what you two have is undeniable. It's not fair to anyone if you lie to yourselves."

Rinoa sighed once more. "But what about Quistis? Every time that I feel like I'm doing the right thing, her face pops into my head, and I feel so incredibly guilty. I know how much she loves Squall. How can I take that happiness away from her?"

"Rinoa, do you hear yourself?" Selphie asked exasperatedly. "You are so concerned with other people's happiness that you are completely disregarding your own! No offense to Quistis, but how can she possibly be happy in a loveless marriage? If my husband loved another woman, I'd want to set him free."

Irvine nodded. "Selphie's right, Rinoa. When we were dating, and I found out that you still loved Squall, it hurt for awhile. After I thought about it, though, I accepted it because I know how much you guys mean to each other. I wasn't going to hang around you and try to make you magically fall in love with me. I knew that, even if we hadn't broken up, we would never have what you and Squall have. What I'm trying to say is, Quistis is a smart woman. She agreed to divorce Squall, so she must see what I saw when dating you. Sure, it'll hurt like hell at first, but she'll come to realize that she was just as unhappy in her marriage as Squall was."

Rinoa nodded. "I know. I just want to set things right between us. When Squall gets back, the first thing I'm going to do is tell him about the baby. Then, I'll sit down and have a long talk with Quistis. I'm going to tell her everything...even if the price is our friendship."

"Aw, Rin," Selphie sighed, putting her arms around her friend. "Everything will work out. You'll see."

"Thanks, Selphie," Rinoa said, squeezing her friend back. "Thank you so much." She pulled away and faced Irvine, enveloping him in a hug, as well. "You, too, Irvine. You guys are the best."

As Rinoa stood there, surrounded by two of her best friends, she began to feel hope again. Selphie and Irvine sounded so certain that everything would fall into place that Rinoa couldn't help but feel the same way. It had been so long since she had felt that her happily-ever-after was possible, but now, it felt just within her reach. At that thought, she smiled.

QUISTIS sat in her classroom, furiously trying to grade tests, but failing horribly. It was fairly hard to concentrate on the history of magic when she had so much on her mind. Teaching used to be something that she loved, but now it seemed more of a nuisance than anything. She only had two classes to teach, but she felt like she had been so caught up in her personal affairs that she hadn't been able to dedicate herself fully to her students. With a sigh, Quistis forced her mind to clear, and focus on nothing but grading the tests.

She had just been getting back into the swing of things, when Dr. Kadowaki came rushing into the room. "Quistis!" she exclaimed, panting. "I'm so glad that I found you!"

"What is it?" Quistis asked, alarmed, as she came to her feet. "Is everything alright?"

The doctor nodded as she caught her breath. "Yes, yes, not to worry. It's just that I am needed in town to assist with a birth, and I have no one to cover for me in the infirmary on such short notice. Do you think that you could cover down there?"

"Well, my classes are done for the day, so I suppose so. I was just grading some papers, but they can wait."

Dr. Kadowaki sighed in relief. "Oh, Quistis, you are a lifesaver! You won't have to do much, just get some papers in order and assist anyone that might show up."

Quistis nodded. "Don't worry, Dr. Kadowaki. You've trained me well. All you should worry about is delivering that baby."

Dr. Kadowaki laughed. "I see that I don't need to worry now! Thank you again, dear. Shall we get going?"

Quistis nodded and followed Dr. Kadowaki out of the classroom. She was secretly relieved that she would be spending the rest of the day in the infirmary. At least she would be kept busy there. She wanted to get as far away from her thoughts about Squall and Seifer as possible. Her feelings about the two men were a jumbled mess, one that she did not care to pick apart.

As the two women reached the infirmary, Dr. Kadowaki once again thanked Quistis, quickly gathered up the materials she would need, and took off. With a small smile, Quistis collapsed into Dr. Kadowaki's desk chair. The doctor had told her to organize some files, and by taking a look at the desk in front of her, she could see what she had been talking about. Patient folders littered the desk in stacks piled high.

Deciding that she should get to work, Quistis picked up a pile of the folders, and headed over to the file cabinet. She had almost crossed the room when her foot made contact with a hard object, and she found herself on the floor, folders and all. It took her a minute to realize that she had tripped over the leg of a chair. To her surprise, she began to laugh at the realization. _I'm really starting to lose it. _She gathered all of the folders into a pile and set them on a nearby table. She was going to have to make sure that everything was in order.

As she began work on the folder in front of her, the name on the cover caught her eye: Heartilly, Rinoa. Quistis frowned. When had Rinoa been to the infirmary lately? Maybe she had had a physical. Then, she suddenly remembered hearing a rumor about Rinoa having gone to the infirmary during Zell and Carrie's wedding reception because of exhaustion, or something like that. Of course, she could confirm all of that with just one peek into the folder lying in front of her. _No_, Quistis thought, _I'm not going to snoop into Rinoa's files. I'll just make sure everything is in order. _Quistis skimmed through the pile of folders, looking for any stray files that belonged in Rinoa's folder. As she came to the end of the pile, she found a paper with Rinoa's name at the top, as well as the date of Zell and Carrie's wedding. She had promised not to snoop, but her eyes seemed to travel down the paper of their own free will. Underneath the date, it read:

_"The patient had been having frequent dizzy spells, with today's episode being the worst. After running several tests, it has been confirmed that the patient is several weeks pregnant, making the dizzy spells quite normal for her condition. The following files contain detailed information on the health history of the patient, Rinoa Heartilly, and the father of the child, Squall Leonhart."_

Quistis froze, the paper falling from her hands. She did not want to read any further, and wished that she could erase from her mind what she had already seen. The blonde felt completely numb at what she had just read. In that moment, everything around her seemed to grow fuzzy, and before she realized what was happening, she was passed out cold on the floor.

WHEN Xu entered the infirmary minutes later, she found Quistis on the floor and unmoving. Papers were scattered all over the room, which immediately led Xu to assume that Quistis had been attacked. She quickly headed over to the blonde's side, checking her pulse.

"Quistis?" Xu called as she confirmed that she was breathing. "Can you hear me?"

Quistis' eyes fluttered and then opened. "Xu?" she asked wearily. "What's going on?"

"That's what I was hoping you could tell me. I just got here and found you like this."

At Xu's words, Quistis suddenly remembered just what she had been doing before passing out. Obviously, she couldn't tell Xu what she had found out. "Oh, I was just feeling dizzy," Quistis lied as she sat up.

Xu frowned. "First Rinoa and now you? I hope something isn't going around Garden."

Quistis had to resist the urge to snort, instead replying, "I'm sure that it's nothing."

Xu offered her hand to Quistis and helped pull her up. "You know, Quistis, you don't look so well. Where's Dr. Kadowaki?"

"She's in Balamb, helping with a birth. I'm covering for her here while she's gone."

"Well, I'm officially giving you the rest of the day off. You're in no shape to be staying here."

Quistis rolled her eyes. "It's not a big deal. Besides, there's no one else to cover if I'm not here."

"That's where you're wrong," Xu said, smiling. "I know a thing or two about medicine. I'd be happy to fill in."

"That's very kind of you, Xu, but I know that you have your hands full upstairs."

Xu waved that aside. "Irvine has everything under control. Come on, Quistis, go rest." Her tone became serious. "I know that you've been going through some tough times. Any time you need some time off, just say the word. Don't be afraid to ask for help, okay?"

Quistis nodded. "Thanks, Xu. Are you sure you don't mind covering for me here?"

"No way. You just take it easy, okay?"

"Thanks again, Xu. I'll do just that."

However, the second Quistis left the infirmary, she found that she was filled with a boiling anger. Rinoa was pregnant with Squall's baby! From the information from Rinoa's medical file, it was obvious that she had slept with Squall while Quistis had been away. She could not believe how low that girl had stooped! Sure, things had always been awkward between the two women, but in her heart, Quistis had believed that they were friends. Some friend! Seifer's words upon their first meeting in FH suddenly popped into her head..._"They're_ _probably screwing each other's brains out as we speak." _Oh, how right he had been! Quistis suddenly felt a profound sadness at the thought of the arrogant blonde, but quickly brushed it aside. She had bigger things to worry about right now.

No, Quistis was most certainly not going to go back to her room and rest. She was sick of being the one who was supposed to step back and make room for everyone's happiness but her own. Quistis had given up everything and it was all going to that whore who had slept with her husband! No, this was the last straw. It was time to confront that arrogant little sorceress. That was why, minutes later, Quistis was pounding on Rinoa's door, demanding that she be let in.

Rinoa opened the door, looking confused to see Quistis. "Hey Quistis, is everything okay?"

"No, Rinoa, everything is _not _okay," Quistis said coldly as she entered Rinoa's room, slamming the door shut behind her.

Rinoa frowned at the coldness in Quistis' voice. "What's going on?"

"I don't know, Rinoa. Why don't you tell me?"

"Quistis, I wouldn't have asked if I knew the answer. Please, just tell me what's wrong."

"How can you do that?" Quistis whispered.

"Do what?" Rinoa asked, feeling more confused than ever.

"How can you stand here, acting as if everything is okay and normal, when you are pregnant with my husband's baby!"

Rinoa froze at Quistis' words. How could she know? How could she possibly know? "How did you find out?" she whispered, as she collapsed onto her bed.

"I read it in your medical file."

"You went through my medical file?" Rinoa asked angrily.

"No, Rinoa, I didn't intentionally go through your medical file. I was working in the infirmary, filing folders, and I happened to drop the stack I had been holding. As I was getting everything back in order, I happened to come upon your files."

"Oh, so that makes it alright, then? Because the papers spilled on the floor, you decided that it would be perfectly fine to read them?"

"That's not what I said, Rinoa."

"You didn't have to! Admit it, Quistis, you wanted to read my file, so you did. There was no accident about it."

"Alright!" Quistis shouted. "Maybe I was curious about what your medical file said. I could have put it away without looking, but I didn't. Give me a break, Rinoa! How can you possibly stand there and point the finger at me when you slept with Squall!"

Rinoa's eyes blazed with anger, and she had to clench her fists to keep from lunging at the blonde. "So because I slept with Squall, you suddenly have the right to go through my medical file?"

"Oh, get over it, Rinoa. The fact of the matter is that I know you are pregnant with Squall's baby. What I want to know is, how could you have possibly done this to me?" Tears suddenly stung her eyes. "I thought we were friends, Rinoa. Yeah, things were rocky, but that was completely understandable given the situation. Now, I find out that you went behind my back and had sex with my husband! Not only that, but you are going to have his baby. The baby that I was supposed to have!"

Rinoa shook her head. "Do you know how much guilt I have felt ever since that night? It was one night, Quistis, _one night_. I knew how much my betrayal would hurt you. Quistis, the night I slept with Squall, I did not do so to hurt you, nor did Squall. We were just caught up in the moment, and for that one night, we threw responsibility out the window. I am sorry, Quistis. I am so sorry for hurting you and for betraying you, but I am not sorry for what I had with Squall that night, and I am not sorry for this baby."

"Is that supposed to make me feel better? Rinoa, you don't care about my pain or my failed marriage. All you care about is easing your guilty conscience."

"Quistis, that's not true."

"Don't lie to me, Rinoa. Haven't you already done enough of that?"

"You know what's funny, Quistis? If I had stuck with my original plan, none of this would be happening right now. I would be long gone, and you would be living your life as usual."

Quistis narrowed her eyes. "What are you talking about?"

"After I found out about the baby, I had this whole plan. I was going to leave for Zuwang and never come back. That way, no one would know about the baby and everything would go on as usual. You and Squall could continue your marriage without me ever getting in your way again."

"Then why didn't you go through with it?" Quistis asked.

"Squall came to see me this morning before he left. I had braced myself for my last meeting with him, and I knew that would be it. However, he caught me off guard. He told me that you and him had agreed to get a divorce. Even when he told me that, I was ready to go to Zuwang and leave him behind. But then..." She closed her eyes, remembering his words. "He asked me if I would wait for him, and I'm selfish, Quistis. I just couldn't say no."

Rinoa's words cut Quistis deep. Squall had asked Rinoa to wait for him? Well, he sure moved on quickly. _No_, she silently reminded herself, _He was never yours in the first place. _The truth had finally dawned on her. It was nothing against her personally, she hadn't done anything wrong. The simple truth was that Squall fell in love with Rinoa when he was seventeen, and he would love Rinoa forever. Nobody could ever change that.

"Does he know about the baby?" Quistis found herself asking.

Rinoa shook her head. "I tried to tell him this morning, but we got interrupted. The second he gets back, I'm going to tell him." She paused. "Quistis, I know you hate me right now, and I can't say that I blame you, but I just want you to understand that I never wanted to hurt you. I just...I love Squall. I can't change that, no matter how hard I try."

"And Squall loves you," Quistis said quietly. She could feel all of the anger seep out of her like the ocean tide. All that was left was a heart full of sadness. "I don't hate you, Rinoa. I just hate circumstance. I watched you walk into Squall's life, and I knew that you never walked out, I saw him fall in love with you, I saw the way he looked at you. I wanted to be you, Rinoa. Everyone knew that you were the perfect couple. You had melted Squall's heart of ice, not exactly an easy feat. Meanwhile, I stood by, trying to be a friend to both of you, but never able to kill the seed of jealousy and longing within me. When Squall asked me to marry him, it felt like all of my dreams were finally coming true. I could finally be with the man of my dreams. I was so caught up in those feelings that I never even realized that I could never replace you. Squall could never think of me the way he thought of you."

"Quistis," Rinoa said gently, "You should have told me. I never knew that you felt so strongly back then."

"I couldn't have told you. It would have bothered you and Squall, maybe even cost us our friendship. I couldn't have that."

Rinoa shook her head. "I wouldn't have treated you any differently, Quistis, and I doubt Squall would have. However, what is done is done and in the past now. I think that we all need to move forward with our lives."

"Rinoa, before you said that you were selfish for staying with Squall, but look at me! I was selfish for keeping him tied down to a marriage that was never meant to be. The point is that we are both to blame. Nobody is without fault. I...I want to start a new beginning, too. Suddenly, I feel like everything has become crystal clear, and I know exactly what I want to do. I almost feel...free."

Rinoa smiled secretly, pretty sure that she knew what Quistis was referring to. "We've been through a lot, Quistis, and it's been a bumpy ride, but I don't want it to end here. I don't want this to be the last time we talk."

"I very much doubt that it will be, Rinoa. I'm sorry about what I said earlier. I was just shocked and upset. The thing is, though, I've been holding onto Squall for so long that I lost sight of what I really wanted. I had this image in my head of a man that I loved, but I have come to realize that that man is not Squall. I think that I am finally able to let him go." Quistis smiled uncertainly. "I know what I have to do now, and I'm going to do it. Goodbye, Rinoa, and good luck."

"Goodbye, Quistis," Rinoa echoed. "Good luck to you, too. I hope you find what you are looking for."

"So do I," the blonde replied. "I just hope that it is not too late."

GENERAL Caraway was not having a good day. He had woken up late, due to his incompetent maid running behind schedule. His breakfast had been cold and ill prepared, and the maid had forgotten to bring him the morning paper. He had had to rush getting dressed, which resulted in wearing a pair of mismatched shoes. Now, he was sitting in a meeting room at the Presidential Palace in Deling City, directly across from the last person he wanted to deal with; Squall Leonhart.

The General felt his hands clench in anger as he studied the man in front of him. From the moment he had met Squall Leonhart, many years ago, he had taken a strong disliking to him. There was just something about him that grated on the General's nerves. He supposed that it was the look that was constantly evident in the young man's eyes. A look full of pride, determination, and even a little bit of defiance. It was a look that General Caraway was familiar with, for he had seen it within himself, as well as within the eyes of his daughter. That was why Squall Leonhart was so dangerous. A man with that look was unpredictable, and to pair one such as Squall with one such as Rinoa, was, in the General's opinion, a fatal mistake.

Besides, Squall had broken his daughter's heart. Of course, Caraway had always suspected that he would, had even told Rinoa has much, but his daughter had been as stubborn as ever. She had filled her mind with foolish notions of fairytale romance and happily-ever-after. She clung to Squall like a sick puppy, all the while breaking Caraway's heart. He knew the kind of person that Squall was, knew that it was only a matter of time before he brought Rinoa down, and he was right. Even now, after all of this time, Squall continued to bring Rinoa down. The General found himself clenching his teeth. No, he definitely did not like the man sitting in front of him.

"...which concludes this portion of the meeting. We will continue this discussion tomorrow at 1500 hours. Dismissed."

The General briefly looked up as one of the officials declared the meeting adjourned. Caraway did not remember the man's name, or his position. To be honest, he hadn't paid much attention to the meeting, instead letting his mind drift to more personal matters. Now that the meeting was over, he supposed that he would head home and sulk for the rest of the day. He was in no mood to handle any business matters that could come up.

The members of the council began to file out of the room, causing Caraway to realize that he was one of the last people remaining. He also noted, with disdain, that Squall still remained in the room. Although the General's pride was screaming against it, he decided to approach him. He wanted to know how his daughter was doing, and he sure as hell couldn't call Rinoa and ask her. There was no choice but to swallow his pride for the moment.

"Leonhart," Caraway said as politely as possible. Squall nodded toward the General, and began to turn away. "Wait! I need to talk to you."

Squall turned around, a bored expression on his face. "I'm not at liberty to talk to you."

The General was genuinely surprised at Squall's words. "What are you talking about?" he demanded. "On whose orders?"

"Your daughter's," Squall replied, and could not stop himself from smirking at the look on Caraway's face.

"I don't care what Rinoa said to you! Do you think I enjoy talking to you, Leonhart? It's the last thing on Earth that I want to be doing. However, I want to know how my daughter is doing, and I realize that going through you is the only way to find out."

Squall shrugged. "You're talking to the wrong person. You told me to stay away from Rinoa, remember? How would I know how she's doing if I haven't been near her?"

"Don't play smart with me, boy! If you think that you can fool me-"

The General's phone suddenly rang, cutting him off. He shot a glare at Squall, daring him to walk away, before stepping away to answer the phone.

"Hello?"

_"Hello, General. I have some information for you that I think you will be very interested to hear."_

Caraway frowned. "Who is this?"

_"Let's just say that I am someone looking out for your best interests. What I'm about to tell you will probably be public news soon, but I thought you should know first."_

"What are you getting at?"

_"What am I getting at? Well, General, it's very simple. Let's just say that the buzz around Balamb Garden is that your daughter, Rinoa, is pregnant with none other than Squall Leonhart's baby. Congratulations, General. You're going to be a grandfather."_

"What!" Caraway exclaimed. "Who the hell are you? How did you get this number?" Caraway's only answer was silence. "Leonhart!" he roared.

Squall sighed and walked over to Caraway. He was really starting to get tired of the old man. "What is it now?"

"You just finished telling me that you have been honoring my wishes and not seeing my daughter, correct?"

Squall nodded. "Yeah, that's right."

"Well, that's funny. Maybe you would like to explain to me how, if you have been spending so much time apart, Rinoa came to be pregnant with your child!"

"E-Excuse me?" Squall stammered, momentarily stunned.

"Yeah, you heard me, Leonhart. How the hell did my daughter became pregnant with your child! I want answers and I want them now!"

Squall, however, could do nothing but stare at the General, speechless. Surely, what he had just said was some kind of joke. He couldn't possibly be telling the truth. Rinoa couldn't possibly be pregnant...could she? 

****


	39. Chapter ThirtyNine

Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy VIII...

Author's Note: Well, here is the second to last chapter of this fic. I actually finished writing TLYM about a week ago, but I chose to hold off posting this for a bit. As usual, thank you for your continued support. I hope you enjoy this chapter.

To Love You More

Chapter Thirty-Nine

**__**

"Yeah I got caught in the ruse of the world

It's just a promise no one ever keeps

And now it's changing while you sleep

And no one can see

You know all I am

Feel this moment in you

You know all I am

Can you teach me to believe in something?"

-"Truth Is a Whisper" Goo Goo Dolls

QUISTIS sighed as she looked around the apartment. All of her belongings had been packed up, and now lay in several suitcases at her feet. She had packed everything in a hurry, knowing that if she waited, she would probably change her mind about going. It was such a spontaneous decision, and Quistis was not one to jump into something without giving it a second thought. In this matter, though, her brain didn't have to think anything over; her heart had done all of the talking for her.

There was only one object that was yet to be packed; the music box. Quistis held it in her hands gently, once again marveling over its simple beauty. She still couldn't believe that Seifer was the one to have given it to her. At the thought of the blonde, she involuntarily shivered. Ever since she had met up with him in FH, he had constantly been surprising her. Quistis hadn't realized it then, but she had slowly begun to fall in love with him. Of course, she never would have admitted that to herself, especially when she was still so caught up in her marriage to Squall. Now, however, she was finally able to close the door on that chapter of her life. As she had told Rinoa, she was ready for a new beginning. Seifer had been throwing all of those surprises at her, but now it was her turn. She would go to FH and see him. She wasn't exactly sure about what to say once she got there, but she did know that she had to see him.

Quistis took one last glance at the music box before tucking it safely into her bag. Then, with one more check of the room, she picked up her bags and left. As the door to the apartment closed shut behind her, Quistis felt an immense sense of relief. She had wasted so much time clinging to the past, but now she would spend her time looking toward the future. Hopefully, once she arrived in FH, she would see that that future was still available to her. She had no idea what she would do if her plans fell through, so she decided to simply not think about that.

As she walked down the halls, she tried her best to memorize the features of Garden. Who knows when she would be back, if ever. She did not care to say goodbye to anyone, or even make her departure known. It was simply easier to walk away without anyone knowing. Besides, she had made her peace with Rinoa and she had a feeling that the young sorceress knew exactly what she was up to. Oddly enough, she also felt like Rinoa understood and had given her blessing. That was all she could ask for. Forgiveness was a powerful thing, and Quistis knew that she had forgiven Rinoa. She finally understood what Rinoa had been going through. Everyone had made mistakes. Now, it was time to heal.

Quistis had almost made it to the front door when a cadet suddenly ran up to her. The boy looked to be about sixteen with dark brown hair and gray eyes. He looked strangely familiar, and it took Quistis several minutes to realize that he was one of the Trepies. Quistis inwardly groaned. This was the last thing that she needed right now.

"Instructor Trepe, are you going somewhere?" the boy asked.

Quistis nodded. "Yes, I am going away for awhile."

"Don't leave us, Instructor! Garden won't be the same without you!"

Quistis resisted the urge to roll her eyes. "I'm sorry, but it's something I must do."

The boy suddenly became angry. "This is because of that slut, Rinoa, isn't it? You're leaving Garden because Rinoa is pregnant with Squall's baby!"

Quistis gaped at the boy. "Where did you hear that?"

"Word gets around," he replied simply.

"Well, don't believe everything that you hear. I would recommend that you go back to class now. If you'll excuse me, I have a train to catch."

Quistis turned around, head held high, and made her way out of Balamb Garden. People like that boy were things about Garden that she would definitely not miss. Still, how had he found out about Rinoa? Garden was sure to be buzzing with rumors by the end of the day. _Thankfully_, she thought, _I won't be there to hear them._

"YOU'RE joking, right?" Squall finally managed to say after staring dumbly at Caraway. Surely that was the only explanation.

"No, Leonhart, I am not _joking_. The man that I just spoke to told me that Rinoa is pregnant with your child. Are you telling me that this is the first that you've heard of this?"

Squall nodded mutely. Who would have called the General to say such a thing? Someone was most likely just trying to stir up trouble. "With all due respect, Sir, there has to be some mistake."

Caraway glared at Squall. "So what you are telling me is that there is _no possible way _that what this man said is correct?"

Squall sighed. "It's possible, but-"

He never had a chance to finish as the next thing he knew, Caraway's fist had connected with his jaw and sent him reeling. "You son of a bitch!" he roared. "You defiled my little girl! I told her that you were only after one thing, but did she listen to me? Now look where it's gotten her." Caraway prepared to strike Squall again. "You fucking son of a bitch!"

"Hey, what's going on in here?" An official hurried into the room, quickly separating the two men. "If you're going to fight, take it outside. This isn't the place for that."

"I was just leaving," Squall snarled as he shot an angry glance at the General.

"Don't you walk away from me, boy! Where the hell do you think you're going?" Caraway demanded.

"I'm going to see Rinoa, and I don't really give a damn if you don't like it. She's the only one who can set these rumors straight."

"I'm coming with you. I believe that there's a train leaving for Balamb in fifteen minutes. If you move your ass, we can make it."

Squall shook his head in disbelief. "You're not coming back to Garden with me."

"I don't believe that is your decision to make. I have a right to see my daughter, too, Leonhart, and I have a right to know what's going on in her life."

"Do you really think that she's going to welcome you with open arms?"

"Well, Leonhart, perhaps you don't know my daughter as well as you think. Now move it, or we're going to miss that train."

Fifteen minutes later, Squall and Caraway sat side by side in a train heading for Balamb. Both men were silent, lost in their own thoughts. Squall was surprised to find that he was nervous. The fact that Rinoa could be pregnant with his child terrified him, but at the same time, it thrilled him. He remembered their conversation about having children from so long ago, and how Rinoa's eyes had lit up at the mere thought. Seeing how excited she was at the idea of starting a family made Squall excited as well. However, times had changed since then. Gossip about the baby would surround Squall and Rinoa, and while Squall knew that he could ignore it, he also knew that Rinoa could not.

Squall sighed. He was already jumping to conclusions when he didn't even know if Rinoa was pregnant. Besides, if she was, she would have told him, right? Their conversation from before he left suddenly popped into his head. _"Squall," _she had said, _"There's something that I have to tell you." _The damn phone had interrupted them then, so he never had a chance to find out what that something was. Could Rinoa have been referring to being pregnant? If not that, then what? Squall shook his head. There was no use in going over every little detail now. He wouldn't know anything until he talked to Rinoa. It looked like he was just going to have to wait.

In the meantime, he had General Caraway to worry about. The man had never been a fan of Squall's, so the prospect of Rinoa being pregnant wasn't helping much. Squall glanced over at the General, who was staring out the window vacantly. He wondered what could possibly be going through the man's mind right now. Probably something along the lines of what a bastard Squall was for getting his daughter knocked up. Squall knew he didn't have to justify his relationship with Rinoa to anyone, but he suddenly felt the need to make Caraway understand how much he cared about his daughter.

"I love her, you know," Squall said quietly.

Caraway turned around, facing Squall. He studied the young man in front of him and saw the sincerity in his eyes. Caraway did not like Squall, but he was not lying. "I know you do," he grunted.

Squall was surprised. "Then why all the talk about me only being after one thing?"

"I wanted Rinoa to stay away from you, so I did everything in my power to try to convince her to do so. Staying with you would only hurt her."

"Why do you keep saying that?" Squall demanded. "Why are you so convinced that I'm going to hurt Rinoa?"

"We always hurt the people we love, no matter how hard we try not to. You married Quistis, didn't you? Don't you think that hurt my daughter?"

"I know it did," Squall whispered.

"Then perhaps you see my point and why I am so set on you staying away from my daughter."

Squall shook his head. "What you said is right; I did hurt Rinoa. However, I'm not the same person I was back then. I've changed, and so has Rinoa. I am not going to walk away from her. Marrying Quistis was the biggest mistake of my life."

Caraway shook his head. "She's better off without you and you know it. You are the commander of Balamb Garden, and she is the sorceress. You come from two different worlds. Let it stay that way."

"I'm sorry, General, but I can't do that."

Before Caraway had a chance to respond, Squall's cell phone went off. With a sigh, Squall answered it, putting his conversation with Caraway on hold.

"Hello?"

_"Squall, my boy, congratulations! I just heard the joyous news that_ _I'm going to be a grandfather!"_

Squall groaned. "Laguna, where did you hear that?"

_"I just got a call from some guy at Garden. Why didn't you tell me yourself?"_

"Hmm...I don't know," Squall said sarcastically, "Maybe because I had no idea."

_"What do you mean you had no idea? Squall, it's all over the news!"_

"The news?" Squall rubbed his forehead wearily. Could things get any worse? "I haven't even talked to Rinoa yet. This could just be a rumor that someone started to stir things up."

_"I don't know, son, it looks pretty accurate to me. Anyway, where are you? How about I pay you and Rinoa a visit?"_

"Sorry, but I'm not even at Garden yet. I'm on my way now with _General Caraway_."

_"Oh boy, then you really need me there! I'm getting on my express jet now. I'll probably arrive around the same time as you."_

"Laguna, there's no need for that. Just stay in Esthar."

_"Don't be silly! I'll be there right away! Ooh, this is just so exciting! Bye, Squall!"_

"Laguna, wait!" Click. "Dammit!" Squall exclaimed.

"So, what did the President have to say?" Caraway asked coolly.

Squall sighed. "He's coming to Garden. Someone called him to tell him about the news, too."

The General frowned. "Who would know how to get in touch with both Laguna and myself?"

Squall shrugged. "Who knows?" The last thing on his mind right then was who had made the calls. He was more concerned with Laguna coming to Garden. Squall, Rinoa, Caraway, and Laguna; one big happy family. _Yeah, right._

"May I ask you a question?" Caraway suddenly said.

"Even if I say no, I have a feeling you're still going to ask me."

Caraway smiled wryly. "That would be correct. My question is, if Rinoa is indeed pregnant, what do you plan on doing?"

"Whether Rinoa is pregnant or not, I will stand by her," Squall said automatically. He didn't even need to give it a second's thought. His place was with Rinoa, wherever that may be.

The General snorted. "Ah, to be young and naive. You have no idea what you are getting yourself into, do you? You are the commander of Balamb Garden. How on Earth do you expect to be able to raise a child in that position? All responsibility will fall to my daughter. Intentional or not, you will fail her. You do not realize it now, but you are just setting yourself up for disappointment."

Squall shook his head. "Disappointment? Are you kidding me? Yeah, I know a baby is a lot of work, but you know what? I don't care. To wake up every morning and see Rinoa holding our child in her arms, _that _is what makes it all worth it. I don't care about my job, or my position, whatever. As long as I have Rinoa in my life, it's worth it."

"You're an intelligent man, Leonhart," Caraway commented, "So why are you so foolish in this matter? What happened to that stoic man I met in my study years ago? I see no traces of him now. All I see is a fool in love."

"A fool in love, huh?" Squall smiled. "Who said I wasn't? You see, General, you can spit the facts at me as many times as you want. I don't give a damn if there's a one in a million chance of this working out. Statistics don't apply to Rinoa and me; they never have. What you have to understand is that I love your daughter, and I will do anything, _anything _for her. If she's not pregnant, fine. We'll get married and eventually have kids, anyway. If she is pregnant, fine. Like I said, we're gonna have kids eventually, so why not start early?" He smirked. "I told you, General. Nothing can tear us apart. We've had every damn thing thrown at us, but look at where we are. That will never change."

Caraway just grunted. "We'll see."

QUISTIS stepped out of the train, her arms loaded down with suitcases, and was immediately thrown back into the past. Of course, that had been a mere two weeks ago, but to Quistis, it felt like years had passed. Her time with Seifer in FH seemed to exist within another world, another time. Even now, it seemed like a dream. She quickly reached into her bag and pulled out the music box. It was the proof that she needed. No, this was not a dream.

With a sigh, Quistis made her way away from the station. The most obvious place to find Seifer was at the docks, and that was exactly where she was headed. She didn't even bother to check in at the hotel first to drop her stuff off. No, she had wasted enough time. Even now, it could already be too late. There were so many things that could go wrong, but Quistis refused to think of them. She was here now, and she would never know how things could have been unless she tried to find the man that would lead her there.

Her stomach was a web of knots as she approached the pier. She kept on envisioning herself coming upon the area empty and abandoned. A quick glance towards the sky further intensified her fears. The sky had turned a dark shade of gray, and it looked like it was going to pour any minute. Only someone reckless would be out in this weather. Lucky for her, Seifer was just that.

As the pier come into view, her heart seemed to stop. A lone fisherman was seated on the edge of the dock, his back toward her. She knew automatically that it was him. The moment reminded her so much of the first time she had seen Seifer in FH that she suddenly lost her composure. The suitcases she was carrying slipped to ground with a small thud as tears suddenly stung the blonde's eyes. Perhaps he heard the sound of the suitcases falling, or perhaps he just sensed her presence. What ever the case was, Seifer suddenly turned around and saw Quistis standing there. He blinked in astonishment, and then had to rub his eyes to make sure that he wasn't seeing things. When he had convinced himself that she was no ghost, he quickly stood up and crossed the distance between them.

"Quistis," he breathed, having to restrain himself from crushing her against him and never letting go. "What are you doing here?"

Quistis faced Seifer, unsure of what to say. Now that she was actually there, face to face, words seemed to fail her. She took a deep breath. "I came to see you."

Seifer allowed a small sense of hope to trickle in. For once, his sarcasm seemed to fail him. Quistis was there, standing right in front of him, and that realization took his breath away. He only had one question to ask her. "Why?"

Quistis sighed. Where to begin? On the train ride over, she had rehearsed what to say hundreds of times. Now, though, words seemed to fail her. "I...had to thank you. For the gift, I mean. You know, the music box."

"You came here to thank me?" Seifer's face fell.

Quistis could have smacked herself after that ridiculous comment. _Get a hold of yourself! _her mind roared. Why had she never had this problem with Squall? It was hard to believe, but he had never made her feel this way. What she was experiencing with Seifer...this was a whole new ballgame. She took a deep breath.

"I'm sorry, that's not the real reason I came. The music box was gorgeous, Seifer, but it wasn't my reason for coming."

"Then what was?" he asked exasperatedly. "Are you back together with Squall? Is that what you came here to say?"

"No, dammit!" Quistis shouted. She was really starting to get frustrated with Seifer, but even more than that, she was frustrated with herself. "I came here because I want to be with you, okay? I made my choice, and it's you! I don't want to stay at Garden anymore, being miserable. The only time I've been happy lately, the only time I've been able to let go, has been here, with you." She paused, meeting his gaze. "I think I'm in love with you, Seifer. There, I said it. Are you happy now?"

Seifer stared at her in disbelief. "You want to be with me? Are you serious?"

"Yes, dammit! Isn't that what I just said?"

"Alright," Seifer said, grinning, "We'll be together. There's no need to swear."

"Seifer!" Quistis exclaimed, and then burst out laughing. This was why she had fallen in love with him.

She took the final step toward him, wrapping her arms around his neck. And as she kissed him, the heavens opened up, pouring rain down onto the couple. Neither could have been more oblivious to it. They were too wrapped up in each other, and what they had finally found. They hadn't dared to wish for it, but now it was a reality. The future was theirs. Quistis felt herself smiling. She was finally free.

RINOA sat in her room, reading a book, when a sudden pounding came at her door. Frowning, she set the book aside and got up from the bed. She crossed the room, wondering who it could be, and cautiously opened the door. The sight before her eyes terrified her. Hundreds of students had gathered outside of her dorm, packing the hallway. In front of her now stood a man with a microphone, and behind him were two cameramen, their lenses pointed at Rinoa. The man suddenly shoved the microphone into Rinoa's face.

"Rinoa Heartilly, is it true that you are pregnant with Squall Leonhart's baby?"

Rinoa blinked, feeling dazed. "Excuse me?"

"Are you pregnant, Ms. Heartilly?" he asked again.

"Come on, Rinoa, just admit it!" one of the students shouted.

"Yeah, you whore!" someone else exclaimed. "How did it feel, getting down and dirty with our commander? I'm sure _Quistis _was thrilled."

"How can you live with yourself, knowing that you're an adulteress?"

"Are you going to have an abortion?"

The voices surrounded Rinoa, suffocating her. She wanted to scream at them all, tell them that they were all wrong, but her voice seemed to be frozen in her throat. They were all staring at her, waiting for her to say something. What could she possibly say? She hadn't even told Squall about the baby yet! How could she possibly tell all these people? It was none of their business!

"How did you get in here?" she demanded. "I'm calling security."

"Come on, Rinoa," the reporter coaxed. "Just tell us the truth. What have you got to hide? Are you pregnant or not?"

"That's enough!"

The crowd froze, immediately turning silent. All eyes turned towards the speaker. Before them all stood their commander, an angry scowl on his face. Behind him stood Caraway and Laguna, neither one of them looking pleased. Squall turned his gaze to the reporter.

"Who the hell are you and how the hell did you get in here?"

"My name is Kevin, Sir. I'm a r-reporter." Kevin was visibly shaking. He did not want to face the commander's wrath.

"Well, _Kevin_," Squall snapped, "Get the hell out of Garden, and take your fucking cameramen with you. If I ever, _ever _catch you here again, you are a dead man. Do you understand?"

"Y-Yes, Sir!" he stuttered, and then quickly fled the scene, his cameramen behind him.

Squall now faced the students, his eyes blazing with anger. "What the hell is wrong with you people? Not only do you allow a stranger into Garden with no question, but you embrace him! Your behavior today is a disgrace to Garden. Now get the hell out of here. Go back to class, the cafeteria, whatever. Just get the hell out of my sight."

"Yes, Sir," they mumbled, and quickly dispersed.

Squall turned to Rinoa, his gaze softening. In that moment, she looked so shaken and torn. He just wanted to wrap his arms around her and assure her that everything was going to be fine. "Are you okay?"

Rinoa nodded. "They just took me by surprise. I didn't know what to say."

"I won't let them bother you again," Squall promised.

Rinoa nodded once more, but couldn't keep the tears from falling from her eyes. "Thank you," she whispered.

"Hey," Squall said, quickly taking her in his arms. "Don't worry about them, okay? They have nothing better to do than gossip about other people because they hate their own lives so much." He stroked her hair comfortingly, and then pulled away gently to wipe the tears from her eyes. "Feeling better?"

"Yeah," Rinoa said quietly. "Now that you're here, I am. But why are you here?" She suddenly remembered that Caraway and Laguna were standing right there. "All of you."

"Well, Rinoa," Caraway piped up, "We've all heard the rumors going around..."

"So you came here to lecture me?" she asked increduously.

"I came here to find out the truth," Caraway snapped.

"How is that any of your business? This is between me and Squall."

"I think that I have the right to know whether I'm going to be a grandfather or not!" he exclaimed.

Rinoa ignored the General, instead turning to face Squall. "Squall, I need to talk to you, _alone_." She shot a glance at her father pointedly.

"Okay," he said simply, following her into her room and closing the door behind them.

Rinoa paced the length of the room nervously, her hands clasped behind her back. Now that she was finally alone with Squall, she was nervous beyond belief. "I'm sorry that you had to leave Deling early because of me," she said finally.

Squall waved that aside. "It wasn't important. What's important is being here with you."

"You might not feel so sure of that after you hear what I have to say," Rinoa said quietly. "I tried to tell you this morning, but..." she trailed off, then sighed. "Of course you've heard the rumors. Everyone's heard them by now. I don't know how they even started in the first place. Someone must have heard Quistis and I talking."

Squall frowned. "You were talking to Quistis?"

"Yes," Rinoa said, nodding. "She found out and I had to tell her everything. She was angry at first, but it was strange. I think we finally understand each other.

"Rinoa," Squall said exasperatedly, "What are you talking about? Are you saying that you told Quistis about the affair?"

Rinoa nodded. "I told her everything, Squall, and now it's time to tell you." She took a deep breath. "As I said, I tried to tell you this morning, but then you had to go, and it just didn't seem like the right time." She sighed. "The rumors are true, Squall. I'm pregnant."

Squall was so still that Rinoa feared the worst. What could be going on in his mind right now? "I'm going to be a father?" Squall asked, disbelief and awe in his voice.

"Yes, you are. I'm sorry, Squall. I know that this is a shock, and that it couldn't have come at a worse time. I...I was going to leave when I found out. I didn't want to ruin your life with a child, and...with me."

Squall suddenly shot up from the bed, causing Rinoa to jump. He walked right up to her, so that their faces were mere inches apart. "Don't you ever, _ever _think I would want you to leave me," he whispered fiercely. "I love you, Rinoa, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. With you and this child."

"You're not upset?" Rinoa asked in disbelief.

"Upset?" Squall echoed. "Rinoa, you're going to have our baby. Why would I be upset?"

"Squall, I know how busy you are with running Garden. The last thing you need is more responisbility. On top of that, people will talk. You saw how they were today. Once this becomes official, what will they say?"

From outside of the door, Caraway beamed. He and Laguna were pressed up against the door, listening to every word the couple uttered. "That's my girl!" he exclaimed, "Always thinking logically."

"Rinoa, I've told you before that I don't give a damn about what people say about me. However, I saw what they did to you today, and that was unacceptable. I'm not going to let them attack you like that, Rinoa, and I'm not going to have our child grow up in such an enviroment."

Rinoa's eyes widened. "What are you saying?"

"Marry me, Rinoa," he breathed. "Marry me and come away with me. We can leave Garden behind and start a new life somewhere else. Anywehere you want, as long as I'm with you. My first marriage was a mistake. This is what should have happened in the first place."

Squall's words melted Rinoa's heart, and she wanted nothing more than to agree to them wholeheartedly. However, she knew how much Garden meant to Squall. How could she allow him to give that up for her? "But Squall, what about Garden? You can't just walk away from it. It's your life."

"No, Rinoa," Squall said, shaking his head firmly. "_You're _my life. I had Garden when I thought you were gone, didn't I? What good did that do me? I was still miserable every day of my life because I didn't have you. I have you now, and I'm not about to let you walk out of my life again. If that means leaving Garden, so be it. You're the only thing that matters to me, Rinoa."

This time, Laguna grinned. "That's _my _boy," he said proudly. "He gets it from his father."

"Touché," Caraway grumbled.

Rinoa couldn't keep the smile from spreading across her face. "I love you so much, Squall!" she exclaimed. "I'll go anywhere with you."

"Does that mean we're getting married?" Squall asked, a grin playing about his lips.

Rinoa nodded. "I believe it does."

"Good answer," Squall said, and then drew her into a passionate kiss...only to be interrupted by a hammering on the door.

"Leonhart!" Caraway roared. "You open the door this instant! You two have done enough talking!"

Rinoa groaned. "I'll handle this," she told Squall, as she opened the door. "What do you think you're doing?" she demanded.

"Congratulations!" Laguna exclaimed before Caraway could respond. "On everything, I mean. The engagement and the baby."

"Thank you, Laguna," Rinoa said sincerely, glad that he was there.

"Oh, believe me, Rinoa," Caraway grumbled, "After the state he put you in, I would have made him marry you."

Rinoa rolled here eyes. "The state he put me in? I hate to tell you this, _Dad_, but it takes two people to 'put me in this state'."

The General's eyes widened at Rinoa's impudence, but before he could speak, Laguna did. "Looks like she got you there, General," he laughed.

"Sorry, Dad," Rinoa said, smiling, "But I'm marrying Squall whether you like it or not. The least you could do is congratulate us."

"Congratulations," he muttered. "We'll see how long it lasts."

Rinoa chose to ignore the latter comments, and instead turned to Laguna. "Would you like to join us for dinner tonight? I think that a celebration is in order, and we'd love for you to join us. Right, Squall?"

Squall nodded reluctantly. "Yeah, sure."

"Well, I'd love to," Laguna said happily. "I also understand that you and Squall want to get away from everything. It made me think to myself, what place is more perfect than Whinhill?"

"Winhill?" Rinoa smiled. "Squall, what do you think?"

Squall shrugged. "It's a small town. We could live a quiet life there. If you think that would suit you, then it's fine with me."

"Oh, I think that would suit me just fine," she said, grinning. "Peace and quiet sounds wonderful."

"Winhill it is, then," Squall said, grinning back.

"Yes," Rinoa said, her grin widening, "Winhill it is."

****


	40. Chapter Forty

Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy VIII...

Author's Note: Well, here it is...the last chapter of To Love You More. I can't believe that it's almost been two years since I've started this fic. Honestly, it seems like it was just yesterday. Writing this fic has been an especially poignant process because I have decided that, for the time being, it will be my last. I am in the early stages of writing an original novel, and in order to fully dedicate myself to that, I fear I must give up writing fanfiction. Anyway, I don't want to clutter up this author's note about that...I'll have a more detailed goodbye in my profile.

I just want to say, from the bottom of my heart, THANK YOU to each and every one of you who has read and/or reviewed this fic. Your dedication and kind words have truly touched me, and I couldn't ask for a better way to end my last fic. So once again, thank you. I hope this final chapter doesn't let you down.

To Love You More

Chapter Forty

****

"See me as if you never knew  
Hold me so you can't let go  
Just believe in me  
I will make you see  
All the things that your heart needs to know

I'll be waiting for you  
Here inside my heart  
I'm the one who wants to love you more  
You will see I can give you  
Everything you need  
Let me be the one to love you more..."

-"To Love You More" Celine Dion

THE warm breeze blew across the lawn, tousling Rinoa's hair. The young sorceress smiled serenely, her eyes closed in contentment. She sat among flowers and plants of every variety imaginable. After moving to Winhill, she had taken up gardening, and now had an eclectic group of species in her garden behind the house. Her and Squall had purchased a cozy, white two-story house, located right next to Raine's old bar. It was the perfect place for tranquility.

Still smiling to herself, Rinoa grabbed the notebook and pen that she had taken outside with her. As much as she loved just being outside in her garden, she did have an actual purpose for being there today. She opened the notebook to a fresh sheet of paper, dated it, and then began her letter.

_Dear Marianna, _

How are you? It seems like so much has happened since the last time we talked. That was when I told you about the engagement and the baby, right? It's hard to believe that a year has gone by since then! I meant to write you sooner, but Squall and I have just been so busy, first with planning the wedding, then moving to Winhill, and having Hayden. Anyway, I'm getting ahead of myself. Let me start from the beginning.

Squall and I got married two months after becoming engaged. We wanted to get married even sooner, but we had to wait for everything with the divorce to be finalized. Quistis signed the papers without a problem, and even seemed to be happy for us. She has started a new life for herself in FH, but I'll get to that later. Anyway, it took a lot of last minute planning, but we were able to pull off the wedding without any major problems (well, except for Zell almost losing the rings, but that's another story entirely!), mostly due to Selphie. She was such a lifesaver...I don't know how she had so much constant energy! The wedding was very small, with just our closest family and friends. I think that the biggest surprise of the day was how well my father seemed to get along with Laguna! Besides that, my father even went so far as to tell Squall that he was proud to have him as a son-in-law! Believe me, no one was more shocked to hear him say that than Squall!

The day of our wedding was so beautiful, with not a cloud in the sky. We were especially thankful for that since our wedding was outside. Squall and I wanted to get married at the flower field behind the orphanage that he grew up in. I told you about the promise we made there, right? It just seemed like the prefect place for us to be married. Although I have to admit that seeing my grave there the first time was definitely eerie. Squall was a real sweetheart and had it removed shortly after that. I don't think any of us want to remember that time, least of all Squall.

Getting back to the wedding, it was beautiful. When I stood at the end of the aisle and saw Squall standing at the other end, I saw my future. I saw the years of my life flash before my eyes, with him by my side. I'm sorry to get all mushy on you, Marianna, but Squall just **completes **me, you know? He's everything that I'm not, and yet, we just click on so many levels. I can't remember a time in my life when I've been happier. Being with him every day, waking up every morning and seeing him beside me, it's just the best feeling in the world.

Sorry to get all mushy on you again. I promise I'll stop doing that. I was talking about the wedding, right? It all went by so fast, and before I knew it, I was Mrs. Squall Leonhart. I felt like such a fool at the reception because I couldn't stop smiling. Did I mention that Quistis and Seifer were there? Squall and Seifer were actually polite to each other! I think Squall began to see Seifer in a different light when he saw how happy Quistis was with him. Speaking of Seifer and Quistis, they are now engaged! Actually, their wedding is in three weeks. It's so amazing to watch the two of them together. They really changed each other. I don't think anyone, least of all Quistis, thought she'd fall in love with Seifer, but I guess anything is possible!

Squall and I went to Esthar for our honeymoon. Squall was skeptical at first because of Laguna being there, but he was a real doll, and left us to ourselves. Things are actually starting to look up between him and Squall. We have both made strides in our relationships with out fathers. Esthar was an amazing city. It was odd to be there, though, since I had been unconscious for most of my last trip there. You should have seen the shopping district, though! If you only knew what I had to do to convince Squall to take me shopping! If it were up to him, our whole honeymoon would have been spent in our hotel room. I guess all guys are the same in that aspect, huh? Although Squall does have a really great body...but I'm sure you don't want to hear about that!

We stayed in Esthar for two weeks, and then briefly returned to Garden to collect the rest of our things. It was really tough to say goodbye to everyone, but we promised to stay in touch, and we have. It seems like we've all split up, though. Seifer and Quistis are in FH, and Squall and I are in Winhill, which leaves Irvine, Selphie, Zell, and Carrie as the only ones still at Balamb Garden. Selphie finally got in touch with Trabia Garden and told them that her home is with Irvine. I doubt it'll be long before Selphie has another wedding to plan. This time, her own! Irvine has pretty much taken over the role of commander, with Xu, Zell, and Selphie helping him out a great deal. Oh, did I mention that Carrie is pregnant with twins? The babies are due in three months, but everyone's already jumping with excitement, Zell most of all. I know he'll make a great father.

Well, with all this talk about babies, I suppose I should talk about my own, huh? Hayden James Leonhart was born four months ago yesterday. Wow, just writing that, I can't believe that four months have gone by already! Hayden is the spitting image of Squall, with those gorgeous blue eyes and that soft brown hair. He is such a good baby, too, hardly ever crying. Being a mother is just the most amazing feeling in the world, as I'm sure you already know. Sometimes, I find myself staring at Hayden in awe, wondering how he can really be mine. Squall is so great with him, too. He was so worried about doing something wrong at first, but now he can't get enough of the little guy. Can you believe that he already wants another baby? Who ever knew how much Squall would love children? I told Squall that one baby is quite enough for the time being. Besides, with the twins on the way, I'm sure that Squall and I will have our hands full with babysitting.

I love my life here, Marianna. Some might see it as boring, but Squall and I have had enough drama in our lives to last a lifetime. We split our time running the bar next door. It used to belong to Squall's mother, and we named the bar "Raine" after her. I think that Squall can really feel his mother's presence there. Sometimes, I think I can, too. I like to think that she and my mother are up in heaven together, watching over us and guiding us in their own way. There is a living area above the bar, but Squall and I haven't touched it. The previous owner left things the way there were when Raine and Laguna lived there. I think Squall wants to honor her memory by keeping things as they are. Sort of like the way he left everything in my room after he thought I had died. To this day, that action touches me.

Oh, I almost forgot to tell you! Remember all of the controversy surrounding who had told everyone that I was pregnant? Quistis found out that one of the Trepies had overheard us talking about it. I guess they broke into Garden's database and found my dad's number, as well as Laguna's. Squall was ready to kill the kid when he found out, but Quistis promised to deal with him instead. I don't know what she said to him, but I hear that the kid's turned into a complete angel. Those Trepies are crazy, I tell you. Lucky for Quistis that she got away while she could!

Anyway, I'll let you go now, but not before telling you about our big surprise. Squall and I have decided to visit Zuwang! We're not exactly sure when, but we're aiming for next month. Of course, we'll bring Hayden with us. I can't wait for you to see him, and to meet Squall. I really miss you, Marianna, and I can't wait to see you. I will never forget the kindness that you showed me. See you soon!

Love,

Rinoa

Rinoa put down her pen and sighed in contentment. Despite her hand killing her from writing so much, she was perfectly happy. As she had told Marianna, she loved her life. Sure, there weren't any evil villains that needed to be stopped in order to save the world, but every day was still an adventure, especially with Hayden. As if reading her thoughts, Squall suddenly came running out of the house, shouting her name.

Rinoa jumped to her feet, alarm written all over her face. "Squall, what's wrong?"

"He said it!" Squall exclaimed. "He finally said it!"

Rinoa felt all of the panic she had felt quickly drain away. There was no mistaking the joy and excitement in his eyes. "Squall, I don't know who said what, but you nearly gave me a heart attack! Don't ever scare me like that again!"

Squall grinned sheepishly. "Sorry Rinoa, but I couldn't help it. Come here," he said, taking her hand. "I have to show you something."

"Okay," Rinoa said slowly, unsure of what this was about. She trusted him, though, and that was all that mattered.

Squall led Rinoa into the house and over to the crib in the living room. Hayden lay inside, smiling and cooing happily. "Okay Hayden, tell Mommy what you just said."

"Daddy," the baby cooed, reaching up towards his father.

Squall grinned goofily, and then picked up the baby, cradling him in his arms. "Did you hear that?" Squall asked Rinoa excitedly. "He called me daddy!"

Rinoa smiled at her husband. It was so incredibly amusing to see Squall go gaga over their son. Actually, he kind of reminded her of Laguna in that aspect. "Yes, I heard him. I just can't believe that he's already talking. You're a smart one, little guy," Rinoa cooed as she tickled him.

Hayden giggled, and then to his surprise, stared straight at Rinoa and said, "Mommy," happily.

Rinoa's eyes widened. "Squall, did you hear that?"

Squall grinned. "And you said I was excited."

"You were!" Rinoa eyes gleamed mischievously. "Hey, isn't it Hayden's naptime?"

"Yeah, I guess so," Squall replied innocently. "Why do you ask?"

"You woke him up, didn't you?" Squall put on his most innocent look, but it was to no avail. "Squall, Hayden's been up all night. He needs to rest."

As if on cue, Hayden yawned sleepily. Squall couldn't help laughing, and then gently placed his son in the crib. Hayden seemed to fall asleep instantly, sucking on his thumb contentedly.

"That was fast," Squall commented.

"What did I tell you? He needs rest without you waking him up every two seconds."

"Well," Squall said, "He's not the only one who needs their rest. You've been up all night, Rin. I think it's time you went to bed, as well."

"Are you kidding me? I'm not the least bit tired."

"You sure about that?"

She nodded. "Absolutely."

"In that case," Squall said, smirking, "I think we're going to have to take advantage of that."

"Oh, really?" Rinoa said, grinning back. "You think so?"

"I do," Squall said, picking up his wife and throwing her over his shoulder.

"Squall," Rinoa laughed. God, how she loved this man.

Yes, her life might be boring to some, but it held all of the excitement that she needed. As Squall carried her up the stairs, she was reminded once again of how lucky she was to be there. Sure, the road there hadn't been easy, but they had made it. That was what counted, what it all came down to. She finally had her happy ending, and damn, did it ever feel good.


End file.
